The Twin Lights of Home: The Dawn
by Julianna Calavicci
Summary: Takes place directly after "Journey's End". The duplicate Doctor and Rose deal with life on the slow path before finding themselves face to face with a ruthless galactic empire that leaves the Doctor questioning everything he ever thought about himself. Part 1 of 3.
1. Prologue

_To my dear fans, sorry that it took so long for me to come out with another story. I'm still working on a sequel to Dreams and Nightmares:Three Hearts, One Soul. Unfortunately, it isn't being as cooperative with me as this story is. I hope you enjoy this until D&N 2 cooperates with me far enough that I feel comfortable with posting a few chapters.  
><em>

_I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Not another 10.5/Rose post-'Journey's End' story." But this one is different. I promise. Besides, this has been running through my mind ever since I re-watched a certain story featuring Peter Davison as the Fifth Doctor. _

_This story references all BBC official Doctor Who airings, including the television movie but not including any deleted scenes or the Dimensions in Time special (which is not canon, according to the BBC). It also references the BBC new series books. In other words, the Doctor's mother was Human, there is no TARDIS coral, and there are no references from any of the Virgin New Adventures books (I HATE the Cartmel Master Plan and refuse to read the VNA books for just that reason). This story is also canon-compliant up to the Tenth Doctor's regeneration but it takes place directly after "Journey's End."_

_I've rated this story "M" due to mature content, including consensual and non-consensual sex as well as scenes of violence, torture and death, most of the last four going to be in later chapters. I try not to be blatant with these things when I write but I'm also not one to downplay such things when they are integral to storytelling._

_So, here is the result of my serious pondering. Hope you enjoy it! Don't forget to submit reviews. _

_xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

**Prologue**

"Cell number 961289. Subject Species: Nere'ii. Gender: Male. The subject has been unconscious since transport from the planet Sol 3. Exterior physiology is as follows: twelve Imperial lengths, two hundred thirty-seven Imperial weights, pale skin, brown hair mostly concentrated on the head, chest, and pelvic regions, though there is sparse but evenly distributed hair on the arms and legs. Eye color: brown. Specimen appears to be in good health.

Interior physiology: Core body temperature is one hundred seventy Imperial degrees, though surface temperature is higher at one hundred ninety-four. The subject has a large cranium, which is not noticeable to the naked eye, indicating that the brain is slightly larger than that of Humans. Tests indicate possible telepathic and telekinetic abilities as well as extremely high intelligence. The rest of the skeletal structure is similar to that of Humans. Muscle structure is denser, making the subject stronger than he appears. Singular pulmonary system but blood type does not match Human blood. Subject also has a level five respiratory system, allowing for extended periods without the need for respiration. The rest of the internal organs are typical of most Nere'ii."

The humanoid speaking into the recording device assured himself that the man he had been examining was still well-secured before leaving the cell and walking to the one adjacent to it.

"Cell number 961290. Subject Species: Human. Gender: Female. Subject has been unconscious since transport from the planet Sol 3 along with the male in Cell 961289.

Exterior physiology: ten and eight Imperial lengths, one hundred ninety-nine and fifty Imperial weights, pale skin. Eye color: brown. Hair on the head is artificially blonde. Brown hair in pelvic regions as well as the eyebrows indicates that this is the specimen's natural hair color. Interior physiology is typical for a female Human. Temperature is normal for a Human. Tests on the brain indicate low-level telepathic abilities and high intelligence. Specimen appears to be in good health."

Again, the humanoid assured himself that the subject was well-secured before leaving the cell and standing for a moment in the corridor as he continued his recitation.

"As Chief Medical Examiner for the Games, I highly recommend these two subjects to His Most Venerated Imperial Majesty for his entertainment."

Finishing his verbal observations, the person known only as the Keeper smiled slightly. He honestly hoped that the male survived what he was about to endure. After all, a live specimen was far better than a dead one and he really hoped to be able to dissect him and examine him, preferably while the specimen was still conscious and aware. The specimen was, after all, unlike any Nere'ii he had examined before. As for the female… well, Humans were in abundance, like vermin in desperate need of an exterminator, and were very good at playing the Games. It should be very exciting to watch her fight for her life… and eventually lose.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Nere'ii** _– pronounced "Nay-ray-eye" with a slight nasal sound and rolling the "r" (No, I won't give a translation of the word and what language it is just yet.)_


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

_October 2014 (Pete's World calendar)_

The Doctor, or rather the version that was born of a metacrisis between the original and Donna Noble, stood with Rose Tyler on Darlïg ulv Stranden and looked at the spot where the TARDIS had stood only a minute ago. Part of him hated the Time Lord Doctor with every ounce of his strength. After all, as the TARDIS vanished from sight, all of time and space was pulled out from under his feet. The universe was no longer his playground, even if it never really had been. To add insult to injury, he'd been abandoned because he saved the universes from the Daleks. He was too "dangerous" to be left alone. And so the other Doctor had just tossed him away, denying him everything he had ever known, regardless that he hadn't actually lived through the memories that he had. It had been bad enough when the Time Lords had exiled him to Earth without the means to travel through time and space. But to be exiled by… well… himself? To be rejected and cast out by the one person in the entire universe he could actually call a brother and a father, the only person who was his connection to his people? Not to mention also being separated from the TARDIS, his one companion throughout all of his lives. It was far more painful a punishment than anything anyone had ever done to him.

Another part of him, though, loved the Time Lord Doctor for abandoning them on that beach. The act had given him the one person he wanted with all of his single human heart: Rose Tyler. Oh, he had loved others before her, he admitted. But, as seemed his fate, they all left him or vice versa, whether by choice or not. He'd left Cameca in ancient Aztec Mexico despite his feelings for her, his Academy teachers' lessons in his young head telling him how history – even the tiniest event - could not ever be changed. Jo Grant had fallen in love with someone else, never knowing how much he loved her. He'd left Sarah Jane Smith, not wanting her to endure the ridicule of the Time Lords in an era when Humans were not allowed on Gallifrey and not returning for her out of fear of her mortality. Grace Holloway – the only person he'd fallen in love with in less than twenty-four hours – had chosen to stay on Earth rather than travel the universe with him, something he accepted graciously.

And then there was Rose, a fantastic teenage girl – now a beautiful woman - who literally saved his life, whom he had loved with all his hearts, and who had been taken from him at the Battle of Canary Wharf, the same person who now stood beside him, holding his hand. Because of this, the Time Lord Doctor's abandonment of him on that beach in Norway was probably the greatest gift he had ever given anyone. He'd allowed his own hearts to be broken so that Rose and his metacrisis clone could have each other for the rest of their lives. And in the end, they all won despite the initial heartache. Rose got her Doctor, the Time Lord didn't have to watch the woman he loved grow old and die without him, and he, the metacrisis, got what he had always wanted, the one adventure he could never have had before.

He wondered for a moment about his memories, those precious things that were so important to a Time Lord, or so he had told a couple of his previous companions. He wasn't sure what that statement meant for him in particular, since his own memories – the ones that weren't made by the Time Lord – actually started on the TARDIS as it was on the verge of being destroyed. And yet, he remembered everything as if he himself had done those one thousand plus years of life – both the Time Lord Doctor's lives and Donna Noble's life. He decided that it was definitely an odd thing to have someone else's memories, especially two distinctly different people at the same time, and yet know that the memories were still your own. All of these thoughts literally had gone through his mind in less than a second.

Pulling his thoughts away from himself, he turned his head and regarded the woman beside him who, feeling his hand and his eyes, turned her head to look at him as well. "You okay?" he questioned, noting that Rose still looked stunned at the disappearance of the TARDIS. There was an air of utter confusion around her that he found almost tangible.

The answer didn't come immediately as Rose gazed on the Doctor as if he had just spoken in a language she didn't understand. "Yeah," she finally said, giving a hint of a nod.

"You sure?" he pressed gently, concern for her showing in his face and tone of voice.

"Yeah," she assured. "I'm fine. Just… having a time taking everything in. You know? I mean… he didn't even say goodbye."

The Doctor squeezed her hand gently. "It was too painful for him," he told her quietly.

Her eyes met his again. "How do you know?"

"I'm him, remember? Same voice, same face, same memories… same feelings. Those words I whispered in your ear, they're his feelings too."

"But he didn't say the words. You did," Rose replied, her eyes showing a little hurt.

He swallowed at her words. "So… you would prefer him, even though we are the same man?"

"I didn't say that," she protested in a low tone. "I'm just… I'm having trouble right now and I just need some time to sort it all out."

The Doctor nodded his head slowly at her explanation, knowing that the whole situation was a bit awkward. He too didn't quite feel right, his mind a little mottled. The only thing that made it seem livable was the fact that Rose's hand was still in his… that she hadn't moved away from him.

Even as they continued to hold each other's hands in silence, Jackie Tyler's voice reached them from behind. "Just got off the phone with Pete. He's coming to pick us up in Bergen but he won't arrive until tomorrow. He's arranged a taxi into town and a couple of rooms at the hotel. We need to go up to the nearest road to meet the taxi. Should be here in about half an hour." 

"How far is the road?" the Doctor questioned.

"Not far," Rose replied almost automatically. "Probably'll take us ten minutes to get there."

"So, we have about twenty minutes to wait," the hybrid summarized unnecessarily.

"Better than a five hour walk," Jackie commented. She watched with a frown as Rose pulled her hand from the Doctor's and slowly walked away from them to stand just in front of the spot where the TARDIS had stood. The tide was threatening to erase any evidence that the time ship had ever landed there.

The Doctor gave Jackie Tyler a slight nod, letting her know in that one motion that he understood the frustrated look in her eyes. Rose's mother obviously wanted to give her daughter the time she needed without interference from her. At the same time, the wind coming off of the sea was starting to seep into their clothes, making all of them increasingly chilly despite the sunlight. He waited a few long seconds before going up behind her and gently putting his hand on her shoulder to gain her attention. "We should go and find some place warm to wait, get out of this wind," he said gently.

"The wind never seemed to bother you before," she murmured, her eyes shifting to watch the incoming waves.

The Doctor looked at his free hand upon her words, studying it for a moment. "Must have human skin as well as a human heart," he commented. "Well, half-human skin, anyway. I mean, it's a little chilly out but not so much to be completely uncomfortable for me. But based on the way your mother is looking at us, my guess is that it's a little more than chilly in her opinion so it's probably a good idea to get out of the wind as soon as possible." He gave her a gentle smile as he lowered his hand. "Come on. Let's go," he encouraged.

"But…" she started. "What if… he comes back?"

"He won't," the hybrid told her with the bluntness of finality and the softness of sympathy as he turned her to face him. "The walls are closed forever. No more coming here. No more going back." He frowned slightly. "Why do you think he might?"

She hesitated to respond but, when she did, it was quiet. "Five and a half hours."

His frown grew at her answer. "Five and a half hours?" Slowly, realization came to him. "Oh. France on a spaceship. I told you to always wait five and a half hours. Even later programmed the TARDIS around my words. And you waited five and a half hours the last time you were here, didn't you?" Seeing the truth in her eyes, he shook his head. "I didn't come back the last time and he is not coming back this time either. It's far too dangerous. Could collapse both universes. When he said forever, he meant it."

"So did I," she replied with equal bluntness. "I told him I'd stay with him forever."

"You told _me_ you'd stay with me forever at the same time. Because I am him. And now… you can keep that promise. You and me. Forever. If that's what you really want. I mean, you kissed me but… you're sending me mixed signals, Rose. I don't know what to think… except that I love you and… I hope you love me as well." He paused for a moment, watching her face carefully. "Do you love me, Rose?"

She avoided looking at him as she spoke. "I… I don't know."

The hurt in his eyes was palpable as he swallowed and then slowing nodded. "Right." Sniffing slightly, he straightened himself, physically brushing the subject to the side, even though it was still foremost on his mind. "I'm going with Jackie to the road. We'll wait for you there." With that, he returned to the matriarch's side, shaking his head at the look on her face.

The taxi ride to the hotel, the same the Tylers had stayed at the last time they were in Norway, was filled by an awkward silence with Rose obviously pining for the Time Lord Doctor while trying to sort her feelings about the hybrid Doctor, the metacrisis wondering whether or not he was going to be a part of Rose's life after all, and Jackie wanting to fix the situation between them but not knowing how to do so. The moment they arrived at the hotel, Jackie immediately walked up to the front desk to check them in. The Doctor and Rose, for their part, just stood in the foyer, their eyes showing that they still had much on their minds. Occasionally, they would glance at each other, as if wanting to say something but being unable to find the words or being fearful that they might say the wrong ones. Neither noticed how much time had passed in their silence until Jackie came up with two room cards.

She gave the Doctor one of the cards. "Here's your key. Room 301. Rose and I will be in the suite adjoining. Go ahead and get washed up and we'll meet you down here in a half an hour for dinner." She turned to her daughter. "Come on, sweetheart," she instructed and started to walk towards the elevator. She stopped when she noticed that Rose wasn't following her.

Rose hesitated for a moment, glancing at the Doctor. She noticed the expression on his face but didn't know what to make of it. She couldn't remember ever seeing the look in his eyes. At least, not quite like that. The closest she could remember was when she and the Doctor – the other Doctor, the first Doctor, the proper Doctor (she really needed to figure out a way to refer to the Time Lord in comparison to the half-Human beside her) – were aboard the Crucible and the Supreme Dalek had sent the TARDIS into the heart of the Crucible to be destroyed. The Doctor had looked as if he himself were in pain. Now, this Doctor had a similar expression. She struggled with her inner self on whether or not to say anything to him. Her internal struggle, however, was forestalled by Jackie's hand on her arm, gently pulling her away.

"I think he needs some time alone," Jackie told her as she guided her to the elevator.

The Doctor watched in silence as the women left his presence, one of them albeit reluctantly. He wasn't sure whether he should thank Jackie Tyler for her intervention or curse her. Without Rose by his side, he was feeling suddenly more out of his element than before. He had hoped that Rose would want to talk but, at the same time, he found himself unwilling to do that, ironic considering who his "father" and "mother" were. Or perhaps it was thanks to his "parents." Neither the Time Lord nor Donna were much in discussing things that were bothering them personally. They were more likely to explain what was wrong with the other person.

Taking a slow breath, the Doctor exhaled loudly before going to the elevators, catching the next one to come down. Going up to the third floor, he found his room just as the door next to his closed, proving that Jackie and Rose had gone to their room ahead of him. Using the card he'd been given, he walked into the room and let the door close behind him.

The room was comfortable, simple and clean, just like every other nice hotel room he'd seen. There was a full-size bed placed perpendicular to the right wall and a chest of drawers across the way from it. On the other side of the bed by the window was a small table with two large chairs on either side. Near the door to the room was the bathroom, its door wide open to show how well-maintained the housekeeping staff kept it.

He stared at the room for a long moment before sighing. Slowly removing his jacket, he tossed it on the bed and went into the bathroom. Running the water, he used his hands to gather a cupful and splashed it on his face before shutting off the faucet and dabbing his face dry. He didn't know why he felt he had to wash his face. He didn't feel particularly dirty. He supposed he did it just to do something. And, he had to admit, it had felt good to wash away the small amount of dust he had accumulated during their journey to the hotel.

It didn't, however, wash away the odd feeling he'd had ever since the TARDIS disappeared from his sight. Since that moment, there had been a growing uneasiness in his mind which in turn was causing his head and chest to ache. It had been easy to ignore on the bay but now, alone in his hotel room, it seemed determined to overwhelm him. For some reason beyond his understanding, his respiratory bypass system didn't seem to be working. He couldn't seem to get enough oxygen into his lungs, despite having the same lungs, the same respiratory system he'd always had. Okay, so it wasn't the same body that he remembered having. But the respiratory system was the same as his "father's," which meant that he should be able to breathe. And yet, it felt as if his lungs were about to implode due to a lack of air.

The conclave of sudden physical problems caused the Doctor to drop to his knees and then to sit on the bathroom floor, his legs pulled up against him as he desperately tried to regain control of himself.

OOOOOOOOOOO

After a quick clean up on both their parts, Jackie and Rose went down the hotel's main restaurant for dinner. They'd left the hotel room five minutes late so they assumed, given his excellent sense of timing, the Doctor would be waiting for them. Both were surprised to find that they had beaten him down to the restaurant. Five minutes passed and they were starting to wonder if this version of the Doctor was as punctual as the original. After ten minutes of waiting, they were fully worried about the metacrisis.

"I'm going to check on him," Rose told her mother, standing from the table. She hurried from the restaurant, Jackie following quickly as she was determined to help any way that she could.

Once at the hybrid's room, Rose knocked. "Doctor? You all right?" she questioned. "Doctor?" she repeated, knocking on the door again. Not getting a response, she pressed her ear against the door, trying to hear any sign of the Half Time Lord. Her eyes widened and she stepped back in fear when a single brief scream escaped through the closed door.

"Mum, get the manager or a housekeeper… someone who can open the door," she ordered Jackie before pounding on the door. "Doctor! Doctor, open up! Please!"

It took several minutes to get a manager and a hotel security officer who unlocked the door. Without warning, and against protests from the manager and the officer, Rose and Jackie burst into the room. They looked frantically around before Rose found the Doctor curled into a fetal position on the bathroom floor, shaking uncontrollably. She hurried to his side, dropping on the floor to face him.

"Doctor?" she questioned, her worry for him almost tangible.

Seeing the condition of the guest in room 301, the security officer informed the manager, "I'll call for medical assistance." He raised his radio to do just that when a firm voice stopped him.

"No, don't," the Doctor told him bluntly, forcing himself to sit up. "I'll be fine. I just… I need rest, that's all."

The manager looked at him as if he were insane. "Sir, I must insist…"

The Doctor gazed upon the two men intensely. "I said, no medical."

There was an awkward silence in the room in reaction to the Doctor's vehemence. After a moment, seeing that the guest really didn't want their assistance, the hotel staff members slowly left the room.

"What was that all about?" Jackie berated the shaking metacrisis.

He gave her a brief glance. "Half Time Lord, remember? I really don't want to end up on some overly enthusiastic scientist's dissection table." He grimaced in pain, causing Rose to quickly pull him into her arms. He immediately turned and buried his head into her shoulder, grateful for her holding him at that moment.

"Doctor, tell me what's wrong?" she demanded as she tightened her arms around him. "Is this like when you regenerated? Are you having a neural implosion?"

He shook his head slowly. "It's not regeneration," he whispered. "It's something else. My head feels like someone hit me with a sledgehammer, my chest feels like it's about to collapse on itself… But I'm not burning like Donna…" He sobbed slightly. "Poor Donna… poor brilliant Donna…" He cried out, curling in on himself for a moment until the pain subsided. When he came up, however, his eyes were bright. "I'm going through withdrawals," he stated, obviously stunned by revelation. "Isn't that just wizard?"

The women let the comment about Donna slide, both tucking it into the back of their minds to bring the subject up again at a more appropriate time. They looked at the Doctor with a mixture of worry and confusion, unsure how they could help the hurting man.

The Doctor, feeling their puzzled expressions on him, raised his head. "The TARDIS," he explained. "I can't hear her anymore. She might as well be dead. Oh, it hurts! It hurts so much," he grumbled, rubbing his chest slowly. His eyes met with Rose's. "This could get very, very ugly."

Rose eased her hold on the half Time Lord to allow herself to look in his eyes. "Just tell me what to do," she instructed, still unsure exactly what was happening to the Doctor. "Tell me how we can help."

It took a moment for the Doctor to find the words he needed to speak. "Bed. Help me to the bed."

The two women got the Doctor to his feet and, carrying him in between them, carefully guided him to his requested destination. Quickly removing his shoes and trousers – and grateful that he had boxers on underneath – they helped him to lie on the bed, Jackie tucking the covers over him gently.

"Is there anything you need?" Jackie questioned softly. She hesitated a moment. "I don't suppose a cup of tea would help this time."

He laughed sickly. "Don't know if it will help but I doubt it would harm."

"I'll just ring room service then," she replied. "At the very least, it'll warm you up." She moved to do exactly as she said.

Rose, in the meantime, brushed the Doctor's hair with her hand. "What exactly is happening?" she questioned as he shook in the bed.

"Heartache... Withdrawal… Heartachy withdrawal?" he answered, his brow furrowed. "I'm separated from the TARDIS. I mean, really separated, not temporarily or thinking I've been separated from her. Never experienced being really separated from her before. Whenever we were parted from each other, I'd always feel her in my mind regardless of how much time or space divided us or what condition she was in. Even when I thought she was dead, I'd still hear her, thinking it was just an echo of her presence. But now we're in two totally different universes and…" He swallowed tightly, looking into her eyes. He was unable to hide the fear that lay in them. "You hear stories about addicts going into withdrawals when they are forced to go clean. Well… this is sort of like that only worse. Much worse. Because the TARDIS wasn't a fix; she was my constant companion for nearly a millennia. Without her in my mind… it's torture. It hurts so much. I feel like I'm dying." He took a shaky breath, reaching out a hand to take the one that wasn't brushing his hair. "I'm sorry, Rose. I'm so sorry."

"What for?" she questioned, her voice gentle but still tinged with concern, especially when the Doctor compared what he was feeling to that of dying.

"I… I won't be able to control my actions," he told her. "I'll probably say and do things I don't really mean. It'll be the withdrawals. It won't be me. I just… I just want to apologize ahead of time."

She gave him a small smile. "I've handled withdrawal symptoms before. One of my mates was really into drugs. Me and Mickey sorted him, though. It wasn't pretty."

"This isn't the same, Rose," the Doctor impressed on her firmly. He swallowed tightly, closing his eyes against the painful symptoms he was enduring. "Drastic separation from a TARDIS can drive a Time Lord insane or even kill him. Just the psychological trauma of it…" Slowly his eyes met hers. "I'm scared, Rose. I'm so scared."

Leaning closer to him, Rose kissed his forehead. "Don't you worry," she assured, keeping her voice from quaking with the new knowledge that the metacrisis could die from these "withdrawals." "We're going to take care of you. And you are not going to die. You hear me?"

The Half Time Lord nodded slightly in response, pulling the covers of the bed closer to his face. He was vaguely aware of Jackie picking up his jacket, which had been knocked off the bed and onto the floor as the women laid him down, and hanging it up in the guest closet. Several minutes later, he heard the sound of something thumping against wood and the mumble of voices.

"Doctor?" Rose's voice filtered to his ear. He slowly opened his eyes to look at her. He swallowed slightly at the dryness of his throat. "Mum had some tea and cakes sent up. From the look on your face, I'm guessing that you don't feel up to eating anything. But how about you try, yeah?"

"N'hungry," he muttered even as he slowly sat up in the bed. "Where's Jackie?" he questioned.

"She poured herself a cup, took a cake, and went to the other room. Told her that I'd stay here tonight, make sure you're taken care of." She watched as he grimaced, cradling his head with one hand, his chest with the other. "Still hurting?" she questioned, sympathy in her voice. Seeing him nod slightly, she gently rubbed his arm, hoping the physical contact at least eased his mind if not the pain. "I could have an analgesic sent up," she suggested.

"Best not," he replied quietly. "Don't know how I'll react to it." He scowled as he sniffed the air. "What's that? Is that the tea? Smells bloody awful."

Rose blinked slightly at his words. "No tea, then," she concluded. "Some water?" she suggested. She didn't wait for an answer, moving to the mini-bar and taking out a bottle of said beverage. Opening it, she sat next to the Doctor and gently put it in his hand.

The Doctor stared at the bottle for a moment before slowly bringing it to his lips, take a slow long drink before lowering it. He cringed physically, nearly dropping the bottle in the process and prompting Rose to take the bottle and put it on the nightstand. She watched helplessly as the metacrisis bundled his long legs close to his chest, dropping his head to meet his knees. One arm wrapped around his legs to keep them in place while the other protected the top of his head.

Rose slowly rubbed his back, needing the act of comforting the Doctor as much as she thought he did. "It'll be all right," she tried to assure him.

"It's so quiet," he whispered, his voice shaking. "Too quiet. It hurts so much." There was a long pause. "I'm alone."

"No, you're not," Rose told him, wrapping an arm around him. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." Not getting a response, she pressed on. "We're going to get through this together. Yeah?" Again, there was no answer to her words.

Mentally sighing, she laid her head on the Doctor's shoulder and just let herself be there for him. She already could tell that it was going to be a long night.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The Doctor stared at the wall on the far end of the room from his prone position, Rose sleeping beside him. He couldn't blame Rose for falling asleep. After all, she had obviously worn herself in her successful search for him. Well, for his other self, at any rate. And then there was the Crucible and the defeat of the Daleks. Then being left on Bad Wolf Bay again followed by their journey to the inn where they were spending the night. Even if she had been determined to stay awake for him, she desperately needed and deserved the rest. She certainly didn't need to watch over a Human Time Lord metacrisis going through withdrawals.

_Withdrawals_, he thought with a quiet huff. _There's a word that completely underrates what I'm going through._ He remembered cases he'd read in the Academy where Time Lords lost their TARDISes and were unable to receive treatment or replacement TARDISes for one reason or another, most of the time the reason being that the Time Lords were stranded on alien worlds like the Doctor found himself now - you couldn't get more alien than a parallel version of a Level Five planet in a different part of the galaxy. He remembered that, upon reading about those cases, he'd decided he was never going to allow himself to be separated from the new TARDIS he just _knew_ he was going to receive (and probably would have if his marks had been better and he hadn't failed the driving test); he didn't want to either go mad or die from the trauma. Of course, those cases were extremely rare since Time Lords, in general, didn't allow themselves to become intricately involved with a TARDIS, believing that the grown time ships were an inferior form of life. Yes, if a TARDIS died, its owner would feel it. That was unavoidable thanks to the Rassilon Imprimatur. But for most Time Lords, it had been like losing a beloved pet or a friendly acquaintance; it didn't hurt as much as losing a close relative. Unless you allowed yourself to get intricately involved with the TARDIS, that is.

The Doctor never was one to view any species as being inferior however, even sentient intelligent plant life. Certainly not the marvelous TARDIS he had stolen – well, borrowed – from the shipyards on Gallifrey. He'd been fleeing his home world, his granddaughter's hand firmly in his, and had grabbed the first ship he could see, one that hadn't been in the best condition. In fact, the TARDIS had been partially dismantled for scrap parts so, really, his stealing her was more of a rescue than a theft. In the next nine hundred years, he'd literally poured his hearts and soul into repairing her, never quite accomplishing the goal despite his best efforts. By then, their souls were intertwined and she was far more than just a ship, a pet, or an acquaintance to him; she was family. Now, she was gone and the metacrisis was suffering the fate he, as a child, had promised himself never to experience.

He swallowed down the cry of pain that threatened to come from his lips. He wasn't going to wake Rose because his chest and head still felt as if a bulldozer had just run over them. There wasn't anything she could do to help him at any rate, not physically anyway. Surviving the forced break in the telepathic link that came about the minute the TARDIS vanished from the beach was entirely up to how his mind coped with the loss, whether or not he could sufficiently rewire his brain, and his own physical strength in fighting the pain that accompanied the loss. Recovering from such a separation wasn't an easy task for a full-blooded thoroughly-trained Time Lord. He was finding that it was even more difficult for a Human/Time Lord metacrisis, thanks to a very disconcerting decrease in control over his mental faculties. It didn't help in the least that there was nothing but his own thoughts running through his mind. The silence there that replaced the TARDIS' presence only emphasized the loss of his people. When the Time Lords has died, he had the TARDIS' comforting presence to sooth him, to make the loss, painful as it was, at least bearable. Now, there was nothing, not even the faint whisper of another soul. For a being who has had at least a whisper in his mind for his entire life, the silence was quite literally maddening. He was only glad that the concave of mental instability hadn't hit him all at once on the beach but instead chose to build up to the point where it was now; he didn't know how he would have functioned if Jackie and Rose had to care for him from that moment on.

The Doctor shuddered as a cold wave struck him, causing him to quickly slip back under the blankets. His actions inadvertently woke the slumbering human in the same bed as him, her eyelids flickering in a natural attempt to moisten her sleep-dried eyes.

Seeing that there was a gentle haze of light in the room, Rose slowly sat up and looked around to reorient herself. Her eyes were drawn to the still form of the Doctor beside her. She smiled slightly, thinking that he was asleep and grateful for it. The night before when the half Time Lord had explained what was happening to him and that he could die from it, she was more terrified than she had ever been in her life, even more terrified than when she had first faced down a fully-armed and fully-homicidal Dalek. She wasn't sure whether or not she loved the hybrid but she did know that she still wanted him in her life, primarily because he was all that she had left of the Time Lord. He was left in this universe with her, perhaps as a consolation prize, perhaps as an opportunity, and as such this Doctor, regardless of her still mixed feelings about him, was now her Doctor and she needed him even if it was only as a friend. Seeing him seemingly asleep was a kind of reassurance that he would get better… hopefully.

Noting that the sun was peeking through the curtain-drawn windows, she slowly stood from the bed and walked over to them, opening them to allow more sunlight into the room.

"Close the drapes!" came a loud order from the bed, telling Rose that, despite what she had been led to believe, the Doctor was wide awake under the covers.

Startled by the vehemence of the words, she obeyed, leaving enough of a crack to still allow light into the room. Then going to the bed, she gently touched the Doctor's shoulder. "Did you get any sleep at all last night?" Not receiving a response, she took the silence to mean a negative answer to her query and thus erased the reassurance she had felt only moments before. Exhaling slowly, she rubbed his arm comfortingly as she checked the time. Nine o'clock. She had slept much later than she had intended. Jackie had informed her the previous day that their flight back to England via private zeppelin would be waiting for them at the airstrip at noon. Given how far Bergen was, it was necessary to leave for the airport in an hour. Jackie had told her to be ready on time as she wasn't in the mood to stay in Norway for any longer than she absolutely had to.

"We have to get going. We only have an hour until we have to be on the road to the airport," Rose told the Doctor, who remained hidden in the sheets. When he didn't respond, she prodded him verbally. "Doctor, you have to get up and at least eat something."

"N'hungry."

She exhaled slowly, trying to think of how to get the stubborn man to do what was necessary. Deciding that it was better, at the moment, to allow him to stay where he was, she went into the bathroom to shower, washing away the grit of the last couple of stressful days.

The sound of water running and Rose's singing touched the metacrisis' ears. For some reason, the reverberations seemed to lessen the pains in his head and chest. Not by a lot, mind you, but it was better than the silence that had surrounded him during the night. When he thought about it, actually, he realized that even Rose's speaking to him had helped a little, though not as much as her singing. The closest analogy he could come up with was someone with a migraine having their back rubbed; it didn't really stop the pain but it was comforting to know that someone cared. Deciding that he needed to hear more, the Doctor slowly crawled out of the bed and walked over to the bathroom door. He leaned forward against the door and closed his eyes, absorbing the sound of Rose's voice. He wondered why he never noticed just how beautiful her singing voice really was. Had he ever heard her sing before? He pondered on the question as if it were the most important one in the universe, not noticing that the sound of running water had stopped and Rose's singing had shifted into humming every once in a while.

Suddenly, the bathroom door opened, forcing the Doctor to regain his footing to prevent himself from falling into the room. Rose, for her part, gave a startled cry, not expecting the Half Time Lord to be just outside the door.

"You scared me!" she told him, her voice slightly berating. Her hair was still damp and her clothes seemed to cling to her, indicating that her skin was still a little moist from her shower.

"Sorry," he murmured, rubbing the back of his neck; that seemed to be helping the pain as well.

She looked at him with concern. "Feeling any better?"

"No," he admitted. "But can't stay in bed all day, can I? As you said, we have a zeppelin to catch." He glanced over at the window, noting the sunshine coming through it. "That sun hurts my head though," he groaned.

Rose seemed to consider his words for a moment. "Tell you what. Why don't you take a shower or wash up however you want while I go down to the gift shop and pick up a pair of sunglasses?"

"Yeah. Okay," came the quiet response.

Rose nodded at his agreement. "Good." She extended her hand. "Room card?"

"What?" he questioned, seeming a little lost in his own mind. Feeling her hand on his arm, he raised his eyes to her and realized what she had said. "Room card. Right." Digging through his pocket, he retrieved the requested item and put it in her hand. Then, walking past her, he entered the bathroom. He was about to close and lock the door when Rose stopped him, blocking the doorway with her body.

"Considering what happened last night, I think it would be best if you left the door open. You know… just in case," she told him. She gave him a mischievous smile. "I promise not to peek unless I have to."

"Okay," the Doctor responded softly, no humor in his voice, showing Rose exactly how unwell he really felt. He turned to the sink and rested his hands against it, letting it support his weight.

She hesitated to leave, not wanting to leave the metacrisis in case he needed her. On the other hand, she also knew that they were growing more and more pressed for time. Yes, they were going to meet a private zeppelin for their trip to London but she also knew that it wasn't wise to irk her stepfather by making her mum upset. Pete Tyler, while a kind man, tended to sulk for hours when he was upset about something and Jackie's attitude was often a source of his being upset. Rose really didn't want to go home to a frosty household after everything that just happened.

"I'll be back as soon as I can," she reassured. "Just… be careful, yeah?"

His shoulders tensed with her words. "I will," he promised, his voice barely audible.

Rose faltered again before taking a breath and exiting the room, wanting to accomplish her task as quickly as possible. Getting down to the lobby and into the gift shop, she glanced at a clock. Only twenty minutes left before they had to leave. She had no doubt that Jackie had already had breakfast – probably room service – and had checked them out, having made payment arrangements with her husband when they checked in.

After selecting a couple of sunglasses which she thought would look good on the Doctor, she picked up two bottles of Vitex and a couple of health bars for their breakfast. She then charged the purchase to their folio before taking her acquisition up to the room.

The moment that she walked in, she was enveloped into a bone-crushing hug from a hyperventilating, half-dressed half-alien.

"What's wrong?" she asked, worry plain in her tone.

"Too quiet," he answered, forcing himself to calm down from what had obviously been a panic attack. "It's just too quiet and my chest and head hurts… well, not as bad as earlier but still… please… please don't leave me alone like that again."

Rose slowly returned the hug, a sad look on her face mixed with fear. Just what exactly had the Doctor – the proper Doctor – left her with? How was she going to make this duplicate who was terrified of silence better? She didn't even completely understand this whole TARDIS withdrawal thing he was going through. Hell, she didn't even know who she was holding, despite her having snogged the socks off of him on the beach.

"It's okay now. I'm here," she told him gently, thankful that her words seemed to ease him enough for him to slowly release his grip on her.

"Sorry," he said, sniffing as he wiped his face with both of his hands. "I'm just… My emotions are all over the place right now. My head and chest still hurt and sometimes I feel like I can't breathe and I can't feel anything in my mind… How do you put up with that? Others who went through this at least could still feel other Time Lords and they still went insane. I've got nothing to hold onto. How am I…" He physically shook from the fear that ran through him. "I need to get back. I have to get back to the TARDIS." He turned his head in the direction of Darlïg ulv Stranden, desperation playing at his features.

Rose forced him to turn his head back towards her and looked into his eyes firmly. "The Doctor said the walls are closed permanently. The Dimension Cannon only worked because Davros ripped the fabric of the universe with his reality bomb, which we prevented. Dimensional retro-closure, remember? You said so yourself. There's no way to go back."

"I have to!" the metacrisis insisted, his eyes blazing. "If I don't, I'm going to die!"

"You are not going to die," Rose insisted. "You're just scared. So am I. You said that death or insanity are worse case scenarios, yes?" Not getting a reaction from him, she pressed. "Yes?"

"YES!" he shouted, angry that she was being so stubborn in not allowing him to go back – didn't matter that he knew he couldn't. "Yes, they're worse case scenarios and they are happening to me right now!"

"No, they aren't!" she yelled back. "You said these withdrawals you are going through could get ugly and _that's_ what happening right now." She watched as he rubbed hard at the right side of his neck as if there were an itch he couldn't salve. "I told you that we'd get through this together and I'm not backing out on that promise. And you are going to be fine. Got it?" Again, he didn't respond to her words, causing her to verbally push him further. "Got it?" she questioned with emphasis.

"Yes, yes! I got it!" he retaliated. His tone dropped abruptly into one of near subservience. "I got it," he repeated, dropping his head slightly to avoid her eyes.

"Good," she told him with a forgiving smile before lifting her shopping bag. "Now, get your trousers and shoes on. We're running late." Seeing him move to obey, she pulled out her sunglass purchases. "Which pair do you want?" she asked, offering them to him as he finished dressing.

The Doctor's hand immediately went to the one that closely resembled the "brainy specs" he used to wear. Removing the tags, he stuck them on his face, gaining a broad grin of approval from Rose.

"Thought you'd want those." She took the tags off of the other pair before putting them on the top of her head. She dug into the bag once more, pulling out an energy drink and handing it over to him. "Drink that," she ordered.

"I'm not thirsty," he mumbled.

"Yes, you are. You're dehydrated. Besides, I know you don't have any kind of appetite for breakfast so you won't actually eat anything even though you need to. At least Vitex will give you some nutrition. I did buy you a breakfast bar just in case you change your mind later. So…" She forced the beverage into his hand.

He gave her a glare. "I'm the one versed in medicine," he protested.

Before she could reply there was a knock at the door, causing them to look towards the entrance.

"Rose, let's go!" Jackie called. "We're late. You missed breakfast, you know."

"We'll be right behind you, Mum," Rose replied before turning to her charge. "Ready?"

He swallowed, rubbing the bottom of his face. "No. I'd rather go back… But I don't have a choice, do I."

"Neither of us have that choice," she replied, regret plain in her words. She exited the room and waited in the hall for him.

The Doctor hesitated before slowly following. He could tell that Rose was having some serious doubts as to whether or not this relationship, which hadn't even really started yet, would even work. He was having doubts himself, especially when it took all his energy to keep himself from running around, screaming his head off and touching everything in sight just to keep distracted from the continued – and he knew permanent – silence in his mind.

The journey to the lobby was quiet, neither of them saying a word even though the Doctor really wanted to talk just to hear something – anything. Instead, he obediently drank the Vitex he'd been given. He had to admit that, for a health drink, it was rather tasty. A bit like pop.

A private sedan was waiting outside of the hotel, into which Jackie and Rose slipped with the ease of familiarity. Seeing Rose just get into the car without a single comment on how posh it was, the Doctor was confronted with the realization that the woman he loved had changed since he had last traveled with her. Not that he didn't expect her to but it was just another thing to add to the list of differences he now needed to get used to, a list that started with the changes in his own biology. Deciding that he needed to focus on the big picture rather than on the details, especially considering that he felt like an orphan being tossed into a foster home (an apt description, considering his situation), he followed them into the car and sat silently as they started the beginning of their trip.

All during the journey to the airstrip, Jackie seemed to talk almost non-stop, for which the Doctor was extremely grateful. Funny, he never thought he would ever like the sound of the woman prattling on about nothing in particular. He'd literally had to order her to shut up that one time in the past, the day Rose's father – her real father – had died. Now he didn't want her to stop. For one, her talking seemed to be having the same effect that Rose's singing in the shower had on him, namely to ease the silence in his mind as well as the aches in his chest and head. For another, she seemed so certain that things would only get better from then on that her enthusiasm was almost contagious, so much so that the three of them were in good spirits through most of the trip in spite of the Doctor's aches. The other thing that helped was Rose's hand in his, which happened almost the moment the car pulled away from the hotel entrance and didn't stop until they came up to a waiting zeppelin over an hour later.

A familiar tall figure stood at the bottom of the boarding stairs, patiently waiting as the three of them got out of the car. The moment they were, Jackie ran to her husband, who was obviously relieved. The Doctor then observed Rose hurry to stepfather and give him a hug, clearly pleased to see him. Noticing that the Half Time Lord was still by the car, she gestured for him to come over, a summons he obeyed slowly.

"Doctor," Pete Tyler greeted, shaking his hand firmly.

"Pete," the Doctor responded in return.

"Jackie said that you would be with her and Rose but she didn't go into details about how you came to be here."

The hybrid scratched his sideburn. "Ah, well… it's a bit complicated. She probably wanted me to do the explaining. I explained it to her in the car but… like I said… complicated. And Jackie isn't know for being complicated."

"Oi!" Jackie warned. "You're begging for a slapping."

The Doctor took a reactive step back at her words, having once been subjected to said slapping. Admittedly, it was during his ninth incarnation but there were some things you just didn't forget.

Pete just laughed at the interaction, gesturing for the group to enter the zeppelin. The four went up the stairs into the large vehicle that would be their means of going to England.

It was indeed a very large vehicle, the Doctor noted as he stepped in just before Pete who, being last on, went to the cockpit to inform the pilot that all were aboard. The entire cabin itself was about the width of an extra-wide airplane and about two-thirds the length. The front room, in which they currently found themselves, was like a small drawing or dining room with two sets of seating areas which consisted of four comfortable chairs surrounding a table. The Doctor imagined that there was also a meeting room, perhaps even a couple of bedrooms and a galley considering the size of the cabin. While his curiosity was telling him to go explore the rest of the vehicle, the throb in his head was informing him that he should at least sit down and rest for a few minutes first.

Any thought of silence and rest, however, was immediately shattered when a young voice cried out with obvious joy.

"Mummy!" a boy – approximately four or five years old, the Doctor observed – said, standing from the collection of toys around him and running to Jackie with wide arms.

"There's my sweetheart!" Jackie crowed with a bright grin, picking up the boy and giving him a tight hug and a kiss on his cheek. "Have you been a good boy for Daddy?"

"Uh-huh! Daddy says when we get home we can have Chinese food," came the response. "Can we, Mummy?"

"Of course, we can," she assured him. "Now, go give your sister a hug." She put the boy down, allowing him to hurry three steps to Rose, who immediately picked him up, a smile on her face.

"Hi, Tony!" she greeted, hugging him. "Oh, I've missed you! Missed me?"

"Yup," he responded, popping his 'p' in a familiar manner. He pointed at the strange man who stood just behind her. "Who him?"

"It's 'who is he'," Rose corrected gently, reaching up to push the boy's arm down. "And it's not polite to point." She looked over at the half-Time Lord, giving him a small smile as she whispered in her little brother's ear. The child's mouth instantly formed the shape of an 'O', clearly enthralled. He wiggled to get out of his sister's arm and hurried up to the now not-so-strange man.

"You're the Doctor," he whispered as if he were trying to keep that information between him and his idol.

The metacrisis lowered himself so that the two of them were eye to eye, removing his sunglasses as he did so. "Yes, I am. Hello," he greeted. "May I assume that you are none other than Master Tony Tyler?"

Tony nodded, clearly even more in awe that the half-alien had actually spoke to him.

"I see your sister has been saying things about me. Good things?"

The child gave him another nod. "She says you go places in a blue box and that monsters are afraid of you and you're a good guy like Superman."

"Oh, you have Superman here! I love Superman! Do you like Superman?"

"Yup!" came the enthusiastic reply, the 'p' once again being popped loudly. "But he isn't my favorite."

"Oh, really? Who's your favorite, then?"

Tony's eyes widened at the question, looking at him as if he should already know the answer. "You are. You're much better than Superman. Superman's just a story. You're real. Can I ride in your TARDIS?"

The Doctor took a deep breath, unease on his features. He knew the child didn't know what he was currently enduring or that the reminder of the TARDIS' loss was exacerbating his withdrawal symptoms but that didn't prevent him from feeling a small amount of animosity towards the boy, impulses which the hybrid quickly squelched. He didn't want to be angry with Tony for the small faux pas he didn't realize he had made. And, quite frankly, it was nice that the boy was so adorably smitten with him that he wanted a ride from him. After all, what child didn't want to travel in the vehicle of their dreams with their hero?

The Doctor was trying to find what words to say to him to explain the situation when he was spared from the task by the voice of Pete telling everyone that they were about to take off and everyone should sit down. Hearing his father's instructions, Tony grabbed the Doctor's hand and pulled at him, causing him to lose his balance. "Sit with me," he instructed vehemently just before Jackie gently pulled him away, telling that he had better mind his manners or he can forget about that Chinese dinner when they got home.

While Jackie was ensuring that her son was sitting down for take off, the half-Time Lord stood up slowly and, slipping his sunglasses into one of his pockets, found a seat next to Rose before taking her hand.

"Sorry about Tony," she told him with an embarrassed expression. "He gets a little excited sometimes."

"It's all right," he assured her. "Not like I've never been yanked around by a child before."

She considered his words while looking at him. The tension he'd been carrying with him had obviously lessened enormously but it was equally clear from the expression in his eyes that he wasn't completely comfortable with the situation, despite Tony's enamor. "How are you feeling?"

"Chest ache's gone but I've still got a headache. And the sun's still too bright even with the sunglasses so it's a good thing the shades are drawn. Still, better than earlier."

"I'm glad," she answered with a smile, squeezing his hand gently. "Better is good."

She only received a small nod in response.

As the zeppelin slowly started to lift from the ground, Pete joined the couple on the other side of the table, a paternal grin on his face. "Only a couple of minutes aboard and you've really got Tony wrapped around your finger, Doctor. With the stories Rose has been telling him at bedtime, however, it doesn't surprise me."

"What sort of stories?" the Doctor questioned, looking at his friend for clarification. It was obvious, from Tony's infatuation and words, that she had relayed some of the adventures they had when they had traveled through space and time. But some of those adventures had been truly terrifying and he really hoped that she hadn't caused the boy any nightmares.

"Nothing too scary," she assured him, seeing the concern on his face. "Woman Wept, Slitheen in Downing Street, France on a spaceship, chasing down that Hoix…"

The memories of the events caused the metacrisis to smile. "Told you not to use the blue bucket."

"Oh, shut up," she berated with a laugh.

"Well, since you like telling stories, you can both tell me all about what happened that brought you here," Pete put in, nodding to the Doctor as he spoke. "And I want details. The last I knew Jackie and Mickey were breaking every protocol in the book going after you," he said, looking directly at Rose with paternal rebuke, "and Jackie isn't even Torchwood. So I'd very much like to know why my wife left me and our son to go get you out of whatever situation you'd gotten yourself into."

"Let me guess," the Doctor supposed, glancing at Rose. "She gets into trouble a lot."

"Trouble's part of the job," came the reply. "But Rose seems to have a knack for it, even to the point of grabbing a particle rifle and jumping universes without authorization. Of course, Mickey had to follow the moment he found out what she had done and Jackie… well, Rose got her stubbornness from her, that's for certain. She wouldn't have become involved if she hadn't come by the office in an attempt to kidnap me for an early lunch. Since she had, however, she felt it absolutely necessary to go with Mickey to get her daughter back."

"About that… what's with all the dimensional jumping?" the Doctor questioned. "I thought I made it perfectly clear that every time you use those things, you're ripping the fabric of the universe. Not to mention the side effect of massive global warning which you yourself, Pete, were concerned with the last time we met."

Rose responded to his query. "I was working on a way to travel between universes, without damaging the fabric of reality and causing global warming, so that I could not only be with you in that universe but also still come home whenever needed, not only for visits but also to help Torchwood. We'd already established protocols that if traveling between universes couldn't be done without adverse side effects we'd drop the project. We weren't having much success with the Dimension Cannon when it all started to work. That's when the stars started to go out. We had to prioritize stopping that over a bout of global warming and a small chance of the universes collapsing. The new dimensional jumpers that work with the Cannon need time to charge before each use so we figured that would at least reduce some of the impact."

"How long have you used them before you finally found me?"

"On and off, for a little over a year. We spent most of that time trying to determine your location. I figured that focusing on alien activity would narrow down the possibilities. We tried using the Cannon to send electronic signals, broadcasting me calling for you but you obviously didn't see any of them so we ramped it up to actually crossing the Void. I first found myself in a street and there were police everywhere and I knew you just had to be there. However the only person I saw a red-headed woman telling me to let someone know that their car keys were in a trash bin. I didn't know it at the time but… it was Donna."

"Donna told you to tell someone that their car keys were in a trash bin?" he questioned with a frown. A moment later, realization came to his face as he remembered Donna running off to return the car keys to her mother. "Rose… I was right down the next alley, carrying Donna's luggage into the TARDIS."

"Seriously?" Seeing him nod, she got a sad look on her face. "If only I'd checked…"

"I'd appreciate if you'd return to the matter at hand," Pete interrupted, seeing the subject drifting off topic, "namely telling me what happened before the stars returned, especially since the only people who remember them going out worked on the Dimension Cannon."

"That would be due to the dimensional retroclosure thanks to Davros' reality bomb never having happened," the Doctor put in. Seeing the confusion on Pete's face, he explained, "Davros was a Kaled from the planet Skaro. He created the Daleks by genetically manipulating the Kaled genome to make what he considered the perfect life form, which lacked all emotion except for one. He felt that the only emotion needed for survival was hatred."

"I was told about the Daleks, that they were fighting the Cybermen in that other universe," Pete put in.

"That's right. You never saw them," the Doctor realized. "Anyway, Davros recently got this notion in his head that, in order to insure that his Daleks were the supreme race in the universe, it would be best just to eradicate all other life at the same time. He created a weapon that would destroy reality itself, a reality bomb. The weapon needed to be powered by twenty-four planets placed in conjunction with each other so he displaced said planets, including Earth, into the heart of the Medusa Cascade and slightly out of phase with the rest of reality. And when he used the weapon, it not only caused the stars to disappear one at a time but it also opened up the Void, allowing Rose to be able to travel between universes. Which reminds me…" He turned his attention to Rose. "Sometime soon, you and I need to discuss Bad Wolf." The bewildered expression on her visage brought one to his own. "You don't remember Bad Wolf? That's how you warned me that something was wrong, the reason I returned to Earth in the first place to find it had been stolen by Davros."

She shook her head. "I didn't send you a warning. At least… I don't think I did. It's all sort of vague, like something happened that didn't actually happen."

"What's Bad Wolf?" Pete questioned.

"Well… she is," the Doctor responded, nodding towards Rose. "Sometimes. Long story. The short of it is that we were in danger of being exterminated by Daleks and I sent her home for her own safety but she looked into the heart of the TARDIS and absorbed the Time Vortex, thus becoming the Bad Wolf, which before then was just a phrase we'd heard on and off during our travels but turned out to be Rose giving herself clues as to how to save me from extermination. Once she absorbed the Vortex, she came back for me and destroyed the Daleks. I took the Vortex out of her so she wouldn't burn up but apparently there's some residual still there."

"Is that dangerous?" Rose questioned with concern.

"Doubt it," he replied. "If it were, it would have manifested itself as such by now. You're fine. You might not be aware of when you use it, however, so I still want to discuss it."

"So, Rose gave you a warning using this Bad Wolf whatever it is," Pete stated.

"Yes," the Doctor confirmed. "Well, it was vague warning… 'Bad Wolf' written everywhere. Including on the TARDIS," he stated with a grin as he looked at Rose. "Now _that_ was impressive. Got me and Donna back to Earth. One minute, Earth was there; next minute it was gone. I actually had to go to the Shadow Proclamation for help – that's basically the intergalactic police. It was because of their trying to figure out where all the planets had gone that I figured out they were being used as some sort of power source which led us to the Medusa Cascade and discovered that the Earth and all the other planets were out of sync with the rest of the universe. Then Rose and our friends gave me a call on my phone which allowed me to find the Earth and landed just about two minutes before Donna pointed Rose out to me."

"But then a Dalek shot him and he started to regenerate…"

"And I stopped a full regeneration by putting the excess energy into my handy spare hand in a jar."

"A hand in a jar?" It was clear that Pete was having trouble keeping track of the events they were relating.

"He lost his right hand in a sword fight on Christmas Eve. Grew another one," Rose explained.

"And I grew from that severed hand," the metacrisis added.

"So, you're not really the Doctor. You're more like a clone," Pete said with interest.

"Oi! I am _not_ a clone! I'm the result of an instantaneous biological metacrisis which is a perfectly viable form of natural reproduction, albeit extremely unusual. I have all of the Doctor's memories and, given that I'm prevalently the Doctor in every way but with only one heart, that makes me him. And I certainly don't appreciate being insulted by being called a clone! How would you like it if I called you a clone, eh? You're not the first Pete Tyler I've met, you know!"

"Doctor!" Rose berated, gazing at him in surprise.

"What?" he demanded.

"You're being rude," she told him bluntly.

"_He_ was being rude!"

Pete raised his hand in an attempt to calm the now agitated man. "I apologize. I didn't realize that the word was inappropriate or that you would be upset with it."

"Upset?" the Doctor countered. "You haven't even seen me upset! If you think a half-hearted apology will do, you've got another thing coming, mister! You think I'm a push over? That you can just say whatever you want about me? Got a thing against half-human half-Time Lords?" A moment later, he felt a hard slap across his face. He turned with a stunned expression towards the source whose face was the epitome of fury.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" Rose demanded, her hand stinging from the delivery of the blow.

"You slapped me," he responded quietly, still surprised by her action.

"Yeah and if it will stop you from continuing to be a bloody arse I'll slap you again!"

For a moment, the only thing that could be heard was the sound of the zeppelin's engine humming in the distance. The Doctor could feel every eye in the room staring at him, causing him to swallow slightly in discomfort before speaking.

"You're right. I've been very rude. And I'm sorry," he finally said with genuine contrition.

Rose folded her arms over her chest. "Don't tell it to me. Tell it to my dad."

He looked the visibly older man in the eyes. "I'm sorry, Pete. I behaved horribly towards you and… I don't have an excuse." Taking a slow breath, he avoided looking at either of the two humans. "I think I'll go get some rest," he stated, immediately standing from his seat and hurriedly going towards the back of the vehicle, ignoring the concerned look Jackie gave him as he passed her and Tony.

Going through the door that was at the rear of the seating room, he found himself in a narrow hallway which had three doors on one side, the other side covered with windows that gave a view to the sky. The doors were spaced at equal distances from each other. Opening one of the doors, he peered in to see a small bathroom, complete with shower stall. A second door revealed a spacious cabin equipped with a full-sized bed, a dresser and a door that lead into the bathroom. On the wall above the bed, there was a fold-down bunk, allowing a maximum of four people to sleep in the cabin. The last door entered into another cabin just like the first, minus the direct access to the bathroom.

Sighing, he sat on the bed in the second cabin, suddenly feeling very lost. How the hell was he supposed to adapt to this new life he'd been thrust into when he couldn't even control his temper? He knew Pete hadn't meant to be insulting even as he heard the word being spoken and yet he had yelled at him and, as Rose so eloquently stated, been a bloody arse. He knew part of it was the Donna Noble in him; he could hear it in his vocabulary. But even Donna wouldn't hold a grudge when someone made a heartfelt apology whereas he continued to practically drill into Pete until Rose's slap made him take pause.

It didn't help that the pain in his head and chest had increased. It wasn't completely intolerable as it had been in the hotel but it was far worse than when he came aboard the zeppelin less than a half an hour before. He'd tried so desperately to control it and perhaps that was the cause of his outburst. He couldn't be sure. All that he could be sure of was that he wanted the TARDIS. Badly. Being without his beloved time ship was making him feel extraordinarily vulnerable… and he hated feeling vulnerable. It caused his mind to run at a rapid pace and never in the good way that control gave him.

Right now, his mind was running over all the changes he would have to adapt to. _One heart: already coping with it. Rose being so different and yet not different at all: again, coping with it. No TARDIS: that's going to take a while. No TARDIS means no wardrobe, so no change of clothes. _ The last thought gave him pause. He hadn't yet realized that he'd been left in this universe with only the clothes on his back and whatever was in his pockets. Anything and everything he got from that moment on, even the sunglasses in his jacket, would come from this universe and likely from Rose.

So what exactly did he own? Obviously there was the suit. But what else? Reaching into his pockets, he started to pull everything out, tossing them on the bed as he did so until there was nothing in them. He picked up the sunglasses as well as the health bar he hadn't eaten yet and put them in his top front pocket, thus separating what Rose had bought him from his own worldly possessions. What was left didn't give him much hope.

He'd pulled random bits and bobs from previous adventures with Martha and Donna which consisted of a spare TARDIS key, a ticket stub from a concert he'd taking Martha to, a parking stub from Disney World (the planet, not the resort in Florida), a couple of small hand-scanners (both broken), a bag of sweets he purchased on Shan Shen to share with Donna (never got to share it with her thanks to the stars going out), Martha's mobile phone (the one she had given him after the Year That Never Was which somehow found itself in his pocket after that incident with the Sontarans) complete with universal roaming but sans battery charger, and a water damaged psychic paper wallet (the wallet was damaged, not the paper, thanks to Donna pulling him into a swimming pool fully-clothed; the Time Lord had pulled out a replacement wallet and paper from the TARDIS' stores afterwards, not bothering to take the damaged wallet from his pockets).

While for normal humans, the amount of items would have been extravagant, for the Doctor it was as if his pockets had been completely cleaned out before he came to this universe, save for a few pennies and some lint. Knowing that he retained so little from the life he'd had before only increased the anxiety he'd been feeling, making the silence in his head that much more.

Pulling his legs up against his chest and wrapping his arms around them to keep them in place, he stared at what was left of his world. A tear escaped his eyes, the result of not only his mourning what he'd lost but also reacting to the pain in his head and chest. He knew he shouldn't be so concerned about material things – he'd never been so before, with the exception of the ownership of his ship – but he found that he couldn't help himself. It felt as if the universe was collapsing around him and there was nothing he could do about it except watch.

"My mobile, keys to the old flat and twenty quid," came a gentle feminine voice, causing the Doctor to jump slightly. Turning his head, he saw Jackie standing in the doorway, sympathy clear in her eyes. "That's all I had in my pockets when I first came here," she continued, going to the bed to sit next to him. "The one thing I miss most though was my old photo album. I mean, you can replace a couch or clothes… and Jacqueline – that's what we call her, just to keep things sorted – she had my Mum's wedding ring… same in every way too. But the photo album… all those pictures of Rose growing up… Well, there was no Rose growing up in this universe so all those are lost."

"The TARDIS wasn't a photo album," he responded in a low tone. "She was more than a piece of property. She…" He sighed. "What's the point in trying to explain? You'd never understand."

"Probably not," Jackie conceded. "But I can see you're still hurting and you probably feel like you've got nothing left in the whole world. I know what that feels like and I can tell you, from experience, that you're wrong. You have Rose… and me… and Pete and Tony…"

The Doctor interrupted her with a sarcastic laugh. "Right. Pete hates me after the way I just treated him. Same with Rose."

She put her arm around his slumped shoulders. "Rose sent me to check on you since she couldn't do it herself; Pete's still debriefing her on what happened on the Crucible. I'd say that's a sure sign that she doesn't hate you."

He didn't respond, his eyes focused on his possessions even though it was clear from his expression that he had heard every word. Even as he regarded what little he could call his, he felt more tired than he had ever before, the cumulative stress of dealing with the symptoms of withdrawal and the knowledge of what he had lost taking its toll on his half-human body.

Seeing him stifle a yawn, Jackie slowly stood up and collected the items on the bed.

"No, don't touch them!" the Doctor told her, slight panic in his voice.

She gave him a gentle smile. "I'm just moving them to the dresser so that they're off the bed. You can't sleep with them in the way, you know."

"N'tired," he murmured back.

Jackie gave a small laugh. "You're as bad as Tony. Eyes nearly closed and still protesting. Besides, Rose told me you didn't get any sleep last night so now I'm insisting." Having finished her brief task, she returned to the Doctor's side. She pulled his arms from his hold on his knees, encouraging him to lower his feet to the floor. Then, going on her knees, she started to remove his shoes.

"I can undress myself, Jackie," he grumbled.

"Hush and let me take care of you," she ordered as she finished removing the shoes. "Off with the jacket," she instructed, moving to assist him in the act. Too tired to protest further, he allowed her actions even to the point of her pulling back the blankets and gently pushing his shoulder down so that he would lie in the bed.

The moment that his head touched the pillow, he found himself unable to resist the urge to sleep. He didn't know if it was his withdrawal symptoms or if it was just a part of his new biology. The plain fact was he suddenly felt not just tired like before but unbelievably exhausted. His eyes seemed to close against his will – he didn't want to sleep, even though he knew he had to – and soon the only thing that could be heard was the soft sounds of regular heavy breathing, the kind that only came from slumber.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

_Help me! Get it out of my head! No! Don't listen to it! It stole my voice! I'm not the monster! Don't throw me out the door! I don't want to die! _

"_I'm going to fall!" Please, don't let me fall! I don't want to be spider food!_

_Oh, Rassilon, the pain! What is Sutekh doing to me?_

"_What have you done?" "Fulfilled the prophecy."_

_I can't do it. I can't kill the Daleks, not when they're still just children._

"_When I say giant, I don't mean big! I mean flipping enormous!"_

_Master, stop hurting him! Oh, Jack, I'm sorry!_

"_He's too dangerous to be left alone."_

_The ship is crashing, Adric is on it, and I can't save him!_

"_What have you done?" "I looked into the TARDIS and the TARDIS looked into me."_

_The TARDIS is on fire! I'm going to die! Doctor, help me!_

"_Exterminate! Exterminate!" "Let me out!"_

_I should have killed them when I had the chance! Gallifrey is burning… The Daleks are winning… and the Time Lords have gone mad. Oh, gawd, they have to be stopped! Both of them!_

"_Burn with me, Martha!"_

_Oh, my head my head my head! It hurts! There's nothing there! Oh, gawd, I'm so alone!_

_She's falling!_

"ROSE!"

The Doctor struggled with the sheets, kicking them away as he scrambled into the corner where the bed met the walls of the sleeping cabin, hyperventilating the entire time. An indistinct and plainly worried voice filtered through as he fought, though he had no clue where it was coming from or who was being addressed. He felt hands on him which seemed to want to pull him away from the shelter he was seeking in the small area. He tried to bat them away but they refused to mind his wishes, reaching his face and holding it.

"Doctor, look at me," an alluring voice ordered sternly. He didn't want to obey but the voice repeated the order, forcing his submission. Shifting his eyes towards the source, he looked into bright brown orbs full of concern. Almost the moment he met those eyes, he calmed, his breathing slowly becoming steadier.

"Rose?" he questioned hesitantly, hoping that what he saw wasn't a hallucination.

"Doctor… you okay?" she responded gently.

Quickly, the Doctor wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly. "You're here. You're real. I thought I'd lost you."

She returned to hug. "You can't lose me. Not ever," she assured him. Pulling away from him, she ran her hand over the back of his head, comforting him. "Bad nightmare?"

He nodded slowly. "Yeah."

"Wanna talk about it?" she queried, though her tone indicated that she didn't expect him to accept the offer.

He took a slightly shaky breath. "Bit hard to do," he replied. "Lots of images… memories. Very confusing. You were falling… and the TARDIS was burning and I was going to die and I grew out of a hand and saved us… and I was about to fall into a huge hole in the ground and I was in my wedding dress… and I _really_ hate giants spiders… and giant wasps… and giant robots… and giant beasts… generally anything giant... and I don't like suns and other entities messing with my head or my body… aging me… and people hurting my friends… and feeling helpless like when Robbie Hargins ran off with that little trollop after taking me to the dance…" He paused and looked at her with confusion. "Wait… did I just say wedding dress?"

"Yeah, you did," Rose confirmed.

"And who's Robbie Hargins?" the Doctor continued, a distressed look on his face. The look immediately switched to one of recognition. "My ex-boyfriend when I was in school…" The distressed expression returned as he cried out, pain in his eyes. "Something's wrong…" he whispered tightly. "Head hurts, chest hurts, can't breath…"

"TARDIS withdrawals, remember?"

He shook his head. "Not TARDIS withdrawals. That's silence… so much silence… too much silence… This is too loud. My brain's screaming at me." Tears started down his cheeks. "He just let them drown. They were just children… big spider children, yeah, but still children… He's so scared. He won't admit it. He'd never admit it but he's so scared. I shouldn't have repeated after him. Why doesn't my mum listen to me? She never listens to me, always lecturing me about getting a job. Only Gramps understands me…" He gasped, curling into himself and obviously in pain.

"Doctor, what's wrong?" Rose asked, scared by what she was seeing. "Tell me what to do."

"Get her out of my head!" he yelled, panic tingeing his voice.

"Get who out?"

"Donna! She's in my head. I can feel her in my head, filling the silence but it hurts. I can't sort them… the memories… What's his, what's hers, what's mine…" He felt hands on his face once again. He pushed the hands away from him fiercely, glaring at Rose as he stood and backed away from the bed. "Leave me alone! Just leave me alone! Don't touch me!" Raising his hands, he gripped his scalp tightly, digging his fingernails as if trying to tear his skin off. "Myhead myhead myhead myhead myhead… Too quiet. Too loud. Need noise, need quiet, need sound, need silence, need thoughts…"

It was clear that he was about to continue his abusive pattern so Rose grabbed his arms, pulling them away from his head. "Doctor, stop it! Just stop it!" She repeated the entreat again and again, even as he continued to struggle against her, until the half-alien man slowly dropped to his knees, shaking violently. The human woman followed him down.

"It hurts," he finally said, the tone of his voice making him sound like a small boy. "I'm going insane," he stated after a long pause, fear clear in his eyes. "This must be what going mad feels like."

"You are not going mad," Rose retorted strongly, turning his head so that she could look into his eyes.

"Yes, I am," he answered emotionally. "And you can't help me, Rose. I can see that clearly now. The silence is never going to leave me. The noise is never going to leave me. I'm never going to get used to them and this pain is never going to go away. It feels like my whole body is being ripped apart and put back together. And he knew it all when he left me here. He abandoned me because he knew I can't be fixed and he can't ever take responsibility for his actions." Watching her negate his words with a shake of her head, he pushed away from her and abruptly stood, fury on his face. "You were wrong!" he shouted towards the ceiling. "She can't save me! No one can save me but you and you knew it! You made me, you bastard! Why don't you fix me?"

"Doctor… stop," Rose whispered, watching his rant with growing fear. "Please stop."

"He just tosses me away like an old dirty rag!" he continued, oblivious to her apprehension. "I killed the Daleks; I committed genocide. What about you?" he shouted at the ceiling again. "How many species did you wipe out, huh? You do it… what, a half a dozen times? But, you… you're all innocent, all 'I didn't have a choice.' You hypocrite! I didn't have a choice either! I do it once… just once!… and you let me slowly go insane? What about Rose? She did it and you're not punishing her!"

"Doctor, stop!"

There were four knocks on the door which sent the Doctor scrambling as far from the door as possible and pressed against a wall, a terrified look on his face while he started to hyperventilate again.

"What's going on in there?" Jackie's voice burst through the door. "Rose? Doctor?"

"It's… Jackie," the hybrid whispered, the tension in his shoulders dissipating at the realization. "It's just Jackie." Slowly, he slid to the floor, sobs coming from his lips as if someone was forcing them out of him. "Oh, gawd… oh, gawd, what's wrong with me?" Looking at Rose again while Jackie continued to demand a response, he felt tears on his cheeks. "Rose… help me. Please," he begged. A moment later, he bundled himself into his chest, sobbing heavily and uncontrollably.

Rose, confusion and fright fighting for control over her, watched helplessly as the half-Time Lord slipped into a complete breakdown, covering her mouth to prevent herself from doing the same. Taking a deep breath to clear her mind of her emotions, she wiped her face of tears and straightened her back before going to the door to allow her mother to enter.

"What's going on in here?" the matriarch demanded. "Why's the Doctor crying? What did you say to him?"

"Nothing," Rose defended herself as she returned to the distraught man, kneeling down in front of him. "He had a nightmare and I tried to comfort him but… I don't know… it's like he just… dissolved in front of me and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I tried but… he just yelled at me and the Doctor… the other Doctor." She took a shaky but mentally cleansing breath. "Mum, ask Dad to redirect our course. Take us to Torchwood."

"We're almost home, you know," Jackie pointed out.

"I know but this is important," Rose countered. "We need to go to Torchwood. He needs help and I don't know what else to do."

At the sound of her words, the Doctor's head rose, fear clouding his eyes. "T… Torchwood? No Torchwood," he said vehemently.

Turning to the Doctor, she reached out and took his hands tightly. "You asked me to help you, yes? How am I supposed to be able to help you if I don't know what's wrong and neither do you? I mean, is this part of those withdrawals you were going through or is this something else? Is it a physical problem? A mental problem?" Seeing him shake his head in a way that said he didn't have a clue one way or the other, she pressed on gently. "We have specialists there who can find out and give you the help you need." Seeing that he was still terrified of what might happen to him, she squeezed his hands. "You won't be ill-treated. I promise. Do you trust me?" She paused, waiting for a positive reaction to her words.

He sniffed sharply, still quivering with emotions as he thought about what she said. "I trust you," he finally answered, though it was clear that the unease was still in his eyes.

She turned her head towards Jackie. "Mum, please," she repeated her request.

"All right," Jackie agreed. Going over to the distraught man, she ran a hand over his head. "It'll be okay, sweetheart," she reassured before kissing his crown. A moment later, she left the room.

Rose watched the Doctor for a long while before slowly moving to sit beside him. Putting her arm around his shoulders, she pulled him close to her. The Doctor, feeling her actions, buried his face into her shoulder. Slowly, the tension in his body seemed to slip away the longer Rose held him, though he didn't change his position once. Neither moved even when Pete came into the room to verify what Rose had asked and to determine whether or not there was a need for the course change, which he agreed there was.

About forty minutes later, the Doctor raised his head, trepidation on his face. "Are we slowing?"

"Yeah," Rose confirmed.

"Over Torchwood?"

"Yeah."

He tensed at her confirmation of his deduction but said nothing more, even as he could tell the zeppelin had come to a stop. Several long minutes later, there was a gentle knock on the door just before Pete came in again, allowing a stranger to step passed him. Immediately, the new arrival went over to Rose and the Doctor, causing the latter to move away from him. It was only Rose's assurances that the medic wouldn't harm him that allowed them to guide the hybrid out of the room and to sit in the waiting wheelchair in the corridor.

The Doctor was silently, albeit reluctantly, cooperative as the medic pushed him out of the zeppelin and straight into a hallway which led to a closed door. After inputting a series of numbers, Pete opened the door, allowing the medic, the Doctor, Rose, and Jackie – who was carrying a sleepy Tony in her arms – to pass through before following.

"Where are you taking me?" the half-Time Lord finally questioned once it was obvious that this sojourn was going to be a lot more than just removal from the zeppelin.

"Dr. Sullivan is waiting to examine you," Pete informed him.

"Psychiatrist?"

"M.D. But he's the best physician we have."

Rose touched his shoulder as the group continued into a lift. "We have to examine you in order to know your biology, Doctor. Otherwise, how can we help you?"

Even though Rose's words once again assured him that no harm would come to him, the Doctor still had concerns about exactly what their examinations of him would involve. From experience, he had gained a distinct wariness of anyone and anything that wanted to know his anatomy; such intentions usually led to a struggle for his own survival as well as that of his companion's. And while he liked little shops in hospitals, he despised being a patient unless it was under his own terms, like it had been when he admitted himself into Royal Hope. Mind you, even that time, it had led to trouble he hadn't planned on.

"I hate hospitals," he grumbled.

Rose looked at him with raised eyebrows. "You hate hospitals? Could have fooled me with how you acted on New Earth."

"We were visiting. That's different. Being a patient, though…"

"Doctor…" she interrupted. "I already told you. Nothing bad is going to happen. Dr. Sullivan will examine you and we'll try to find out exactly what is going on with you."

The moment the doors opened, it was obvious that the level they reached was the medical ward of Torchwood. There was a definite sterility to the surroundings, the air smelling of antiseptic, metal, and cotton. Leaving Pete, Jackie and Tony in a waiting area, Rose escorted the rest of the group down the hall and around a corner before coming to a double door, passing through it with ease.

The moment the Doctor entered the room, he started to hyperventilate upon seeing the view before him. The examination room had a variety of equipment that one would expect in a doctor's office: weight scale, a table of various medical supplies, a couch for the patient to sit on, and a ton of drawers that no doubt held a plethora of gloves, tongue depressors, thermometers, and drugs. But the one thing that caught his attention and caused his anxious reaction was the blatantly alien and very familiar object sitting a few feet in front of a metallic platform with restraints, angled against the far left wall at 120 degrees.

Seeing the alien medical device, he immediately bolted from the wheelchair, terror on his face as he turned to leave the room. Rose, confused by his reaction, hurried to block his exit.

"What's wrong?" she demanded.

"You said they wouldn't hurt me!" he screamed at her.

"They won't," she protested, her puzzlement at his behavior growing.

"Really? Then what are you doing using _that_!" He pointed to the device with a shaking arm.

"The medical scanner?"

He frowned at her as if she had suddenly told him the sun was made out of yogurt. "Scanner? That's the thing Van Staten used on me! You remember Van Staten, the little sadist. While you were visiting that Dalek, he was 'examining' me with that monstrosity! And it was torture! Every time you use it on someone, you're torturing them!" He tried to move her out of his way but found that she wouldn't budge. "I've got to get out of here!"

Rose held his shoulder in an attempt to calm him. "Doctor… it's harmless. I've been under it myself. It doesn't hurt. I promise." Seeing the wariness on his face, she pressed on. "It's a Velinian medical scanner. It has to be calibrated in order for it to work properly. Van Staten's people probably didn't know how to calibrate the scanner he had to humanoid life forms. That would explain why it hurt you so much when he ran the scan." Her hands moved down to his, taking them firmly. "Dr. Sullivan is the best there is when it comes to alien medical devices. He's not going to let any harm come to you." Taking a breath, she continued. "If you want, I'll have myself scanned first, just so you can see for yourself."

He stared at her for a long moment, still blatantly frightened, before swallowing and licking his lips. "You're sure it's safe." Seeing her nod, he took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, forcing himself to calm. "All right. I trust you. You'll be here, yes?"

"The entire time," she told him gently.

He nodded rapidly as if to make himself believe something he didn't.

The medic who had brought him into the building waited for a moment to make sure that there wasn't going to be another outburst, in case he needed to act, before asking the Doctor to strip down to his underwear, telling him that it was necessary to obtain an accurate and clear scan.

The hybrid slowly obeyed, his breathing erratic the entire time despite Rose's constant reassurance that everything would be okay. He could feel his single heart racing, his blood pressure rising, and his head throbbing but he forced himself to ignore them, telling himself that Rose would never lie to him. It became a sort of mantra to try to calm him further: _It's safe. It's good. Rose is here._

He didn't look when the door opened, allowing a tall man with curly white hair to come into the room. Nor did he hear him talk with Rose about what happened to the Doctor since they arrived in on Bad Wolf Bay nor about his unique half-alien biology. He did hear the man – whose voice was oddly familiar – order the medic to help the patient to the scanner bed.

"It's safe. It's good. Rose is here," the Doctor murmured to himself as the medic gently took his arm and guided him towards the platform. He allowed himself to be turned to face the scanner and obeyed when instructed to take one step back and up, thus positioning himself almost exactly as he was those years ago in a Utah bunker, with the exception that he didn't have chains holding his arms up and away from his body.

In an instant, all the reassurances Rose had given him vanished from his mind and sheer terror and panic took over. Screaming, he struggled against the medic's attempts to pacify him. A moment later, the white haired man was also holding him down, trying to get to him verbally before ordering him to be physically restrained. The Doctor thought he heard Rose protesting even as the order was fulfilled and straps were placed on his arms and legs. The next thing he knew, he felt the sting of metal entering his skin and into a vein, depositing a sedative, and then being pulled out.

Almost immediately, the Doctor stopped struggling even though the drug he'd been given hadn't had a chance to take effect. He looked over at Rose, who stood at a distance, covering her mouth as silent tears rolled down her cheeks. The betrayal he felt could clearly by seen in his expressive brown eyes.

"I trusted you. I believed you. How could you do this to me?" he accused quietly due to his growing sleepiness.

Rose shook her head, trying to tell him with that one action all that was running through her mind. She couldn't help but feel a little guilty for the position he was currently in; she was the one who had their course changed to go to Torchwood. But she knew that she did the right thing, especially now that they had been forced to subdue him from a severe panic attack. She knew she would never be able to explain her thoughts at that moment in his current mental but she hoped that, somehow, he would see just how much seeing him in such a state was hurting her.

No one said a word as the Doctor slowly slipped into unconsciousness. The moment his head dropped however, Rose gasped in a breath of air in a desperate attempt to prevent herself from crying any harder, causing Dr. Sullivan and the medic to turn their heads towards her.

Swallowing down her emotions, she cleared her throat and looking into the doctor's eyes. "Keep me informed of his condition, will you? Let me know what you find?"

Dr. Sullivan went up to her with a smile on his face and took her shoulders gently. "Don't worry yourself, dear girl. Whatever is wrong with your friend, we'll find it."

"Thanks, Harry," she responded with genuine gratitude, giving him a hug before leaving the examination room.

OOOOOOOOOOOOO

The first thing that the Doctor noticed was how weak he felt followed by the sound of a mechanical beep, the kind that came from medical equipment when properly attached to a patient. The rhythm of the beeping indicated that the patient was human – only humans had that particular rhythm to their heartbeats – and was in slight distress, as if they had just had a nice long but casual jog. The heartbeat was definitely familiar to him. How many times did he feel that particular cadence against his chest as he hugged a companion after running for their lives? When that happened, his companions almost seemed to have the same kind of heartbeat as him, namely four beats in quick succession only a little slower. The thought of his hearts beating made him shift his focus from the machine's beeps to his own rhythm. He frowned strongly when he noticed a correlation with the beeping and the gentle pounding in his chest.

_One heart_, he reminded himself. _This body only has one heart. And the beat matches the beeps of the machine. Ergo, I must be connected to said machine._

The thought caused him to open his eyes to see what situation he was currently in that would explain his being attached to a heart monitor. To his left and just slightly behind him, he could sense the presence of the machine in question assuring him that, despite it being a little fast for a human, his heartbeat was perfectly normal for his half-Time Lord body. He noticed that his breathing was regular as well, telling him that, whatever the reason for the monitor, it wasn't due to any major physical problems. Well, there was a general soreness throughout his body but that was something he had gotten used to having occasionally. Which only made him once again wonder how he wound up wherever he was.

Turning his head, he regarded his surroundings and noticed that he was in a hospital room, which fit in with him being on a heart monitor. Just to the right of the bed was a visitor's chair just left of one of those rolling raised tables that were so common in human hospitals. On the table were a large water bottle/pitcher and a paper cup with a plastic lid on it. Reaching over for the paper cup, he felt warmth coming from it, which indicated to him that either the nurses left him a hot tea – it smelled like hot tea, anyway – or that he'd had a visitor who had to step out for a bit. Given the unlikelihood of the former being true since hospitals tended towards reusable plastic dishes for their patients, he supposed that the latter was probably the scenario.

Realizing that he was extremely thirsty, he retrieved the water bottle. As he sipped on the thick straw that was there, his conclusions concerning the hot tea were proven true when the door to the room opened and a blonde woman walked in.

"Hi," he greeted Rose, a weak smile on his face. He finished taking his drink before returning the bottle to the rolling table.

Rose's brown eyes, which seemed to be dull when she came in, brightened noticeably at his single word. "You're awake!" she responded, quickly going to his bed and taking his hand.

"Obviously," he commented. Seeing the worried expression in her eyes in spite of his wakefulness, he questioned, "Where am I? What happened?"

The query obviously bothered Rose. "You don't remember?"

"Umm… sort of. We were aboard the zeppelin and you had us redirected to…" He straightened noticeably as his memories came back to him. "Torchwood. You took me to Torchwood."

"Only to help you. You had a mental breakdown on the zeppelin. Like in Norway but worse. And then you had a panic attack when Dr. Sullivan was going to scan you."

"With the Velinian medical scanner. I remember. I accused you of betraying me. I'm sorry."

"Not your fault," she reassured him. "You couldn't help yourself."

"That's just it," he stated with conviction. "I couldn't help myself and that's wrong. What is wrong with me, Rose? I feel completely out of control and I've never felt like that." He paused, clearly uneasy. "Well, once… on a bus… But I don't like to think about that." Taking a breath, he pressed on before Rose could question when that was. "On the plus side, the silence in my head – the empty spot left from the TARDIS – it seems more bearable. Oh, it's still there but… it doesn't seem to hurt as much anymore. Neither does my chest so I suppose that's a good thing." He grimaced slightly. "But Donna's still there. Her memories, anyway. It's like having a song you don't like stuck in your head. It keeps playing over and over and, no matter what you do, you just can't forget it and you wish you could." He looked into her eyes. "What is going on with me?"

"I don't know," Rose admitted. "But Dr. Sullivan has been trying to figure it out. He's taken several scans but he isn't very forthcoming with any prognosis as yet."

"That's because I'm still not sure exactly what is happening with him," said the physician in question as he entered the room. Going up to the Doctor's bed, he smiled at his patient. "So, this is the famous Doctor, is it? We didn't really get a chance to be properly introduced…" He trailed off as he noticed the way the Doctor was staring at him.

"Harry," the hybrid whispered with emotion. "Harry Sullivan." The joy in his voice was almost tangible.

The physician looked at him with questioning eyes. "I'm sorry… have we met?"

"Right," the Doctor stated, swallowing slightly, disappointment in his voice. "You don't know me. But it's fantastic to see you, Harry. Absolutely brilliant! Look at you! Healthy, gray hair… Alive…" he finished in a low voice.

The physician nodded, comprehension coming to his face. "Ah, you must have known an alternate version of me in that other universe. Miss Tyler did explain that concept to me when I first met her. But down to business… Doctor, I have thoroughly examined you – I do apologize for causing you such distress the other day…"

"The other day?" the Doctor questioned with a frown. "How long have I been unconscious?" He paused, a ponderous expression on his face. "One day, four hours, three minutes, fifty-two seconds," he answered his own query. "Well, good to know that my sense of time is still intact in this body."

"I was worried something serious had happened to you with you being unconscious so long," Rose told him gently.

"It was an adverse reaction to the sedative given me," he stated, looking first at Rose and then at Harry. "I wouldn't use a sedative on me again if I were you, Harry. You never know if it might actually stop my hearts… heart," he corrected in a lower voice. He ran his hand over his face. "Blimey, that's going to take time getting used to."

"Hearts?" Harry asked with a frown.

"It's complicated," Rose put in.

Harry shrugged slightly. "Given what I've already seen of the Doctor, complicated is definitely one word to describe him." He again turned his attention to the half-alien. "I've made several full body scans of you and… well, to be quite honest I really don't know what to make of them."

"You are aware that I'm not exactly completely human," the Doctor hedged, hoping that his comment wouldn't cause him to be placed in an uncomfortable predicament, namely fighting for his freedom.

"The problem isn't you being an extraterrestrial," the physician informed him. "I'm well-versed in the biology of several extraterrestrial species, a couple of them human in appearance. But what I saw with your scans doesn't fit anything I've ever seen before. Am I to assume that you are a doctor of medicine?"

"Actually, I'm a doctor of everything." The hybrid paused. "Do you want me to look at your scans?"

"Given that we are talking about your biology, I would imagine that you would be able to shed some light on the issue."

"I'm not exactly familiar with my own biology at the moment," the Doctor confessed. "Not used to having a half-human body. Still, if you think it would help, I would be glad to look at those scans." He looked deep into Harry's eyes. "In fact, I insist. I want to know exactly what information you've gained about me and I want to make sure that anything you did gain will not be used against me or anyone else."

"You don't trust me," Harry surmised.

"I have learned long ago that someone who looks like your friend might not actually be your friend, especially when dealing with parallel versions of said friend."

"Fair enough," came the response. A moment later, Harry handed over the pad he'd been carrying.

"Oh, an iPad! Well, sort of. It is very iPad-y," the Doctor beamed, accepting the object with a grin. Looking on the screen of the pad, his face turned studious. "Is this the first scan you made? How many did you take of me?"

"We took a comparative scan fifteen minutes after the first, just to make sure that we had a clear picture. But as you can see, they are slightly different from each other. So we took another fifteen minutes after that one and it was different from the others. Since then, we've taken a scan once every hour and none of them are the same. Similar to the previous one, but not the same. And they are becoming progressively divergent from the first."

The half-Time Lord flicked through the scans rapidly, almost like flipping through a motion book. He could see the emerging patterns and the shifting colors that told of the constant change which was confusing his physician. "This isn't normal for my species," he murmured. "But it does explain a lot."

"What's wrong?" Rose questioned with concern. She looked over his shoulder at the shifting images. "Wait a minute… are you… changing?"

"Not exactly," the Doctor answered, his eyes not wavering from the pad in his hands. "From what I can tell, it appears that I'm still growing." Gaining a surprised look from the two humans, he pressed on. "Well, not exactly growing. More like the regenerative energy that caused my growth is trying to figure out how to configure me. Sort of like puberty only a lot more volatile. Certainly explains my mood swings. And the pains in my head and chest, which are still there by the way. Add to that the withdrawals that I am suffering from being permanently separated from the TARDIS, which is causing a shift from not hearing anything in my head to hearing too much and back." He took a deep breath. "I'm being rewritten constantly even as we speak."

"So what do we do?" Rose asked, now even more worried about her friend.

The Doctor took a deep breath. "The only thing that we can do is wait until I stabilize. Hopefully, once that is done, I'll be right as rain. But if the last fifty-five hours or so are any indication, it's not going to be pretty."

"As bad as when you thought this was TARDIS withdrawal?"

"Worse because it's in addition to dealing with the TARDIS' absence."

"But what if you don't get better? What if you don't stabilize?"

He looked into the eyes of the woman he loved. "Rose, if I don't stabilize, my brain won't be able to handle the constant shifting. I will gradually go insane and then die from the strain." He put on what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "But that's not going to happen. And do you know why?" She shook her head in response. "Because I have you to keep that from happening. My fantastic Rose. You'll make me better, just like he said. Just by being with me." He reached out and took her hand, affection in his eyes.

The two just looked at each other for a long moment before Harry broke in, shattering the moment. "Well, as much as I am a proponent of positive thinking, I much prefer a more scientifically-based regiment for my patients to take precedence. That being the case, and since you said the only thing that we could do was wait, I'm ordering continued scans to keep track of these changes that you are going through. Once a day will be plenty I think unless something comes up."

"As long as I receive full disclosure of the results from such tests," the hybrid put in forcefully. "And I mean any tests that you perform concerning me." He turned back to the pad in his hands and flicked his finger over its surface to investigate the entire folder that was on it concerning him. "You did some blood testing. DNA testing… Tissue sampling…"

"It's all par for the course," Rose assured him. "Everyone who goes through Torchwood has this testing, regardless of species," Rose tried to assure him. A look of uncertainty crossed his face. "Think about it. You're half-human, Doctor. If you get hurt, how are we supposed to help you properly if we don't even know your anatomy? You don't have the TARDIS to help you heal anymore."

"And I will need you to answer a few questions about how to tend to you in case of emergency," Harry added. "I can assure you that your medical records will never leave Torchwood."

"That's not much of a reassurance," the Doctor pointed out.

Rose took his hand and squeezed it gently. "I work for Torchwood, Doctor," she pointed out. "Do you trust me?"

He looked deep into her eyes with an intensity that matched the passion in his voice as he replied, "With my life and my love."

Rose paused, stunned by the intensity of his words, knowing that he meant every word. She didn't know how she felt about this version of the Doctor, wasn't sure that she could reciprocate the emotions in his eyes. The only thing that she did know was that she had to make sure that he was safe, both physically and mentally. "Then trust me when I say that no harm will ever come to you from Torchwood," she responded. "Not while I'm around."

He gave her a gentle, loving smile at her words. "Okay," he conceded. Glancing one more time at the records in his hand, he gave a tertiary nod before handing the pad back to Harry. "Do what you need to do, Dr. Sullivan," he told the doppelganger of his old friend. "Just be warned. If I don't like what you are doing, it stops."

The physician tucked the pad under his arm. "I took a Hippocratic Oath, Doctor, and I take that oath very seriously. I never have and I never will break that oath, regardless of who is under my care." With those words, he turned and exited the room, clearly having taken offense at the Doctor's warning.

The moment Harry had left the room, Rose fixed the hybrid with a glare. "That was rude," she berated him.

The Doctor scrunched his nose, his eyes showing internal assessment of his previous actions. "Yeah, it was, wasn't it. Still, can't really blame me, can you? The last time I was examined, the examiner was planning on patenting my binary vascular system and… well… I really don't want to be patented… or studied…" Seeing that she was still glaring at him, he returned the expression. "I'm only defending myself, Rose."

She sighed, conceding to his point of view. "I suppose." Deciding that the matter wasn't worth arguing over, she changed the subject. "So… you knew Dr. Sullivan? I mean, in the other universe."

"Yeah," he answered. "He was my companion for a while. Back when I was all teeth and curls."

"You muttered something about being pleased to see him alive."

The hybrid took a slow breath. "He died of cancer twenty years ago, from your perspective."

"I'm sorry," came the heartfelt response.

"It's good to know he's still alive in this universe. Probably is in other universes as well. The cosmos is like that. In one reality, you're best friends with someone; in another, you're bitter enemies and he wears an eye patch." He sniffed. "Of course, I wouldn't want to go to that particular reality again, especially since the Earth is now a volcanic world with no life on it. At least having been there before it became volcanic, I was able to prevent the same from happening to our original universe."

"So, you've been on a parallel Earth before," Rose surmised. "I thought you said travel between universes was impossible without ripping the fabric of reality."

"I also said that the Time Lords kept their eyes on things like that, that when they were around you could travel between dimensions without worry." He scratched his sideburn. "I did over-exaggerate that a bit, as if it were an easy thing. And when I went into that other reality, it wasn't deliberate. I was trying to get the TARDIS console working and I wound up slipping sideways in time, thus finding myself in an alternate reality." He crinkled his nose. "Not something I'd want to do again. Had to go into a healing coma for a short time." He seemed to ponder his words for a moment. "I wonder if I can still do that being half-human."

"Well, let's not try to find that out anytime soon, yeah?" the younger woman told him firmly.

"Yes, ma'am," he responded with a salute, gaining a smile from her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**A/N:** I wonder if anyone got the Firefly reference and the references to past Doctor Who episodes that I put in this chapter. Let me know if you did. :) Reviews are diamonds!_


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Over the next two days, the Doctor endured a plethora of tests, so many that he was starting to believe that he really was just a lab specimen instead of a patient. Every day seemed just like the previous to him: breakfast, sit in bed and watch telly, lunch, daily scan to check his stabilization progress, visit from Rose or Jackie (who had assured him that his possessions left in the zeppelin were now safe in a box at the Tyler Estate), visit from Harry to inform him that there still were differences between that day's scan and the one taken the day before, dinner, more telly and then sleep. He was beginning to think that he might spend the rest of his life in that hospital room, which wasn't a prospect he was looking forward to.

After lunch on the third day, he went into the private toilet to take care of basic biological functions and was in the process of washing his hands when, not for the first time in the last few days, a wave of pain went through his body, announcing another shift in his biology and causing him to bend over reactively. Gritting his teeth, he forced himself to breathe through the pain and, once they had lessened to tolerable levels, gazed into the mirror above the sink.

As he looked at the familiar visage, he couldn't help but compare what he saw there to what he had seen when he was still fully Time Lord. He knew there was something missing in that view, something so distinctly Time Lord that he knew he would never have again. Was it the color of his eyes? They were still the chocolate brown he had come to love in his last incarnation. His hair, perhaps? No, still marvelous and sexy, if he did say so himself. His nose, ears… chin? Everything that was there before was still there, at least externally.

A moment later, realization struck. It wasn't any physical aspects like eye color or hair or facial structure. It was the glint of his eyes, the shape of his mouth as he frowned, the way his eyebrows furrowed at that moment. The expression on his face as he coped with the ache in his head and chest wasn't one he had ever seen on this face but rather one he had seen under bright red hair and on a face with expressive green eyes… and yet it was still his own. The look was oh-so-human and oh-so-Time Lord and yet was neither.

"_I'm unique. Never been another like me."_

His own words to Donna echoed in his mind as he stared at his own reflection, repugnance filtering into his eyes as he remembered his initial reaction to finding out he was half-human.

_"Oh, that's disgusting!"_

"It is," he whispered in agreement to the memory. "I am. I'm not Time Lord. I'm not Human." He leaned towards the mirror. "What the hell am I?"

_"…I'm a complicated event in time and space…"_

"Just like Jack," he added to his thoughts, grimacing at the sight of himself. "I'm wrong… just wrong…" He gritted his teeth, his breathing becoming more frantic as he studied himself. "I'm… revolting!" He could feel the muscles in his chest and arms tightening as his self-loathing grew with every second.

Without even thinking about his actions, he screamed in fury as he punched the mirror again and again, determined to eradicate the image it showed of himself and stopping only when there was nothing left but shards on the floor of the toilet. Slumping against the wall opposite to the door, he slid to the floor, clearly drained from his exertion. The expression in his eyes seemed lost as he glanced at the broken glass around him, tinted with red stains he realized were very likely his blood. He found himself focused on a large jagged piece. Picking it up, he seemed to ponder about its shape and the blood on it before again voicing his thoughts aloud, unaware of the pounding on the locked door in front of him.

"Why am I even here? Why did you just leave me here? I did my job… I fulfilled my destiny. I only exist because Donna had to become the DoctorDonna and save everyone. I'm useless now, an anomaly. No point in my existence." He looked at the shard in his bleeding hand. "Oh, it would be so easy… Right across my wrists… Bleed out and it would be over. It doesn't hurt," he noted. "I'm already bleeding and it doesn't hurt. Cutting my wrists would be painless, wouldn't it?" His eyebrows furrowed at his words. "Is that what I should do? Just end it?"

Even as he asked himself that question, the door opened quickly and Rose entered, immediately taking the glass from him and tossing it away briskly. "Doctor, what are you doing?" she exclaimed.

Noticing Rose crouching in front of him, he quickly pushed her away from him, glaring at her in fury not only for her words but for her interference in his actions. "Don't touch me! And don't call me that!" he bellowed belligerently. "I'm not the Doctor! I'm… I'm a freak!"

She looked at him with growing worry. "You're not a freak," she protested.

"Then what am I?" he shouted. He grimaced tightly as another wave of pain flitted through him. "I keep changing," he added when he could find a breath. "Time Lords don't do this. Gallifreyans don't do this. Humans don't do this. So what does that make me?"

"You're the Doctor," she told him strongly, though it was clear that she was uncertain about her own words.

He shook his head. "No! I'm not him! I'll never be him!" He looked around at the chaos he had created and gave a sick laugh. "I mean, look at me. Look at what I did. The Doctor would never do this." He dropped his head and noticed his hands sitting on his legs. He grimaced, surprise in his eyes. "They hurt. They didn't hurt before."

"Doctor…" Rose started. Seeing the glare he gave her, she huffed. "Well, what the hell am I supposed to call you then? You look like him, you sound like him… you said you were him on the beach. And now you're saying you _aren't_ him!" He lowered his eyes, plainly unable to answer her question and thus prompting Rose to press on with her original intent. "Let us help you."

Gaining a slow nod from him, Rose slowly stepped out of the small area and allowed the waiting staff to carefully bring the hybrid from the room. They sat him in a waiting wheelchair and wheeled him into an examination room where Dr. Sullivan inspected and cleaned his wounds, making sure that there was no broken glass and treating them with an antimicrobial – one that he had found harmless to the Doctor – to lessen the possibility of infection.

"So, Doctor…" Harry started as he wrapped the wounded man's hands.

"Please… don't call me that."

The physician raised his eyebrows. "Is there a name you prefer I call you?" Seeing the metacrisis shake his head, he continued. "Then I think I will continue to call you Doctor until you give me some other name." He ignored the annoyance in his patient's eyes. "What happened back there in your room?"

"Got angry," came the quiet simple answer.

"So you demolished a mirror?"

There was no answer.

"May I give you some counsel?"

"You're going to even if I say no."

Harry gave a half-grin at the response before proceeding. "There's no doubt that you are going through a very traumatic point in your life. I doubt it's easy being in a constant state of flux." The Doctor huffed a sarcastic laugh at that. "But I do know, from the way you look at each other, that Miss Tyler and you are in love."

The hybrid looked at his right hand being bandaged. "Rose doesn't love me. She loves _him_."

Harry let the comment pass. "But you definitely love her."

"I can't help but love her."

"Why? From what you've told me, you've only known her for five days."

The Doctor frowned at him. "I've traveled with her for two years."

"No, your father traveled with her for two years. You just have the memories."

"What the difference?" came the exasperated response. "So I have the memories. So what if they're _his_ memories? I still love her!"

There was a moment of silence between them.

"Exactly my point," Harry finally said. "What makes you the Doctor isn't just your biology but your memories."

"I have two sets of memories. I have my mother's memories as well."

"That makes you her as well, then."

The hybrid rolled his eyes. "Thanks, Harry. That really clarifies everything," he told him sarcastically.

Lowering the Doctor's hand, having finished wrapping both, the physician looked into his eyes. "What I am saying is that your memories, whether you inherited them from your father or your mother or whether you made them yourself, are what define you. You need to learn to embrace everything that makes you who you are. You are your own man, Doctor. And I think your father would be extremely proud if you were to continue to name yourself after him."

"He exiled me here - thrust me on Rose to 'fix' me because of what I did to the Daleks. He isn't proud of me."

"Then make him proud," Harry ordered. "Prove to him that you deserve to be called the Doctor. And you can start by never letting your own self-doubt rule over your actions again." Seeing the ponderous look on the metacrisis' face, he straightened. "The orderlies have transferred your possessions into a new room. If you promise not to go breaking any more mirrors, I'll allow you the same freedom of movement that you had before."

"No more mirrors," the Doctor promised. "Can't say that any pillows will survive, however."

Harry laughed. "I'd rather have demolished pillows than demolished knuckles any day." He paused considering. "I suggest that you consider starting your own blood bank. From what I can see, your blood type doesn't match any human blood type. If Miss Tyler hadn't stopped you, I probably wouldn't have been able to save your life. I don't want to take that risk in the future. If anything serious were to happen – anything life threatening – I want to make sure that we have all the blood we need to save your life. Plasma can only go so far, you know, and it might not be completely compatible with your biology."

The half-alien hesitated before giving a small nod. "As long as it will only be used for medical emergencies. I don't want anything coming from me used in any sort of ill-gotten experiments."

Harry squeezed his shoulder. "You have my word that it won't be. Now, while you are here, we can start drawing some of your blood for that purpose as well as do your daily scan."

Nodding his consent, the Doctor followed the routine he had performed every day since he came to Torchwood and then patiently allowed a medic to draw a pint of his blood. The procedures however, along with the results of the temper tantrum he had in the toilet, seemed to take all of his energy from him. He didn't argue like normal against a medic wheeling him to his new room nor did he object to being helped into the bed and covered.

Sitting in the bed, he stared at the far wall, his thoughts on his own frailties running through his mind as well as Harry's advice to him. It amazed him, really, that the man was so wise, especially considering how thick he could be. Of course, he only had his experience with a different version of Harry Sullivan to make such suppositions and comparisons. But still, even the Harry Sullivan he had known previously was wise in his own way.

The Doctor closed his eyes, not allowing the uncertainties of his physiology break the fragile hold he had of reality as he slipped towards much needed rest. If he had any conscious thought as he slept, it was gratitude for a lack of nightmares to disrupt his slumber.

OOOOOOOOOOOOO

Rose Tyler was emotionally and physically drained.

It was bad enough when the Doctor had his mental breakdown on the zeppelin, followed by a worse one in the examination room at Torchwood. But since then, she'd had to constantly struggle to keep a positive outlook even though it was looking more and more as if the man she had been left with on Bad Wolf Bay wasn't anything like her Doctor.

The defining moment, in her opinion, was his suicide attempt earlier that day. Not only were his actions completely contrary to what the Doctor she knew would have done, he had actually verbally admitted he wasn't the same man she had fallen in love with. The last five days were a roller coaster ride, to say the least. She wasn't sure anymore who he really was. It seemed the only thing she did know was that she cared for the man in the hospital room in Torchwood Tower. How could she not? He was the visible reminder of the man she had lost, despite his obvious differences from the Time Lord. The worst part, really, was trying to be the brave one of the two of them when all she really wanted to do was go back to her place, hide in a corner, and cry for hours on end. Is this really what all her hard work had been for? Did Torchwood build the Dimension Cannon to get her back to the Doctor only for her to be left with a broken version of the man she loved, one she might not be able to help despite the Time Lord's confidence in her?

Sitting in her office, she found that the only thing she could do was think about all that had happened since Bad Wolf Bay. She kept focusing on his reactions every time she touched his face. What was it about her touching his face that sent him into such vitriolic panic? And yet, he continued to look at her with such desperate affection the rest of the time, even taking obvious comfort in her touching him anywhere else.

And then there was the whole thing about Bad Wolf. She honestly couldn't ever remember it being in her except for destroying the Dalek Emperor. But everything else around that particular event was like a hazy dream, completely out of her reach. She did know that since that moment just before her first Doctor changed into her second Doctor, she'd just felt… different. The Doctor did say that she sent the words "Bad Wolf" to warn him about the stars going out, even though she never remembered doing so. If that was the case, if she really still was the Bad Wolf, what did that mean for her… for them?

She was distracted from her thoughts by a familiar voice saying "hi" from the other side of the desk.

"Hi," she responded to her stepfather, who looked on her with concerned eyes.

"You should go home and get some rest. You look knackered," Pete told her with a loving smile.

She shook her head. "Nah. Got too much to do."

"I can see the work piling up," he replied with witty sarcasm. Gaining a glare for his attempt at humor, he pressed on in a more serious tone. "Rose, you've already done all the follow-up on the last mission and there's nothing that is of priority on your plate at the moment. There's no reason for you to be hanging around your office, feeling sorry for yourself."

"I'm not feeling sorry for myself," she protested.

Pete smiled slightly at her words. "Yes, you are. You didn't get exactly what you wanted and you don't know what to do with what you did get so you're avoiding all of it... except when you go see the Doctor out of sheer sense of duty."

"It's not duty to visit someone you're worried about."

"It is when you are worried about him because he resembles the person you lost." Watching her turn her head to avoid looking at him, he continued gently. "I know how you feel, Rose."

"Yeah, right," she grumbled derisively.

"Your mother and I didn't just slip into our roles instantly. You know that; you were there for the arguments we had. For weeks every time I looked at her I thought of Jacqueline and I couldn't help comparing the two of them, trying to fit Jacs into the same place my late wife filled. I fell in love with your mother in part because of the ways she and Jacqueline are the same person but also because of the ways they are different. It took time, but it happened." He leaned forward, catching her eye as he did so. "And it will happen for you too. I know you love that man up there. What you need to figure out is do you love him because he reminds you of what you lost… or because of what you've gained."

Rose huffed slightly. "Yeah, well, you weren't up there this afternoon when he confessed that he isn't the Doctor, that he isn't anything like him."

Pete sighed at his stepdaughter's stubbornness knowing that, if she were anything like him, she was going to have to work this out in her head on her own. He walked around the desk and kissed her forehead. "Go home, Rose. Get some sleep." Then, without further word, he left the office, already knowing that she wasn't going to obey his entreats.

OOOOOOOOOOOO

Rose's head was pillowed by her arms as she slumbered at her desk, having fallen asleep there. In an attempt to negate Pete's assertions that she was "feeling sorry for herself," she had delved into minor paperwork concerning a project someone down in Research and Development had come up with. Not that the project really had anything to do with Extraterrestrial Relations, of which she was the head, but it was something she was interested in and so she asked for the summarization of the project for review. The reading had been dry and exceedingly boring in her opinion – there was nothing related to her interests after all, it turned out – causing her to drift mentally. Being stubborn, however, she refused to let the matter go and just go home. As such, she soon found herself falling asleep.

_Rose…_

She hummed at the familiar voice creeping into her dreams, figuring that it was just a part of them.

_Rose…_

Her eyes opened at the repetition of her name, an eerily recognizable feeling to the soft whisper. Looking around, she noticed that not only was she still in her office but that it was dark outside, telling her that she was in the building after official working hours. A glance at the clock on her desk told her that it was approaching nine o'clock at night. The only people still in the building were the night watch and the on-duty medical staff on the upper levels. It certainly explained the crick in her neck and back; she'd been asleep for at least five hours.

Sighing, she stood up from her desk, wincing at the pain the action brought. The thought of a cup of tea flitted through her mind and she started for the door to locate the nearest break area.

_Rose…_

She froze in her steps at the sound of the whisper. That last calling wasn't a dream, she knew. It felt far too real and too much like the previous time she'd heard it so many years ago.

"Doctor…" she whispered back.

_Rose… _

This time the voice was stronger, reaffirming to her that she wasn't imagining it. She didn't know how but she knew it wasn't coming from the man who laid in the hospital room several stories above her. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and let the voice flow through her, allowing her to pinpoint the location from whence it came. It was closer than Norway… a lot closer. It was above her but past the medical ward.

Hurrying to the elevator, she pressed the button to the top-most level, following the whisper up. The moment the doors opened, she rushed out of them and down a hall into a large room whose lights turned on the moment she stepped in.

There, in a room that she had stood in so many times after Canary Wharf, was the man she had just been dreaming of before his voice woke her. His image, though, was very faded.

"Doctor," she breathed, tears in her eyes.

The Doctor smiled at her, though there was clearly sadness in that smile. "Rose Tyler," he responded, his voice stronger than hers.

"You came back," she added as she approached him.

"Same as the last time," he responded. "No touch. Burning up another sun. Found a small gap in the fabric of the universe so tiny that this is the best transmission that I can achieve. Dimensional retroclosure is still in full swing so this won't last long. Once this gap closes, that's it."

"Two minutes again?" She sniffed, wiping her tears away.

"I'm sorry," he replied softly. "Where are we this time?"

"Top floor of Torchwood Tower… in the ghost shift room." She lowered her head for a moment before looking at him again. "Same room where we were separated the first time. Hell of a place to say goodbye," she added with a murmur.

"I'm not here to say goodbye, Rose," he corrected gently.

"Then why are you here?"

"There's a problem that I have to resolve before it's too late. A problem between you and my other self. I thought just leaving both of you in each other's care would be enough but I was obviously wrong." Seeing the frown on her face, he clarified himself. "I have a telepathic connection with him. The connection won't be there after the gap closes completely, though. It's very weak. I can feel him but he can't feel me. I can even hear some of his thoughts. I know what he tried to do and I know why. He doesn't feel worthy of you, being half-human. He sees himself as an abomination because he believes that you see him as such. He knows that you don't love him the way he loves you. You will love him though, given time."

"That's what you came to tell me, then? A platitude about how I'll learn to love him?" Rose questioned sarcastically. "I will never love him the way I love you because, despite what you said, he isn't you. He even said so himself."

The Doctor exhaled slowly. "I was afraid something like this would happen."

"Like what would happen?"

He looked into her eyes, showing his own deep affection for her. "That you would reject him for being different."

"Then why did you leave him with me? Just so I could play nursemaid while you ran off?"

"Oh, Rose," he breathed. "I know you don't understand and you won't for a while to come. But there's a reason I put you two together. You need each other more than you realize. I wasn't lying when I said he is me. He has my memories, my voice, my face... everything that makes me who I am, he is too." Seeing her shake her head in denial, he added, "But he is also so much more. Because he's not just me; he's also Donna. And because he's Donna he can give you everything that I can't. He has her compassion and understanding and humanity. He can be there for you in ways that I never would be able to. Remember what I told you on that street after you met Sarah Jane? You could have lived your life with me… but I couldn't have lived my life with you. He can and he will… if you let him. I told you, you can make him better. He can do the same for you."

"What do you mean?" she questioned, her voice trembling.

"A normal human can't project a message across universes like you did, even with a gap in the fabric of reality allowing the message to get through amplified by the Void. That ability needs to be understood and explored properly. And there are other things as well that he can help you with." He paused, meeting her eyes with his. "You are special, Rose. You always have been. You'd never be happy living an ordinary human life. Neither could you be happy living my lifestyle for the rest of your life. Even when we were traveling together, you needed to go home regularly… to visit your mum, to just settle down for a period. With me, you'd be constantly on the move. Eventually, you'll just want to stay in one place and that just isn't me. That's the one adventure I could never have but, because he will grow old and die and never regenerate, he can while still giving you what you loved about traveling with me. He's the best of both worlds, when you think about it. He will become the man you need him to be, just as you will become the woman he needs you to be. It won't be easy, though. Nothing worthwhile ever is. You just need to give it time."

She gave a little sad laugh. "That's what Dad said."

"Good man, your dad. Knows what he's talking about."

"But… how much time? How will I know when it's enough?"

"You'll know," he told her, giving her a loving smile. Turning his head, he seemed to focus on an unseen object before turning back to Rose. "Only a few more seconds and there will be no gaps remaining. Keeping better track this time around." He gazed deeply into her eyes. "Take care of him, Rose. Take good care of my brother. And let him take good care of you. I'm proud of both of you." Before she had a chance to respond or ask further questions, the Doctor raised his hand and turned on his sonic screwdriver, cutting the transmission. A moment later, he vanished from sight, leaving her alone in the large cavernous white room.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Rose walked through the halls of Torchwood, making her way to the Doctor's room. She hadn't had any sleep the night before, thinking once again about the events that occurred over the last five days. This time, however, she had the additional memory of the Time Lord's very last visit to her the night before. She'd thought about the loss of the Doctor whom she knew she would never see again and the situation she'd been trying to cope with since that first kiss on the beach with the other Doctor. The Time Lord had again told her that she could make his other self better but she still didn't know how. And now she was told that she needed to be made better herself.

What was it that was wrong with her that needed to be made better? She had heard disappointment in the Time Lord's words when he voiced his concern about her rejecting his brother. Was that what was wrong with her? She got the feeling that it had something to do with the Bad Wolf thing that the Doctors had talked about or referred to, though that had to be at least part of the problem. She still couldn't figure out how she sent a message across the Void without being aware of doing so. The only thing she had been aware of, at the time, was her pressing need to find the Doctor.

Having reflected on it over the course of the night, she was coming to realize one of the problems was likely her attitude towards the metacrisis. While she had always been honestly worried about his condition, she could now see how utterly selfish she had been. Even when everyone had thought that he had been suffering from TARDIS withdrawal - which she now knew he still was enduring though not at such an extreme level as they had supposed - she'd wanted him to get better mostly for _her_ sake. She had wanted _her_ Doctor, not once thinking about the man she had been given to care for. It was selfishness that was preventing her from seeing the metacrisis for who he was. She knew she still didn't feel the same about him as she did the Doctor but, now that she understood her feelings, she was ashamed of her behavior and knew she had to at least try to make amends. The Doctor did say that it wouldn't be easy, after all. It certainly wasn't so far, especially given the events of the previous day, which she still was at a loss to understand, despite the Time Lord's explanation. Did the other Doctor really try to kill himself out of self-loathing? If so, was it her fault and how could she prevent him from trying again in the future?

Knocking on the door of the Doctor's room, she waited until he invited her in before opening the door and stepping through it. She watched as he raised his head to look at her standing just inside the door. The redness of her eyes told him that she hadn't had any sleep, a fact that appeared to distress him greatly.

"I'm sorry," he whispered to her. He dropped his head and looked at the fresh bandages on his hands, a nurse having just changed them only an hour before. "I made a mess of things, didn't I?"

"Maybe," she answered in a low tone that hid so much emotion: betrayal, fear, frustration, sorrow, sympathy and confusion all wrapped in that single word. "I'm trying to understand why."

He took a slow breath, focusing his eyes on the ceiling. "I don't know who or what I am. And my constantly shifting biology isn't helping me figure it out. I think…" He stopped, insight coming to him at that moment as he looked into Rose's eyes. "I think I reacted out of fear."

His statement obviously sent worry through Rose. She hadn't expected him to be afraid. Angry, hateful towards himself… but not afraid. His confession prompted her to walk up to his bed and take one of his hands gently. "What are you afraid of?"

"Me. Who I am, what I am, what I'm not… what I will become," he answered with a half-sob. "I'm sorry, Rose. I…" He hesitated, as if trying to find the right words. "My father was right. I am too dangerous to be left on my own. Dangerous to myself. I mean, look at what I did. Breaking that mirror just because it showed me what I am. I even seriously thought about ending my existence. All because I'm not fully Time Lord anymore. Not that I ever was fully Time Lord in the first place," he grumbled.

She frowned in confusion at his words. "What did you say?"

He was about to respond when his facial expression changed to one of completely wonder. "Oh… my… gawd! No way!" His eyes met hers for a moment. "I just realized… I'm half human on my mother's side," he answered, the stunned look on his face firmly in place.

"Yeah? So?"

"Something I said to a friend a long time ago. I'd only regenerated less than a day before and my mind was filled with odd images. I was a bit clairvoyant in my eighth life, just snippets here and there irrelevant to the grand scheme of the universe. And I told a friend that I was half human on my mother's side. But even as I said it, I had no idea where the statement had come from because I wasn't half-human, not genetically. My father had visited Earth in his youth and he'd had an affair with a human female. I was born from her. She died giving birth to me and I was raised by my stepmother. Well… my father… my other self was." He grimaced at his own words. "That's going to get confusing, I think."

"I'm sorry," Rose told him gently.

"Not your fault I'm a complicated event in time and space with three sets of parents."

"Three sets of parents?"

"Well, there's the Doctor's parents, Donna's parents, and the Doctor and Donna as my parents, all three sets being my direct parents according to my memories."

"That is confusing," Rose agreed. "But when I said I was sorry, I was referring to your mother dying giving birth to you. I mean, the Doctor's mother… the other Doctor…" She sighed. "You know what I mean."

"Thank you but I never knew her, never felt any connection to her, and I didn't even know about her existence until I was an adult. That was also when I'd learned that I had been genetically altered before I was even born to be as close to Gallifreyan as I could be without being an exact clone of my father. If he hadn't altered it while I was in my mother's womb, the structure of my DNA would have collapsed. As it is, my father's restructuring of my genome gave me less than five percent of human DNA, which is why it always confused me why I'd tell anyone that I was half human when it obviously wasn't true. I wrote off what I'd said to my friend as post-regeneration sickness. But it wasn't." He breathed for a moment as he considered the implications of his words. "I had a premonition. I saw my own future and I didn't even realize it. I saw... me. Me, with my human heart, Time Lord brain, and half human skin," he finished with a hint of a laugh, obviously still in wonder of the revelation while upset about his physical makeup.

"Did you know about what would happen to you? I mean, with your changing physiology?"

"Not to this extent, no," he answered softly with a shake of his head. "I wouldn't have left me behind in this condition if I did."

"That _really_ is going to get confusing," Rose commented concerning his unique familial ties. "How about we call the other you your brother?" she suggested, remembering how the Doctor had referred to his duplicate self. Seeing the uncertainty on his face, she pressed on. "Well, you keep saying that you're him and he's you, right? If that's true, then wouldn't that make you identical twins… sort of?"

He seemed to consider her words. "Never thought of it like that. I suppose that's one way of looking at it. Of course, that would mean that Donna is my sister and not my mother… which actually I think I like better anyway." He looked at his wrapped hands sitting on his lap and the memory of why they were hurt came to him once more. "I am sorry, Rose. For being so damaged, both physically and mentally." He huffed. "Some reward for all you've done, eh? Getting a messed up Time Lord and a rubbish human instead of the man you went after."

"Don't talk like that," she berated him gently, though her eyes reflected the same sentiments he had voiced.

"No, it's okay. I know I'm not what you want. Hell, I wouldn't want me if I were in your place." He took a shaky breath. "I won't make you stay with me if you don't want to. And I'll repay you for the medical bills I have no doubt all of this is costing. May take me a while because I'll have to find a job and someplace to live first." He gave a quiet laugh. "If anyone would give me a job, considering how completely rubbish I am."

"I'm not leaving you," she put in firmly, negating his depressive words.

"You're not?" he questioned, hope filling his eyes. Seeing confirmation on her face, he smiled gently, a smile which quickly turned to confusion. "Why not?"

Rose frowned at the question. "You want me to leave?"

"No!" he exclaimed quickly. "I mean, of course not. It's just… with what I just told you… and with what happened yesterday…"

"I'm sorry," she interrupted him, putting slightly more pressure on his hand to emphasize her word but not enough to harm his still healing appendage.

"What for?" he asked. "I'm the one messing things up."

"I've been treating you horribly." He opened his mouth to protest but was overruled by Rose reaching up and putting a single finger on his lips. "I have been. I've been trying to make you into the Doctor and that was wrong of me. You're your own person and I should have been getting to know you, not forcing you to be someone else."

"But I _am_ the Doctor," he countered. "But I'm not," he added, clearly distressed.

"You are the Doctor," she told him firmly. "But you are different too." She took a slow breath, her eyes showing that she was thinking of how to phrase her next words. "And I've been too selfish to see who you really are, making you feel like you had to prove yourself to me."

"And who am I really?" the Doctor questioned warily.

She smiled gently. "The best of both worlds." Seeing the confusion on his face, she added, "At least, you will be once we've taken care of the problems we are going through now."

"We?"

She sighed, sitting beside his bed as she did so, self-deprecation plain in her features. "You're not the only one who's a rubbish human at the moment. I mean, up until last night, the only thing that I could think of was trying to change you into someone you're not. That's a pretty selfish attitude, isn't it. And then there's the whole Bad Wolf thing you keep talking about… and the weird dreams…"

"Dreams?" Turning to sit on the bed so that he was facing her, he reached over and took her hand in his. "Are you having bad dreams, Rose?"

"Sort of," she admitted. "Not exactly bad. Most of the time they're just… strange."

"How are they strange?"

Her eyes met his. "Sometimes… they come true."

"Well… there is such thing as coincidence, you know. I mean, I could dream about eating a banana and then eat a banana the next day."

"The dreams that come true are usually a lot more complicated than that."

He frowned at her words. "How complicated?"

She dropped her head, plainly unsettled by the subject and unwilling to respond.

"Rose?" the Doctor pressed gently.

She closed her eyes, knowing that he would continue to try to get her to open up – albeit with kindness – until she relented, which she decided to do so to avoid the pressure. "I once had a dream in which there was this building on fire and dozens of bodies everywhere and screaming. Three days later, there was an explosion on a council estate caused by a gas leak. Everyone in the building burned to death," she finished quietly.

The Doctor instantly was off the bed and crouching in front of her, examining her eyes as if he could see what was going on in her mind by doing so. "When did this start?"

She shrugged slightly. "Don't know. After Canary Wharf I guess. Had a couple here and there before then that seemed to come true but it wasn't like it is now. Before they'd been more like… feelings… but now they're so vivid. I never thought much about it until recently. Thought it was just a coincidence."

"There's no such thing as coincidence," he told her gently.

"But you just said…"

"I know what I said," he interrupted her, righting himself to his full height. "There's coincidence and there's no coincidence and something like this is definitely no coincidence. Dreams don't just come true, Rose. Not like that. Most of the time, they are random images created by your mind for one reason or another. For a dream to actually come true, either the dream becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy – like eating a banana after dreaming about eating a banana – or there must be some sort of psychic ability inherent in the dreamer which makes the dream truly prophetic. It is highly unusual for someone to have the dream you described and for it to come true."

"So… you're saying I'm psychic?"

"Maybe," he answered as he nodded. "It probably has to do with Bad Wolf. Having been touched by the time vortex very likely activated the recessive telepathic/psychic gene inherent in all humans which would definitely explain how you were able to send that message across universes while still being unaware of your actions, especially with the Void amplifying your abilities. You jumped universes to find me, yes? But while you were looking for me an alternate timeline came into effect, one that revolved around Donna, caused by the Trickster Brigade convincing her to change her mind about a key event of her life. I don't know the details of that timeline, other than the stars were going out there as well, but I do know that you helped her reset it to the way it should be. Your subconscious mind must have remembered that alternate timeline and it sent the same message you gave Donna only far more expansively. Two words that would tell me that something catastrophic was about to happen."

"And they were Bad Wolf," Rose supposed.

"Exactly. That completely explains how you sent that message to me. With the Void being closed now, the amplification that allowed you to send messages across universes is gone, making you exactly as you were before." He paused. "Hold on… That doesn't explain your dreams. You said these prophetic dreams really started after Canary Wharf, that they were relatively mild before then." His eyes brightened as he remembered another piece of information. "Harry told me the other day that there was something different with us – you, me and Jackie, that is, as well as Mickey when he was here. Apparently, our universe imbued us with a resonance that doesn't exist in this universe. Take a bit of the time vortex still in you activating the recessive telepathic/psychic gene and couple that with being in a universe different from the one you were born in, one in which the laws of physics are slightly different than the ones from our original universe, thus giving us this resonance that Harry was talking about…" A wondrous look came to his face. "That's it. Has to be. This universe plus Bad Wolf and you get…" He smiled at Rose, pride obvious on his face. "…Rose Tyler, Defender of the Earth. Of course, the only way to know for certain how this whole new universe/Bad Wolf thing affects you is for me to examine you. Once I do that I'll have a better idea on how to teach you to properly control it instead of being totally or at least near-totally unaware of Bad Wolf as you have been in the past. Should also be able to help you understand your dreams and determine which dreams you should pay attention to and which are caused by random firing of your synapses. As for me… the resonance explains a lot. My biology was semi-stable until we arrived here and then it started to go all wonky once the TARDIS withdrawals kicked in and my physiology went into overdrive which means that I'm not only trying to adapt to myself but also to this universe."

"Well, one thing definitely hasn't changed with you," Rose commented with a smile.

"What's that?"

"You still have one hell of a gob."

The Doctor laughed gently at her observation. His joy instantly shifted to alarm as a wave of agony struck him, causing him to cry out and drop to his knees, curling into himself.

"Doctor!" Rose exclaimed, immediately moving to his aide.

It was a couple of seconds before he could find a voice to respond to her concern. "Adjustment…" he explained, panting against the pain. "Worst…" Tears escaped his eyes despite how tightly he had them closed. "Harry. G…Get Harry."

She hesitated for a second – purely out of not wanting to leave his side in his time of need – before hurrying to the call button, pressing it, and returning to the Doctor. Unsure what else she could do – and with the Doctor seemingly unable to tell her – she ran her hands gently over the top of his head in a comforting manner, giving him verbal reassurance that help was on the way.

"An adjustment?" Dr. Sullivan questioned as he and a nurse hurried into the room only a moment later.

Rose nodded in confirmation. "He said it was the worst." As to emphasize her words, the metacrisis cried out in pain, tightening his already fetal-like position.

"I'll need to run a scan on him, find out exactly what is going on inside him," Harry told her as he put on a stethoscope. He pressed the instrument to the Doctor's back just above his heart. "Heart rate's fast even for him. If he were fully human, I'd say he was in cardiac arrest. We need to slow it down but I still don't know enough about his biology to risk giving him anything."

"What about the pain?" Rose questioned hurriedly. "Can't you do anything about that?"

He considered her words quickly, remembering that the half-alien couldn't take some medications that were commonly used by humans. "Small dose of morphine should help."

"N… no," the Doctor grunted out. "No painkillers. Could… could have a negative effect… with me adjusting… like this."

"You may be _the_ Doctor, but I am _your_ doctor and I am not going to let you endure this when you are obviously in a great deal of pain and it's continuing beyond what has been normal these last few days," Harry contradicted him.

"No painkillers," the hybrid insisted. "Just need time. Already feel it…" He sighed with obvious relief, telling those around that the agony he had been in had dissipated. "That's better. Much better."

"It's gone?" Rose questioned, just to verify what she concluded mentally.

He nodded his confirmation as a ponderous expression came to his face. "But I think I need Harry to scan me."

Immediately, concern showed on Rose's and Harry's faces. "What's wrong?" Rose asked.

"I don't think anything is wrong. In fact… I haven't felt so good since we arrived here," the Doctor admitted. "Well, I shouldn't say good. Still hurt a little bit. But I think I'm done adjusting. I feel… I don't know. I never felt like this but it seems… right. Well, as right as I'm going to get, anyway. Something's still off but I can't seem to put my finger on it."

"Well, in that case, we'd better get you into the examination room," Harry stated. Turning his head, he ordered the nurse to bring a wheelchair.

"I don't need a wheelchair,' the Doctor protested as the nurse left to obey. "I can walk." Seeing the look on the physician's features, he sighed. "I know. Ward regulations."

Harry gave him an understanding smile as the nurse returned. Rose kept close as the Doctor was helped to his feet, sat in the wheelchair, and allowed himself to be taken to the examination room. Following the same procedures he had done many times before, he stripped down to his underwear and positioned himself on the platform in front of the Velinian scanner, allowing the nurse to operate the machine and take a real-time image of his body. Once the scan was done, he quickly got dressed before going over to the reader and looking over Harry's shoulder.

"Well…" he commented with a smile. "Would you look at that? I appear to be perfectly half-human. Well, close enough. More like 49.999999 percent human. Don't see that very often. When crossing species, one half usually is more dominant than the other. Not so with me, apparently. All my organs seemed to have finished deciding what they are. That's good. Still have that weakness in my dorsal fibula, though." His face dropped a moment later. "Oh… that's what I couldn't figure out before. It hasn't altered much this whole time."

Harry concurred with his disappointment. "I was hoping that with your adjusting it would resolve itself completely. If you really are finished adjusting, I'm afraid it may be a permanent thing for you."

Rose, who had been slightly observing the two of them looking at the readings, went up to take a look for herself. "What hasn't changed?" The Doctor pointed out the odd coloring in the scan of his brain. "What does it mean?" she asked with concern.

"It means my mood swings are staying," he responded somberly. "Apparently, I'm manic/depressive. Not as bad as when we first arrived but… still going to be a problem."

"You mean… all those moments of anger and depression… the suicidal tendencies… they're permanent?"

"Not quite so severe, I hope," Harry answered, turning to the hybrid. "In any case, there are options we can look into."

The Doctor exhaled, obviously displeased. "Mood stabilizers."

"You mean drugs," Rose supposed.

"Only as a last resort," Harry put in. "We have an excellent psychiatrist…"

"I don't need a psychiatrist," the Doctor interrupted. "I have my own methods to help my mental state."

"That may be so but can you assure me with absolute certainty that your methods will prevent a repetition of what happened yesterday? What if they fail and you do need psychiatric assistance or a mood stabilizer in addition to your methods? How can you be certain that you are completely done adjusting?"

"I am. Isn't that enough?" Seeing doubt in Dr. Sullivan's eyes, the hybrid looked over at Rose, who was pleading with her eyes for him to consent to Harry's suggestions. After a moment, he took a slow deep breath and exhaled, running a hand over his head. "All right. We'll do it your way," he relented. "But how much longer must I stay here? I've already been here nearly four days and it's driving my bonkers. Not to mention the food is terrible. You call that mess of brown you served yesterday steak and potato pie?" He stopped abruptly, an odd look on his face. "I'm being rude again, aren't I. Sorry, can't help it. Both of my siblings were rude which means rude plus rude equals very rude. Unless we're talking multiplication in which case rude times rude is rude. Either way, I'm rude so… sorry."

"Siblings?" Harry questioned with a frown.

"The Doctor and Donna Noble," Rose explained. "We figured it would be less confusing if they were called his brother and sister since he has their memories, especially if he talks about his lineage."

"I see," came the slightly befuddled response. "Getting back to the point, I'll consult with Dr. Gentillini and see if we can arrange an appointment as soon as possible. She's our resident psychiatrist," Harry explained to the Doctor. "If she finds you mentally fit to leave and if your biology has indeed stopped shifting, then I will release you from the ward."

"How soon will this be, then?" the Doctor asked.

"Hopefully you'll be able to see her today. I'll be continuing to scan you on a daily basis to make sure that you are correct in your assessment."

"I am correct."

"I'll be the judge of that. In the meantime, I suggest that you get as much rest as possible. I'm afraid you are going to be here for a few more days." He turned to the nurse, who had been working on a separate terminal, entering the latest data into the Doctor's medical file. "Please take the Doctor back to his room."

"I can take myself," the Doctor protested. Seeing the look in Harry's eyes, he groaned. "Ward regulations," he grumbled. "I hate hospitals."


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Sitting in the lobby of the Torchwood medical facility, the Doctor stared at the bottle he'd just procured from the apothecary located in the Torchwood building. Inside the bottle was a one month supply of an antipsychotic which Harry Sullivan and Dr. Lauren Gentillini, the staff psychiatrist, felt would help the Doctor with what Dr. Gentillini diagnosed as a mild case of bipolar II disorder. The hybrid had to remain in Torchwood's medical ward for an additional seven days for observation – to insure that the medication was working as it should and that he was physically stable – before being allowed to leave as an outpatient for Dr. Gentillini.

The visits with Dr. Gentillini had been much more productive than the Doctor had thought it would be. Although talking to a psychiatrist hadn't helped his mood swings, it had allowed him to come to terms with feelings of abandonment he had towards the Time Lord, despite his understanding of the reasons for leaving him and Rose behind. As for the prescription of an antipsychotic rather than an antidepressant, which would have been normal for humans with bipolar II, they had discovered the Doctor had averse reactions to most common antidepressants. Dr. Gentillini felt that an antipsychotic would help stabilize his brain, thus allowing not only relief from symptoms of his disorder but also from the silence that was in his mind due to the TARDIS withdrawals.

While acknowledging that the drug was doing exactly as his two physicians had hoped – namely controlling his persistent mood swings and easing the silence – the Doctor still had his reservations about the pharmaceutical that had nothing to do with its benefits. He hadn't lied to Harry and Lauren when they'd asked about lethality, drug interaction, or allergic reactions to the drug but there was one side effect he didn't tell them about that was disconcerting to him. However, he'd been getting desperate to control his mood swings and the chances of the side effect were slim, especially with having been prescribed the lowest dosage and with him being half human. He still had to see Laurel on a regular basis to ensure that the dosage remained at an effective level.

With his disorder mostly under control and the silence no longer a concern, his mind was now regularly filled with a haze that would drive a full-blooded human insane eventually whereas, for a Time Lord, it was literally just background noise – the feelings of a thousand humans whispering in his head, little pinpoints of light in the distance whose emotions were almost like a song. The drug's effect on his mind revealed what the Doctor and Harry had come to suspect since he had arrived at Torchwood: that the hybrid was mildly telepathic, a trait inherited from his brother and diluted with his human half which allowed him also be slightly empathic. The drug removed the barriers that prevented his natural abilities from coming forward.

For the first time since he'd been separated from his time ship, the Doctor felt almost as he did before the Time Lord Doctor had left them on Darlïg ulv Stranden. While the noise in his mind didn't in any way replace what was once there – there was no replacing the unique resonance of his people and the TARDIS - it did calm him to the point where he was finally comfortable with himself. It would take time to get over feeling angry with himself for destroying the Daleks and to start feeling as if he was worthy of being with Rose, but he knew that he would with her help and he was ready to finally take on a new life in a new universe with the woman he loved with all of his single heart.

Even as he sat there, one of the pinpoints of light he could identify as another living creature grew brighter, telling him that it was coming closer to him. He instantly recognized the owner of those feelings, which were loving and happy.

"Hello, Rose," he greeted, his eyes still closed. Turning his head, he opened his brown orbs and looked up at her.

"Ready to go?" Rose questioned with a smile as she approached him. She had ensured that he had been properly checked out of the hospital and was clear to remain as an outpatient until both Harry and Lauren were satisfied with his progress.

His smile showed just how relieved he was to hear that particular question from her. "More than ready," he concurred. "If I never again see the inside of a hospital, it'll be too soon. Especially one that doesn't have a shop."

The woman who held his heart extended her hand and then squeezed his tightly. She was under no illusion that it would be easy for them to finally start their life together but she knew after the last two weeks of worrying about him – and thanks in no small part to the Time Lord giving her one last verbal kick in the butt – that she wanted to be with the man beside her, no matter what shape their relationship may take.

"Well, at least you got the assurance that I was right," Rose put in. Seeing the frown of confusion on his face, she clarified. "You are never going to go insane with me around."

A grin grew out of the frown. "Never ever," he replied, standing. "Come on," he instructed before launching out the front door and down the stairs, causing her to giggle like a schoolgirl in her successful attempt to catch up with him rather than be dragged.

It was only after they reached the parking lot when Rose took the lead, guiding him to her SUV and unlocking the doors. Waiting until he had taken his place in the passenger's seat, she took her own behind the wheel before turning her head to look at him. "So… now that you're a free man once again, is there any place you want to go before we go home?"

"Anywhere and everywhere, as long as it is with you," the hybrid replied with a loving gaze. He seemed to ponder his words for a moment. "Then again, I could do with something extraordinarily bad for me. I had nothing but healthy food for almost two weeks."

She smiled at his words. "I suppose you've earned a stop at a dessert bar." Starting the car, she pulled out of the parking space and then out of the lot before cautiously turning onto the main street that would lead them to their destination.

In the time he'd been in this universe, the Doctor had discovered a couple of things about this world in comparison to the Earth he had known for most of his previous Time Lord life. The first was that alcohol was illegal outside of pubs and restaurants, and hard liquor, like whiskey and vodka, was completely illegal thanks to a law passed after 9-11 in an attempt to curb alcoholism in the country while, at the same time, reduce trade with those countries who supported terrorism; the champagne that he and Rose had served at Jacqueline Tyler's "39th" birthday party had been non-alcoholic. That particular law, however, was about to be repealed thanks to a variety of changes in the global climate, including evidence that the ban was actually causing a rise in black market activities and thus in alcoholism; humans were more likely to drink alcohol if they believed they were getting away with something and being rebellious. To the Doctor, what was currently happening in this universe's England was very reminiscent of the other universe's United States during the last few years of prohibition.

The second was that this universe worked hard to reduce fat in all foods, thus making most food at least somewhat nutritious, even sweets depending on what you chose. The only sweets the Doctor had seen so far were from a grocer's and it didn't even seem like it was real sweets, just some sort of healthy substitute. Take-out still was probably the worst thing you could eat but it wasn't nearly as artery-clogging as in the original universe. With the government having strong controls over the food and drug industries, it became almost fashionable – as well as cost-saving – to be a health nut.

Fortunately for the Tyler family, Pete Tyler had his proverbial fingers in lots of different pies. Not only did his Vitex line continue to generate enormous amount of capital – it didn't hurt that his health drink tasted like pop – but he also had a whole line of healthy snacks as alternatives to the more expensive sweets, making Vitex products extremely popular with younger people.

Right at that moment, though, after two weeks of being "fresh," as the young people said on this world, the Doctor was desperate to be as un-fresh as possible without being completely offensive. So it was with great delight that he saw Rose pull into the lot of the dessert bar. He nearly had to restrain himself from jumping out of the vehicle like an overanxious child, eager for the rich decadence he knew to be inside the establishment.

The two entered the bar and were quickly escorted to a table where a waitress soon tended to them.

"Welcome to _Afters_. I'm Alison and I'll be your server today," the woman told them as she gave them each a menu. "Our menu is divided into three different categories. There's the Green, which is all government approved healthy alternatives that taste like the real thing. Then there's the Red, which goes to the very limit of recommended healthy intake. And lastly, there is the Black and those selections are extremely unhealthy. If you decide on any item on the Black list, you will have to sign a waiver acknowledging that _Afters_ is not responsible for any side effects from your consuming those desserts, including medical issues due to unhealthy lifestyle. Can I start you with a drink to go with your treat?"

"Water, please," Rose requested. Seeing the Doctor just nod in agreement with her words, she repeated the order for him and then watched as the waitress left to retrieve their beverages.

"A waiver? Seriously?" he questioned with a frown.

"Surprised me too the first time I went to a nice restaurant, especially after buying a chocolate bar from a street vendor," Rose responded. "But if you go to a grocery store, you're only going to get the faux choc and street vendors only sell the half-and-halves." Seeing the confusion on his face, she clarified. "Fake chocolate or half real, half healthy alternative. The big difference between what you buy in a store or at a street vendor is the quality of the sweet. As for waivers for the real stuff, it's common practice in restaurants. After the rash of lawsuits against the food industry blaming them for weight gain, diabetes, et cetera, you can't really blame them. Most people don't want to bother with the waiver so they'll order something off of the more acceptable menus. Plus real sweets are expensive." She gave him a broad grin. "I sign the waiver every time."

"Good for you," he complimented. "Stick it to the man. Show him you have the right to eat whatever you want."

She giggled slightly at his reply just as their water was served. The moment the waitress left, Rose focused on the menu in her hand. "I don't know why I bother looking at the menu. I get the same thing every time."

"And that would be?"

"The Chocolate Strawberry Decadence," she told him.

The Doctor read the description of the dessert. "Looks good to me. Make it two?"

She nodded in agreement and when the waitress returned, they ordered their treat and signed the appropriate waivers. Once the waitress had gone to fulfill their orders, the couple once again focused on each other.

"I was thinking…" Rose started.

"A dangerous occupation for anyone," the Doctor put in with a grin.

"Shut up," she told him with a smile laugh. "I think that we should go and get a few things. Right now, the only thing you have are the clothes on your back and a pair of sunglasses."

"I have some clothes, thanks to Jackie," he contradicted. "Couple sets of underwear and a shirt."

"That's not enough to start a life on," she told him bluntly. "And we're going to have to arrange some identification for you. A whole history, in fact, just like Dad did for Mum and me." Seeing the questioning look on the Doctor's face, she clarified. "Jacqueline was pregnant around the same time Mum was but she miscarried which is why I was never born in this universe. When I came here after…" She hesitated a moment, the memory of the Battle of Canary Wharf coming to her mind. Seeing the lost look in her eyes, the Doctor reached over and squeezed her hand, the action reassuring her that he was with her now and encouraging her to continue. "Anyway, Dad changed the medical records so that they showed a live birth and put out a story that I had been kidnapped from the hospital and that, when I came to adulthood and discovered that the people I had thought were my parents had actually stolen me, I went on a hunt for my real parents."

He seemed to think about her words for a moment. "That actually makes sense. Then you wouldn't have to lie about your life except for the names of your unreal parents and no one would think otherwise about it."

"Well, there is the occasional tabloid that says that I'm Dad's love child from an affair but we quickly put those down," Rose told him. "As for the kidnappers, the public thinks that they were upgraded by the Cybermen."

"Which brings us to Jackie. How'd you explain her coming back from upgrading?"

"Rewrote the records so that she wasn't upgraded. Instead, she had traumatic amnesia due to nearly being upgraded, got lost for a few months before Pete found her in a homeless shelter. Basically, she lost her old personality and gained the one she has now. Explains the little differences between Mum and Jacqueline that way. Plus with all the chaos that happened then, it makes sense that some records wouldn't be accurate about who survived."

The Doctor nodded, clearly impressed. "I get the impression that identification is important in this universe."

"You can't go outside without proper identification," she replied just as their chocolate desserts arrived. "If you're picked up by the police without an ID, you'll be held until you can prove your citizenship. If you can't prove your citizenship, it's up to six months imprisonment for violating international immigration laws, during which time your whole history will be thoroughly investigated. Most violators are then either suspended of privileges until they obtain proper documentation or are deported to their country of birth where they have to answer to the laws of their own country. Given that you don't have a history here, the lack of information would suggest that you are a terrorist and you'd probably spend the rest of your life in prison."

"Well… I suppose I should get an ID then."

"I'll have Dad start the paperwork in the morning. Until you have proper credentials, though, I suggest you don't leave the house without someone who can back you up, like Mum or me. It helps having someone with some clout around if you get yourself in trouble."

"Don't leave the house without escort until I have an ID. Gotcha," the hybrid verbally added to his mental list of dos and don'ts.

"So… what name do you want?"

The Doctor physically froze at his question. Before this conversation had occurred, he didn't really have a chance to think about the implications of his single human heart and living a single life with Rose. Her query, however, shone a giant spotlight on it, revealing the one thing he hadn't really considered even though he'd always known it in said heart. This was permanent. If he grew bored with this life, he couldn't just run off looking for adventure like he had before. This was a mortgage and a house with carpets and drapery. It was a job to earn money to pay off the mortgage on said house with carpets and drapery. It was getting up every morning to go to said job to pay said mortgage on said house with carpets and drapery. It was getting into daily routines and watching telly and eating beans on toast. He and Rose had joked about this life on Krop Tor when he thought the TARDIS was unreachable. But now it was real. It was permanent. It was fantastic. And it was terrifying.

"Name?" he finally squeaked.

"John Smith?" Rose questioned, not noticing the look on his face. "You like to go by that a lot. Or James McCrimmon? You used that once."

There was a long silence before the Doctor spoke. "No." The full-blooded human looked at him with question. He returned her gaze with a determined one of his own. "This is important," he said firmly. "This name… I'm going to have to use it for the rest of my life. No… more than that. This name is going to _be_ my life. It's going to be a birth certificate and a driver's license and a registry on the international identification database and all those other little paper things that humans use to prove that you exist. It's going to be how I introduce myself for the next sixty years or so. I can't just say 'I'm the Doctor' anymore, can I? And I can't just use psychic paper all the time. This is my home planet now and, as such, I need a real, proper _human_ name." He gazed at them, fear and uncertainty in his eyes.

Rose took a breath, reaching out to take his hand. "What's your Gallifreyan name? Maybe you can use that," she suggested.

The Doctor hesitated before shaking his head. "No. Can't use that. For one thing, it's a bit alien and difficult for the average human to pronounce. For another… words have power. No one knows my name but me. Well, one person knows it but… I don't really know how she could. And I never will know. _He_ will but not me." Seeing the look in her eyes, he gave her a little smile. "One day, I'll tell you. I hope. Just… not yet." Taking a breath, he exhaled quickly. "I'll just have to think of something more appropriate. Something… personally suited to me that's more human and not just an indication that I obtained a doctorate."

"You really have a doctorate?"

"Would I call myself the Doctor and not actually be a doctor?" he countered. "I have loads of doctorates. I'm a doctor of everything."

"Well, think about what name you want. We'll also need to come up with a past for you."

"True. And if we're going to have a relationship, we'll also have to come up with our own history together: where we met, what we wore, where we went, et cetera."

"That's easy," she answered, nibbling on a bit of dessert.

He frowned in confusion. "It is?"

"Yup," she told him. "You took my hand and said, 'Run,' and we've been running ever since."

"I seriously doubt that very many people would just accept that."

"Ah, but it would definitely keep them guessing."

He laughed gently. "You're a tease. That's what you are." There was a couple of flashes of light from across the room, which the hybrid immediately identified with a slight frown of concern. "Rose… I think someone just took pictures of us."

Rose turned her head to confirm his statement before groaning softly. "Great," she commented without humor. "We're going to have to rush your paperwork through now." The Doctor looked at her questioningly. "Paparazzi," she stated as if that answered everything.

"Seriously? You have paparazzi following you?"

"Vitex heiress," she confirmed. "I'm the equivalent of Paris Hilton here only I'm not so… self-absorbed."

"I would hope not," the Doctor stated. "Still… doesn't that irritate you? People taking your picture without your permission? Making suppositions about your life based on said pictures? Following you around, invading your privacy?" Mentally, he was grateful to see someone he presumed was the manager telling the photograph taker to leave the bar.

"You get used to it," Rose responded, her eyes on her dessert. "And it could be worse. At least most are conscientious about what pictures they take and how they get them. There never has been a tragedy even slightly similar to Princess Diana." She paused thoughtfully before continuing. "Still, we better make sure that you actually legally exist in this universe as quickly as possible before it gets to be a problem. And you might want to consider what career you want to take up as there's going to be all sorts of questions about you now. You could always work for Torchwood." She looked at him, considering. "How old would you say you are?"

"Thirteen days, fifteen hours, fifty-three minutes, six seconds," came the response. "Well, this body anyway. My mind is over a thousand years old."

"You told me you were nine hundred," she commented with a smile.

"No, I said I'd traveled in a police box for nine hundred years," the Doctor corrected her. "You assumed that I was only nine hundred years old. I didn't travel through time since I was born, you know."

She rolled her eyes with a hint of a laugh. "Whatever. And I meant how old do you believe you are in terms of the way you look."

The Doctor blinked for a moment. "I don't know." He sounded stunned by his confession. "How old do I look? Be honest."

She hedged for a moment. "Thirty-seven?" she suggested.

"That old? Really?" Seeing the shrug she gave him, he took a breath, thinking about her answer. "I guess I am. How old are you?"

"Well, it was 2009 in our original universe and I was twenty-three at the time when we came over. It's currently 2014 so…"

"You're twenty-eight," he concluded.

"So we have a nine year difference between us. Does that mean when you are forty-nine and still gorgeous, I'll look fifty-eight and have a head full of gray hair?"

"Even if you do, you'll still be my Doctor," Rose replied, her tongue sticking out slightly between her teeth as she grinned.

He returned the grin, obviously pleased with her answer.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

It was thirty minutes before Rose and the Doctor reemerged from the dessert bar, plainly satiated from the decadent treats they'd consumed. Not long afterwards they found themselves in downtown London, looking for all the necessary clothing and accessories that the hybrid needed to continue his new life.

The first stop was for suits and coats, at the Doctor's insistence. They had picked out a black leather jacket, which the Doctor had to admit fit and looked smashing on him, and the Doctor had selected a black suit with white pinstripes and a brown suit with red pinstripes. In addition, he also picked out two simple black leather belts that would go with any suit.

Rose was just looking at a collection of colorful jacket separates when she heard the metacrisis laugh with delight.

"Brilliant!" he exclaimed as he regarded himself in the mirror, turning his body right and left.

She turned towards him to see what he was talking about and gave out her own laugh of joy at seeing him wearing a long brown wool coat. For a split second, she could have sworn that the Time Lord had ripped open the universe and was standing before her. Again, she had to remind herself that the man in front of her, even with only one heart, was her Doctor, just different. His finding the coat was just more proof of that.

He strode towards her quickly, excitement glinting in his eyes. "It's just like the one Janis gave me! Right down to the color! Buy it for me, Rose," he requested. "Please, oh please, oh please, buy it for me. You know I loved that coat and, if I can't go back to get it, at least I want one just like it. Please? Please. Please," he repeated continuously until Rose's finger on his lips stopped the recurrence.

"Yes, I'll buy the coat but only if you stop asking," she told him gently, almost like a mother berating her child. "Give me your sleeve so I can take the tag off. I have a feeling that you aren't going to take it off for the world."

"Nope!" he agreed with a broad grin. "Never ever. Well, I really shouldn't say never ever. I mean, I do have to take it off to go to bed."

"Doctor…" she drawled, shaking her head. She reached down and pulled up his sleeve to remove the price tag as she continued. "You certainly weren't so… annoyingly persistent before."

"Annoying?" he questioned, clearly affronted. The look on his dearest friend's face told him not to press the subject, which in turn caused him to really think about how he'd just behaved. "Oh. Right. I was a bit annoying, wasn't I. Must have got that from Donna." His face contorted slightly with reluctant admission. "She can be persistent."

Rose gave the price tag to the sales associate before turning back to him. "I want you to try something on."

"Not another jacket," he complained.

She held up the article of clothing she'd been looking at before he'd had his enthusiastic outburst. "Just try it on and see if you like it."

The Doctor regarded the dark red jacket for a long moment, a slight grimace slowly growing on his face. "It's velour," he commented.

"Yeah. So?"

"So, I'll look like a pimp," he stated bluntly.

Rose grinned at his response. "You won't look like a pimp if you wear black with it. Trust me. Besides, you're going to need at least four or five suits for black tie events…"

"Black tie?" he protested. "Oi, I'm not wearing black tie. Every time I wear black tie, something bad happens. Cybermen, mutating scientists, crashing space cruiseliners… No. No black tie. N. O. Never. Never ever."

She sighed dramatically. "Too bad," she said silkily as she regarded the jacket with obvious longing. "A man in black tie is like a gift. Makes me want to… unwrap him."

The Doctor lowered his eyelids. "Making sexual innuendos isn't going to change my mind, Rose," he said despite his heart rate increasing slightly due to her words. "Besides, why would I have to attend a black tie event? It's not like anyone here knows me other than your family."

"May I remind you of the paparazzi who just took our picture in the dessert bar? You are officially in the public eye now," she told him bluntly, forcing the jacket against his chest and causing him to grip it in order to prevent it from falling to the floor. "My family is rich and famous. We have an obligation to attend certain events in order to maintain good public relations, especially since Dad runs both Vitex and Torchwood. And if you and I are going to have a relationship, you're going to have to participate." She paused, a genuine smile emerging. "Besides… you really are sexy in black tie."

"Seriously?" he questioned, his voice rising slightly. Seeing her eyes glimmering with admiration, he took a breath and exhaled loudly. "All right," he conceded. "I'll try on the pimp jacket."

"Try it with black and you'll see what I mean," she instructed. She watched with satisfaction as he grabbed a pair of trousers and walked into the changing room.

A few minutes later, the Doctor stepped out with the trousers and the jacket on, his newly acquired long coat over the outfit. He frowned as he regarded himself in the full length mirror. "I really don't see…" he started.

She sighed, going to him and removing the long coat. "That's because you aren't wearing a black dress shirt," she told him firmly. Grabbing a black shirt from a rack, she put it up against his chest and wrapped the velour jacket around it. "You'll be knocking the girls off their feet, especially this girl."

He still looked doubtful. "Rose…"

"It suits you," she said bluntly as she took the jacket off him.

Seeing her add it to the growing collection of clothing to be purchased, he sighed. "I suppose since you are insistent on me getting that jacket, I'll have to get a couple of black trousers and dress shirts to go with it."

"While you're at it, you might as well pick out a couple of waistcoats for other outfits," she added to the list. "And ties."

"Waistcoats? What is this? An episode of 'What Not to Wear?' Going to toss all of my wardrobe, are you?"

"Doctor, you don't have a wardrobe to toss," she told him.

He shrugged his concession to her words, allowing her to continue to pick out clothes and have him try them on. He had to admit that he did look rather dashing in the cream suit with waistcoat that she selected. And the various colors of dress shirts and ties really did fit in with his sense of haut couture. However, he absolutely refused to wear any dress shoes, instead pleading with Rose for several trainers in a variety of colors. In the end, she bought the trainers he'd wanted on the condition that he procured one pair of dress shoes rather than the three she had wanted.

Finally after four hours of clothes shopping which tallied up to six suits, three separate trousers, six dress shirts, three separate waistcoats, six ties, six pairs of shoes, three dress jackets, one leather jacket, and one long coat, the Doctor and Rose decided that it was time for a break from shopping and to get a early dinner. Going to a local café that Rose had obviously become a regular at, the two were seated fairly quickly and were looking at their menus.

The Doctor frowned with disconcertion at the menu.

"What's wrong?" Rose questioned, seeing his concern.

"Actually, it's a bit embarrassing. Yesterday morning it was fine… well, sort of. Tad bit of a problem then. Well, more than a bit of a problem. Really has been progressing every day since we arrived… Was a bit of a problem in the dessert bar, actually…"

"What is it?" she pressed gently, interrupting him to halt his ramble.

He took a slow breath before giving her a meaningful look. "I think I need glasses."

Rose blinked at his words. "You used to wear glasses all the time, Doctor."

"Yes, but I never really _needed_ them," he complained. "I only wore them because I thought they made me look clever. Well, they did magnify objects when I needed to do more detailed work than the naked eye could see but that's different than needing them to read."

"You wore them because you thought they made you look clever," she repeated with amusement. "You certainly succeeded in your intention."

"Now my arms aren't long enough for me to read anything clearly," he continued as if she hadn't said anything. "Oh, I could read it but… I don't like fuzzy lettering." He furrowed his eyebrows. "Donna didn't wear glasses. Neither did Wilf or Sylvia. Must have gotten it from her father's side of the family. Certainly didn't come from my side."

Rose laughed gently at his ill-fated predicament. "We'll get you a pair of glasses," she assured him.

"Good," he responded with a nod. "That's good… I suppose." He sniffed slightly. "Being able to read clearly would be nice." A mischievous grin grew on his face. "And I do look sexy in glasses."

"Shut up," she countered, her laughter escalating causing him to chuckle as well. "We'll go to Dad's optometrist," she decided a moment later. "He takes patients without an appointment and he keeps secrets well. He's on retention with Torchwood." Seeing the confusion in the Doctor's eyes, she reminded him, "Your eyes might not be completely human."

Comprehension filled his brown orbs. "Yeah. That might be a problem with those not in the know about extra-terrestrial life."

Even as he spoke, their server came up to take their order. The metacrisis decided to get a club sandwich with crisps and Rose ordered a grilled chicken sandwich. Both ordered tea for their drinks. The server assured them that he'd be right back with their order.

As the server left, the half Time Lord leaned back in his chair. "So, what's next on the agenda? I mean, after linner."

"Linner?" she questioned with raised eyebrow.

"Well, sounds better than dunch, doesn't it?" Seeing that she wasn't understanding his meaning, he clarified. "If a late breakfast or early lunch is brunch, then a late lunch or early dinner is linner."

She rolled her eyes, smiling at his words. "Whatever."

He grinned at her reaction. "So… what's after linner?"

"Well, there's your glasses. And we still need to pick up some more clothes and a few sundries. And you need t-shirts, pants and socks."

"Like cologne and a toothbrush and deodorant, et cetera," he supposed. He frowned as he realized what she'd said. "More clothes? Haven't you bought enough for me already? It's nearly five o'clock. Aren't the shops about to close?"

"The mall is open until nine. Besides, I think you could do with a couple of jeans."

"Jeans?" he grimaced. "Must we?"

"Are you getting bored going shopping with me?"

His eyebrows went up at her question. "Not at all," he protested. Seeing the expression on her face, he rethought his response and corrected, "Maybe a little but I know it's necessary. After all, I can't just pull anything I want from a massive wardrobe anymore. Well, I will be able to if you keep up with this shopping excursion. But right now, I'm wondering what I'm going to do for a proper job. I haven't had a proper job in nearly eight hundred years. There was UNIT and the school but in both cases I had ulterior motives, the first being to try to get the TARDIS to work and the second… well, you were there for the second. They weren't exactly proper jobs."

She grinned at his words. "Hard to believe you actually had a job at one time."

"Well… it was more of a position than a job. I was paid for my services but I was sort of a freelance scientist, doing this and that. Helped that my parents were on the High Council. Still…" He let the memory slip away, tucking it into the back of his mind. "Bit difficult to do freelance scientific work without a steady client."

"I did suggest Torchwood," she pointed out.

The Doctor shook his head. "No," he said softly. "I think I'd rather not under the circumstances. I mean… with my history…" He paused thoughtfully before giving a slight huff of a laugh. "Never thought I'd turn down saving the world as a career. Besides, this is my one and only chance to have the quiet life I've been searching for. Might as well start it off right."

"Then what do you think you want to do?"

He considered her question for a moment. "Not sure yet. I'll think of something."

He returned Rose's smile as their meal was served. After dinner, Rose took the Doctor to the family optometrist just as she said she would. He was extremely cooperative with the eye doctor, though it was obvious to Rose that he found the tests to be tedious and annoying. Then, with his new prescription in hand, they journeyed to an eyeglass shop and went through the rituals of finding the perfect pair of glasses for the half-Gallifreyan. Naturally, he drifted towards frames that strongly resembled those that he'd had before, gaining a grin of appreciation from Rose.

With the associate's assurances that the glasses would be ready in an hour's time, Rose pulled the Doctor with her as she entered a shop that specialized in casual wear. Going to a rack full of jeans, she selected a pair and handed it over to him.

"Try it on," she ordered bluntly. Seeing his hesitation, she assured, "You'll look great in them and they're very comfortable. Trust me."

"I've been trusting you all day," he told her with equal bluntness.

"And have I led you astray?"

"Three words: red velour jacket."

"I told you. You look fantastic in it. Just like you'll look fantastic in jeans. Now, go on."

He sighed as he went to do as he was told. When he emerged once again, Rose could feel her heart pounding at the sight of him. The dark blue jeans fit him perfectly, making her want to kiss him senseless. What was best, though, was the surprised look on his face as he regarded himself in the mirror.

"You know? I actually like these," he said mostly to himself. "Look at the way they fit. And they're _extremely_ comfortable. Why didn't I ever wear jeans before? I mean other than my last incarnation, I never wore jeans. Ever. Well, never this form-fitting anyway." He looked at himself again. "I like the way they compliment my shirt. You know, that velour jacket really would go well with these." He paused at his own words, stunned by them. "Oh, sweet lord, I've become a fashionisto." He turned to Rose, pointing an accusing finger. "And it's all your fault. Dragging me shopping brought more Donna out of me. Pretty soon I'll be… figuring out what color lipstick goes with my shoes!"

"I seriously doubt that you'll ever wear make-up, Doctor," Rose told him gently. "And there's nothing wrong with realizing that you look good in clothes other than suits." As she spoke, she handed over a t-shirt she'd found.

"What's this?" he asked.

"Something different."

He looked at the t-shirt with a frown. The black t-shirt was accented by a large silver star that covered the front. "You want me to wear this?"

"It's casual and you need to learn to dress more casual."

"I hate it," he stated bluntly.

"You haven't even tried it on," she protested.

"It's a giant silver star," he retaliated.

"Well, then try on something else, something with a little flair on it." She moved away for a moment before coming back with a different t-shirt, also with a design on the front, this one faded like the other only brown with a manufacturer's logo on it.

"You're wanting me to do free advertising?" he pointed out.

She huffed in frustration. "Well, if you don't like it, pick out a different one."

He gave her a firm look. "I don't wear design t-shirts."

"Five minutes ago, you didn't wear jeans either," she countered. "Just… try it. For me. The one with the star is about as plain as you can get and the other is very popular with the age set you are officially going to be a part of."

For the next few minutes, the Doctor submitted to putting on and taking off a variety of design t-shirts, wondering just when Rose would give up on the futile attempt to influence him into liking the trend. Finally, while he was wearing what he considered an especially atrocious shirt with some band logo on it, Rose sighed, noting the look of abject misery on his face.

"All right," she sighed. "Take it off. It's not you."

He blinked at her for a moment. "But… why not?" Seeing the surprised look on her face, he blinked again, realizing his own words. "Why am I protesting?"

"Maybe because we've been fighting each other all day about clothes and you want, just once, to win," she mumbled to herself.

"Oi, I'm not that petty, am I?" he questioned, concerned about his attitude.

"No," Rose told him gently. "But it's obvious that I'm pushing you into things you don't want."

"But if you hadn't, I never would have discovered how much I like jeans." It was obvious from the look on her face that his words did not have an uplifting effect on her spirit. "I'm sorry I'm being difficult," he said gently. "But this is all really new to me. I mean, I've never had to worry about being fashionable according to the standards of any one culture. Well, not for over nine hundred years anyway. Now I have to adapt to a totally different mindset. I think the only reason I'm even slightly open to fashion suggestion is because I'm part Donna. Otherwise, my entire wardrobe would be pinstriped suits and trainers. What I picked out without your input is just proof of that. I mean, I picked out two pinstriped suits, four trainers, and a brown long coat. Not exactly diverse in fashion sense, am I."

"So, you're not angry with me?" she queried.

"For being pushy?" he questioned back. She glared at him for his choice of words. "Well, you are being pushy, you have to admit that. But that's only because you care and that is very you. Why should I be angry with you for being you when I love you just as you are? If you weren't you, I wouldn't love you, now would I? I'd be loving you for not being you, which really, if you think about that, would make me completely and totally shallow, which I don't believe that I am." He looked into her eyes. "Do you think I'm shallow?"

"No!" she exclaimed. "Of course not."

"Well, then, there you go!" He grinned broadly at her before abruptly going back into the fitting room to take off the last of the "atrocities" and retrieve his own clothes. Coming back out, he continued as if he hadn't left. "Now, at the very least, we know without reservation that I am a plain colored t-shirt with no design person and there is absolutely no doubt about what size I wear, which means that I don't have to try on anything else today, which I'm sure is the reason I've gotten so irritated. That is, of course unless something just happens to strike my fancy. Besides, we still have pick up my glasses. So… are we done here?"

She looked at him for a moment. "Two pairs of jeans? That's it?"

"Well, that and the t-shirts I'm about to pick. And jim-jams. And pants and socks. Need those. Used to not wear socks but I am finding already that I'm going to need them." He paused slightly before adding, his voice lowered, "My feet seem to have a very slight moisture problem."

"Are you saying you have sweaty feet?"

He looked affronted by her words. "I do not sweat; I perspire. And socks will help absorb the excess perspiration. Don't worry, though. I don't think that my feet are prone to intense odor."

"I would hope not," she echoed his words from earlier, gaining a slight grin from her companion.


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

After obtaining the very last articles of clothing to be purchased on their excursion, the Doctor and Rose returned to the eyewear shop to pick up the Doctor's prescription glasses and have them adjusted properly to his face. With the hybrid now more confident thanks to his ability to see better, they then went to pick up the last of their purchases, namely the Doctor's miscellaneous sundries.

As they were in the shop, it was obvious that the metacrisis was far more interested in hygiene products than in clothing as he meticulously went through any and every item that he believed he might use, smelling them and even tasting them to make sure that he got exactly what he wanted. He was blatantly pleased to find that he hadn't lost his ability to decipher various compositions with his taste buds. After a while, though, his face took on a sickly pale tint, causing Rose extreme concern.

"You okay?" she asked as he deposited a bottle of facial lotion in their shopping basket.

"I don't know," he admitted. "I feel nauseous and…" He paused, a grimace of distaste on his face. "Is that bile?" He swallowed tightly, his face growing pale as his discomfort grew.

From the color of his face and his words, Rose made the quick conclusion. Putting down the basket, she took his arm and hurriedly guided him to the men's room's handicap stall.

"What are we doing in here and why are you undressing me?" the Doctor questioned with a frown as she swiftly removed his long coat.

"You're about to be sick," she answered bluntly, taking his glasses from his face.

"Sick?"

"You're going to vomit." She hung up the coat on the hook provided in the stall, tucking the glasses in one of the pockets.

"Rose, I don't vo… Oh, gawd!" he suddenly exclaimed, rushing to the toilet to do exactly as his friend predicted. A small part of his mind was grateful for Rose's foresight in taking the items from him to prevent them from getting in the way. However, that part was completely overwhelmed by the intense panic that swept through him like a raging river, threatening to drown him in its waves. _This action is wrong! It's horribly wrong! Any second now, I'm going to expel my internal organs!_ he mentally shouted, wishing that he could express his sentiments verbally if it weren't for the fact that his mouth and lungs were already preoccupied.

After expelling all the toxins he'd obviously ingested – and some of his dinner, he noted with disconcertion – he dropped to the floor beside the toilet, hyperventilating against the panic that was still flooding him. "Oh, gawd, Rose. I'm dying," he whispered, desperation in his quaking voice.

"You're not dying, Doctor. You just threw up. It happens." She reached over and flushed the toilet to get rid of the waste.

"It doesn't happen to me," he told her bluntly.

She looked at him carefully before realizing exactly what he was saying. "You mean… you've never vomited before?" Seeing the confirmation in his eyes, she quickly left his side for a minute, returning with a couple of wet hand towels. Slowly and with great attention, she knelt beside him, cleaning away a small amount of excess sick from his lips with one of the towels before using the other to wipe his face. She remembered when she was little how her mum would do the same for her whenever she threw up and how the action always calmed her. "No wonder you were panicking."

"I wasn't panicking," he protested despite allowing Rose to tend to him. "I was…" He swallowed, grimacing at the taste in his mouth. "Oh, that's vile! Humans do this all the time! Some of you even do it deliberately! How do you put up with it? Why would anyone _want_ to do it? It's horrible!"

"It'll pass," she assured him, standing to place the used cloth towels in the appropriate reclamation bin.

"I suppose," he said, his voice quaking slightly. "It's just… why didn't my _tra'eher_ kick in?" A moment later, he groaned with realization. "I don't have one."

"It's okay," she assured, returning to his side. She rubbed his arms gently. "Now, what's a tra-ayer?"

"_Tra'eher_," he corrected. "It's an organ Time Lords have. After the liver cleans the blood, the toxins are sent to the _tra'eher_ where they are stored until they can be properly expelled from the body either through perspiration or bodily waste via the kidneys. If a toxin is too dangerous for the body, a Time Lord has to detox himself or suffer fatal consequences. Did that fairly recently, actually. Someone tried to poison me with cyanide." He looked at her pointedly. "I don't need to throw up to expel toxins. Well, I didn't have to before." He took a shaky breath. "Blimey, that's extremely disconcerting."

She took a slow breath before extending her hand. "Let's go. I think we're both done with the shopping thing for today."

"Yeah," came the soft response as he took her hand and stood up, accepting his long coat from her. He stopped at the sink for a moment to rinse out his mouth before following her out of the men's room.

"You know what? I don't feel like going back to the mansion, do you?" Seeing the frown on his face, she continued. "Let's go to my place. I figure you would rather not put up with my mum asking how the shopping trip went. Besides, it'll give you a chance to clean up a bit, make yourself feel a little better."

He nodded in agreement before blinking. "You have a place?"

She grinned at his question. "Yeah. Don't stay there often, mostly when it's just really late and I don't want to drive all the way back to the mansion. Don't have much there either, just a few furnishings. Nothing in the fridge. Dad bought it for me when I was working on the Dimensional Cannon and it was obvious that I wouldn't be home on a regular basis. So, do you want to go there or should we go to the mansion?"

He seemed to think about it for a moment before replying. "Your place," he decided. He gave her a grin. "I want to see how Rose Tyler lives."

She returned the smile. "Okay. Let me just pay for our purchases and I'll meet you outside."

The Doctor agreed amicably and headed outside, entertaining himself by people watching as he waited. A few minutes later, Rose stepped out of the shop and, reaching in to one of the bags, pulled out a package of breath mints and handed them to him. He accepted them gratefully, putting a mint in his mouth to eliminate the aftertaste still there. Then, getting into the passenger's side, he waited patiently while Rose put her purchases in the back before the two headed for her domicile.

Arriving at the building where Rose's flat was, they pulled into a parking garage where an average height demure gentleman in a uniform greeted her with a smile. "Good evening, Miss Tyler."

"Hey, Reggie," she returned the smile as she stepped out of the car and handed over the keys to him as well as ten pounds; she didn't hesitate to tip well now that she had money. "Take care of this for me, will you?"

"Certainly, Miss Tyler. Anything else I can do for you?"

"Have all the bags sent up to my place," she decided. "Thanks," she added as she guided the Doctor into the building.

"Posh place," the hybrid commented. "I think the garage attendant fancies you."

"Well, I am the most eligible bachelorette in England. At least, that's what the tabloids say," she responded as she led him to the nearest lift.

The lift opened into a hallway with two doors each on opposite walls. Rose pulled out a key and went to the first door on the left side of the hall, unlocking it. She allowed him to enter before following him, closing and locking the door behind them.

The Doctor immediately walked around the single-level condominium with curiosity. It was a spacious and barren place, indicating exactly what Rose had said was true; she really didn't use it for living, just for sleeping and possibly a little work-related activity. The carpet was tan in color and the walls were eggshell white. Aside from a small dining table with four chairs and a couch in the living room there were no furnishings, making the home seem abandoned. A quick look around told the Doctor that the main living area was about seven hundred square feet, giving him an idea of how large the condo really was. There were two doors on the left side of the living area – bedrooms, he supposed - and a kitchen just opposite that was spacious enough for three people to move around in without bumping into each other. On the far side of the main room, directly across from the front door, there was a large balcony that ran along the side of the building, bringing enormous amount of light into the abode. It was obvious that the condominium took up a good fourth of the floor.

"This place is huge," he commented.

"A bit too big, in my opinion," Rose replied as she went to the kitchen to confirm the lack of anything edible there. "But what could I do? Dad bought it without telling me and insisted that I have it. I had to force him to let me pay the bills on it. Don't like having everything just given to me when I can earn it."

He grinned at her words. "My Rose," he said, as if just her name was a compliment.

She smiled in return and walked back over to him to take his hand. With her free hand, she gestured to the left side of the room. "Spare bedroom is on the left. Nothing in it, though. Just basic storage. Master bedroom to the right. Both have their own attached bathrooms so take your pick if you want to wash up. I would suggest the master bathroom as it actually has towels, shampoo, etc. I think we should look online for furniture because, well, as you can see I don't really have any to speak of and I figure you'd like a bed to sleep on…"

"Rose…" he interrupted, remembering how she had Reggie bring all that they had just purchased that day up to the condo. "Are you… asking me to move in with you?"

She hesitated at his question, avoiding his eyes. "Well, I just figured that you need someplace to stay and I don't think that you want to live in the mansion…" She was interrupted when masculine lips pressed against hers.

Rose melted into the kiss, enjoying the taste and texture as the two of them wrapped their arms around each other. After a long moment, they separated and looked into each other's eyes. Then, abruptly, Rose quickly took a step back from him, surprise and uncertainty on her face. Even though she had kissed this man before, she still wasn't sure who he was and him kissing her had only fueled the confusion she was feeling.

"Am I being too forward?" came the concerned question from the hybrid.

"A bit, yeah," Rose replied, her tone showing how shocked she had been by his actions.

"Well, you're the one who snogged me on that beach," he pointed out. "And you didn't seem to mind me reciprocating just now."

She swallowed, taking another step away from him. "Doctor…" She gave a slight huff as if trying to decide whether to laugh or cry. "I don't even really know you!"

He looked at her as if she had delivered a killing blow to his heart. "I'm the Doctor," he protested.

"But you're not!" Seeing the effect her words had on him, she quickly tried to backtrack and clarify. "I mean, you are but you're different. You're hyperactive like the Doctor and you still talk a hundred miles a minute. You look like him, think like him, sound like him… but the Doctor didn't say those words on the beach and you just kissed me and the Doctor would never have done that…" 

"I've always wanted to."

She took a calming breath to refocus her thoughts. "I just think that we need to take this slow, yeah? If we actually sleep together, I don't want to be just some distraction from these withdrawals and I want to actually know who it is that I'm with. I want it to be _meaningful_. I've already been hurt one too many times in the past…"

"I know," the Doctor interrupted, a sad expression on his face. "Jimmy Stone."

She didn't respond for a long moment. "Yeah," she finally said, the vehemence in her voice having dropped with his interruption. She'd almost forgotten that she'd told the Doctor about the rock band leader and ex-fiancé who'd turned her life upside down, convinced her to drop out of school, and abused her before she finally got enough courage to refuse to be his punching bag anymore.

He nodded gently, understanding on his face. "Neither of us are the same people we were before. We've both grown, had experiences that shaped us into who we are now. I may be the Doctor but I'm no longer the Doctor who took you traveling through the stars anymore than you are the teenage girl I showed the universe to. And I'm already discovering that there's more of Donna in me than I had originally thought and that is something that we are both going to have to deal with. You're right. The Doctor wouldn't have just outright kissed you like I just did or spoken those words on the beach. Donna would have. Well… if you were a man, that is. And I can already see differences between who you were then and who you are now. You're a woman now." He smiled at her. "A brilliant, fantastic, strong woman. But I don't know the woman standing in front of me as well as I should. So… you're right. We should wait. Get to know each other again." He gave her a small smile. "But I am still the Doctor even if I am perfectly half human. And I love you. I always will. And when you are ready, I will be here."

She didn't say anything to his words, her eyes showing that she was thinking about all that had happened between them since they arrived in this parallel world. A moment later, she gently pushed him towards the master bedroom. "Go on and get cleaned up. There should be a spare toothbrush in there somewhere too."

"You just bought me a toothbrush," he pointed out.

"You aren't going to reuse a toothbrush after you were just sick," she replied, waving him to continue.

The Doctor shrugged slightly at her words, going into the master bedroom as instructed. A few minutes later, the sound of running water came through the doorway, telling Rose that he'd taken up the offer to clean up quite seriously as to even take a shower. She wondered slightly at that, given that the Time Lord didn't take many showers at all – couple of times a week or so, depending on the adventure they'd just run from. Did his taking a shower mean that this version of him was more of a neat freak than the original? He did, after all, have a shower that morning. Did he perspire a lot more? Was it his way of coping with tension, similar to how she took bubble baths for the same reason? It was just another thing that she didn't know about him.

And when she really thought about it, had she ever really known him, even the Time Lord version? She thought she did but now, with this half-human half-alien male in her life, she just wasn't sure what she knew about either of them. The only thing she did know was that, when she looked at the man currently in her shower, she remembered that moment on the beach when he leaned and whispered those three words into her ear, those words that made her react as she did, and she knew that she loved him. She just wasn't sure about spending the rest of her life with him.

The doorbell rang, bringing her out of her thoughts. Wiping her face to further clear her mind, she went over to the door and, peering through the eyehole, confirmed her suppositions of who was there. Opening the door, she allowed Reggie to bring his cart into her home.

"Can you leave the cart? Promise I'll bring it down later this evening." Gaining an assurance that it would be fine, she thanked him as he left.

Pulling the cart to the right, she opened a door and took it into what was obviously a good sized laundry room. Her pressing a button in the wall caused what looked like a recessed wardrobe to open up. She hung two of the suits on the bar provided, removing the plastic coverings and all tags from each item, making sure each piece of clothing was hanging separately – including two t-shirts and two full sets of underwear. She placed two sets of trainers on the bottom before closing the door and pressing three buttons to the right of it, causing a rush of air to sound through the room.

Turning to the washer, she loaded it with all the rest of the whites purchased, again making sure that all the tags were removed, before adding detergent and running the machine on the appropriate setting. The remaining clothing – which was quite a bit – she hung on the drying bar to the left of the appliances or placed on the floor just under the bar, again removing all tags and plastic covers and separating each article. The rest of the bags which contained the Doctor's toiletries were placed just inside the guest bedroom, to be sorted at a later time. Once the cart was empty, she pulled it back out of the room and to the front door, a reminder to fulfill her promise to return it to the ground floor.

The task done, she took a breath to listen to the sounds in the condominium, noting that the Doctor had obviously finished his shower. Smiling, she walked over to the master bedroom, thinking that the hybrid found the large robe hanging on the door and had put it on.

"You know, that is the most I've ever used the steam-clean…" she started before freezing in stunned silence at the sight before her.

The Doctor was seated cross-legged in the middle of her bed, his hands resting palms down on his knees, his eyes closed, and a calm expression on his face. What stunned her the most, however, was the obvious fact that he was completely naked.

"Whoa," she breathed out, the sound indicating that she found the sight more than a little distracting.

She'd never really paid attention the one previous time that she'd seen the Doctor naked. At the time, the Doctor was ill from having just regenerated. She and Mickey had been far too busy getting him into Howard's pajamas and tending to him for Rose to really notice. As for the times he was nearly naked during the various scans he'd endured while at Torchwood, she'd only been witness to two and was more interested in the tests results than his physique. Seeing him now, sitting there in the center of her bed, she couldn't help but compare him to some mythological god. Yes, he was thin, but he still had muscles, just enough to show just how strong he really was despite his apparent skinniness. His posture indicated flexibility that, at that moment, Rose really wanted to test. His chest hair was a light brown and was just the right amount, in her opinion – not too thick, not too thin. It stopped just above his waist but easily led her eyes further to the area that was blocked by her sight by his thin but athletic legs. Her mother's words from years ago – "What else does he have two of?" – came back undaunted, making her flush with embarrassment since she couldn't help but wonder exactly that as she looked at him.

"Whoa," she repeated before slowly backing out of the room, ignoring her urge to go run her hands over every inch of him. She was still staring at the open door when her cell phone rang.

It took four rings for Rose to finally answer, her mind still on unforgettable sight in her bedroom. "Hello."

"Rose! Sweetheart, I've been trying to reach you all day! Are you all right, love? How's the Doctor?" Jackie questioned on the other end of the line.

"Oh, better than I ever imagined," she said breathily.

Hearing the tone in her daughter's voice, Jackie smiled slightly. "Did I call at a bad time?"

"No!" Rose protested, quickly refocusing her mind away from the image of the Doctor meditating naked to the conversation with her mother. "No, of course not."

"Too bad," came the response. "I would have thought you two would be up to a little hanky panky by now."

"Mum!" She could feel her face flush again as she remembered having similar thoughts only moments before. "We agreed to wait until we got to know each other a little better."

"Yeah, well, the expression on his face every time he looks at you tells me that he'd rather sleep with you first."

"Mum…"

"I'm just saying…" she said, her tone indicating that she was letting the matter drop. "So, what have you two been doing all day? Pete told me that Dr. Sullivan released him from hospital this morning."

"Did some shopping," Rose replied. "Needed to get him some clothes and sundries. I'm cleaning a couple of his new suits and a load of whites while he meditates. At least, that's what I think he's doing."

"Told you that steam-clean would come in handy someday," Jackie replied. "A lot better than sending clothes out to the dry cleaners. You going to stay overnight there?"

"Where would the Doctor sleep?"

"Where do you think?"

"Mum, I told you…"

"Like you two never slept together before," Jackie interrupted.

"Not like that, we haven't! Sharing a bed and… that… are two totally different things."

"Well, I won't expect you tonight but you'd better have the Doctor call Pete when he's done meditating. He wants info so he can make his ID and start building up his history."

"We were talking about that earlier but he wasn't clear on that. I'll discuss it with him over dinner, yeah? And we'll tell you when we get back to the house." She paused slightly. "Or we'll call you."

"So… you are staying overnight."

She hesitated, thinking seriously about the possibility. "Maybe," she conceded. "Talk to you later. Love you."

Jackie returned the affectionate words before the two hung up.


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Rose had finished the Doctor's laundry – careful to make sure that each article was cleaned on the proper setting, especially the leather jacket – and returned the cart to the lobby. She had been browsing online for furniture when the Doctor finally emerged from the master bedroom, the robe from the bathroom around his form.

"Thanks," he told her, looking at her sitting on the couch.

She raised her head upon hearing his words, putting her laptop on the couch beside her. "For what?"

"Giving me a chance to meditate. Helps clear my mind, eases my bipolar symptoms. Although…" He scratched his sideburn, a ponderous look on his face. "Did you peek in on me?" Seeing her face flush slightly, he gaped. "No way! You did! You naughty girl, you!"

"It wasn't like that," she replied, refusing to look at him. "I just wanted to tell you something and you were… Well, you weren't exactly hidden, were you."

"As if you didn't like it," he taunted, walking into the kitchen.

"Doctor!" She couldn't believe the words coming from him, her own embarrassment growing with them.

"You got any cups in this place?" he questioned, going through the barren cupboards. "Blimey, you weren't kidding when you said you didn't have anything here. You don't even have dishes!"

She sighed, rubbing her face slightly. It was obvious that there definitely was a lot more Donna in him than they had previously thought, given his tone. "The cupboard closest to the refrigerator. There are some glasses and plates in there."

Opening the cupboard in question, the Doctor grinned broadly. "_Molte bene_!" he exclaimed, grabbing a glass before going to the sink and filling it with water. He drained the glass immediately, putting the empty container on the counter. "Now… what next?"

"A late dinner?" Rose suggested.

"Again? We just ate dinner, didn't we?"

"It's been hours and that was linner, remember?"

"You humans do eat a lot," he commented before glancing at the clock hanging on the kitchen wall, seeing that it was nearly nine o'clock in the evening. "Is it really that late? How long did I meditate?"

"A couple of hours. I cleaned your new clothes. A couple of your suits are hanging in the laundry room as is your long coat and leather jacket. The rest of your suits are in the steam-clean with the rest of your new trainers and your casuals and underwear are folded on top of the dryer."

"Steam-clean?" he questioned as he looked for the room she referred to. Noting where she was pointing, he opened the door and grinned before stepping into the room. "Now this is a laundry room! You could practically run your own laundry business out of this room."

Standing from the couch, she followed him into the room. "Mum insisted. Said that it was less expensive and far more reliable than having them dry cleaned professionally. Didn't think it would really come to much use, not with me only using it every other week or so." She touched his shoulder. "Maybe you should get dressed while I call for dinner. And then you and I need to sit down and talk about who you are going to be in this universe." Seeing the frown on his face, she clarified, "Mum called. Dad needs to know the details of your new identity so that he can get you the proper identification papers. And after that reporter taking our picture in _Afters_, I think it's a good idea to do it as quickly as possible."

The Doctor sighed. "I suppose if I must."

Rose glanced at his face and noted the expression there, the apprehension that seemed to graze his visage whenever creating a life here on Earth was brought up. She knew it wasn't easy for him, being part human and with an emptiness in his mind he was still trying to cope with even if the new medicine and regular meditation were helping him. Perhaps they were going too fast in trying to settle him into this new grounded life but it was necessary. There would be questions about his sudden appearance by not only the press but also by the government. They needed to make sure they had appropriate answers, especially since some government agencies were more likely to treat the Doctor like a lab rat than a sentient being if they knew he was half-alien.

"Hey, it's okay. We can handle anything, you and me, yeah? Mutt and Jeff? Shiver and shake?"

He grinned at her. "Which one am I?" he asked.

The reference to a long ago spoken conversation caused Rose to return the grin. "This time, I get to be shake. You get to get dressed while I call for dinner." She gently pushed him towards the clothes neatly folded on the dryer. She then turned and left the spacious laundry room before going to the living room and settling on the couch before doing exactly as she said she would.

When the Doctor stepped out of the laundry room again, he was wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. His feet were still bare as he walked over and sat next to her.

"So, what exactly does your father need to know to get identification papers for me?" he asked, his voice resigned to what needed to be done.

"Well, first we need a new name." Seeing the lost look on his face, she gave a little smile. "Figured you'd want some help with that so I bought a book while you were in the glasses shop."

"A book?" he questioned as she stood and retrieved the item. She placed it in his hands before returning to her seat. "This is a book of baby names, Rose."

"Know a better way to pick a name?" she questioned. "Now, the first half is all female names so we can just ignore that."

"How am I supposed to pick a name out of all this?" he commented mostly to himself. He took a breath, apparently deciding on a methodology before closing his eyes, flipping through the book, stopping on a page and pointing. Opening his eyes, he read the name his finger had landed on. "Kermit." Hearing Rose giggle slightly, he gave her a teasing glare. "No. I am not green."

"Try again," she encouraged.

He repeated his previous actions. "Beelzebub? What sort of demented parent names their child after the Devil?"

"The name Beelzebub is in there? Seriously?"

He grimaced slightly. "A very odd book you bought." Once again, he closed his eyes and picked another name. Reading it, he groaned. "Ulick... I lick... he licks..."

She smiled mischievously. "Fits you. You do like to lick." The glare she received brought another giggle from her. "Sorry. Try again. There has to be a proper name in there somewhere."

He sighed and complied. "Jehoshaphat... I wouldn't know if they're calling my name or making an exclamation." He flipped the pages again. "Nidhogg... sounds like an insult. Skidbladnir? That's just sounds disgusting!" He glowered at the book. "What is this? A book of sounds you make when you cough?" Frustrated by his lack of progress, he threw the book across the room, causing it to smack against the far wall and drop to the floor, landing open halfway and face down. "Rubbish! Pure rubbish! I mean, really! Those are _human_ names? I might as well just choose the name Dustbin and be done with it!"

Clearly displeased with how the book failed to help the Doctor pick a human name, Rose stood from the couch to retrieve the object. "I guess it's John Smith then."

"I suppose," he responded dejectedly. "I was hoping for something with a little more pizzazz though. Not too much, mind you. It's just… John Smith is so boring. I've had enough of using that alias. Not sure I want to use it for the rest of my life. Well, I could go by any number of names I know that are more appropriate. Ian, Steven, James, Ben, Jack… But I'd really rather have a name of my own, not one I've stolen from a former com…"

As he spoke, Rose lifted the book where it had opened and turned it over. A small smile came to her features as she read what was there. "What about… Alex?" she interrupted his rant.

"Pardon?" he questioned, surprise on his face.

"Alex. Alexander. I always liked that name," she admitted. "Besides… I think it suits you."

"Alex?" he questioned. Smiling broadly, he crowed, "Yes! Alex! Alexander." His brow furrowed. "Alexander what?"

"Well, you could still use Smith for a surname," she suggested.

"Alexander Smith," he tested the name. "Alexander Wilfred Smith." His eyes widened at his words. "Wilfred? Why would I pick Wilfred?" He suddenly stared at the far wall, a soft expression on his face. "I've always wanted to name a child after Gramps…"

"Gramps?" Rose asked gently.

"Wilfred Mott, my grandfather," he replied before sighing in slight frustration. "Donna's grandfather," he corrected, running a hand through his hair. "Still having trouble sorting my memories. Wilf's a good man, though. I'd be proud to carry his name. And it's keeping it in the family… sort of."

"Alexander Wilfred Smith. I like it."

He beamed back at her. "Me too. Shouldn't we be writing everything down, though? So we can let your Dad know who I am now?"

"Right," she agreed, obviously not having thought of that. Retrieving her laptop, she immediately created a new word processor document and then typed for a few seconds before turning to her friend. "Okay, so we have your name. Now… how about a date of birth."

"Well, you said I look about thirty-eight. So what year would that be?"

"1971," she replied. "Any particular day you want?"

"Does it really matter?"

"What about your real birthday?" she suggested.

The metacrisis raised an eyebrow at her. "I was born on another planet with an entirely different calendar and to a culture that didn't put such emphasis on the day a person is born. It really doesn't matter to me what day is supposed to be my birthday. Just pick a day at random."

She gave him a look before saying, "All right, then. December 25th."

"Not Christmas!" he protested. "You can't have me being born on Christmas. That's just not fair! People born on Christmas get jilted. All the attention is on it being Christmas and not on it being their birthday."

She smiled at his reaction. "I thought you didn't care if you had a birthday. If you don't like Christmas as your birthday, then pick another day." She seemed to think on the matter for a moment. "What about… the day you were… you know…"

"The day the metacrisis occurred?" he questioned. "Well, I suppose when Donna… when she touched my hand and caused the metacrisis… I was born. So, yeah. I suppose that will do just fine." He paused with a frown. "What day was that?"

"October 19th," she answered. As she did so, she couldn't help but think of the sadness in his voice as he spoke Donna's name, bringing back to Rose's mind the words he said when he first reacted to his separation from the TARDIS. Setting the laptop to the side, she turned to him, concern in her eyes. "Doctor… when we were in Norway, you said something about Donna burning." She noted the way his expressive eyes grew sadder. "What did you mean? Is she okay?"

He didn't answer for a long moment, his eyes meeting Rose's. "It was a two-way metacrisis. And she's human."

"Yeah? And that means?"

"There's never been a human/Time Lord metacrisis, Rose, because there can't be. I have a Time Lord brain so I can handle all that comes with being a Time Lord. All of time and space is in my brain. But it's also in Donna's. And having a Time Lord mind running through a human brain… it was killing her."

"So she's… dead?" she questioned somberly.

The hybrid shook his head. "No. Knowing my brother, he would have done the only thing he could to save her life. He locked all that knowledge away, made her forget him, the TARDIS, me, you, Jack, Mickey, Sarah Jane… everything. Probably left her with a defense mechanism just in case something might remind her of him because, if she remembers him even a little bit, she will die and he won't be able to save her a second time." He felt his eyes tearing at the thought and blinked away the emotions quickly. "The most important woman in the universe and she doesn't even know it. She's back to being just Donna Noble, a temp from Chiswick, not knowing just how brilliant she really is."

Reaching over to him, Rose gently took his hand, gaining his attention. "I'm so sorry," she told him wholeheartedly. She paused thoughtfully. "Maybe… maybe we can find her in this universe."

"No," he told her adamantly, his eyes dark. "No looking for a past that's gone. If I meet her, I meet her. I'm not going to impose myself into her life simply because she reminds me of my best friend in another universe." Taking a deep breath, he exhaled loudly, clearing his mind with the action. "19 October 1971. That's my birth date," he stated bluntly. "To honor Donna and her creating me. Mother, sister, best friend… complicated relationship there."

"Well, it fits that a complicated man like you would have a complicated family. But let's try to simplify it, yeah? So… mother's name."

"Donna Noble," came the automatic reply. Seeing the look Rose gave him, the metacrisis smiled slightly. "There's got to be more than one Donna Noble on this island. It's a pretty common name. But, just in case there's any confusion, make the middle name… Susan. For my granddaughter."

"You had a granddaughter?" she questioned, surprise in her voice.

"Over a thousand years old, Rose," he stated as if that answered everything. "I had great-great-grandchildren."

"Right," she murmured, pulling the laptop back towards her to type in the Doctor's choice of mother's name. "Father's name," she requested.

"John Smith," he answered. "Simple and easy to remember. No middle name." He thought for a moment. "Let's see… if I was born in 1971, then my mother would have to have been born sometime before 1950. But I don't want her too young. Oh… I don't know… 27 April, 1940," he said, obviously grabbing a date haphazardly. "My father… 30 October, 1938," he stated with more confidence.

"That last one was a bit specific," Rose said with a smile.

"That's the day of the infamous War of the Worlds broadcast in the United States. Figure it's appropriate because my father is an alien. Let's see. About my parents... Mother died of a brain tumor… ten years ago? Father died a year later of a heart attack. Make them both New Year's Eve. I did die of a heart attack on New Year's Eve once. Well… regenerated anyway."

She thought about his made-up history for a moment. "That's so… romantically tragic."

"Regenerating on New Year's Eve?"

She giggled. "No, you git. Your father dying exactly one year after your mother. Makes it sound like he died of a broken heart."

He blinked at her words. "Yeah, it does, doesn't it. I was just thinking that it would be easy to remember but, now that you pointed that out, I rather like it."

She chuckled slightly. "Any siblings?"

"Two. Twin brother, of course, named after my father. And a sister named Donna." Seeing the look on Rose's face, he shrugged. "Complicated event in space and time, remember."

"We're trying to make things as simple as possible," she countered. "Bit odd for you to have a brother named after your father and a sister named after your mother."

"Well, my parents were a bit odd," he responded with a grin.

Rose pushed the laptop away again and turned towards him, a smile on her face. "They must have loved each other very much."

The Doctor mimicked her movements. "Desperately," he agreed.

"When did they get married?"

"August 1961."

"But you and your brother were born in 1971. So, why did they wait so long to have you? Or is your sister older than you."

The hybrid's grin broadened with the obvious game they'd engaged in. "Oh, no. We're triplets. Very rare triplets. My brother and I are identical and our sister is fraternal. My parents were both working professionals. Never had time for a family. We were a surprise for them."

"And what did your parents do for a living?"

"Both were scientists. Mother quit her job to raise us full-time – definitely a job in itself with three children – while Father worked to support us. I was a precocious child. Got into trouble a lot. Too smart for my own good."

"I bet you were. So how did you turn out so smart?"

"Brilliant parents, child prodigy, went to university at the age of sixteen. I have… oh… three doctorates?"

"What are they?"

"Medicine, history and physics, of course." 

"Of course," she agreed. "Where did you go to school?"

"Cambridge."

"What do you do for a living?"

"Oh, I've done a bit of everything. Doctor, scientist… ended up… a teacher?" he suggested.

"Is that what you want to do? Be a teacher?" she questioned gently.

He paused thoughtfully at her question. "I'm not sure."

"Well, we can get back to that later. Right now, however, you're looking for a job because you've been out of the country on an extended holiday. Now… where did we meet?" she continued the game.

"Vitex function."

"What were you wearing?"

"That cream suit hanging in your laundry room. What about you? What were you wearing?"

"Spaghetti strap black gown, matching shoes, diamond earrings and necklace."

"Hair done up?"

"Soft curls. And you stayed slightly out of sight the whole time, not wanting to draw attention to yourself."

"I wasn't trying to avoid people," he protested. "I was just… people watching. I like to people watch. You were bored with the party, thought I looked interesting. You offered me a drink and I accepted."

"We got talking. You told me about being on holiday and how you just got back when you were obliged to come to the function." 

"Terribly boring."

"We talked for about twenty minutes uninterrupted before my dad pulled me away for the main presentation."

"I slipped out during the presentation, painfully and suddenly aware that I'd just talked to the famous Rose Tyler. But I couldn't get you out of my head so I came by the mansion on the pretense of having left my wallet the other night and I asked you out to dinner."

"I was unsure about going out with you at first but then I remembered how we seemed to hit it off at the function so I said yes. Our first date."

"We had chips," came the habitual response.

She pointed a finger at him. "Steakhouse. We joke about having chips. You gave me a single white rose. I wore a simple blue dress. You wore the blue pinstripe. You were so adorably chic geek."

"Chic geek?" the Doctor questioned with a bemused expression, gaining a chuckle from her. He blinked for a moment as he recalled the entire conversation. "Wait a minute… does this mean we're dating?"

Rose looked at him for a moment, his question bringing an instant halt to the game. "I don't know. Does it? I mean… do you want to date?"

"Well, dating is two people getting to know each other in order to ascertain whether or not the other person is a potential mate so…" His smile returned. "Yeah. I want to date you, Rose Tyler. So, what does that make today? Date number… three?"

"How would this be date number three?"

"Well, date number one is the fictitious dinner at the steakhouse. I just figured that you are likely the kind of person who would wait until the third date before asking someone to share a condominium with you."

She laughed at his supposition. "More like date number two hundred three," she corrected him.

"All right. So, we've been dating for a while now. How long then?"

"A few months," she decided.

"A few months? Rose, we still don't know each other like we should. How are we going to appear to have been dating for a few months?"

"That's what this weekend will be for, getting to know each other. Besides, you just got back from your extended holiday, remember?" He shrugged slightly in concession. "Too bad we didn't record everything we just said," she added with a sigh.

"Oh, I remember it. No worries there." As he spoke, the doorbell rang.

Rose put the laptop in his hands. "Good. You can finish your mini-biography while I go get our dinner." She stood from the couch to answer the door.

He sighed slightly as he started to type all the relevant information they had come up with in their little game. A part of him paid attention to Rose as she paid for their dinner and took it into the kitchen. She took down a couple of plates and placed a couple of slices of pizza on each before opening the bottle of pop she'd purchased, pouring a glass for each of them. Then, with a skill the Doctor hadn't realized she had, she balanced the plates on one arm while carrying the glasses in the opposite hand as she went to the dining table and put everything down gently.

"That was impressive," he complimented, carrying the laptop to the table.

"I worked in a restaurant for about six months before getting that job at Henrik's," she told him with a smile. "There are some things you just don't forget."

"Obviously," the hybrid stated, putting the laptop in front of her. "All done. Well, at least with the basic information. Do we need anything else?"

She looked over what he typed, quickly making an adjustment here and there. "Where were you born?"

"Doesn't matter. I've been everywhere. Well, everywhere in the other universe. I can easily improvise if asked." Seeing her look at him with questioning, the half Time Lord concluded that wasn't an acceptable answer. "Wherever you want to put down is fine as long as it makes sense with the information we've decided on."

"Victoria, British America, then," she decided. "That's the country's capital city."

He raised an eyebrow. "Why British America?" he asked with curiosity.

She typed as she spoke. "About fifteen years ago, there was a terrorist attack in Victoria. They blew up the Capitol Building, destroying the city's records. Fortunately, no one was hurt and most of everything was on paper back-up elsewhere but there are still problems with obtaining accurate information from there. Having you grow up there makes it much easier for you to improvise your history, as long as you are consistent with it. And people will be less likely to go digging too deep into your past if you're a Commonwealther."

"Commonwealther?"

"People born in the old British Commonwealth: Australia, British America, India, South Africa, et cetera. Your accent puts you as either a Londoner or from British America so..."

"So I'm a Commonwealther," he reaffirmed in his mind.

"Well, British American, actually. It's not considered polite to call someone a Commonwealther if you know where they are from. So… sorry for being so rude." She grinned at him winningly.

"Forgiven," he replied, returning the smile as Rose finished typing up the fairly consistent history for the hybrid before sending it to her father via secure email. "I am going to need to read up, though. There's obviously lots of differences between this universe and the other."

"There's a library nearby," she offered as she closed her laptop. "Mickey and I spent a lot of time there just learning about this world for the first couple of months. I still don't know everything, though. Probably never will."

"Yes. Well, you aren't planning on possibly being a teacher either," he pointed out. He gestured to the pizza on her plate. "Your dinner is getting cold."

"Just need to call Dad and let him know we emailed him the details," she informed him as she pulled out her cell phone and did exactly that. "Hey, Dad." She paused, listening. "Yeah, I just sent it Torchwood email. Yeah. Is that really necessary? All right, I'll bring him tomorrow. No, we're staying here tonight. You let me worry about that. See you tomorrow. Love you. Bye."

The Doctor smiled at her as she hung up. "So… we're staying here tonight."

"Yeah. It's been a long day," she commented, finally turning to her dinner.

"You know there's only one bed in this condo."

"My bed is big enough for both of us."

"Already offering to share your bed?" he questioned with a smile.

She chuckled slightly. "We have been dating for several months. And it isn't like anything is going to happen." She looked at him with tender eyes. "Is it?"

"Do you want it to?" he asked gently.

She hesitated before answering. "I don't know."

"That makes two of us so… we should keep it platonic. For now," he added quickly. He finished the slices that were on his plate and stood to get more. "So, where are we going tomorrow?"

"Torchwood."

"I just left there," Alex complained. "Why do we need to go back? My appointment with Dr. Gentillini isn't for another week."

"Dad wants to go over the information we just sent him and get the paperwork going on establishing your identity," she replied around a mouthful. "I think he also wants to talk to you about career options."

"Like working for Torchwood," he supposed. The tone in his voice showed a hint of uncertainty.

"I know you said you didn't want to work there but it's something to consider. It's a good job," she pointed out.

Alex shrugged slightly, letting the subject dissipate.

A silence seemed to settle around them as they ate, both giving each other occasional glances that showed pent up interest in one another. Finally, when they had both had their fill, they put the leftovers in the refrigerator and washed the dishes they'd used before putting them away.

"I suppose we should get some sleep," the Doctor said, leaning slightly on the kitchen counter.

"Yeah," Rose agreed quietly. "Busy day tomorrow."

"First official day in my new domestic life," the Doctor agreed. "Quite an event, when you think about it." He took a step towards her, bridging the space that had been between them.

"Yeah," she agreed, looking into his eyes in a way that told him she was considering breaking the agreement they had just made only minutes ago about keeping it platonic.

The Doctor, for his part, was suddenly finding it difficult to think of anything except how he wanted to test how soft Rose's skin would be under his hands. He forced the thought away violently only for it to return with a vengeance. _Why can't I think rationally? Yes, she's extremely beautiful but there's a time and a place and this is certainly neither but… oh, she smells so good… _He cleared his throat abruptly, hoping that the act would help focus his mind. "I'll just… go put my pajamas on. I can sleep on the couch. Do you have an extra blanket and pillow I could use?"

"I'll go get them," she answered, slowly going to do just that as the metacrisis walked to the laundry room to change his clothes.

"What is wrong with me?" he whispered to himself as he stripped off his shirt. "I can't stop thinking about undressing her and… No, don't think about it. Now is not the time to be thinking about sex. Get control of your hormones…" Taking a deep breath, he exhaled slowly as he finished changing his clothes.

As the Doctor stepped out of the laundry room, this time in his pajamas, he noticed Rose standing beside the couch, a blanket and pillow in her hands.

"Thanks," he told her, taking the items from her before putting them on the couch. "So… see you in the morning?"

She nodded slightly at his words, an odd look in her eyes that the Doctor chose to ignore. That look, he knew, could only lead to trouble that neither of them were ready for… and that he would indulge in within a second if he didn't force himself not to think about it.

"Well, then… good night," he told her, a small smile on his face that he hoped didn't look as forced as it felt.

"Good night, Doctor," she returned a smile before slowly going into her bedroom and closing the door.

Making sure that the lights were off, Alex laid on the couch wide awake, unable to stop thinking about Rose sleeping in the other room, of how he wanted to touch her… caress her… kiss her in areas that weren't publicly acceptable. He turned on his side in an attempt to avoid looking towards her bedroom, hoping that it would help him in his quest to control his thoughts and finding it futile. Something was clearly wrong with him. He should be able to control his hormones better than this. After all, he had done so before around her, back when he was fully Time Lord. Now, however, it was as if his hormones had a mind of their own and no amount of reasoning was going to put them down.

The cause of his distress came to him a moment later. "Bloody hell… I have human hormones!"


	11. Interlude A

_Sorry for the delay. I've been very busy with other things. I'm hoping to get a good leeway in the story so that I won't be leaving all of you waiting for the next chapter for months and months. This one is a short one that, while it seems irrelevant, will mean a lot later in the story._

_Again, thanks for reading and send reviews my way! Me likey reviews!_**  
><strong>

**Interlude A**

_A Distant Planet  
><em>July 2013, Earth time<em>  
><em>

Jakobb crouched behind a boulder, waiting for his prey to bring himself within attack distance. He'd gotten very good at successfully bringing down rivals in this hell; it was the only way one could survive. Resources were limited, which meant that the law of the land truly was survival of the fittest. To Jakobb, the fittest meant not necessarily the physically strongest, but the most cunning and clever, the ones who understood their environment and adapted to it as necessary. In this case, his prey had a thick coat on him and winter was about to set in, making the days and nights colder than the normal moderate temperatures of summer. If a person wasn't prepared, they could easily freeze to death during the first snowfall. Jakobb had already gone through one winter on this hell of a planet and barely survived it. He intended to be fully prepared this year.

He looked on his prey with a hint of trepidation but a great deal of anticipation. While the Grintari was strong and dangerous face-to-face, it had an Achilles' heal very similar to a Sontaran. A precisely placed blade into the back of the neck would temporarily paralyze the beast. The biggest issue with Grentarii was that they healed very quickly, which meant that Jakobb would then have to act quickly to kill the beast before getting the items he needed off of its dead body.

The moment his prey was in sight, Jakobb drew his blade and jumped on his back, stabbing him accurately in spite of the Grintari struggling to get the attacker off its back. An agonized scream escaped the wounded creatures lips as he tumbled to the ground, paralyzed from the blow. Jakobb turned him over.

"Stop!" the alien screamed, terror on its face. "I'm not your enemy! The masters are!"

"Yeah, well, the masters aren't here, are they? And I need a coat for the winter. No hard feelings," Jakobb told him, merciless in his intent. He brought his knife up, ready to kill. A moment later, however, Jakobb vanished in a bright white and purple light, leaving his victim lying on the ground, panting in an attempt to slow his racing heart.

A male humanoid ran down a nearby ridge towards the fallen alien, concern in his eyes.

"Ltrief! Are you all right?" he asked, dropping to check on the wound the Grintari had sustained.

"It will heal and I will soon walk again, thanks to you," the creature responded, its soft tones contradicting its foreboding appearance.

The male smiled sheepishly. He was relieved that the Grintari would be all right in the end but his expression showed there was more to the incident than the creature had supposed. "I wish I could take the credit, my friend. But it was a teleport that took the monster away. Which likely means he's with the Keeper."

Ltrief growled at the thought. "Then we must prepare. Jakobb was a terror in the Zone. If the Keeper is interested in making him one of his slaves, then the danger will increase. Help me up," it requested. "I am well enough to walk, though with great care, and I do need rest." Snarling, it allowed its sharp teeth to show its displeasure. "Great Goddess, Rega! We almost had the bastard!"

"_You_ almost got yourself killed," Rega berated as he helped his friend to its feet. "I don't care if it was likely the only way to get to him, it was still too dangerous."

"Less dangerous than allowing him to continue down the path he had chosen, to pander to the masters' wishes than to fight against them as we have chosen to do." Ltrief looked on Rega with admiration. "You are very brave indeed to go against your own kind."

The humanoid's face grew dark but sad. "My kind do not enslave those not like them and force them to fight for their amusement. If my people can't see the truth in that, then I must make them see it." He breathed for a moment, the Grintari allowing him the silence he needed to collect his thoughts. "Come on," he finally said. "Let's get out of the Zone before they see through our perception filters. The last thing we need is for them to find out we can enter and exit the Zone freely. We'd never improve our ranks if that happens."

Together the two moved towards the ridge.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"No!" Jakobb exclaimed in anger, watching the Grintari disappear underneath him. "Damn it!" He slapped the surface below him, his thoughts focused on the fact that his winter coat he so desperately needed had just vanished from his sight. A moment later, however, he realized that the surface below him wasn't the familiar earth he'd tread on for nearly two years. Gone were the dust and rocks, a smooth flawless floor having taken its place. He remembered the odd sensation he'd experienced as the Grintari disappeared from sight and realization came to him.

"I've been teleported," he stated with surprise, raising his head to see that he was in a barren soft gray room. He remembered he had been in a similar room a couple of years before, just before being sent to hell. He gave a bitter laugh. "Maybe I've been pardoned." A pardon would mean that the person he'd wronged had forgiven him and he was seriously doubtful about that. It was a nice dream but he knew that the masters weren't so magnanimous.

It was several hours before the door to his cell – and that was exactly what he was in – opened, prompting him to stand. A well-robed man entered the room with the air of someone who was familiar with authority on his shoulders. He was of medium height with short dark brown hair and bright blue eyes. A handsome man, Jakobb noted, with whom he might have flirted a bit under different circumstances. The dark expression on the man's face told him, however, that such an advance would definitely be to his disadvantage. He knew he'd seen the man before but, for the moment, he couldn't recall where or when.

"_Apelhe_, Jakobb," the man greeted. His voice was beautifully elegant and yet showed that he knew how to control his surroundings with skill, including the people in his presence. "You are wondering why you are here, no doubt. You'd been in the Zone… what is it? Two years?"

"Nearly," Jakobb admitted, refusing to be intimidated by the person in front of him. Two years was a very long time on this planet, whose orbit was a great distance more from its suns than that of his home planet from her sun.

"And in that time, you've proven yourself quite resilient. His Most Venerated Imperial Majesty has had much amusement watching you. Quite engaging."

Jakobb glowered at the man. He knew that people fighting in the Zone and struggling to survive was the most watched entertainment on this planet but he never wanted to be a celebrity in that venue. Doing what you had to do to survive your life sentence was one thing; doing it because it entertained the masters was another. What he wanted to do at that very moment was to rip the smug expression off of this man's face, break out of his cell, and find the nearest spaceship to get himself off of this rock. Once he was in space, he'd get as far from the Empire's borders as he could and never even think of crossing them again, no matter what the possible monetary gain.

"But you are not here to act as the Emperor's court jester," the man continued. "His Majesty has found someone of far more interest to him, thus making you… well… passé. And passé means dead, most of the time. I've convinced him to allow me to make you an offer."

"And who the hell are you that the Emperor would allow you to make an offer to a convicted criminal?"

"I am the Keeper," the man responded, a knowing smile on his face. As he saw terrified recognition on Jakobb's face, his grin broadened. "Now you remember. Good. It comes in handy for both of us. I won't need to remind you of the consequences of defying me."

Jakobb shivered at the memory. Even now, two years later, he had nightmares of being tortured by this man which prompted him to confess not only to his own crimes but also to a few unsolved ones which were likely committed by members of the royal family. They had been minor in comparison to his but the added confessions only convinced the tribunal that he was guilty of more than he had confessed to, thus his sentence of imprisonment in the Zone.

"What is it that you want?" he questioned. "I won't confess to something I didn't do this time, no matter what you do to me." He hoped his words sounded far more bold than he actually felt.

The Keeper gave a slight laugh at his words. "You have indeed grown harder than you were before. That too is good. I don't want another slave begging for mercy over a broken glass. I want one that has your skills."

"You want me to be your slave?" came the incredulous response.

The Keeper took a breath and started to walk around him, speaking as he did so. "You will obey my every word but without all the groveling that all the other slaves seem to feel they must do and with the understanding that going too far may lead to very nasty consequences. If you prove to be reliable in the position I have for you, you will gain rewards and perhaps, over time, even a great deal of freedom. You'll never gain true freedom, of course. That isn't meant for Humans. But obedience to me may lead to as much freedom as is possible for an alien."

"So I just have to obey you and you'll do all that," Jakobb summarized with suspicion.

"Yes."

"And what is it that you want me to obey you at doing? Household chores?"

"If I wanted another domestic slave, I'd go to the auctioneers. Much easier to buy a slave already trained in domestics."

"Then what?"

"I am in need of someone to do a few interrogations in my place, assist in my experiments, and ensure my security, among other things."

Jakobb laughed slightly. "Can't get any of your own kind to help, huh?" he questioned with derision. "What? The masters don't want to be around a mongrel?"

The Keeper's eyes grew dark as he pulled a device from his robes and, aiming it at Jakobb, activated it. A stream of electrical energy exited the device and struck the Human in the chest, causing him to scream as he fell to his knees.

"Mind your words carefully, Jakobb," he warned in a low tone, letting the electricity continue to torture the man as he spoke. "Just because I said I didn't want groveling doesn't mean I don't want respect. I'm as pure-blood as any of my people. The fact that my father's indiscretions with a human female resulted in me doesn't change that. Genetics is the only thing that matters and you're just a Human. Don't ever forget that." Having made his point, he shut off the device, leaving the Human gasping for relief from the residual pain he felt.

Jakobb had heard the berating as if through a fog, his own screams nearly drowning the Keeper's words. Still, regardless, the meaning wasn't lost on him: don't piss off the Keeper. Not wanting to feel the intense pain again, he murmured a reluctantly submissive, "Yes, sire."

The Keeper smiled at his words, putting away the device. "Much better. Now, getting back on subject, I require an answer to my offer. Keep in mind that if I am not pleased with your performance in your duties that there will be unpleasant consequences."

The Human gently put his hand on his chest where the electrical energy had struck him, noting the soreness there. It was going to hurt for a couple of days at least, he knew. And the Keeper promised more pain if he even tried to disobey even slightly. Was this better than death? After nearly two years of struggling to survive in the Zone, he just didn't know anymore.

The uncertainty on Jakobb's face was easily read by the Keeper. Grabbing his arm, he forced him to his feet. "Let me give you an incentive," he told him, pulling him along as he exited the room and walked down the corridor. "I've shown you the consequences of disobedience. Let me show you the rewards that come from a job well done." Stopping in front of another cell door, he opened it and pushed him in.

The room was similar to the one they had just left and was occupied by a humanoid female who was secured to the far wall with a set of manacles. "I have a prisoner who needs to be interrogated," the Keeper explained. "She has valuable information necessary to the Empire. Get that information from her by any means necessary and you will be rewarded. If you don't, I will assume that the answer to my offer is no." Without waiting for a response, he exited the room, locking Jakobb in with the prisoner.

Jakobb considered the captive for a long moment, a thousand thoughts running through his mind. Who was this woman? How did she get there? Why was she a prisoner? Was she Human? She certainly looked Human but so did the masters. What information did the Empire want from her? He hadn't even had a chance to get such answers from the Keeper before he left. Looking at her, he noticed the fear in her eyes. Fear was a weakness; that was the lesson that had been driven into his brain since he was a young man fighting in a horrible war and proven once again to him during the last two years. One may feel the emotion – no one could control that – but to show fear and let it control you was the greatest mistake. It showed the enemy that you could be influenced to go against your ideals. Fortunately for Jakobb, he didn't have any ideals except one – survival.

The woman, it turned out, was a lot stronger than she had first appeared. Nonetheless, Jakobb was relentless in his interrogation, not hesitating in using torture to get her to finally talk. Apparently, she already knew what the Empire wanted from her and, when the time came, was willing to tell everything in exchange for an end to her agony. She confessed to being part of a growing insurgence against the Empire and had given names of others in the group.

"I've said all I know. I swear. Please… please… stop," she begged.

Before the human male could even consider her plea, the Keeper entered the room, a contented smile on his face. "Excellent, Jakobb. I knew she would be recalcitrant to speak unless… persuaded. You are quite skilled at convincing people to open up." He stepped to the woman, meeting her eyes. "And now that you've confessed, I can do whatever I want to you… your Grace." His words gained a weep of despair from the woman.

Jakobb's eyes widened. "Hold on a minute. I just tortured royalty?"

"A distant relative to His Majesty," the Keeper confirmed. "There have been accusations that she has been colluding with forces who want to destroy the Empire. I knew she was guilty but I couldn't prove it and I couldn't… persuade her myself. Harming a royal is treason… unless the royal herself is proven treasonous. I couldn't risk my own skin should she not have confessed."

"What about me?" Jakobb knew that, as a Human, he was now in even more trouble for harming one of the masters, much less one of royal blood, regardless of the end result. At this point, he was getting the feeling that the Keeper had set him up for one hell of a fall. What had he done to him to deserve this? Or was he just some random choice.

"Don't worry," the Keeper assured. "You acted on my orders and her confession exonerates you of your actions."

"And if she hadn't confessed, I'd be dead!" the human male pointed out.

"That was definitely a possibility." Not allowing Jakobb to protest again, he pressed on. "But since that didn't happen, you have earned your reward. Instead of being on the same level as my other slaves, you will work under my head slave in managing all of the others in running my household. I expect everything to be efficient and tidy at all times. In addition, you will assist me in my work when I so order. You are an excellent interrogator and I would be remiss if I didn't take full advantage of that."

Jakobb frowned. "This is my reward? Being subjugated?" he asked with some distaste.

"Your reward, Jakobb, is status among your peers, a roof over your head, clean clothes on your back, and food in your belly as opposed to struggling for survival in the Zone. The harder you work for me, the more responsibility you will be given. Now if you would prefer the other option…" he trailed, showing the Human that he wouldn't hesitate to return Jakobb to the Zone.

The man looked at the woman whom he had beaten and broken, quite literally, to get her to talk. He had to admit that he had enjoyed the challenge and he was proud of his work, especially now that he knew the woman was royalty. How often can you hurt a member of the royal family and get rewarded for the action? And the thought of having clean clothes and not have to worry about where your next meal was coming from was definitely appealing. So what if he had to do a major attitude adjustment and accept an occasional beating – he would be a fool not to admit that it would happen, especially if he messed up – to achieve getting what he wanted? And didn't the Keeper say that, with hard work, he could even achieve a level of freedom surpassing any other Human on this planet?

"I'll work for you… sire," he finally responded, deciding that being a slave to a good master was better than starving. He just hoped that he wasn't making the biggest mistake of his life.

"Excellent," the Keeper crowed. "In that case, I will have you escorted to my home. There you will get yourself cleaned up and properly dressed before returning." He gave the woman on the wall a spiteful grin. "We have much to do with Her Grace."

_**Apelhe**_ _– pronounced "Ah-pel-hey" with slight nasal quality_


	12. Chapter 10

**A/N: **_Again, sorry for the delay. We're getting into high season at work and it does interfere in the amount of time I can use on writing. However, I will work on doing regular updates to the story, hopefully more often than I have been doing. Once again, reviews reviews reviews! As one of my favorite characters would say, "I cannot make bricks without straw."_

**Chapter 10**

The Doctor, dressed in his new brown pinstriped suit and looking very much like his Time Lord brother, strode with feigned confidence behind Rose as they entered Torchwood Tower. Silently he listened as Rose informed the security guard in the lobby of her intentions – namely to take her companion up to her father's office – and then passed the desk with poise that showed she knew she had authority in the building. He followed her into the nearest lift and watched as she slid her identification card into the scanner and pressed the appropriate button that would take them to their destination.

The uncomfortable silence between them had started that morning. The Doctor hadn't had much sleep the night before, his thoughts never having left the realm of undressing Rose first with his eyes and then with his teeth. The moment he could, he took a cold shower, hoping that enacting the human phrase would help force his clearly rampant hormones into submission. When that didn't work, he resorted to a shower as hot as he could physically stand which helped ease his predicament… at least until he saw Rose in her pajamas. Unfortunately for him, his efforts to resolve his dilemma had ultimately resulted only in a lack of hot water for Rose when she took her own shower, concerning which she had verbally rebuked him. It didn't help him in the least that she had done so with nothing but a towel on, her hair still wet.

After that, the half-Gallifreyan avoided looking at Rose as much as possible, giving only short one or two worded responses to anything she said or asked, causing her some disconcertion despite his assurance that he was fine and that it wasn't due to anything she said. He felt guilty for concerning her – he could feel her worry practically radiating from her – but he didn't yet know how to solve the problem of controlling his newfound hormones. Wasn't thinking of sports supposed to help with that? He tried out the theory by thinking of cricket, finding immediately that said theory was nothing but a myth. Was his almost constant sexual arousal around Rose normal or all part of his bipolar disorder? Or worse, did he have an additional imbalance in his synapses that made him more susceptible to Rose's presence? He didn't think it had to do with his manic depression but, having little knowledge of human mental disorders, he couldn't rule out the possibility. If it was due to his bipolar disorder or an additional problem not previous noticed, there had to be a scientific solution that would suppress his hormones to levels he would be comfortable with. Was this a normal state of being for a male human and for his own biology and, if so, how did human males cope with it, nearly constantly thinking about sex? If this was normal, he could easily see how humans went from this state to being sexually promiscuous in the 51st century. Hell, in his opinion, that was only a hop, skip, and jump from his current state.

Rose, for her part, wondered about the Doctor's sudden reluctance to look at or speak to her. Was he lying about it not being because of something she said? Or was he going through a depressive episode thanks to his bipolar disorder? The medicine he'd been taking seemed to be doing a good job of balancing his mental state but Dr. Gentillini had warned them both that episodes were bound to occur and that they were still in the process of making sure that his initial prescription was at the right level for him. If his reluctance to pay any sort of attention to her was due to a depressive episode, there was little Rose could do except to keep an eye on him and make sure that he wasn't going to harm himself or others.

Mentally sighing in frustration, she led her best friend towards Pete's office. The moment they arrived, she knocked on the door and then entered without waiting for a response.

"Good to see you again, Doctor. I trust you had a good night's sleep," Pete said in a way of greeting.

"Rose has a comfortable couch," came the response as the half-Gallifreyan rubbed a hand over his head, hiding the truth of his night in that action.

The patriarch nodded slightly at his reply. "I have our people working overtime in establishing a proper history for you, especially since Rose told me that you got photographed by a member of the press. Most of it will take time but we have all the necessary identification papers ready. We only need to get your photo and fingerprints as well as your signature on some paperwork. Your new name, if you would please," he requested, pulling said papers out and placing them on the desk, facing the Doctor.

The half Time Lord sighed, walking up to the desk to do as he was requested. He regarded the papers carefully before picking up the pen offered and writing the three words that described his life starting from that point on. After he had signed on every line required, he took a breath. "I suppose it's official now. I'm Alexander Wilfred Smith." A sad look crossed his face. "I'm not myself anymore."

Rose gave him a sympathetic smile. "You'll always be the Doctor to me," she assured.

"Thanks," he answered, returning a self-deprecating smirk. "Still… might as well start getting used to it. So, in public, I suggest you call me Alex."

"If that's what you want."

"It is," he said firmly.

"Okay… Alex."

Pete smiled at the interaction before speaking again. "After you are done in the photo lab I want to go over career options. Rose didn't mention anything in her email on what you would like to do for a living. I could use you here at Torchwood, however." Seeing the uncertainty on the Doctor's face, he told him, "Think about it. We can discuss terms of employment when you get back."

The hybrid nodded slightly while Rose guided him out of the office. The two went back to the lift and rode it down to the third floor. There, Rose guided him into the photo lab where his picture was taken several times both on his own and with Rose – for personal photos, according to the photographer. His fingerprints were also taken. He couldn't help but notice how human his prints looked, giving him yet another reminder of his unique existence. He was finding that his hormone problem seemed to be subdued as long as he had something to keep himself occupied and Rose wasn't directly in eyesight.

The two waited patiently as the photos downloaded into a computer and Alex's identification card was made. The moment they were, the technician handed him a small envelope. "Your British citizenship identification card. At least you can move around without being arrested now. The rest of your paperwork will be given to you once we've finished creating your past."

"Thank you," the Doctor told her as he glanced over the identifications he'd been given before tucking them in with his psychic paper. "Wait… the rest of my paperwork?" She gave him a little shrug in response. "You humans and your love of bureaucracy." He glanced at Rose to see her reaction to his words before quickly turning away when he saw the smile on her face and noticed its effect on his psyche. _Damn human hormones_, he grumbled mentally, not seeing the worried expression on her face.

Having finished in the photo lab, Rose escorted him back to Pete's office. The moment they entered, she grabbed her stepfather's arm and pulled him to the side.

"Dad, I'm worried about the Doctor," she whispered.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know. He's hardly said a word to me all day and he won't even look at me for more than a few seconds," she informed him, concern obvious in her voice. "I think he might be having a depressive episode. Do you think you could keep an eye on him for a few hours? I really want to take care of something back home and I don't want him to find out just yet."

"Of course," he replied. "How long do you need?"

"Four… five hours? And if we could stay at the mansion for a few days?"

He smiled knowingly. "You taking me up on my offer finally?"

"Yeah," she admitted. "But it's a loan. I'm going to pay you back. And you can't tell the Doctor. It's a surprise."

"I'll keep him out of trouble for you," he assured, giving her a kiss on her cheek. "Take the rest of the day if you need it."

"Thanks," she replied, returning the kiss. She turned to the Doctor. "Listen. I just have a few things that need to be done but it's going to take several hours. You going to be okay hanging out with Dad for the day? Meet you at the mansion for dinner?"

"Pete and I have a lot to discuss so… sure," he answered, uncertainty in his eyes. Gaining a nod of encouragement from her, he watched as she left the room. Once the two men were alone, Pete offered Alex a seat, which he took with care.

"Now, about career options," the head of Torchwood stated as he sat down.

"You want me to work for Torchwood," the Doctor put in.

"Your knowledge and experience would be of great value to us. You'd be given a respectable salary with all medical expenses paid. Given that you're half-alien, you would need to have a Torchwood authorized physician regardless of what occupation you chose. Security reasons, you understand. Can't have you causing a national panic if anyone were to discover your… unique biology. The general public may be aware of the existence of extraterrestrials but that doesn't necessarily mean that they are comfortable with that fact or that they won't react in a negative manner."

"And if I refuse to be attended by your medical staff, if I chose someone outside of Torchwood for my medical needs?"

Pete gazed firmly into his eyes. "I'm sorry, Doctor. But you don't have any choice in the matter. Believe me, if it weren't for you being who you are, you wouldn't be allowed to leave this facility just yet."

"So all extraterrestrials are prisoners," the half Time Lord concluded with obvious displeasure.

"Not prisoners. Guests. However, until we can be absolutely sure they can be trusted, they are not allowed free reign," came the blunt response. "Before you start judging us, I can assure you that any and all alien life forms we encounter are well-treated. We always see to their needs and make sure that they are in the best of health. We try our best to communicate with them. Sometimes, that takes us time, depending on their grasp of the English language and our ability to figure out theirs. Once we have a dialog going, if any guest wants to leave Earth, they are allowed to. If they mean harm to us, they are incarcerated accordingly and officially become prisoners. And if they are friendly and want to stay on Earth, they have to play by our rules. That includes you, Doctor. Be grateful that I'm being exceedingly generous in our handling of you. You don't have the right to any of what we are providing. However, you did earn it and we are grateful for what you have done for this world. You have the added benefit of being humanoid in appearance which means that, while Torchwood's medical services are not optional, working for us is since you will be able to interact with the outside world without drawing undue attention to yourself."

"What if I wasn't humanoid in appearance?" Alex posed. "Would I be forced to work for you?"

"Torchwood isn't a non-profit or charitable organization. Any non-humanoids who wish to stay must earn their keep one way or another," Pete informed him. Seeing the rebuking expression on the half-alien's face, he continued. "We don't force them, Doctor. They can either stay on Earth and earn their keep or they can leave."

"I'll be the judge of that," the Doctor murmured to himself. Raising his voice to be heard, he asked, "Do you have a 'guest' in your facility now? Other than me, that is."

"Not in this facility but we do have a guest."

"Before I make any kind of decision concerning Torchwood, I want to see them."

"I'll arrange…"

"Immediately," the Doctor interrupted firmly.

Pete looked into his eyes and noted the seriousness there. He remembered that look before, the one that said the alien would not accept any arguments against him. That look hadn't worked on him then any more than it did now. "Why immediately?"

"Because I don't want to see some showpiece for dignitaries. I want to see their true living conditions. No forewarning of any kind. And if I don't like what I see, it will stop."

Pete looked at him, considering his behavior and his request. While Rose had relayed her belief concerning the Doctor's current state of mind, none of what he said or his attitude fit with a person in a depressive state. Just the opposite, in fact. Alex seemed to be exactly as Pete expected him to be, namely talkative and intense.

"It'll take about an hour to get there," the Director informed him. "We should at least inform Rose that you won't be available for three hours or so."

Alex's eyebrows went up and the tension in his body seemed to lessen with Pete's words. "Good. Good. Three hours is good. Distance, that's what I need. Getting away from Rose could help."

Pete blinked at his response, concern clear on his face. "Is there something going on between you and Rose?"

"What?" the hybrid answered too quickly. "No. No. Nothing's wrong. Couldn't be better." He took a breath. "It's just… you know. Women. Sometimes you just need some space from them. And Rose has been very… attentive… very very attentive… lately."

The patriarch smiled at his words. "One day out of the medical ward and into the regular world and she's all ready getting on your nerves, eh?"

"That's… one way of putting it, yeah."

"Rose can be a bit trying," Pete admitted to the Doctor's obvious discomfort. "She's a lot like her mother that way. The important thing is to make sure that you take things firmly in hand when you're around her."

Alex groaned slightly, trying to ignore where his mind took him with Pete's words. "I'll keep that in mind," he murmured, avoiding his gaze.

"We should leave for the estate now in order to miss the traffic. Otherwise this little trip could take all afternoon," Pete suggested as he stood from the desk and walked towards the door.

"Yes," the half-Gallifreyan agreed whole-heartedly. "This trip to see your 'guest.'" He raised an eyebrow as he followed Pete out the door. "You are being extremely cooperative."

"Why shouldn't I be? Besides, you are the one who wants proof of our treatment of extraterrestrial life. If that's what it's going to take to convince you working for Torchwood is a good career option, then so be it."

Pete led Alex out of the office, stopping briefly to tell his secretary where he and Alex would be and to instruct him to relay that information to Rose. He then proceeded to the lift, Alex in tow, to go down to the parking garage. It was only a few minutes later that the two men left for their destination, Alex's keen eyes watching their surroundings from the passenger's seat of Pete's Mercedes-Benz.

"So… Doctor…" Pete started after a long while.

"Alex," the hybrid corrected. "I'm really trying to get used to my new name."

The visibly older man gave a gentle smile at his statement. "What's going on between you and Rose?"

Alex frowned at the question, his attention shifting from the passing city streets to Pete. "That's the second time you've asked. What makes you think something's going on?"

Pete smiled at his answer. "Doctor, I might not be as old as you, from what Rose told me, but I've been around enough to know when someone is lying to me. For one, whenever she's around you hardly say a word but when she's away you're quite verbal. And given that she thinks you're suffering from a depressive episode – a supposition to which I disagree based on your behavior – I'm guessing your silence around her is something that's been happening since you were released from the medical ward. So… what's going on?"

"Nothing," came the terse response.

"And would this nothing have anything to do with the fact that my daughter is a beautiful woman to whom you are attracted?"

Alex scrunched his nose slightly. "Is it really that obvious?" Gaining a chuckle for a response, he pressed on. "How do you put up with it? I mean, is this normal? As a Time Lord, I had some control over this sort of thing but now… I can't stop thinking about her and I'm having great difficulty controlling the urge to… Well, what I want to do can't really be spoken about in polite company much less to the father of the person with whom I wish to enact my thoughts."

Pete's grin widened at the half Time Lord's expense. "Yes, it's normal. At least for human males."

"Then how do you cope with it? I mean, you aren't going around with Jackie… enacting your thoughts all the time." He paused, giving Pete a worried glance. "Are you?"

"That depends on your definition of going around and enacting," came the teasing response.

The Doctor groaned in frustration. "That really isn't helpful."

"What would you do if you were still fully Time Lord?" Pete asked after a thoughtful moment.

"I'd just suppress the urge, push it aside. I can't seem to do that with this body. It's like the scent of her pheromones is having a direct and immediate effect on my libido. It's extremely distracting."

"I find that it helps if you think of something else. I find focusing on my work to be a good deterrent."

"Already tried that. Didn't work. At least, not long enough."

"Then, you're just going to have to find what works for you. But I would suggest talking to Rose about this since she's indirectly involved. I imagine you being only half human is bringing some unusual complications on the matter that she might be able to help you with."

"I don't want to talk to Rose about this just yet. It's a bit awkward. I'll just have to think on it, come up with a viable solution." He gave Pete a questioning glance. "There is a viable solution, yes?"

"Always," came the confident answer.

"Good. That's good." The Doctor nodded, clearly already thinking on the problem.

The rest of the journey was fairly silent until they finally arrived at their destination, which appeared to be a large, abandoned six-story building situated by the Thames River. Pete parked several yards from the building before leading his passenger into the structure. After entering what appeared to be a small abandoned office, Pete went to a wall and, opening a hidden panel, entered a series of numbers which opened a concealed door. On the other side of the door was a lift which required a palm scan and yet another set of numbers to activate it. The lift went up one floor, depositing the two men into a cavernous modern laboratory.

"Nice," Alex commented as he looked around. "Very clever. No one would ever guess you had this here. So, where's your guest?"

Without responding, Pete guided him over to an elegant looking woman of medium height dressed in a white lab coat. She had strawberry blond hair which was neatly done up in a loose bun and blue eyes which were focused on an electronic data pad similar to the one the Doctor had held as a patient of Torchwood. She made a few notes using a stylus on the pad before realizing that someone was standing beside her, waiting for her attention. Turning, her eyes widened with revelation at the identity of the person.

"Director Tyler! What a surprise to see you! I'm afraid we still haven't had any progress communicating with our guest other than simple gestures," she immediately began, clearing intent on updating him.

"I'm not here for a status report, Hanna," Pete told her gently. "I've come to introduce someone to Aderyn." He turned slightly, gesturing to the Doctor. "This is Dr. Alexander Smith. Alex, may I introduce Dr. Hanna Kingston, our head of Xenobiology."

Dr. Kingston extended her hand towards the newcomer. "A pleasure to meet you, Dr. Smith. What's your field of expertise?"

"Oh, basically everything," the Doctor answered, shaking her hand. Seeing the frown of confusion on her features, he rethought his choice of response. "I have a great interest in all sciences. Now, who's Aderyn?"

Hanna glanced at her boss to verify authorization to reply to Alex's query.

"Full disclosure for Dr. Smith, Hanna. Trying to convince him to join our team and he's a little anxious about how we treat guests," Pete told her. "I'll leave him in your capable hands. When you are done, I'll be in the break room." He gave the Doctor a nod before striding away, pulling out his cell phone as he did so.

Alex and Hanna watched Pete's departure for a moment before turning their attentions to each other.

"So, you're joining Torchwood," Hanna started.

"Not if I don't like what I see here. Aderyn?" he pressed gently.

"Yes!" the female scientist said, clearly excited as she walked towards the lift, Alex following. "We've reserved the top four floors for her. Took a lot of remodeling to accommodate her needs. And we've spent the last six months trying to communicate with her but her language is definitely difficult to understand, though she seems to have caught a good grasp at understanding some simple English phrases."

"You don't have translation software?"

"You have translation software?" she questioned eagerly as they stepped into the lift. "Where did you work last? We could definitely use some help in that area."

Alex cringed internally at his faux pas. He didn't know how to respond, especially as he remembered that the translation software used on Earth in the other universe was developed by him at the behest of UNIT. "I was under the impression that Torchwood had such software," he responded, not answering her suppositions.

"Oh," Hanna responded, obviously taking his answer to negate her assumptions and being disappointed with such. "Unfortunately, no. We've been trying to come up with a starter database in the hopes of creating software to assist with translations but it's an ongoing process that will likely take at least another decade, especially with so few guests staying on Earth. What position did Director Tyler say you'd be taking?"

"He didn't actually. We're sort of vetting each other first. I've never been especially certain about any government agency and he's still a little apprehensive about me and how I will react." He turned to her with a hint of a smile and noted her questioning expression. "I've got a bit of a reputation for causing justifiable trouble."

"I've never heard trouble being called justifiable until just now," Hanna commented with her own grin. "I think I like you, Dr. Smith."

The lift stopped at the appropriate level and the two walked into a corridor. Hanna guided Alex to the left towards a large metallic door. She allowed her visitor to step through first before following and closing the door behind her.

The Doctor immediately realized that Hanna had led him into a pressurization chamber. "We're going into a different environment," he concluded.

"Only slightly. Our guest was finding London's atmosphere to be a bit uncomfortable so we made a more habitable area for her. It's sort of like a rainforest in there only a little heavier," she explained as she went to a computer panel on a wall and pressed a few buttons. "I'm raising the atmospheric pressure slightly to prevent you from becoming ill. You'll need to wait a few minutes to adapt before you go in." She gave a little smile. "I've visited Aderyn enough that I've gotten used to the change."

"I can handle the change," Alex assured her.

"A lot of people think that when they first go in there. But the minute they get out, they're dizzy and nauseous, sometimes to the point of being out of commission with illness for a couple of days."

"And I've been in situations similar to this before. Let's go."

"Don't say I didn't warn you," Hanna told him as she opened the secondary door.

The second she did, the air around them filled with a heavy, almost stifling mist. The Doctor could easily see how someone might have trouble adapting to the environment without preparation. However, centuries of traveling to different worlds had long ago readied him for different atmospheres. It didn't hurt in the least that he'd had a biology well-equipped for such climatic changes. As a hybrid, he knew he still had the adaptive abilities he'd had before, only to a lesser degree. As long as the atmosphere was fairly Earth-like and not too hot or cold, he knew he could handle almost anything.

"Doing okay?" Hanna questioned.

"It's a bit heavy but nothing to be concerned about." He walked through the door and into a tropical world filled with trees and flowers. Pulling out his glasses, he perched them on his nose, smiling broadly as he looked around. "Now this is impressive," he practically cooed. "You built an entire ecosystem in a building smack dab in the middle of London." He laughed with obvious joy. "Aww, this is brilliant! No wonder you had to reserve four whole floors for this. I'm seeing room for only three floors from where I'm standing so I am assuming the floor below us is strictly for maintaining this environment. You'd need at least a story to maintain the roots of these trees and prevent them from damaging the structure of the building. Not to mention ensuring the proper amount of nutrients to sustain life. Speaking of which, where can I find Aderyn in this jungle?"

"She often responds to our attempts at communication. Let me just put the CD on."

"CD?" Alex questioned with a slight frown. Turning, he found Hanna had already gone to do as she said. A minute later, the sound of chirping filled the air, increasing the metacrisis' confusion. A moment after that, Hanna returned, a smile on her face. "That's bird song," he commented to her.

"Yes, it is," she answered, mischievously mysterious.

"You're saying Aderyn is a…"

Before he could finish his sentence, a large creature flew over his head, landing a few meters away. The Doctor gazed upon the being with wonder while she returned the favor, tilting her head with obvious interest. She was at least four feet in height with bright silvery-blue feathers covering her entire muscular body and black eyes which blinked with curiosity. While most of her body was avian in nature, there were some differences, such as elongated legs and the development of arms and bird-like hands, that showed how her species had evolved from simple birds into an intelligent advanced people.

"You are beautiful," Alex complimented slowly, admiring the bipedal being in front of him.

Upon hearing the Doctor's words, she gave a low sonorous chirp as she bowed her head.

Alex grinned broadly at her actions. "You're welcome," he told her. The grin slowly dissipated as a thoughtful look came to his features. "Wait a minute." He turned to Hanna. "Aderyn is Welsh for 'bird'."

"We had to call her something," Hanna responded with a shrug.

"You named a bird-person 'bird'? How would you like it if someone constantly called you 'ape'? Personally, I'd find that extremely insulting, along with that bird song you're playing."

A frown graced the female scientist's face. "What's wrong with bird song? We're trying to communicate with her."

"By using the sounds of a primitive animal. That's like someone trying to talk to you with chimpanzee grunts. No wonder you haven't been getting anywhere with her. You're irritating the hell out of her."

"She responds to the bird song," came a contradiction.

"And when do you play it? Whenever you come in here, yes? Hearing it tells her that someone is in the habitat with her. And being an efficient person you very likely take care of ensuring she receives food and water at the same time. She doesn't understand the bird song. She understands the correlation of bird song equals company and possibly a meal. Think about it. If the bird song was really a form of communication for her, you would at least be able to hold simple conversations with her by now. You know, like saying 'Hello. How are you?' Instead, you're still on gesture communications while she's been trying to talk to you every time she opens her beak."

"I think you are being overly judgmental based on limited information, Dr. Smith," Hanna responded with a glare.

"You're the one making irrational assumptions based on the fact that she has feathers. Have you even tried to used her own song to communicate? Isolated the sounds in relation to the situation and test them back to her? It's called the scientific method. You should try it some time."

The latter crossed her arms over her chest. "I've been trying every method that I know, including the one you just mentioned, for the last six months. Things like this take time. And I certainly don't appreciate an outsider attempting to tear holes in my work without cause. You think you can do better?"

"Oh, I know I…"

A loud elongated squawk filled the air, causing Hanna to cover her ears and the Doctor to grimace slightly. A second series of angry sounding chirps followed as the two recovered from the event, both looking at Aderyn with surprise.

"I never heard her do that before," Hanna whispered.

"That's because she likely has never been this upset before," Alex responded softly. "She wants us to stop arguing and for you to shut off the bird song so that she can think clearly."

She turned to do as requested but stopped a moment later, a stunned look in her eyes. "You understand her," she stated in awe.

"Yeah," he confirmed with a nod.

"But… how?"

He glanced at her somberly. "Please, just turn off the song. For her sake."

As Hanna went to obey, the Doctor stood in front of Torchwood's guest. "I'm sorry I upset you," he told her gently, speaking in her language. "I tend to forget to get permission before coming to the defense of someone. Are you all right?"

The creature tilted her head, obviously thinking about his words. She then bowed her head slightly, obviously accepting his apology and assuring him of her well-being.

Hanna returned from her task and joined the Doctor, looking into the bird-person's eyes. "I'm sorry about the bird song. I was just trying to communicate."

Aderyn spoke for a moment, causing the Doctor to laugh slightly. "She accepts your apology. She thinks that humans are very kind but also a bit thick and she forgives you for that fault."

"You're just making that up," the scientist berated. "How do you understand her language anyway? No one in the world knows extraterrestrial languages like me." Her eyes widened with realization as she came to the only logical conclusion. "Oh, my gawd, you're not human, are you."

"Not entirely," he admitted, hoping that his instincts concerning this woman were correct and that she wouldn't try to use him as a lab specimen. Besides which, he had a feeling such an act wouldn't go over well with her boss, namely Pete Tyler, thanks to his relationship with Rose. "As for how I know her language, I can speak every language. And I wasn't making anything up. She really said that but she meant it in a friendly manner." He grinned genuinely. "She really likes you, despite the bird song."

Hanna laughed gently. "Well, that's a relief. You can speak every language?"

"Yeah."

"In the universe?"

"Yup."

"But… that must number in the hundreds of trillions! Earth alone has over two hundred thousand languages."

Alex shrugged. "Highly advanced brain," he told her as if that explained everything.

"May I use you?" Hanna asked abruptly.

"Sorry?"

"As a translator," she clarified. "I've been trying to talk to her for months now and having you translate would be a major breakthrough."

Alex sniffed, considering the request. "All right. But only if she agrees to a conversation and only after I've spoken privately with her."

Hanna nodded rapidly. "Whatever you want, Dr. Smith. I'm just happy to finally get the opportunity." She turned to leave as she spoke.

"No need to leave," the Doctor told her, noting her actions. "You won't understand us speaking to each other anyway." Sitting on his knees to gain a more comfortable position, he invited Aderyn to do the same. He then took a deep breath, formulating the next sounds that would come from his mouth before whistling rapidly, sounding very much like the creature in front of him. After only a few seconds of shared back and forth between the two of them, however, Aderyn shrieked and jumped back away from the Doctor, shaking slightly and chirping loudly and incessantly.

"What is it? What's wrong?" he questioned in English, stunned by her actions. He paused, a pained expression forming on his features. Slowly, his eyes wide, he began to hyperventilate. "We're not going to send you away. Why are you so scared? No… no, not scared. Terrified! You're terrified!" Tears gradually escaped his eyes as he curled into himself, his hyperventilation increasing.

"Dr. Smith?" Hanna questioned, worried about his sudden emotional state. "Dr. Smith, what's wrong?" She quickly turned to Torchwood's guest. "Aderyn, what are you doing to him?"

"Not… her fault. Can't… breathe," Alex breathed out tightly. "Need air."

"Can you take pure oxygen?" she asked hurriedly. "Will it help?" Seeing him nod quickly, she ran to retrieve a canister and put a mask over his nose and mouth. As he breathed deeply of the rich air, his eyes met Aderyn's, who had obviously shifted from fear to great concern, though the anxiety she had shown still showed in the grey color of her feathers.

"Not your fault," the Doctor told her, his voice muffled by the mask. Gently pushing Hanna's hand away – and thus the oxygen mask – he whistled to the creature, repeating his assurance to her in her own language as his breathing calmed.

Noting that he seemed to be breathing at a slower pace, Hanna put the oxygen tank just behind them. "Are you okay?" Gaining a nod in response, she pressed on. "What happened?"

"I'm not sure," came the cautious answer. "This is really fairly new to me but, just based on what I felt, I'd say that her fear coupled with both of our mental abilities caused an emotional overload in my brain. Not her fault. It's not like she deliberately projected her fear onto me. However, it is very disconcerting. I'm going to have to find a way to block unwanted emotion."

"Aderyn's empathic?" came the stunned supposition.

"Apparently. Strongly so. I'm a little empathic myself. New at it too." Noting the frown of puzzlement on her face, he added, "It's complicated."

"You asked her about going home, didn't you," Hanna stated knowingly. "She always reacts this way to that suggestion. Don't know why she's so afraid of the prospect."

"It's not just simple fear. It's terror. Add that to a language barrier that I just broke for you… I get the impression that every time you asked her if she wanted to go home, she believed you were telling her of your intention of sending her home against her will."

"She doesn't want to go home? Why not? Most guests we have want to go home, especially the non-humanoids. That's why she's the only guest we have at the moment. Well, other than you apparently."

"I'm not a guest; I'm a resident. And I don't know why she doesn't want to go home," Alex responded. "I didn't get that far. The minute I suggested it, she panicked and begged us not to send her away."

Hanna turned to the frightened female. "We won't send you away if you don't want to go. I promise. But why are you afraid?"

Aderyn started to chirp very animatedly.

"Whoa! Slow down!" Alex beseeched. "Give me a chance to translate what you're saying for Hanna's sake. Just… relax. Take your time."

She breathed for a short moment, giving Hanna the opportunity to sit beside the Doctor. Then, apparently having calmed herself, she began, speaking slowly enough to allow the half-Galilfreyan to translate her words into English.


	13. Chapter 11

_A/N: To avoid confusion for the conversation between Alex, Hanna, and Aderyn, all of Aderyn's words will be in italics. However, it should be understood that anything Aderyn says is actually Alex translating her words into English and anything said to Aderyn is translated by Alex into her language after being spoken in English._

**Chapter 11**

"_I need your assurances that you will not send me back to my planet."_

"Aderyn, you don't have to go anywhere if you don't want to," Hanna answered, clearly concerned for the creature.

Aderyn moved slowly forward, her expression showing that she was starting to relax but was still mildly upset.

"I'm not sure that you should keep calling her that name," Alex warned the human female gently.

"_I have no objections to the name Dear Pink Friend has bestowed on me. It is beautiful sounding and, given the circumstances, very understandable."_

"'Dear Pink Friend'?" Hanna questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"I seriously doubt that her species has an equivalent to your name anymore than we have one to hers," the Doctor informed.

"What _is_ her name?"

Alex gave a series of short whistles in response. "Kind of hard to translate into English. It sort of means 'She whose gracefulness fills the sky and trees and whose heart soars with joy' but that's a very rough translation."

"I think I'll stick with Aderyn."

"Since she has no objections." He turned back to the bird-person. "Aderyn, tell us why you are afraid to go home."

"_The Great Forest of Rain no longer belongs to her Protectors. The Empire now rules over her."_

"What Empire?"

"_The Empire of Great Power. Their rule spans across the galaxy. They conquer those planets they feel are either a threat to them or whose resources they can use. Those who are not like them are enslaved or forced to fight for their survival to amuse the Powerful Ones. They attacked and conquered my people because our soil is fertile and our minerals are abundant, resources they can use for their Empire. And since we can soar the skies, most of my people have been murdered out of fear of retaliation from above. Those who are enslaved obey because they fear they will be killed themselves. If I return to my planet, I too will be either killed or enslaved. Here, while my dwelling is not as vast as it was in the Great Forest of Rain, I am free from harm and am well-cared for."_

"I can see why you'd want to stay here, then," Hanna put in. "Is there a chance that they might try to attack Earth?"

"_It is doubtful. They despise the Blue and Green Planet and all her children but the Powerful Ones do not fear her because she is unaware of her neighbors and doesn't have the strength to mount an attack on the Empire even if she were aware of them."_

"But the Great Forest of Rain did," Alex concluded.

"_We are a peaceful people. We may have had the means but we never would have attacked any of our neighbors. We only used what we had for self-defense. Now, because of the fear the Powerful Ones had for us, we have nothing. Not even our blessed Great Forest."_

"I'm sorry," the Doctor told her gently. "I'm so sorry." He paused, thinking about all that he had learned of Aderyn and her current situation as well as what Pete had told him concerning resident non-humanoid aliens and what Torchwood expected of them. "Torchwood will want your assistance. What that means for you, I don't know. But, based on what I've seen thus far, I trust them to never cause you any harm."

Aderyn turned her head towards Hanna, a querulous expression in her eyes. _"What sort of assistance?"_

Hanna hesitated, plainly uncomfortable for having been placed suddenly in the limelight. "We have a policy that any guests who wish to stay on Earth need to contribute to their own well-being. Unfortunately, because you are not human in appearance, it means that the only employment available is through Torchwood, as is your housing."

"_Why is that?"_

"The majority of Earth's people would not be as accepting of you as Torchwood," she responded. "We're still developing as a planet and, even though we are aware of extraterrestrial life, most people would be afraid of you because you are different, even though you mean no harm. Keeping you isolated from the general population is for your safety as well as theirs since they tend towards panic when faced with the unknown."

"_This is a very primitive planet, then."_

"I wouldn't say primitive…" Hanna started to protest.

"_And this policy… what exactly is it that you wish for me to do to repay you for your kindness?"_

"It's not exactly a repayment. We want you to be able to contribute to your own well-being," Hanna told her. "Certainly we want something in return for the time and money that we put into your habitat. But my people would eventually grow stagnant if we didn't have something meaningful to do and, if your people are anything like ours, I believe you would as well. I want you to be happy here, Aderyn. And I think that we can both benefit from our friendship."

"_I agree. While I have enjoyed your hospitality, I am finding myself becoming increasingly bored. I am happy here but I feel that I need more."_

"It would be easier for all of us if we could better understand your language," Hanna put in.

"Or had translation software," Alex added. Seeing Hanna raising an eyebrow, he sniffed. "You know what I said earlier about such software? Well, I lied."

"You didn't answer my question. How is that lying?" she questioned.

"Fair point," he conceded. "Thing is I can provide it for you since you don't have it. I'd just need access to whatever language databases you have, a computer with sufficient memory, and about a month to actually do the work. The software would be able to extrapolate meanings based on what information it has already in the database, thus increasing said database. Fairly simple stuff, really."

"A month? You can write a sophisticated program to translate alien languages in only a month?"

"Well, a week actually. But I have to account for the technology available to me and the fact that I will very likely be busy with other activities as well. Besides, it took me about a month and a half the last time and that was in the late 1970s on a different Earth and I was more interested in fixing the TARDIS than in helping UNIT. Different situation now."

Hanna gaped at him for a long moment. Realization came to her face a moment later. "You're Rose's Doctor. She found you."

"Rose talked about me with you?"

"All the time! That woman is madly in love with you."

"_Where is the Wolf Flower?" _Aderyn interrupted. _"She has not visited for a long time."_

"'Wolf Flower'?" Hanna questioned.

"Obviously, her name for Rose," Alex supposed. "She must visit Aderyn quite a bit."

"She does," the scientist agreed. "Tries to communicate with her all the time. But… 'Wolf Flower'? What's that about?"

"If it means what I think it means… it's complicated."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, that's helpful."

Alex turned to Aderyn, who had been patiently waiting for a response to her inquiry. After talking with her in her own language for a moment, he stood up and gave her a respectful bow before turning to walk towards the exit.

"So, what did you say to each other?" Hanna queried, hurrying to catch up with him.

"I told her that I'd let Rose know she was asking about her. Then I told her of my intentions of creating software to ease communications between her and us. She is willing to negotiate with Torchwood concerning her role on Earth once the software is active."

"So, she'll work for us?"

"As long as certain stipulations are met. I told her that she should negotiate directly with Pete Tyler, since he's the Director, and that I would be willing to act as a mediator during the negotiations if necessary."

"Are you going to work for us?" Hanna asked, her eyes hopeful.

"That depends entirely on whether or not Director Tyler and I can come to an agreement. Where is the break room?"

"I'll escort you there," she informed him, doing just that the moment they exited the pressurization chamber.

Pete was no longer talking on his cell phone but was in the middle of speaking with one of the scientists the Doctor has seen when he first walked into the laboratory. Seeing the half-Gallifreyan standing in the room, the head of Torchwood finished his conversation with the scientist and asked him to close the door to the break room on his way out to allow him some privacy with the Doctor.

"So, what do you think?" he questioned once they were alone.

"She's a beautiful creature," Alex responded, sitting down next to Pete. "Quite a lovely person. And I appreciate the habitat you built for her. Costs Torchwood quite a bit, I would imagine."

Pete laughed gently at his words. "I was referring to our operation here. But you're right. She is a lovely person, from what I could see. Kind of hard to talk to a bird, though."

"Oh, I'll help you out with that problem."

The patriarch raised an eyebrow. "So, you accept my job offer?"

"There are stipulations," the hybrid told him firmly. "I won't carry a gun. Ever. And I refuse to be involved in anything that I find morally objectionable. In fact, you can guarantee that if there _is_ anything going on that I find objectionable, I will put an end to it. I was a scientific advisor for UNIT once and half the time they completely ignored my advice, sometimes to the detriment of others." He looked at him intensely. "I won't let anything like that happen here. In addition, I demand a fair salary for my services and to be treated with the same respect as any other Torchwood employee. And I demand the same for Aderyn and for any other non-human employees."

The older man gave him a knowing look. "You can relax, Doctor. We aren't the Torchwood that caused what happened at Canary Wharf in that other universe." Seeing the latter raise his eyebrows, he continued. "I've already had this lecture with Rose when I recruited her to Torchwood. Minus the no-gun stipulation, that is. It's required for field agents. Self-protection."

The half Time Lord gave a little nod at his words. He could understand why some Torchwood personnel would need to carry weapons. After all, he imagined that there were hostile extraterrestrials in this universe just as there had been in the other. And he knew Rose would never use a gun for anything other than self-defense, which actually was a plus in Torchwood's favor. If she was okay with working for Torchwood, they couldn't be in the habit of shooting first and asking questions later.

Pete continued when the Doctor didn't respond to his comments. "Since you would prefer to avoid using weapons, I think you'd best be suited in Research and Development. Most of the time, it's collecting and studying artifacts, making sure the dangerous items stay out of the wrong hands, researching technologies and then slowly introducing them to the public if they aren't dangerous."

"And if I change my mind about working for Torchwood?"

"You're free to resign at anytime, if you want. But I hope that you won't. We could use someone of your expertise. So, what do you say?"

Alex leaned back in his seat, a pensive look on his features. "I need some time to think about it."

Pete nodded with understanding as he stood. "Very well. In the meantime, we have a long drive back and, by the time we get to the mansion, dinner will already be in the making."

"Actually, I was thinking of finding a library, checking out a few books, going back to Rose's flat to read…"

"I insist," the visibly older man put in abruptly. "Besides, you already told her that you would meet her back at the mansion."

The Doctor watched him for a long moment. The tone that Pete had used was almost worried, telling the half-Gallifreyan that the former was concealing information and, based on his insistence of him joining the Tylers for dinner, it had something to do with keeping him either at the mansion or away from the library or Rose's flat or all of the above. "What errand is Rose finishing that requires you to distract me?" he questioned, suspicion clear in his voice.

"I promised that I wouldn't tell," Pete admitted. 

"A surprise? I like surprises! Then again… depends on the surprise." He gazed into the other man's eyes with childlike eagerness. "So, what's the surprise?"

The former chuckled slightly. "I can see that Christmases are going to be quite interesting with you around."

The Doctor frowned slightly. "You're not going to tell me, are you."

"I know better than to incur the wrath of a Tyler woman," came the blunt response as the patriarch headed for the door.

Alex shrugged slightly at his inability to gain the information he wanted, standing and following him out of the Torchwood facility.

OOOOOOOOOOOO

"Doctor!"

The half-Gallifreyan halted his journey through the foyer of the Tyler mansion upon hearing the exclamation that exuded from young lips. He grinned broadly as the source of the excited cry bounded closer to him and ignored Pete Tyler's greetings. He'd originally mistaken Tony Tyler for being about four or five years old but was corrected on his assessment while he was in the hospital. Tony was three years old and bigger than most kids his age.

"Master Tony Tyler!" Alex responded back enthusiastically to the boy's greeting. "Bit rude not to say hello to your dad, though, don't you think?"

The boy considered the Doctor's words for a moment before wrapping his arms around Pete's legs. "Hi, Daddy."

Pete smiled at his son's affection. "Hi, sweetheart. Where's Mummy?"

"In the kitchen," he responded with a shrug, as if the answer was obvious to anyone.

"Of course, she is." Pete messed Tony's hair to show him his love and approval before turning to the Doctor. "I'd better go see what she's up to. Very likely, she's getting under Paula's feet. Do you mind keeping Tony company? This could take a while."

"Nah," Alex assured. "It'll be my pleasure."

As Pete went towards the kitchen, Tony tugged on the Doctor's hand, regaining his attention.

"Yes, Master Tony Tyler?"

The boy giggled at the repetition of his full title. "See my TARDIS," he ordered, tugging on his hand again.

Alex's eyebrows went up at his words. "You have a TARDIS?"

"Uh-huh," came the enthusiastic reply.

He grinned at the boy's excitement, not wanting to ruin that attitude. He really didn't want reminders of the loss of the TARDIS as it was still a touchy subject for him, but he was finding it to be less hurtful thanks to the treatment he was receiving. He knew that time would be the great healer of the ache in his heart and eventually he would be able to talk about the time ship without a sharp pang of loneliness filling him. "Well, I suppose I'd better see your TARDIS then," he responded, deciding that encouraging the child's imagination was far better than dwelling over the loss.

Tony guided him into the living room and to one corner where a plethora of playthings was piled into a large plastic toy box. On the floor in front of it was a small blue rectangular box made with Legos, strongly resembling a 1950s police box, including the signs above and on the doors. Beside the police box were two action figure dolls which appeared to be Han Solo wearing a trench coat and a blond Princess Leia. Tony sat in front of the toys, the Doctor following, and picked up the box, presenting it to him with the smile only a child could give. "This is my TARDIS. Rose helped me make it but I did most of the work."

"It's a great TARDIS," the half-Gallifreyan complimented. "Love your TARDIS."

"We had to glue it to keep it from falling part." Putting the blue box down, he picked up the dolls. "And this is you and Rose. You're going to Woman Wept."

"Oh, really?" Alex responded, his smile widening. "I love Woman Wept. Frozen waves as far as you can see. So, what are we doing on Woman Wept?"

"Looking around," the boy told him as he played with the toys. He lowered his voice into a whisper. "But you don't know about the monster in the cave." Upon saying that, he twisted around to find and retrieve said monster, namely a triceratops.

"Ooo, that monster looks mean," the Doctor reacted dramatically.

"It's just a triceratops really except on Woman Wept where it's a Tricecor."

"Never heard of a Tricecor. They must be very dangerous."

"Yeah," Tony agreed.

"So, on Woman Wept it's a dangerous Tricecor but on Earth it's just a triceratops."

"Yeah." Having affirmed his current fantasy, Tony laid on his belly and enacted it, encouraging Alex to join in the fantasy. The latter did so, also lying on his stomach, taking over the role of the Time Lord. Together, the two of them – or rather the Doctor and Rose – defeated the vicious monster before being attacked by a hoard of green Grasks – which were in reality plastic army men – and taken prisoner.

The Doctor was just about to show Tony how clever he was at escaping from fantasy prison cells when the sound of a door closing intruded their play. Turning his head in an attempt to see the source of the sound without stopping his entertaining the boy, Alex saw Rose standing just in the doorway, a smile on her face.

"Hello," he greeted, returning the smile.

"Rose!" Tony exclaimed, having raised his head upon the Doctor's greeting. "The Doctor and me are playing TARDIS!"

"So I see. And it's 'the Doctor and I'," she corrected gently as she walked into the room. Tony took the correction in stride and returned to his play as the Doctor stood and went over to Rose. "Is Dad trying to pull Mum out of the kitchen?" she questioned.

"Does he have to do that often?" came Alex's inquiry.

She laughed gently. "Only when they have guests over. I think she wants to impress you with your first meal here as a diner rather than a waiter."

He shrugged slightly. "She helped us save the universe. That's impressive enough for me. Maybe we should rescue him though. He has been absent for quite a while." Glancing out the door, he noticed the two large suitcases in the foyer. "What's with the suitcases?"

"We're staying here for a few days," she answered.

"And why is that? Something wrong with your place? Is this part of the surprise?"

Rose groaned in frustration. "Dad," she grumbled under her breath, clearly mildly upset with her father for an apparent breach of trust.

"Your father didn't tell me anything. I swear," Alex assured her. "But it was a little bit of a give away when he wouldn't let me return to your flat to read up on this universe's Earth history. It didn't take much of a leap of deduction to figure out you had a surprise for me." He grinned broadly. "So… what's the surprise that requires that we be absent from your flat for a few days?"

She looked into his eyes. "You're worse than Tony."

He blinked in confusion. "I'm not sure if that's a teasing show of affection or an insult." Seeing her smile slightly at his response, he smiled in return. "But I'm guessing it's the former."

"Of course, it is, you git!" she berated with a laugh before pulling him with her, leaving the suitcases in the hallway. "Come on, let's check on dinner. Don't worry about the luggage. Callie will take care of them."

Alex blinked as he allowed Rose to guide him towards the kitchen. "Who's Callie?" he questioned.

"The housekeeper," she told him. "I'm sure you'll run across her a couple of times while staying here." She gained a slight nod of acknowledgement in response.

The Tyler family, as it was now, wasn't into formality. Certainly there were servants to make sure that beds were made and the rooms were clean and there were cooks and chefs to make meals. But every once in a while, Pete or Jackie would handle procuring a meal on their own, either by a family member cooking or by ordering delivery. Pete's first Jackie would never have ordered delivery for the world, relishing the lavish life of the wife of billionaire entrepreneur Peter Tyler, and she stopped cooking once she could afford to hire a cook. His second Jackie, while still loving the more upscale life, enjoyed stepping away from that life every once in a while, especially if she felt as if she were being overly pampered. She'd told Pete that cooking and ordering take-out reminded her of how her life used to be like and how good she had it now. Pete had to admit that he actually liked the simplicity of take-out; he really was more of a beer and nuts than a wine and caviar man even if he did enjoy the latter luxuries.

The Doctor and Rose walked into the kitchen to see the table already set-up informally. Jackie was pulling a glass dish from the oven while Pete was finishing making a salad.

"I see you put Dad to work quick enough," Rose commented, taking a slice of Julianne carrots and getting a "hands off the food" glance from her father.

"Well, I was hoping that the Doctor's first meal here would be special but your father went and invited him on Paula's day off," Jackie replied with slight derision. "I didn't even have time to get it catered properly."

"I'm sure that whatever you are making will be just fine, Jackie," Alex assured her.

"Well, it isn't anything special, with this kind of short notice," she continued to complain. "And it was your father's idea to set up the table in here rather than the dining room."

"The Doctor's part of the family now, Jackie," Pete put in to his wife. "I don't see a reason to be formal for just a simple dinner invite, especially when you don't make this much of a fuss when we invite Rose over for dinner."

"I wanted it to be special," she reiterated her previous statement. "As it is now, the most I could do is shepherd's pie, bread rolls, and a salad."

"Which I'm making, I will remind you," the husband told her gently.

The hybrid grinned broadly. "Shepherd's pie is brilliant! I had this friend… Ian. His wife Barbara made the best shepherd's pie. Almost as good as yours." Not allowing anyone a chance to comment on his compliment, he tucked his hands into his pockets before offering, "Anything I can help with?"

"No, we've got it all covered, love," Jackie responded. "Rose, go get Tony, will you? I baked some chicken fingers for him. Should be cool enough for him to eat by now."

"Okay, Mum," she replied, leaving the room before returning a couple of minutes later with the boy resting on her hip. "What do you want with your chicken?" she asked him as she set him in his high seat.

"Mashed potatoes!" the boy exclaimed vehemently.

She laughed gently at his word. "I already told you you're getting chicken and carrots. I mean, what do you want to drink?"

He seemed to think about her question for a long moment before answering, "Apple juice."

"You got it," Rose told him. Putting the requested items in front of him, she rubbed his head gently before giving him a kiss where she had rubbed.

At that moment, it struck her what she had almost given up looking for the Time Lord Doctor. _If I had stayed with the Doctor as I had planned, I would have missed on watching Tony grow up. _She turned to regard her mum, who had just finished loading the last plate, kissing her husband as she handed it over to him. _I would have missed seeing my mum spending the rest of her life with my dad._ She looked at the half Time Lord taking a seat beside Tony before showing him the proper way to eat sliced carrots and getting the boy to laugh when he balanced a slice on the tip of his nose. She smiled at the sight. _He'll make a good dad and Dad will be a fantastic granddad_, she thought as she took her seat at the table, immediately feeling her face flush with her thoughts. She hardly knew this version of the Doctor and she was already thinking about starting a family with him? She knew he had been a dad before; he had told her once. But she hadn't just thought about the Doctor being a dad in the past tense or in a subjective way. Did that mean that she wanted to be a mum?

Over dinner, Alex related to Rose and Jackie how he met Aderyn and how, with his "super Time Lord brain," he broke the communication barrier that had existed between her and Torchwood's scientists.

"So does this mean you're joining Torchwood?" Rose asked, hope clear in her voice.

"It means it's a possibility now. I still need to know the details of what exactly my position would be and what it would entail." He looked at Pete with firm eyes. "I want to see first hand what Research and Development does."

"I'll arrange it," the patriarch told him with a nod.

Once dinner was finished, the group seemed to all go their separate ways. Pete went to his home office to do some work, Jackie gathered Tony into her arms and took him up to a bath and then bed, and Rose grabbed the Doctor's hand and guided him up to the room where he would be staying. The suitcases had already been brought up and emptied into the dresser – by the mysterious Callie, Alex presumed – and the bed was ready for use.

"Nice room," he commented as he looked around. "Very posh."

"Yeah, well, comes with being a Tyler," Rose responded with a shrug. "There's more bedrooms in this place than in a whole Council Estate." Seeing him raise an eyebrow, she chuckled. "Bit of an exaggeration, I know."

"I'd say more than a bit," he countered with a wry grin. Looking around again, his eyes widened with interest. "Oh, I've got a telly in my room! Blimey, it's like staying at a five-star hotel." Jumping on the bed, he kicked off his trainers and, wiggling his now bare toes, gestured for Rose to sit on the bed with him.

Grinning at his happiness, she followed suit and grabbed the remote to turn the device on. Secure in her position, she laced her fingers with his as they allowed themselves to be entertained. It was only a minute before they were bantering back and forth the way they had years ago, commenting on what was airing and laughing at each other's words.

During one particular show, as the half-Time Lord watched the television with interest, Rose watched him with equal attention, a gentle smile gracing her face. It was almost a minute before he turned towards her with a querulous expression.

"What is it?" he asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.

"I was just thinking about how much I've missed this. You and me watching telly."

He returned her smile and squeezed her hand slightly. "Me too. We haven't had much time for ourselves in the last few weeks, just you and me, have we." Seeing her shake her head in response, he pulled her closer to him and, with one arm around her, used his free hand to brush her hair out of her eyes. "I haven't yet said it today." He looked into her eyes. "I love you, Rose Tyler."

Her smile widened at his words, her eyes glinting gently. "I love you, Doctor."

He blinked at her with wondrous happiness. "You said it," he commented, his tone sounding surprised and thrilled at the same time. "You finally said it." Seeing the confusion that played on her face, he clarified, "You've never said it to me. To him – my brother – yes. But not to me."

She seemed embarrassed by his words. "I'm sorry. I should have. I suppose I wasn't sure until today. I mean, I always thought of you as a friend and I wanted to love you but…"

"It's okay. We already agreed to take our time and find out for ourselves. I'm just happy that you finally know how you feel about me. Ecstatic, in fact, especially since I wasn't expecting it from you so soon."

"Why not?" she questioned with a frown.

It was Alex's turn to be embarrassed as his face flushed slightly. "Well, given the rocky start that we had… and the fact that I'm _him_ but different… and the mental issues that I have…"

"You're my Doctor," Rose interrupted firmly. "This whole thing of you being him but different… it isn't any different than when you regenerated. Not to me. Not anymore. I know you're still a little uncomfortable with yourself, especially with being bipolar now. But that doesn't change who you are."

He smiled at her assurances. "Even if I need you to reassure me of that fact every once in a while?"

"Even so," she confirmed, returning the smile.

"I'm so glad I met you," he reiterated the words he had said to her so long before when he had a different face.

"Me too." She leaned into his hold, her eyes returning to the television in front of them as she sighed with contentment.

Feeling her head on his shoulder, the Doctor turned his head and slowly breathed in the scent of her hair, smelling coconut and strawberries as well as an aroma that was uniquely hers. He didn't realize that he gave a moan of satisfaction from the sensations of her bouquet.

Rose relished the feel of his embrace, noticing the scent of the man she loved just as he had her. He smelled like spice with a hint of something far more subtle. The fragrance of him was almost like an old leather book with fresh ink in the pages, both old and new at the same time. She wondered how she had never really noticed the scent of him before.

"Human pheromones," he replied to her thoughts. "You always could smell me; it just never had as much of an effect on you as it does now thanks to my new biology." He gave another small moan of appreciation. "You smell so good."

"No fair reading my mind without my permission," she berated him but didn't pull away.

"Sorry, couldn't help it," he murmured. "Your thoughts right now are really open." He sighed contentedly. "They're nice."

She chuckled gently at his words. "Oh? And what are they saying?"

"Oh, that you like the way I smell and the feeling of my arm around you… that you love me and want to kiss me…"

"And what are you thinking?"

"Exactly the same," he responded quietly before turning and tilting her head so that he could act on said thoughts.

The kiss was brief but gentle and when the two separated it was clear that neither had been satisfied with its brevity. Almost immediately, and without a word, gentleness vanished for intensity as they mashed into each other, nipping at each other's lips, hands running through hair before they wrapped their arms tightly around each other, seeming to want to be as physically close as possible.

They were still actively interested in the taste of each other when Rose moved her hands to the Doctor neck to remove his ever-present tie. She was grateful that he had taken his jacket off when he was playing with Tony earlier as that gave her unhindered access to his shirt, which she immediately started to unbutton, pulling the shirttails from his trousers.

Human hormones, the Doctor was finding, were difficult to manage as he felt Rose starting to divest him of his clothing. He discovered himself reciprocating the actions, pulling at her shirt to free it from her jeans. He stopped briefly to allow her to finish removing his dress shirt and then his t-shirt before he pulled off her shirt, revealing her practical cotton bra. It was only as she started to undo his belt that it occurred to him that their actions were more than just showing affection and were leading towards sexual intercourse.

"Wait a minute," he said quietly, gently taking Rose's hands from her activity and holding them so that she wouldn't continue. When she seemed intent on continuing, he squeezed her hands gently. "Rose… stop. Just stop."

Hearing his words, the blond-haired woman frowned and gazed upon him with confusion, her breathing heavy from the foreplay they were engaged in. "What's wrong?"

Alex breathed for a long moment, his eyes dark with desire but with resolution and disappointment on his face. "I can't," he told her bluntly.

"Why not?" she questioned, her tone lacking any judgment.

"It's complicated."

She gave a little laugh at his statement. "Story of our life. When is anything uncomplicated with us? Tell me anyway."

He considered his words for a moment before speaking. "I don't know how human I am when it comes to reproductive biology."

She grinned wryly. "Well, you're equipped with the right parts, aren't you?"

"Physically, yes. I mean, there's very little difference in external physical characterizations between humans and Time Lords when it comes to…" He searched for a more gentile term to use and found himself at a loss before deciding that Rose had heard every euphemism in the past. "…genitalia. Well, there are some differences but nothing that would prevent us from engaging in intimacy."

"So, what's the problem?"

"We could have sex now and be mated or absolutely nothing but sex could happen. Biologically speaking, of course." Seeing the confusion on her face, he clarified, "Time Lord reproductive biology is different than Human. Humans… well, monogamy for you is a social standard, not a biological one. You're biologically designed to hop from one mate to another. If you wanted, you can drop one mate in favor of another simply because he or she has a better smile. Time Lords can't do that. We become telepathically linked with our mates the moment we have conjugal relations. It is literally impossible for us to cheat on our spouses, unless there's no intense emotional or psychological attachment to the action. If I am more Time Lord than human when it comes to sex, the only time I might ever be able to sleep with you is during and after our wedding night and we would be instantly linked for life. Otherwise, it would be like I'm sleeping with a prostitute, which is not how I view you. If I'm more human than Time Lord… well, I feel that… when we do sleep together… it should be the most intimate, most meaningful first time either of us has ever had."

"Oh," came the quiet response. Rose slumped back on the bed, clearly frustrated by the turn of events while, at the same time, touched that her Doctor felt so deeply about the matter. Her eyes flickered as a variety of thoughts came and went before she spoke again. "What about… oral?"

Alex's brow furrowed at the question. "Fellatio?"

"Yeah," she confirmed, curious about how he would reply.

"Umm… I don't know." He hesitated for a moment before continuing. "I've never done fellatio."

"Never?" Seeing him shake his head, she gaped at him. "Over a thousand years old and no one has ever given you a blow job?"

He grimaced. "It's just so dirty and primitive."

"Oi!" she exclaimed. "You're half-human now. You're just as 'primitive' as me."

"I didn't say _you_ are primitive. I said _fellatio_ is primitive."

"I'm guessing that's a no then," Rose concluded, crossing her arms over her chest and slouching down.

He blinked at her actions, confusion plain on his features. "So, now you're not even interested in cuddling because I don't like fellatio?"

"How would you know? You've never done it, remember? And now you won't even try because it's 'dirty and primitive.' Can't shag you… can't do oral… and you're the one that started it all in the first place."

"I just kissed you. You, however, decided to divest me of my clothes."

"Well, you didn't object, did you? In fact, you joined along."

"I'm not used to these human hormones," he defended himself. "It's like they think for themselves."

She gave a huff of a laugh. "Isn't that the truth."

"Besides, we keep saying that we want to wait. I think any sort of intense sexual activity would violate that agreement. I also think that you and I should find the right balance of intimacy that would alleviate both of our sexual tensions without delving into an area neither of us are truly ready to get into, especially me as I still don't yet know myself. Not completely. Besides, last time you were the one to put things on hold which makes me wonder if you're ready yourself."

She thought about it for a long moment before responding. "Maybe I'm not. Maybe I was acting out of the realization that I'm sure that I love you and I wanted… well, I wanted…"

He brushed his hand through her hair reassuringly. "So do I. Believe me, I want to, so much that it's affecting the way I behave around you."

"Like suddenly being all quiet?"

"Well… you're being dressed in only a towel this morning as you were yelling at me didn't help. The point is, Rose, you don't need to show me physically that you love me. Just the words are enough. That and frequent snogging." He grin at the chuckle she gave. "But the prospect of one day showing our affection for each other in such a manner is quite appealing so…" He gave her a small smile. "Rain check?"

"Definitely," she agreed vehemently. "As long as you stop worrying me, making me think you're having a depressive episode when you're just… interested."

"Done," he concurred. Taking a breath, he appraised her with a quick glance. "Given the circumstances, it's probably a good idea if you put your shirt back on and we say goodnight."

Glancing down at herself and seeing her state of undress, she gave a little smile. "I suppose you're right." Crawling off the bed, she located and put on her shirt and shoes before turning to Alex, who had also vacated the bed in favor of waiting by the door.

Opening the door for her, the hybrid gave her a gentle smile. "Another busy day tomorrow," he commented.

"Yeah," she agreed quietly. "Good night, Doctor."

"Good night, Rose Tyler," he returned and then watched as she slowly left the room.


	14. Chapter 12

_Sorry about the lack of update. Busy season at work. However, I do hope that I can update more often, especially since I am doing so well with the story. As always, I love reviews! Please review. Please?_

**Chapter 12**

For the next four days, Alex focused his attentions on integrating himself into his new human life while staying in the Tyler Mansion, since the surprise Rose had for him in her flat was not yet ready to be revealed. He still didn't have a clue what she had in mind for him that would require his and her absence from the condominium but he had a feeling that, whatever it was, it was very important for their continued life together.

During his stay with the Tylers, he'd taken time to do some reading, learning as much as he could about the universe that was now his home. He found Earth's history similar to the original universe's Earth when it came to big historical fixed point events like Mount Vesuvius erupting and the American Revolutionary War. But other events like the United States' expansion west and the Hindenburg accident not happening certainly made a huge impact on the shape of political and scientific history.

Also during that time, Pete introduced him to the Research and Development division of Torchwood which, after an entire day of investigating and observation of their methods and purposes, the Doctor decided was a suitable job for him, most of the requirements of the job being similar to what he had done while working for UNIT. The news of his accepting Pete's offer brought on an impromptu celebration at the mansion, making Alex feel as if he were really being accepted as part of the Tyler clan. It was an odd feeling, he decided, especially since he never really considered himself to have any sort of family for several centuries, even when he celebrated Christmas with Rose, Jackie, and Mickey back in the Powell Estates years before. As his and Rose's stay at the mansion came to an end, he once again was grateful to his Time Lord brother for the amazing gift he'd given him by leaving both him and Rose behind. Time and space was an adventure, to be sure, but living the slow path definitely had its benefits.

As Rose and Alex finally returned to their abode, she stopped him from going in immediately.

"Close your eyes," she instructed.

He gave her a frown of confusion. "Sorry?"

"Close your eyes," she repeated with a little more emphasis.

His eyes widened at her words. "Oh, the surprise!" He grinned broadly. "I like surprises. What's my surprise?"

"It's not a surprise if I tell you what it is. Close your eyes."

The third repeat of the order had a hint of irritation that told the hybrid not to press the issue or the surprise would turn sour due to a sore Rose. He obeyed this time, a little laugh of anticipation escaping from his lips as Rose took his hands and slowly guided him through the condominium.

"Okay… you're taking me through the living room… towards the bedrooms…?"

"No cheating," she berated him. "No trying to figure out where we're going."

Another gentle laugh came from him as he resolutely stopped his recitation of what was running through his mind. The only thing that he could think of as to why Rose wanted to go towards the bedrooms was… well… reproductive biology. He really hoped that wasn't what his surprise was. Not that he didn't want to make love to Rose; he thought about it practically all the time. He just wasn't quite ready to get into the delicacies of a relationship as associated with him also being half-Time Lord, especially with what had happened the night before. He also knew that she had similar misgivings, which was quite a relief despite the fact that their hormones were driving each of them to mate. It was looking more and more like self-control was going to be the key to their relationship at this stage.

After about half a minute of blindly following Rose, the couple halted their advance.

"May I open my eyes now?" he questioned with humor in his voice.

"Not yet," she told him. He heard her moving around, shifting things before stopping. "Okay. Open them."

Slowly, he obeyed and stared at what he saw. The spare bedroom had been completely redecorated. The furniture was milk chocolate brown in color and simple in design. The bedding on the full size, extra long bed was dark blue and brown as were the drapes that covered the large window that overlooked the neighborhood park. The walls had been painted golden yellow with gentle but not too distracting swirls of orange and red, making the walls almost feel alive. The carpet was now dark red, making the room both familiar and very homey.

"So?" Rose pressed gently after a minute of watching the Doctor regarding the room with an unreadable expression. "What do you think?"

"You decorated this for me?" he questioned, turning his head towards her, his eyes glistening with emotion. Slowly, he walked over to her before enveloping her in a warm embrace. He didn't speak, worrying Rose with his silence and the slight shake of his body.

She furrowed her eyebrows, worried about his reaction. "What's the matter?"

"I… I don't know how you did it but… it… it looks like Gallifrey."

Rose felt her heart tighten at his words. Based on the way he said the last word, she could guess exactly to what he was referring. The Doctor never talked about his home planet with her, only that it had been destroyed in the Time War. She hadn't even known the name of the planet until he mentioned it only seconds ago. His silence on the matter hadn't really bothered her before, knowing that the issue was a painful one for him. As for the bedroom, she didn't know herself why she chose the color scheme that she had. When she picked them out, it just seemed to fit her Doctor so well. Now, she was wondering if she'd made a big mistake, that perhaps her choice of decoration would overwhelm the man she was coming to love every day more and more. "Do you… like it?" she questioned tentatively.

"I love it," he told her in her ear, his joy showing more on his face by the second. He pulled back and looked into her eyes. "It's… wonderful. I can't believe you did this for me." He wiped away at tears of happiness that had fallen from his eyes. "Can I decorate the walls?" Seeing the surprise on her face, he quickly reassured her. "I don't mean redecorate the walls as in repainting them. Just put up some pictures, art, that sort of thing." He quickly went to the closet and opened it. "And you organized the closet! Got shelves and drawers and everything." He turned from the closet. "And a bookcase! Brilliant! I need to rebuild my library. And a desk! I can use this as a mini workshop. You know, for making my new sonic screwdriver and other little projects." Peeking into the attached bathroom, he gave a loud and enthusiastic "HA!" He turned to her again. "You even redid the bathroom! Well, painted the walls, anyway."

She glowed happily with his joy, glad that her actions were the cause. "I figured that since we're going to be here, we needed to make this our home, not just some place to sleep in and… well… it all sort of suited you." She paused. "Want to see the rest?"

"You redecorated the whole flat? Didn't that cost a lot of money?"

"Borrowed from Dad. Well, I call it a loan; he calls it a gift. We're still debating that one."

He chuckled at her words. "Trust me. You've already lost the argument."

Rose shrugged at his words. "I know. But that doesn't stop me from protesting." Reaching over, she grabbed his hand and then gently pulled him with her out of the room and into the living area.

When having been led into his new bedroom, the Doctor had wondered slightly as to Rose's odd direction, assuming that she was trying to lead him off the trail of discovering their destination. Now, as he looked at the main area of the condominium, he knew it was because something had blocked the pathway, namely furniture. A large brown leather sectional surrounding a glass coffee table now filled where there used to be a worn out couch. A large flat screen television hung on the wall a few feet in front of the sectional. Across the way from what could now be called a living room, the small table Rose had called a dining table had been replaced with a slightly larger glass and brass table with matching brass and burgundy chairs. It still sat only four but now there was plenty of room for a meal to be put between the place settings. The walls were now light denim blue as opposed to the eggshell it had been and the ceiling received a fresh coat of bright white. The carpet was now a darker shade of blue to complement the walls. The result was that the room now seemed to have a sense of depth while still being bright and cheerful.

He gave a joyful laugh. "You're brilliant, you know that? Absolutely brilliant! It's beautiful! Oh, I can't wait to see your room!" he exclaimed, releasing her hand and bounding over to the other bedroom, a broad grin on his features.

As he suspected, Rose's bedroom fit everything he knew about her. The walls were eggplant in color and the carpet was light brown. The same large bed he had used two weeks before for his meditation was still where it had been as was the rest of the furniture, though now the dresser was missing, replaced with a completely redone closet similar to the one in the Doctor's bedroom.

"It's perfect," he complimented, coming back to Rose's side in the living area. He looked over her shoulder. "You even redid the kitchen."

"Figured it was a good idea if we were going to use it on a regular basis," she replied. Seeing the querulous look on the hybrid's face, she clarified, "I ate at Mum's most of the time."

"Right," he commented with a slight nod of his head. "Well… good thing I can cook."

Rose gave a stunted bellow of a laugh.

"What?" Alex questioned with a frown.

"Doctor, your idea of cooking is take-out. You've never cooked for as long as I've known you."

"I never had any reason to," he countered defensively.

She tilted her head slightly. "I don't think you even know how to cook."

He raised an eyebrow. "Over a thousand years old and you think I don't know how to cook."

"Well… you never had any reason to…" she teased, smiling with her tongue peeking through her teeth.

He laughed slightly with determination suddenly showed in his eyes. "Oh, those are fighting words, Rose Tyler."

"What if they are? What are you going to do about it?" she taunted.

Stepping up closer so that he was toe-to-toe with her, he looked down into her bright brown eyes. "I am going to make a dinner you won't believe."

"Really. I doubt it."

"You want to bet?"

Rose's mischievous grin spread. "I bet that I can make a better dinner than you."

"You?" Alex questioned incredulously. "Rose, if you were able to make a decent peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I'd be shocked."

"Oh, those are fighting words, Doctor," she said, deliberately imitating him.

"What if they are? What are you going to do about it?" he countered just as she had.

"I'm going to win the bet, that's what. You cook my meal; I cook yours. Loser has to do the dishes for two weeks."

He extended his hand to her and waited for her to take it. Giving it a brief shake, he declared, "Done. You are so going down," he warned before turning and heading for the kitchen, taking off his jacket and tossing it over a barstool – one of the newest additions to the condominium – as he went.

"What are you doing?" she questioned.

"Starting on my dinner for you," he replied as he opened the refrigerator to see what was available to use.

"We've got a few hours before we even have to think about cooking. Besides, after that lunch Paula made, I couldn't think of eating a thing right now."

"That's all right because it doesn't look like you have anything to eat in this place anyway… still," he added, remembering the lack of edibles the last time he was in the condominium. "You do live on take out, don't you. Guess the lack of edibles in the house means we should go shopping."

"I told you, I can't even think about food right now."

"Which is precisely why now is the perfect time to go buy groceries," the hybrid countered. He put his jacket back on and pulled her towards the door. "Never go grocery shopping with an empty stomach, Rose. Anyone will tell you that."

"And why is that?"

He stopped and gazed at her as if she had just asked him what an apple was. "Because you'll get full on all those little samples they give away and spoil your dinner."

Her laughter at his response flitted on the air. "And here I thought it had to do with buying too much food," she commented as she closed the door and locked it behind them.

If the Doctor was particular in his selection of hygiene products, he was more so with produce, Rose learned as they shopped. The half-Time Lord picked up every item he was interested in and studied each carefully, his glasses perched on his nose. Only after examining, weighing, smelling and listening to each piece of produce did he finally carefully put them in a plastic bag, cautious in his actions. Rose was surprised that he didn't once actually taste or lick a single item but she supposed that he was knowledgeable enough not to do anything that unhygienic with foodstuff. And while she could understand wanting to be meticulous with fresh fruit and vegetables, when he started to do the same with pre-packaged items (the same product released by the same brand), her impatience came full force. After gently berating him for his slowness, she gathered the rest of the groceries without more than a quick glance at expiration dates, much to the Doctor's consternation.

"You should have let me pick out the rest," he protested on the way back to the condominium. "An expiration date isn't proof of quality."

"We're talking about packaged foods, Doctor," Rose countered. "When it comes to quality, an expiration date is good enough."

"Some of those were probably under weight."

She paused thoughtfully before questioning, "Seriously?"

"At least a good 1/16th of an ounce," he confirmed.

She gave a huff. "Only you would complain about a 1/16th of an ounce."

"I want you to get your money's worth."

She smiled gently at his concern. "You let me worry about getting my money's worth. After all, it is my money, right?"

The hybrid shrugged his concession as they pulled into the parking garage of the building. After helping Rose carry in the groceries and putting them away, the Doctor immediately went to work in preparing meals. While he was meticulous with grocery shopping, he seemed to be completely random with cooking. Rose watched with a confused frown as he dumped an entire bottle of Ranch salad dressing, an entire bottle of barbeque sauce, four pieces of chicken, a whole peeled orange and its peel, and at least six tablespoons of Italian seasoning into a pot before putting it in the refrigerator and then rummaging through cabinets.

"What are you looking for?" she questioned.

"Skillet," he replied bluntly.

"Why?"

"BLTs."

"You're going to make BLTs?" she commented with amusement. "What about that chicken you just manhandled?"

"There's nothing wrong with what I did to those chicken breasts."

"Tell that to the chicken."

He shook his head at her words. "The chicken is for tomorrow night. Tonight it's BLTs. I happen to make excellent BLTs," he stated as he came up with the skillet he'd been looking for. Putting it on the stove, he turned on the heat, adding a tablespoon of butter and a dash of chili powder into it before putting in the bacon.

"Not bacon sandwiches," she added, smiling.

The Doctor looked at her with surprise. "What's wrong with BLTs? The BLT is an American classic, which is very appropriate for me since I'm supposed to be from British America. Lovely sandwich. Mind you, it won't taste quite the same using back bacon rather than streaky bacon but still…"

As he spoke, he reached into the refrigerator and took out the remaining ingredients to make the sandwiches, including a bottle of Italian dressing. Washing the tomato quickly, he cut four slices off the fruit before putting them in a bowl and pouring a small amount of dressing on them. He then put four slices of bread in the large toaster and, after pausing to flip the bacon, pulled several leaves off the head of lettuce. Again, he returned to the bacon, removing it from the heat and letting it self-cook while he retrieved the now toasted bread, lathering each slice with mayonnaise before filling the sandwich with the required ingredients, finishing them with a sprinkling of pepper and basil. The entire time, Rose watched him with interest, noting how he seemed to fulfill every step of the process without missing a single beat, a sure indication that he knew his way around a kitchen despite how haphazard it all looked.

"If that's as good as it looks, I think I'm in trouble," she commented as he cut the two sandwiches in half.

"Why's that?" he questioned, turning around to pull out a bag of crisps and adorning each plate with a handful.

"Because it means I've already lost the bet. If this is your idea of a sandwich, I can't wait to see what you do with a proper meal."

The Doctor grinned at her words as he presented the filled plates to her. "Told you."

She accepted the plates with a grin. "Don't think this means I concede, though. I still could be wrong and you're just a sandwich master," she told him as she carried the plates to the table.

The Doctor followed shortly thereafter with a couple of glasses of water, giving Rose her glass before taking a seat. He nodded to her plate. "Go on. Eat."

Smiling at his insistence, she picked up half of the sandwich and took a bite, humming in delight of the taste and gaining a wide grin from her friend. Alex once satisfied that Rose was enjoying her meal, took his own bite and the two ate for a while in silence.

"So, what are you going to do tomorrow?" she finally questioned as she started into the second half of her sandwich. Seeing the questioning look on his face, she clarified, "You don't start at Torchwood until next week and I'll be at work all day which means that you'll be on your own until I get home. Of course, you can call if there's a problem."

He blinked at her words, realizing that, ever since Bad Wolf Bay, he'd never once been completely on his own. There has always been someone around, whether it was Rose, her family, or the staff at Torchwood's medical facility. There was the short time in the hotel room in Norway admittedly but, even then, he wasn't completely alone; Jackie was in the room right next to his and Rose was only down in the lobby. This time everyone he knew would be several miles away. There wouldn't be an immediate rescue if he felt he needed their presence. This would be a true test of the drug he knew he would have to take for the rest of his life and it was a bit frightening to face.

Seeing his uncomfortable expression, Rose reached over the table to touch his hand. "You okay?"

Hearing her question, he immediately refocused on her. "I'm fine," he assured. He seemed to think for a moment. "Yeah. Umm… I'm not sure what I'll do." He shrugged after a moment. "Make dinner, obviously, since I started the marinade. Maybe go to the library again, learn some more about this universe. If I'm going to integrate into this world, I should update myself as thoroughly as possible."

As he spoke, there was a knock on the door, prompting Rose to stand and answer. Receiving a large packet from the building attendant, and giving him a thank you and a tip, she returned to Alex with a smile. "Dad couriered your papers," she told him. Placing the packet in front of him, she dragged a chair around the table to sit next to him, obviously curious as to what was in the parcel other than those little things that she and the Doctor had come up with that night.

The half-alien stared at the package for a moment, his eyes wide. "Wow. It's… big."

"Well, what do you expect?" she returned with a laugh. "It's your life." Seeing the forlorn look on his face, she corrected herself immediately. "What I mean is… this is all the things you need to be integrated into this society. It doesn't change who you were or who you are now. It just gives your current life structure. And structure is good, yeah?"

He took a slow breath. "I'd never really had a structured life and for the last several weeks I've had nothing but. I'm just not sure that I'm ready for it to be an integral part of my life." He looked at her lovingly. "But as long as I'm with you, it'll be… fantastic."

Her face brightened with excitement. "Go on. Open it," she encouraged.

The Doctor wiggled his eyebrows slightly at her before ripping the packet open like a child unwrapping a gift. "Here we go! Birth certificate. Born in Victoria, British America, 19 October 1971… good… Father's name, mother's name. Good, good. Brother, alive but estranged." He paused thoughtfully as he considered how the Time Lord was a part of his life, even separated. "Well, he does travel a lot," he conceded, turning back to the file. "Sister…" He took a slow breath before he read the next word. "Deceased." He let out the breath he took. "Donna…" Gaining strength from Rose's sympathetic hug, he continued his perusal of the information the packet contained, finding a small photo between the first sheet and the second. "A baby photo? He actually gave me a baby photo?"

"Computer software de-aged you as you are now to determine what you probably looked like through the years. That way you have some mementos. The lab techs even figured out what your parents probably looked like and created photos of your life with them, along with computer-generated pictures of your siblings. We figured we'd give you a chance to read through this before you decided on what changes you want made and what items you want as keepsakes."

"Keepsakes?" he asked with interest.

"You know… Mother's wedding ring, Father's gold watch, clay pot you made in primary school… that sort of thing."

He looked at her querulously. "I'm not the first person you've created a whole new life for, obviously."

She nodded in agreement. "Torchwood gets the occasional alien friendly who wants sanctuary on Earth for various reasons. Of course, we make sure about their intentions first. The last thing we need is to be harboring fugitives from the law or getting into an interstellar incident when we haven't even officially made first contact yet." She gestured to the packet. "Keep going," she instructed. "I don't know what's in there exactly. Just a general idea." She tilted her head to look at the photo representation of Alex as a baby. "By the way… you were adorable."

He gave a slightly knowing grin. "Well… look at me now. Of course, I was adorable." He moved the photo out of the way to find a newspaper article – obviously forged – of his birth announcement followed by a photo of the baby being held by a smiling couple. "Very close," he complimented. "Almost looks like my Gallifreyan parents." He turned another page. "Schooling: Queen's University in Victoria." He frowned slightly and turned to Rose with questioning. "Queen's University? No Cambridge? Wait, Cambridge is in the UK so it would have to be a university in North America. What about Harvard?"

"Harvard is harder to forge than Queen's University," she responded. Seeing the slightly hurt look on his face, she reassured him, "Queen's is a very good university. One of the highest rated schools in the world. Believe me, your going to Queen's is going to gain you a lot of respect."

"Never even heard of Queen's University," he commented. Suitably mollified however, he returned to his reading. "Doctorates in medicine, physics and history. Left British America two years ago, became a citizen of Great Britain. Nothing of major significance happened in my life other than my parents' and sister's deaths. But it looks like I have a glowing letter of recommendation from a Mr. Heywood Roland." He frowned slightly at the name. "Who's Heywood Roland?"

"He's CEO of Roland Technology, a former competitor of Cybus Industries. He's a friend of Torchwood, sometimes gives us reference recommendations if he likes what he hears. He also produces and distributes alien technology we've reverse engineered and determined to be safe and of public use. Apparently, Dad impressed him with his description of you. You can get any job you want in the world with that letter... if you change your mind about Torchwood, that is."

He flipped through the rest of the pages. "Looks like the rest are documents I need to keep. Tax papers for the last two years. Bank account papers along with £200 in cash. Credit cards… Seriously, three cards? For one person? Medical insurance paperwork. Dental insurance paperwork… Blimey, you humans have a lot of insurance policies."

Rose slapped his arm in protest. "Oi, you're human too."

"_Half_ human," he corrected with feigned offense. He raised a collection of papers. "Life insurance? Why would I need life insurance?"

"It's required for all Torchwood employees and their families, as is medical and dental. It's for your benefit."

"How is life insurance for _my_ benefit? I don't get to see the money if it's cashed in because I'd be dead. I suppose Torchwood does, eh? Cashing in on their alien investment, are they?" he demanded, his attitude shifting just as quickly as a light being turned on.

"It isn't like that," Rose replied vehemently.

"Making sure that they get their money back when I die?" he continued as if she hadn't said a word.

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, don't be so daft! Both Dad and I thought that you would want this."

"You want me dead?"

"No!" she protested. "Doctor, we would've had you sign on all this insurance anyway because you can't keep your nose out of trouble. I know right now you're angry but just think about it. Eventually something's going to come up and you'll just dive right in regardless of the consequences and we'll be left trying to answer for your actions, namely why we let you get involved in the first place. Not to mention that you have to go to a Torchwood medical facility for all your medical needs anyway because you _are_ half-alien. Without proper insurance, you'd be wiped out financially. Add in the ramifications of the public finding out that we have extraterrestrials actually living among us – if you went to a public hospital, that is. This way Torchwood covers all your medical expenses if you do get hurt during an incident and most of your expenses for regular medical needs, we don't get a massive public panic from idiots thinking you are trying to take over the world, and if God forbid you die at least the people you love are taken care of financially. Isn't that what you want?"

Alex ran his hand through his hair, clearly upset. While his emotions were telling him that Pete and Rose were conspiring against him, his intelligence confirmed that what he was feeling was paranoia brought on by his mental condition and that the precautions they wanted him to take were completely logical. He sniffed at her words. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I appreciate all that you're doing for me. I really do. It's just…"

"You're afraid," Rose concluded gently.

"No," he contradicted without conviction before shaking his head to negate his own words. "Yes," he admitted. "I've lived like this before… day in, day out, stuck in one time and place and… I don't think I can do it again. I…" He exhaled, rubbing his hands over his face before swallowing tightly. "I can't do this," he proclaimed one more time before abruptly standing from the table and marching into his bedroom, closing the door behind him.

Rose quickly stood to follow him, stopping at the shut door when she heard sobbing coming from the other side. Knocking softly, she entered the room without permission to find Alex curled on the bed, his face buried in a pillow he hugged.

"Doctor…" she started.

"Go away!"

She hesitated, her heart breaking as she watched him pouring his emotions out through tears. "Doctor, I can't pretend to understand how you're feeling with this situation. I've never been a biological metacrisis," she added jokingly, hoping to get a positive reaction and gaining nothing for the effort. "But you know I'm here for you, no matter what. And I know you can live your life this way. You can do anything."

"No, I can't," he murmured between sobs. "You don't understand. You'll never understand. How could you? You're _human_ and you'll always be _human_. Me? The only time I was human, I was rubbish. Mr. John Smith, great history teacher, rubbish in every other way. Well, Alexander Smith isn't much better. I can't even be a proper human biologically. No, I have to be _half_-human, _half_-Time Lord with a mental disorder that rears its ugly head at the drop of a pin."

His comment about his mental state brought everything to light in Rose's mind. Going over to him, she gently put her hand on his shoulder. She remembered the consultations with Dr. Gentillini and Harry Sullivan. They told all of them - Alex and the Tylers - that Alex can't be talked out of his mood swings and that the best thing they could do for him, if he did have an episode, was to let him muddle through it while being there to support him and, if the situation called for it, to assist him in taking his medicine.

Given how drastic Alex's mood changed, Rose made a supposition. "You forgot to take your medicine today, didn't you." Not getting a response one way or the other, she pressed the issue gently. "Doctor, did you take your medicine today?"

"What if I didn't? What are you going to do about it?"

She sighed softly and bent over to kiss his temple. "I'll get it for you. Promise me you'll take it?"

Seeing him nod in agreement, she went back into the living room and, locating his suitcase, retrieved the prescription. For a moment, she thought about leaving the bottle on his nightstand. However, the fear that he might try to hurt himself by swallowing the entire contents made her decide against that idea. Instead, she pulled out one pill and left it and a glass of water. Then, leaving the door open so that she could keep track of his actions – she'd been warned by Dr. Gentillini that Alex shouldn't be left entirely on his own when he was in a depressive state – she unpacked their suitcases.

She was pleased to find the pill missing and the glass empty when she returned to the Doctor's room to put away his belongings. He hadn't moved much from his position, however, though he had stopped crying and had resorted to staring at a wall.

"Gallifrey burned, you know," he finally said upon her third entry into the room, her hands full of his toiletries. "I made it burn. So many dead and I killed them all." He paused. "I'm a horrible person."

"No, you're not," Rose responded, putting down the toiletries and going over to rub his back. "You're a good man who's had to do some terrible things for the right reasons. And I know right now you don't think I'm telling you the truth but I am." Seeing him bury his face into his pillow, she brushed his hair with her hand. "Get some rest. You'll feel better once the medicine kicks in."

Leaving him to do just that, she returned to putting his possessions away, hoping that she was correct in her statement. She ended her day sitting in front of the television, falling asleep on the couch with the assurance that, since he too was sleeping, no harm would come to the Doctor.


	15. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Alex woke with a headache and feeling anxious, despite having taken his medicine as he had promised Rose. While the feeling wasn't overwhelming, it was, to him, a foreshadowing of things to come if he didn't act immediately. He groaned from the pain that shot through his head as he slowly sat up.

"Rose?" he called out as he blinked against the natural light that filled the room. He frowned slightly as he located the clock on his night stand and read that it was almost 9:30 in the morning. Propped up on the lamp on the same night stand was a piece of paper with familiar handwriting on it.

_ Sorry. Had to leave early for work. See you later. Stay out of trouble. Rose_

He groaned again as he read the note. "Not even a month in this universe and it's already overly domestic."

Rubbing his face with a sigh, he slowly stood up, closing his eyes against the pain in his head the action caused. Then gradually he made his way into his bathroom, pulling off his shirt as he went, noting that he had fallen asleep fully clothed rather than in his pajamas. He regarded himself in the mirror with a glower. His face was pale and there were distinctive circles under his eyes that reflected how ill he felt at that moment.

Opening the medicine cupboard, he was pleased to see that not only was his prescription for his bipolar disorder in plain sight but so was a bottle of paracetamol. Grabbing the latter, he shook out three pills and swallowed them dry before picking up his prescription. The instructions on the label were very clear: one pill every twenty-four hours.

Ignoring the directions despite having had a previous dose less than ten hours before, he retrieved one of the prescription pills, giving it the same treatment he had given the painkillers. His immediate needs met, he finished undressing and stepped into the shower, letting the water run over him a good ten minutes before actually starting to wash himself. By the time he stepped out of the bathroom to dress, the headache had gone and he was feeling much more relaxed.

Gathering his clothes from the floor as he left the bathroom, he tossed them in his hamper and then dressed in a pair of jeans and a light long-sleeved shirt. Going to the kitchen, he poured himself a glass of strawberry banana orange juice – one of the items he had insisted on buying while grocery shopping with Rose – and went to the dining table where Rose had left the packet of papers they were going through the night before.

He grimaced slightly at the memory. He hadn't meant to get so upset with her on the issue of life insurance but, for some reason, it had really offended him at the time. Her explanation for the need for it had made complete sense but all he had on the matter were paranoid thoughts. Now, with his mind much more calm, he appreciated the need for such precautions.

Going through the paperwork, he carefully read everything, filling out the necessary areas and insuring that all was in proper order with his new signature, which by the time he was done with all the insurance papers he had perfected quite nicely. The work, however, had grown tedious quickly and he found himself wanting to be anywhere other than sitting at Rose's dining table, reading and signing documents.

He was in the process of making some decisions on what Rose had referred to as keepsakes – he really didn't need anything but he understood how it might look to the average human if he owned absolutely nothing of his past – when he looked up and noticed that it was nearly noon and his stomach was rumbling, reminding him that he needed to have more than just juice for the day. Once again going through his papers, he gathered the cash and credit cards Pete had given him and slipped them in with his psychic paper which was still in the water-damaged leather wallet. Then after returning to his room to put on a pair of trainers, he went out the front door.

Down in the lobby of the building, he had the doorman – he remembered Rose had called him Reggie - call a taxi for him and, within minutes, he was riding in the back of the vehicle, heading into downtown London. Once at Trafalgar Square, he stepped out, paid the driver, and looked around at his surroundings with a smile before heading for the nearest restaurant.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The first time Rose had called the condominium to check on the Doctor, it was nearly nine o'clock in the morning. Not receiving an answer, she correctly assumed that the hybrid had not yet woken up, which didn't really surprise her considering how the previous night went. Shortly after that call she had gotten caught up in investigating a credible alien sighting just outside of London's city limits, which took several hours to handle. By the time she got back to her office, it was past two o'clock, a fact which prompted her to call her flat again. When the Doctor still didn't answer, she shrugged it off as him being the bathroom and tried again a few minutes later. Still no answer. After a half hour of trying to contact him, she started to get worried.

Since she hadn't actually taken a meal break as yet, she decided to use hers to go back to the condominium to find out in person why the half-Time Lord hadn't answered the phone. Informing her father of her intentions and that she may be late in returning, she left Torchwood and made her way through London traffic to arrive back home.

"Doctor?" she called out as she walked in. She immediately went to his bedroom and found it as well as the bathroom empty. She then proceeded to search the whole condominium, which took less than a minute, leaving herself on the verge of panic and asking herself repeatedly where he could be.

A thousand answers came to her, none of them pleasant. Someone discovered he was half-alien and kidnapped him to run experiments on him. Someone found out about their relationship and kidnapped him to ransom him. He went out for something and got lost in London. He couldn't handle living the life of a human and he left her. He was still in a depressive mood and he was right then on the roof, contemplating jumping. He was elsewhere in the city, thinking about killing himself. He had already done so.

"Oh, gawd," she cried, her whole body shaking from the fear that filled her. Pulling out her mobile, she hastily dialed her father's office number. "Dad, the Doctor's gone," she started in rapid fire words. "I don't know where he is. He was down last night and I shouldn't have left him alone this morning but… Oh, gawd, what if he's hurt?"

"Honey, slow down," Pete told her gently. "I'm sure he's fine."

"But what if he isn't?" she exclaimed. "What if something's happened? He tried to kill himself once. What if he's tried again? What if he's been kidnapped? What if…"

"Calm down," came a firm order. "We'll find him. You check your building in case he's still there somewhere and then let me know what you find. And if he isn't there, I'll have Jake and his team go and search for him. No matter what, though, stay there. The last thing we need is for you to go running off when he could show up at any minute. If he has been kidnapped, you need to be available for any demands."

Rose was about to protest against his suggestion but stopped. While she prayed that her worry for the half-alien was nothing but paranoia, she had to be prepared for the worst.

"You're right," she conceded. "I'll see what I can find out around here and give you a call back." Ending the call, she gave another look around her condominium as if he could miraculously appear out of thin air (not a completely unlikely event if he had somehow found a teleport). Then, taking a breath, she left the flat to start her investigation.

Now that she had her father's words had given her focus, she thought about the real possibilities of what happened rather than her initial panicked thoughts. The first and least likely one was that Alex went up to the roof and jumped. She didn't actually think the Doctor was capable of committing suicide now that he was far more stable. Aside from that, not only would he have had to find a way of unlocking the door to the roof but, if he had gone up there and then jumped, his suicide would have brought the police on the scene. Since the police weren't swarming all over the building, that particular possibility was more like an improbability, which eased her mind immensely.

That meant that Alex had to have left the building by more conventional means, namely via either the back fire exit, which had an alarm on it in the event of being opened, or the front door, which was manned by the building attendant on duty. Either way, it was a simple matter of bringing up the security records of the building for the day to determine not only whether the Doctor left on his own but also when.

She was pleased to see Reggie Torkinson was on duty. Not only was Reggie a nice guy, he also had an obvious crush on Rose, which she knew would make it easy for her to get what she wanted without having to go through security, if she were lucky. Going up to him, she gave him a smile.

"Good evening, Miss Tyler!" he greeted.

"Hi, Reggie. You didn't happen to see Dr. Smith today, did you?"

"Your male friend from the other day?"

"Yeah. He's rooming with me right now. Did you see him?"

"He left at about 12:30. I summoned a taxi for him."

"Did he say where he was going? Was he with anyone?"

Reggie shook his head. "He was alone. But I think he told the driver to take him into the city." He gave a slight grin. "Quite a character, isn't he. Never met anyone so talkative."

Rose forced a laugh. "Yeah, that's Alex for you. Thanks, Reggie. Let me know if you see him, okay?" she entreated as she located and pulled out a business card. "My number's on the card." Turning, she quickly headed towards the elevator. Despite what her father had told her, she couldn't just wait around the condominium for the Doctor to show up, especially now that she knew he had left in good spirits and on his own, ruling out suicidal tendencies and kidnapping.

As she waited for the elevator, she called Pete back and told him what she had learned from Reggie while omitting her intent to look for Alex as well. The conversation continued even after she stepped into the cab and exited on the parking garage level where her SUV sat. With one last assurance to her stepfather that she was fine, she pressed the end button on her cell phone and went to her car, determined to join the search.

She started downtown, figuring that was the likely place that Alex would be. However, hours of checking every place she thought he might go only resulted in her becoming more worried about him. A call from her stepfather revealed that Jake and his team also had no success in finding the half-alien. Pete, having discovered that his daughter had disregarded his words, ordered her to return home to wait for news. Too frazzled to continue, she obeyed, getting back to her building just after nine o'clock at night.

She had just stepped out of the car when a black motorcycle blocked the vehicle in its space. The rider, clad completely in black leather and a helmet, dismounted from the bike and turned towards her. Suddenly, the paranoid thoughts concerning the fate of her best friend came rushing back.

"Rose Tyler," the figure said, its masculine voice muffled by the helmet. He approached her, causing her to take a step back in trepidation.

"What do you want?" she demanded.

The figure seemed to pause before taking a step towards her. "Rose, what's wrong?"

She blinked slightly at the question before she realized with whom she was speaking. "Doctor?"

The figure took off its helmet to reveal the concerned face of the man she'd been fretting over. "Rose, what is it?"

A second later, the half-Gallifreyan received a hard slap on his left cheek.

"Oi! What was that for?" he complained, rubbing the sting from his face.

"Do you have any idea what you've put me through? What do you think you're doing running off without letting me know where you are, making me think something happened to you? Where the hell have you been?"

"I went to lunch."

"And it took all day?"

"Well, it does on some planets."

She crossed her arms and glared at him. "Nine hours, Doctor! You've been out for nine hours and not once did you call to let me know where you were!"

"And that's too long," he supposed.

"Damn right, it's too long! Here I'm thinking you've been kidnapped or hurt or killed and you've been… been…" She looked over him from head to toe. "What the hell _have_ you been doing? And what's with the motorcycle? And the leather?" her voice tapered slightly as she regarded him again. "Not that I'm… objecting to the… leather…"

The hybrid gave her a teasing smile. "You like the leather?"

She considered her response for a long moment. She had to admit to herself that the Doctor did look great in the protective riding gear. Sexy even. She got a picture in her mind of them riding for miles in the open country on the motorcycle, stopping only when they felt like taking in the sights or to rest. It was definitely an alluring thought. However, it didn't detract from the here and now and the fact that the half-alien had run off for hours without telling anyone of his whereabouts.

"Park that thing properly and then come up where we can discuss your actions today," she said, refusing to let her current attraction to him delay handling the immediate problem. "Where'd you get a motorcycle anyway?"

"I thought you wanted to discuss my activities up in the flat."

Frustrated by the whole situation set before her, Rose huffed. "Just park," she ordered. "I'll meet you at the lift."

Sniffing slightly, Alex returned to his motorcycle and moved it to a more appropriate area. After retrieving a small cloth bag and then locking his helmet and gloves in the carrier attached to the back, he went to the garage exit where Rose was waiting for him. Neither said a word as they went up to the flat. However, the moment the door was closed, Rose was the first to speak.

"So, where were you?" she demanded as she moved to the living room.

"I told you. I went out for lunch," Alex responded, following her and then sitting on the couch, leaving his bag by the door. "The only places I knew were in the city so I took a cab there. When I paid for the meal, I realized that I needed a wallet – a proper wallet, not a damaged one with only enough room for psychic paper and a few bills – especially with all these little cards you humans seem to rely on." He ignored the glare she gave him at his choice of words. "So I took another cab to that shop you took me to the other day, the one with those really nice ties. And after I bought the wallet and a new sleeve for my psychic paper – a passport cover works really nice for that – I realized that I really couldn't rely on public transportation or taxis to get around or I would run out of money very quickly. I went to go buy a car but they wouldn't sell it to me without a driver's license. I would've been able to in the other universe but there's a law here, apparently. Anyway, I went to the DMV and got a license. Well, all of the ones available for domestic transportation actually since I wasn't sure what type of vehicle I wanted to own. Went back to the dealership to buy a car and then I saw the motorcycle and… well, it's a beautiful machine, isn't it? So I bought that. Of course, if you own a motorcycle, it's only being responsible to ensure that you have the proper safety equipment which I purchased. After that, I went for a ride until I decided to come back and surprise you."

"And you couldn't call me and let me know what you were doing?" she berated. "How did you buy all this? You don't have any money."

"Thanks to your father, I do. Two hundred pounds cash, down to a hundred sixty now thanks to lunch and the wallet, a thousand pounds in the bank, two credit cards each with a twenty thousand pound limit, and excellent credit which made it possible to get the financing I needed to purchase the motorcycle." He gave her a glare, seeing that she was still upset by his actions. "I am not a child, Rose. I don't need your permission to utilize the resources that your father provided for me and I don't need you to tell me what I may do with those resources. I am well-aware that I will have to repay the loan that I took out for the motorcycle as well as the charges that I made on my credit cards. I would have thought you'd be happy that I'm at least making an effort to fit in. I don't _have_ to stay here, you know. I can leave at any time I want and you'd never be able to find me and you know it. I choose to stay here because of you. I'm going to be working for Torchwood because of you. I'm living in this flat, buying groceries, filling out paperwork, carrying a wallet because of you. I want to be here because of you, Rose. But if you are going to order me around and treat me as if I am incapable of taking care of myself, then I'm going out that door and you will never see me again. Is that understood?"

The two stared at each other for a long moment, Rose weighing what Alex had told her, Alex wondering how she was going to react to his words. When she responded, it was in the same quiet tone he had used with her.

"Understood," she told him. "But now you need to understand things from my point of view. My family is rich and famous in this universe which means that we're under the public scrutiny. You remember that paparazzi in the dessert bar? Because you were photographed with me, you're now in the public spotlight as well and you have to be careful what you do out in public just in case some photographer snaps your picture. The tabloids are already speculating on who you are and what your relationship with me is. They're already saying that you're my boyfriend…"

"I _am_ your boyfriend," he pointed out. "At least, that was my understanding."

"You are," she agreed. "But that also means that you might be of interest to people who don't like my family or who would try to take advantage of your new position. And believe me, they're out there. So when you ran off like that and no one could find you, the only thing I could think of was that you were kidnapped or even killed. Do you have any idea how terrifying that was to me? I kept imagining you were lying dead in some back alley."

"I can defend myself…"

"That's not the point! What if something had happened to you? How is anyone supposed to find you if we don't have at least a reference point to start?"

"So basically you can wander off but I can't?" he countered, not wanting to relent his own argument. "How many times have you wandered off without me having a clue where you were?"

"I was a teenager. I'm twenty-five now and a lot more experienced. I'm not going to go anywhere without telling someone where I'm going. I left you a note this morning, didn't I? You knew how to get a hold of me if you needed to. But I couldn't get a hold of you when you left the flat. And nine hours is a very long time to be out of contact from the people you care about without some sort of prior warning." Seeing him roll his eyes in exasperation, she tried a different tactic, one she was sure would make him understand the importance of what she was saying. "What if it something had happened to me while you were out on your little escapade?"

He sat up at her words, concern on his face. "Did something happen?"

"No, but what if something had? No one would have been able to find you and tell you because nobody knew where you were. You see this goes both ways, don't you?" He slumped back on the couch at her question, looking very much like a dog who wanted to attack but who understood the futility of it when on a grounded chain. "I'm not trying to limit you, Doctor," Rose continued. "I don't mind that you went out and did everything that you did. In fact, I love that you went and had a great time, especially with what happened last night. I just want to you be more aware of your actions as the paparazzi will ruin not only your reputation but also mine, Mum's and Dad's if you did something even the slightest bit what they consider abnormal. But most importantly, I want to be able to contact you if I need to, just like you can contact me if you need to."

"Well if that's the case, I should get a mobile." He paused. "No… wait… I have one somewhere. Well, actually it's Martha's but I doubt she'll come across the Void to collect it. It's out of power, though. What I need is a charger."

"We'll get it tomorrow. What you need to do right now is to cook that chicken that you manhandled yesterday." Seeing the blank stare he gave her, she reminded, "You were going to make dinner today."

Alex glanced at the clock on the wall. "It's nearly ten at night."

"Yeah, and I haven't had a bite to eat since breakfast, thanks to work and worrying about you."

Alex's eyes grew dark at her words. "You're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"Telling me what to do," he growled at her. "Everything is about you. You needed to know where I was. You have a reputation to uphold. You want dinner." He stood up abruptly and started for the door. "Make your own damn dinner."

Stunned by his words, Rose quickly followed in a desperate attempt to stop him. "Where are you going?"

He turned towards her, anger clear on his face. "I'm leaving. I warned you, Rose. Now you'll have to deal with the consequences."

"Don't go," she told him, grabbing his hand to keep him from leaving.

"Ordering me again?" he demanded.

She looked into his eyes, allowing him to see her fear. "No. Asking. I'm sorry for treating you so poorly. I promise I'll try to do better. Just please don't go. I couldn't bear going through that again, not knowing if you were safe." She watched him for a long moment, trying to gauge what his next action would be based on his expression.

Alex regarded the woman before him before finally speaking. "You promise?" he asked, just so that she would reiterate her statement. Seeing her nod softly, he gently pulled her to him and held her. "Then I'm staying. I didn't really want to go anyway. It was a gut reaction and I'm sorry." He took a slow steady breath, allowing the moment of anger between them to pass. "As for the chicken, I'm afraid I've messed it up."

Rose chuckled slightly. "Thought so."

He pulled away and gave her a teasing glower. "Not with my choice of marinade. By letting it sit in the marinade for too long. I should have cooked it four hours ago. Now it's… well… sort of disgusting. But the bet is still on. I just have to think of something else, that's all. Not tonight, though. It's getting late and I don't think either of us want to be awake past midnight. My cooking is a work of art that takes time and precision."

"Does it now?" she gently teased back. "Not going to make BLTs again?" He shook his head. "So what do you think we should do?"

He considered her question for a moment. "Chinese?"

She grinned at his answer. "And you say I live on take-out." He shrugged slightly, not quite conceding the point but not denying it either. "Chinese it is, then," she agreed. "But how about we do our competition tomorrow? You do my meal, I'll do yours."

"Agreed." He kissed her forehead gently before going into the kitchen to locate the take-out menu he knew Rose had. "So, what do you want? We better order immediately as they close in fifteen minutes."

"Hunan chicken," she told him. "I'm buying. You're running out of cash and don't start work until next week. Just don't buy out the restaurant."

Alex gave her a small smile as he dialed the number and proceeded to make their order in fluent Mandarin, gaining a surprised look from Rose.

"You speak Chinese?" she questioned after he hung up.

"I speak every language."

"How come I never heard you speaking anything other than English, then? I mean, all those planets we've been to and you only spoke English." She paused. "You did speak English, didn't you?"

"Not always. Sometimes I spoke the native tongue and the TARDIS' translation circuits tapped into my head, translated it, and then put it in your head. She did have a bit of trouble properly translating some languages though. Like Latin. You speak Latin and, for some reason, the person you're talking to hears Gaelic."

"So you were basically what? The TARDIS' language dictionary?"

"Sort of."

"That explains why we only heard Sycoraxic when we were on the Sycorax ship. Because the TARDIS couldn't get into your head to translate it for us until you were better."

"Bingo," he told her, a broad grin on his face.

"What about Norway? You didn't say a word of Norwegian in Norway."

"I didn't have a reason to." He grimaced as he suddenly fidgeted. "Do you mind if I take off my leather. It's very comfortable, mind you, but I am getting a bit warm with my clothes underneath."

She gestured towards his bedroom. "Your home too. Help yourself."

With a nod, he grabbed his bag and went into the bedroom before carefully removing his outfit, making sure to hang it up safely in his closet. Leaving the bag on the bed, he walked back out sock-footed just as there was a knock on the door.

"Wow, that was fast," Rose commented as she answered the door. She paid for their order and gave a large tip before closing the door and carrying their meal into the kitchen. "I noticed the bag. Something to carry a change of clothes in?"

"Safety first," he responded as he helped her dish out their meal. "Not exactly safe to ride a motorcycle wearing trainers and a suit."

She paused thoughtfully. "What if it rains?"

"All the more reason to not to wear a suit riding a motorcycle. You'd get soaked."

"I was talking about visibility," she countered, pouring each of them a glass of water as he carried the plates to the table. "I mean, motorcycle helmets aren't equipped with wipers."

"No, but the one that I bought is weather resistant as long as it's not too rainy. Besides, it's only for when I need to go somewhere without you. With us both working for Torchwood, we'll likely carpool. And if I need to be somewhere when the weather doesn't permit my motorcycle, I'll either borrow yours or Pete's."

"Makes sense, I suppose," she responded non-committal, bringing their drinks to the table and taking a seat.

The two ate in agreeable companionship as they talked about their day. Rose went into details about the alien sighting and how she and her team had determined that the alien in question wasn't dangerous, just a tourist who had gotten separated from his group.

"You get alien tourists?" Alex questioned before tilting his head in concession immediately. "Well, not surprising really. Those starliners visiting exotic worlds. I suppose a Level Five planet like Earth would be on that list. Was for the Titanic. Then again, that was more of a deliberate attempt to take vengeance on a Board of Directors."

Rose blinked in confusion. "Sorry?"

Seeing that she had no idea what he was talking about, he explained his comment, telling her about his adventure aboard the starliner Titanic and his meeting Astrid Peth. The story prompted a whole conversation about their adventures during their separation from each other as they finished their dinner and migrated to the couch.

It was reaching two o'clock in the morning when Rose showed both of them how late it was with a loud and wide yawn.

"Have to be at work early?" Alex questioned.

She nodded slightly.

"Want me to wake you?"

She blinked. "You think you'll be awake in six hours?"

"Probably won't even have gone to sleep, based on how I feel right now." Seeing her yawn again, he helped her to her feet. "Come on. Bed time."

Rose didn't argue the point, allowing the Doctor to guide her into her bedroom. Kissing her cheek, he wished her good night before leaving, allowing her the privacy she needed. Despite what he had told her, after watching television with the volume low for two hours, he found himself drifting to sleep.


	16. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

_Christmas Eve 2014_

Alex's first day of work at Torchwood was hardly exciting. He'd spent the entire day going through an orientation class to be educated not only on the organization's rules for their employees but also on the layout of their facilities, especially the area where he would mainly be working, namely Research and Development. The next day he went straight to work at creating the translation software he had promised Pete. Whereas Rose had an office to work in when she wasn't out on assignment – she had earned the right to one in the four years she had worked for Torchwood – the Doctor had a spacious cubicle in a corner of a large room filled with similar work areas. His immediate supervisor, an overly exuberant man named Paul Karré, had set up the work station ahead of time, giving the half-Gallifreyan a state of the art computer with all the necessary accessories to do his first task.

Writing the translation software and providing it with the necessary information from Torchwood's language database took Alex nearly three times as long as he had estimated to Dr. Kingston when he was first introduced to Aderyn. The primary reason for the length of the work was that while Alex still had some telepathic abilities despite being half-human they weren't nearly strong enough to program a computer using only his mind. When he was fully Time Lord, he'd made a mental connection with the UNIT computers and simply downloaded his knowledge into the hard drive, a long process which had given him a near constant headache while he was doing it. Now he found it necessary to read and translate key words from the English dictionary into at least a hundred different root languages, which was faster than speaking every language he knew. The best description he could give Pete concerning the task was like speaking Latin so that the computer could translate all the Romantic languages, speaking Aramaic for modern Middle Eastern dialects, and so on. The result wouldn't be accurate but it would be better than having the language barrier that they currently had.

The project had taken him almost two months, during which time he had found himself needing to increase his intake of the anti-psychotic for his bipolar disorder, presumably due to the anxiety that came with having to work to earn money. He had seen Dr. Gentillini on a regular basis for therapy in the midst of all his work and she had maintained his prescription at the minimum dose on the basis that it seemed to manage his bipolar disorder. Alex had never told Dr. Gentillini of the dangers of Time Lords taking antipsychotics nor did he inform her of his need for more of the medicine on a daily basis, an increase which he was providing himself. Time Lords had different brain chemistries than humans; they didn't suffer from the same mental illnesses. As such, mood stabilizers had been used by Time Lords more for recreational purposes than for medicinal ones and they could be highly addictive to the user. While he was certain that his need for the drug hadn't reached addictive levels, by the end of the project he felt as if he couldn't do without at least three doses a day, meaning that he had to get additional pills by illegal means in order to avoid his increased usage from being noticed.

At first he had obtained one of Laurel's prescription pads by sneaking into her office after hours, using the sonic screwdriver he had made on his time off. He forged her handwriting on the papers and made sure that he never went to the same pharmacy to obtain his prescription, always using a pseudonym for the patient's name, his psychic paper for identification, and a simple low-level telepathic nudge towards the pharmacist to tell him that it was okay to fill the prescription and to forget what he really looked like. However, the scheme quickly ran its course after he'd exhausted every pharmacy he dare go to without being caught. It didn't help that he had run out of sheets on the pad – thanks to him having to get more pills to accommodate the dosage he needed – and he couldn't risk stealing another pad. One missing pad was an anomaly and could be explained away but two was suspect.

He'd still had a few extra pills left of the illicit ones he'd obtained, however, enough to hold him until he could figure out how he was going to get more. He decided that the only way he could be sure of a steady supply was if he made the drug himself. And for that, he needed his own private lab. He rented a storage room in the basement of Rose's condo complex for just that purpose. There was plenty of room there for a small chemical lab and it allowed him to produce as much of the drug that he needed without fear of being caught. Plus, it didn't seem at all unusual for him to spend hours at a time in a lab. After all, one of the things he liked to do as a full Time Lord was tinker either in his lab or with the TARDIS. To Rose, it would be just him having fun and she wouldn't have a clue that he was doing anything illegal. The big advantage he found with making his own drugs was that the end result was in powder form, making it easier for him to slip a little in his food or drink when Rose wasn't looking.

It had been two months since Alex and Rose had been left in Pete's World and their relationship seemed to be doing fairly well, from what Alex could tell. They cuddled together and enjoyed making out but it didn't go beyond that. Alex had confirmed with Harry, through genetic testing, that his reproductive biology was definitely more Gallifreyan than human, which meant that a physical relationship beyond foreplay would result in the telepathic bond he had told Rose about. Thus marriage would have to be the next step in his and Rose's relationship and neither were ready for that, both far too occupied with their current lives. On the plus side, Harry also discovered that Alex and Rose were genetically compatible enough that, if they wanted and if some modifications were made early enough, they could have a healthy child.

There were times in their relationship, however, when Rose got on his Alex's nerves, or vice versa, and they wound up arguing, their loud voices filling the condominium. At those times, from his point of view, she was being completely unreasonable and irrational, traits he blamed on her being a Tyler woman. From her point of view, he was being the same thanks to severe bouts of mania. The fights never became violent but they usually ended with each of them going to bed furious with each other, Alex spending hours in his bedroom crying due to his fluctuating into depression. They always made up the next day, usually with solemn apologies, dinner made by Alex – he'd won the cooking competition they'd had months before – and an evening watching television together. The make-ups were usually helped along by Alex taking some of his antipsychotics to calm his mind towards rationality. Unfortunately, each argument became increasingly more intense and caused them both to wonder if the next argument would be the one that would destroy their relationship.

Both were determined, however, to make sure that they were on their best behaviors for the annual Tyler Christmas party. He cringed when Rose informed him that he would have to wear a formal suit to the party but he nonetheless obliged her, putting on his cream-colored three-piece suit and coupling it with a black dress shirt, tie and shoes.

He was adjusting his cuffs as he left his bedroom when he noticed the time. "Rose, come on. We're going to be late." 

"Since when were you anxious to go to any social event? I practically had to drag you kicking and screaming to the Vitex fundraiser last month," she called back from her bedroom.

"It's not the party that's got me in a hurry. It's your mother. Last time we were late, she was almost impossible to get along with for over an hour. And that was just dinner. Don't want to even tempt a reaction from her with something like this."

"Well, if she starts to give you a hard time, you can honestly blame me for us being late and I'll back you up." She was struggling with the clasp on her necklace as she stepped out into the living room. "Besides, it's just friends and family today, not possible donators to charity. Mum's usually a little more lenient time-wise with big family parties."

Hearing her voice now in the room, Alex turned and raised his head to look at her, freezing physically upon the sight.

"Would you help me with this?" she continued as she tried to put on a necklace, oblivious to his reaction. "I can't seem to get it to cooperate." When he didn't come to her rescue, she finally raised her eyes and noticed the oddly stunned expression on his face. "You okay?"

"You look… amazing," he murmured with appreciation.

She smiled as she looked down at her attire to see what it was that had so enraptured him. The long-sleeved floor length gown was open-back and made of red silk. Lace and sequins covered the entire bodice but the skirt was untouched with accents, making the dress both classic and contemporary. Her feet were adorned with matching shoes that glittered when the light touched them. Her attire was complemented with her hair in soft curls.

"You like it?" she questioned.

"It's stunning. With how beautiful you look, you just might make me jealous if anyone flirts with you in my presence."

"I would kind of hope that you'd get a little jealous regardless of what I'm wearing," she teased.

"Of course, I would. But the level of jealousy grows exponentially the more beautiful you are."

She giggled girlishly at the compliment before indicating the necklace in her hand. "Help?" she requested.

"Yes, ma'am." Going to her, he took the necklace and went around her. He carefully laid it around her neck, making sure that the clasp was set so that the jewelry would not fall off. "Ready?"

"Yeah," she affirmed. "Got the overnight bags?"

"They're already in the car," he assured her, helping her get her coat on.

Alex led the way down to the garage, procuring the keys to the SUV from Rose so that he could drive. They arrived at the Tyler mansion twenty minutes after the time on the invitation, thanks to traffic, making them still within the boundaries of being fashionably late.

"Rose!" Jackie greeted at the door, giving her daughter a kiss on her cheek. "Sweetheart, you look wonderful! And look at you!" she continued, turning to the Doctor, who had removed Rose's coat and was in the process of removing his own. "You clean up nicely." She hugged him tightly before guiding them further into the house.

"You make it sound like I'm some sort of hairy beast most of the time," he taunted.

"Oh, get off," she countered as she pulled away, the smile on her face negating any possible animosity from her words. "Pete's in the living room entertaining guests. Go fix yourselves some drinks. First Christmas without prohibition, thanks to President Jones. It's nice to be able to actually serve real champagne. Of course, Tony's chomping at the bit to open presents but I keep telling him that's for tomorrow." She gently pushed them into the living room. "Go on, now. I've got more guests to welcome." Without waiting for a response, she turned to the door and greeted the next couple.

Alex grinned broadly, watching Jackie while he followed Rose. "She's loving every minute of this."

"Mum does like a good party," she agreed, guiding him to the open bar her parents had set up. "What do you want to drink? Club soda?" she suggested, knowing that he shouldn't have alcohol while he was taking his mood-stabilizing medicine.

"Ginger beer," he corrected. Noting the grimace she gave, he smiled. "Yeah, I know you can't stand it but I love it."

"They don't have ginger beer," she informed him after searching for his request. "They do have ginger ale, though."

"Not the same. But good enough." He accepted a glass of the carbonated drink and then waited for her to make her own alcoholic concoction of rum and Coke. With drinks in hand, they moved into the small crowd of people, first visiting with Pete before Rose introduced Alex to everyone he didn't know.

The Doctor, for his part, remained patient with the process and allowed her to take him from one person to another. He had brief conversations with each one of them, sometimes feeling like a parrot with answering the same questions repeatedly with different people. After a while, Rose left to get them refills on their drinks, leaving him to socialize here and there. When she returned, she had a slightly uncomfortable expression on her face.

"What's wrong?" he questioned in a low tone.

"I have to introduce you to someone," she murmured back. "The President of Great Britain."

"But that's Harriet Jones, isn't it? What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing. It's just she's a really close friend and it's important that you pretend you don't know her." Before he could respond, Rose put on a winning smile as she took his arm to guide him to the woman. "President Jones, may I present Dr. Alexander Smith."

Harriet Jones turned towards the half-Gallifreyan, interest in her eyes. "How do you do, Dr. Smith?" she greeted, extending her hand so that he could accept it. "I understand you're the man who has won the heart of our Rose."

"'Our Rose'?" Alex questioned his friend.

"Harriet and I have been friends ever since I came here fours ago," Rose explained.

"Oh. That's good," he commented. Turning his attention back to Harriet, he gave her a smile. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Madame President. Rose has said a lot about you."

"Oh, really? Like what?"

The Doctor had an instant feeling of déjà vu with the conversation – it felt a lot like the first one he'd had with Francine Jones, Martha's mother - but nonetheless tried his best to answer the question without indicating that he knew more about Harriet Jones than he should, especially since the woman he knew was a different person. "That you're the President… and she knows you. Umm…" he hesitated, trying to think of something else to add. "Yeah, that's about it. Were you the Representative from Flydale North?"

"That was almost six years ago," she replied with a bemused smile. "I'm surprised that they keep such close attention to our government in British America."

"Well, it's always a good idea to keep abreast of international politics, even if you aren't very political yourself," he improvised. "How did you know I'm from British America?"

"Dr. Smith, I think all of Britain knows you claim to be from British America, thanks to the tabloid newspapers."

"Right. Of course," he concurred as if he should have realized it himself.

"I trust, however, that the over-enthusiasm of our press won't affect your relationship with Rose. She has spoken much about a Doctor she is fond of. I assume that she was referring to you."

"Umm…" he started, obviously at a loss on what to say.

"Yes. He's the same Doctor," Rose inserted herself into the conversation.

"Well, that explains a lot of things. I'm happy that you two have finally been reunited," Harriet answered with a smile. "If you'll excuse me, I must make the rounds. There is always someone who wants to speak with me for a variety of reasons." With that, she departed from them and went to another guest.

"That wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as you indicated it would be," Alex murmured to Rose.

"I wasn't sure how she would react," Rose admitted quietly so that no one but Alex could hear her. "She's a bit recalcitrant when it comes to aliens and more than a little protective of people she likes."

"She knows about extraterrestrial life?" He paused with a frown. Does she know that I'm not…" He looked around to make sure no one was eavesdropping on their conversation.

Rose instantly understood what he was asking. "The whole world knows about extraterrestrial life but your secret is still within the family and those in the know at Torchwood. Her being President means that she knows more about aliens than most and she gets regular updates on Torchwood's activities. I think the reports we've sent to her has made her a bit wary of aliens in general."

"So, she does know about me," Alex concluded.

"And me," she added. "Don't worry. I think you being the Doctor and my talking about you sort of prepared her to meet you. She may be wary of aliens but she's heard enough about you to know you aren't going to take over the world any time soon."

"That's good, I suppose," he conceded.

Rose took him around the house, making further introductions until Alex finally found himself alone, sipping on his second ginger ale while Rose played hostess. Looking around the room, he noticed that Tony had clearly decided that the party was boring and was playing with his toys in a corner, away from the adults. His suit was decidedly crumpled from his crawling around on the floor, his jacket and shoes in a pile behind him. Seeing that the discarded clothing was about to trampled on, Alex went over and picked up the jacket and shoes, placing them on a chair to the side before removing his own jacket. He lowered himself to the floor beside the boy.

"Dull party, eh?" he questioned.

"Yeah," the boy answered, disappointment in his tone. "Mummy won't let me near the presents under the Christmas tree."

"She just doesn't want you to open them too soon, that's all. Besides, don't you want to wait and see what Father Christmas brings you?" The three year old just shrugged. "What? Not excited about Father Christmas? Me, I can't wait."

"But that's going to be forever from now."

"Oh, I don't think it will be quite that long," the hybrid gently contradicted. "In fact, I think that, in approximately one hour and thirty minutes from now, all these people will have gone home to be with their families and it will be just your Dad, your Mum, Rose, you and me left. And that's a proper Christmas, isn't it."

Tony seemed to think about his words for a long moment before standing up. "Wait here," he ordered before hurrying through the partiers. He returned two minutes later with a children's book in his hands and held it out to the Doctor. "Read it to me."

Alex raised his eyebrows. "Did you forget how to say 'please'? I could have sworn I heard your mother tell you that you ask for favors, not demand them."

"Please read it to me, Doctor?" the boy rephrased.

The half-Gallifreyan appeared to hesitate before giving him a smile. "Oh, all right. You talked me into it." He accepted the book and encouraged the boy to sit beside him. "Now, what did you bring me to read?" he asked, reaching into his pocket to retrieve his glasses. Perching them on his nose, he grinned as he read the title of the book. "'How the Grinch Stole Christmas'. Love this book." He bent his knees slightly so that he could prop the book on his thighs, put his arms around the boy, and started to read. He had just started to read about Cindy Lou Who when Tony had fallen asleep, leaning against Alex. The hybrid nevertheless finished reading, knowing that even in sleep the child would notice that he hadn't gotten to the Grinch carving the roast beast.

Once he had finished the book, Alex leaned his head against the wall behind him, not wanting to disturb Tony's slumber and uninterested in rejoining the party, which was starting to dwindle down to the last few couples. Jackie was doing her duty as hostess, making sure that everyone left happy while Pete decided to retire to his study for one last drink on his own.

Rose just finished a conversation with one of the departing guests and found Alex on the floor with Tony. A smile graced her features. "Asleep?" she asked quietly.

"Out like a burned out light bulb," he confirmed in stage whisper. "My arm is as well. Rescue me?" He gestured to the arm behind the dreaming boy.

Rose's smile widened at his words. Going to Tony, she gently lifted him into her arms.

"Is Father Christmas here?" he murmured, half-wakened from his sister's actions.

"Not yet. Time to go up to bed so he can come. You know he won't come if you're up waiting for him," she replied.

He mumbled something inaudible before drifting back into the land of Nod.

"I'll be right back," she told Alex as he rubbed his now freed arm, his face showing that the slight inconvenience was well worth the time with his favorite three and three-quarters year old.

"Here's his book," he offered, quickly picking up the item and handing it to Rose before she carried the boy up into his room. Standing, he looked around to see the remains of the gathering. Jackie had hired staff to tend to all the cooking and cleaning for the party but that didn't stop Alex from feeling obligated to help in the clean-up, especially since he knew the staff had their own Christmas to go home to. Moving around the room, he collected used glasses and carried them into the kitchen before dismissing the staff for the night, much to their gratitude. He then rolled up the sleeves of his shirt and started cleaning the kitchen.

He had barely started when Jackie came into the room carrying several plates. It didn't take her long to realize the situation.

"I was about to dismiss the staff but I see you've beat me to it," she commented, putting the plates near the sink.

"Well, it is Christmas Eve. They have their own celebrations to go to," he replied as he started to load the dishwasher.

"Did you have a good time?" Jackie moved to help him with doing the dishes but was gestured to take a seat instead.

"For the most part, yeah. Met some interesting people. The hardest part was answering questions about myself. Bit hard to describe a fictitious past and maintain the story repeatedly, especially when you haven't quite got the story down."

"You could do what Rose does. Tell the truth for the most part."

Alex glanced over at her with a wry grin. "Bit hard to do when you were born on an alien planet thousands of light years away. I found a way to mix the two, though. As long as I maintain the same story, I should do well on that."

Jackie nodded in agreement before changing the subject. "Pete and Rose are putting out the last of the Christmas presents. It's probably a good idea to get to bed just as soon as you're done with those dishes. Tony'll probably get up early tomorrow and rouse all of us regardless of the time."

"Any plans other than opening presents?"

"Well, Pete makes breakfast every Christmas morning. Sort of a tradition we started when Rose and I got here. And Rose and I'll be making dinner, of course. Other than that we just enjoy the day together. It's not often that we can just spend time together without Torchwood or Vitex getting in the way."

"Sounds nice."

"Yeah, it is." She stood slowly. "You sure you don't want any help there?"

"Nah, I'm fine. You go on to bed. See you in the morning."

"Right, then. Night, Doctor," she bade as she headed out of the kitchen.

"Good night, Jackie."

It was only a few more minutes before Alex finished loading the dishwasher and started its cycle. The task complete, he returned to the dining area to retrieve his jacket and, having ascertained that Rose and Pete were done with the last touches to a successful Christmas morning, went up to his room – they had reserved a room for him in case of sleepovers – to find that Callie the housekeeper had procured his suitcase from Rose's SUV and had placed the contents in the dresser. Assuming that she had done the same with Rose's suitcase, Alex located his pajamas and, after changing into them and washing up for the night, slipped into bed. Thoughts of spending a quiet Christmas Day with the people he now considered his family made falling asleep easy.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Doctor! Wake up!"

Alex groaned slightly at the too cheery voice invading his peace. A moment later, he was forced into full consciousness as he found himself in the middle of an earthquake caused by a bouncing mass of brown and pink.

"Tony, don't jump on the bed. You could fall and hurt yourself," he warned, stopping the boy from doing just that by sitting up and taking hold of his waist.

"But you gotta get up! It's Christmas and Father Christmas came and there's even more presents under the tree than before and Daddy's gonna make waffles! Mummy said not to wake you up but you're gonna miss Christmas if you don't wake up." Getting off the bed, he pulled on the hybrid's hand. "Come on! We've gotta get downstairs! You go ahead. I'm gonna wake up Rose," he stated with as much authority as a three year old could exude before running out the door. A moment later, Alex could hear Rose gentle berating her little brother for repeating the same actions he'd performed in the Doctor's bedroom.

The half-Gallifreyan chuckled in amusement as he slipped on his dressing gown and slippers. Going to Rose's room, he found that Tony was just as determined to get Rose to go downstairs with him immediately.

"Let me get my gown on first, Tony," the blond woman ordered gently, though there was no malice in her voice. She noticed the Doctor's presence in the doorway and gave him a smile as she slipped on her dressing gown.

"Merry Christmas, Rose," he greeted, returning the smile.

"Merry Christmas, Doctor," she returned just before Tony took her hand and pulled her out of her room. She deliberately slowed his pace by picking him up and carrying him down the stairs and into the kitchen, Alex following them. "Merry Christmas, Dad. Mum," she greeted, putting Tony in his chair before going to each of her parents to give them a kiss on their cheeks. Both returned to salutation and the kiss.

Jackie stood from where she was sitting at the kitchen table and gave Alex a hug. "Merry Christmas, Doctor." Kissing his cheek, she gestured to the coffeemaker. "Pour yourself a cup. Pete's making waffles."

"So Tony tells me." He sniffed the air to catch the aroma that filled the room. "Banana waffles?"

"They're Tony's favorite," Pete told him as he placed a warm waffle on a plate and put it on front of the boy. Tony immediately broke a piece off with his fingers and stuck it in his mouth, ignoring the fork that had been given him. "What would you like for breakfast, Doctor? Anything you want."

"Whatever you are making for yourself is fine." He went to the coffee pot and poured himself a mug, adding milk and sugar. Looking back to the table, he noticed Rose was mug-free. "Coffee, Rose? Milk and sugar?"

"Please," came the response. The half Time Lord obliged, coming to the table with two full mugs and placing one in front of Rose before taking a seat himself.

While Pete finished preparing a breakfast of waffles, eggs and back bacon, the four adults engaged in conversation that mostly involved asking how everyone's night was and how they all enjoyed the party the night before. They all enjoyed the easy breakfast while still giving Tony the attention he needed to feel as if he were part of the group. Then, once breakfast was done, all went up to shower and change (including Tony, despite his protests) before congregating in the living room to open presents.

Lunch was a simple raiding of the kitchen for any leftovers from the party the night before. Tony barely ate at all, far too excited about returning to the living room to play with all the new toys he'd received. After lunch, they all separated to do various tasks. Pete's attention was on his son, making sure that all the toys that needed to be assembled were done so and playing games with the boy. Jackie went into action to prepare dinner while cleaning up from both breakfast and lunch.

The Doctor's and Rose's attention were occupied with incoming phone calls from friends giving Christmas greetings and with joining Pete and Tony in several games of that universe's version of Hungry Hungry Hippo. After Tony had worn himself out playing, they all relaxed on the couch and just talked about a variety of things, including how they appreciated the gifts they had given each other.

After dinner, Jackie decided that Alex and Rose needed some time to themselves and insisted that she, Pete and Tony leave them in the kitchen alone. She took Tony up to bed before joining Pete in their room to finish Christmas Day in the comfort of each other's arms.

Without the rest of the Tylers in the room, Alex and Rose fell into a comfortable silence, clearly happy with the day but glad that it was almost coming to an end. The Doctor seemed to focus on the window for a long time before he stood and took Rose's hand. "Come with me," he instructed.

"Where are we going?" She didn't get an answer as the half-Gallifreyan led her outside. They walked several yards from the house, their sojourn bringing a frown of confusion to Rose's features. "What are we doing out here?" she finally asked when he had stopped leading her.

"Look," he instructed, his eyes soft with appreciation.

"At what?"

"Just… look."

She exhaled slowly and then complied. They were in the middle of the back yard, the same area they had been before when the Cybermen had attacked the mansion years before, standing in semi-darkness with only a few spotlights on the house giving them illumination. "I don't see anything," she admitted.

"You don't?" he questioned in disbelief.

"Well, what do you see?"

"I see that it's Christmas Day. It's snowing – proper snow, not ash or residue from a spaceship. It's quiet with no signs of impending danger to the planet. And I see you with snowflakes in your hair. It's the most peaceful Christmas I've had in centuries and I'm having it with you. And that's absolutely fantastic."

She smiled in agreement with his assessment of the situation. "Yeah, it is." She looked with a new appreciation that he had given her of their surroundings. "It's beautiful."

"Shall we dance?"

"Sorry?"

"Dance," he repeated.

"There's no music."

"Of course, there is." He reached into his pocket and pulled out an electronic device slightly larger than a mobile phone. He searched through the device's database before deciding on a track. "Play it through the speaker, turn up the volume and…" A second later, Glenn Miller's "Moonlight Serade" came from the player and the Doctor stuck it back in his pocket. Even through his clothing, the song could be easier heard. "Shall we?" he offered again, his hands positioned appropriately.

She chuckled slightly as she moved into his waiting hands. "Isn't this Jack's and my song?"

"Ah, but it's also the first song we ever danced to, just before we rescued him from his exploding ship," he replied as they moved to the music.

"I wouldn't call what we did 'dancing'. More like my failed attempt to give you dance lessons."

"I never needed dance lessons. Always knew how to dance."

"So, you were faking not knowing how? Why?"

He looked into her eyes, not stopping in his leading. "Because I liked you trying to teach me. I liked being the center of your attention and I was going to get it however I could because I loved you even then. It was only when you asked Jack to dance that I suddenly 'remembered'."

"You were jealous," she concluded with amusement.

"Oh, horribly! Didn't want him near you, at least not for a while. It didn't take long for me to realize that flirting is just part of Jack being Jack."

Rose got a haunted look on her face as the hybrid recalled his old friend, memories of their time together running through her mind. "I made Jack immortal, didn't I," she murmured.

Alex stopped their dance to gaze on her, concern in his eyes.

"When I was Bad Wolf, I made him immortal," she continued without prompting. "He was dead and I brought him back to life permanently. That's why he survived that Dalek killing him on the Crucible."

"You couldn't help yourself," the Doctor told her gently. "You're Human. You just didn't have the control necessary to limit your actions with how much power you had. You acted with your heart, not your head, but that's a good thing. If I had that kind of power, I would have been like a vengeful god, forcing the universe to obey me. Sometimes acting with intent, especially when one understands their power, is far worse than acting on one's feelings."

"You said Jack stayed behind in the year 200,100 to rebuild the Earth after the Daleks attacked it. Is that true?"

He let go of her and took a step back, regret in his eyes. This wasn't the Christmas surprise he'd hoped for but, now that it was here, he wasn't going to try to bury it. "No. The truth is that I abandoned him on Game Station."

"Why?" The question was filled with dismay.

"Because he's now a fixed point in time and space. He can't die, not permanently; he can only age and that very slowly. He's completely out of balance with the universe and that shouldn't happen. I could feel his impossibility and his presence made me… uncomfortable."

"You left him because you were prejudice?"

He rubbed the back of his neck, his uneasiness showing blatantly. "Yeah. Not my best moment." Dropping his hand, he assured, "But we're good now. Jack and I discussed what happened between us and we came to a reconciliation. I've come to accept who he is and he's forgiven me for my lack of judgment."

"Can you still feel his… impossibility?"

"No. The walls between our universes prevents me from feeling him. But that's beside the point. Even if I could, I'd accept him for who he is now." Seeing that sadness on her face, he reiterated, "It's not your fault, Rose. You were just doing what anyone would do if they had the means." He reached out and gently pulled her into his arms. "My beautiful, fantastic Rose. Let it go. He isn't angry with you and he's accepted it as part of his life. He's adapted, just like we all do when change comes."

"Doesn't stop me from feeling guilty about it," she murmured.

He didn't argue with her, knowing that he wouldn't be able to talk her out of the way she felt. Looking up at the sky, he noticed a change in their environment as the song on his player ended. "It stopped snowing," he commented. He noted Rose shivering slightly in his arms. "Are you cold?"

"A little," she admitted, her voice muffled by his shoulder.

"Do you want to go inside?"

"Not just yet."

"Me neither." He sighed, pulling her closer to give her a little extra warmth. "Oh, that song's definitely not our song."

She couldn't help but give a half-hearted laugh at his words. "Definitely not. We always get interrupted by something with it. Being teleported by Jack. Being interrupted by rescuing Jack…"

"Talking about Jack," Alex continued. "Why is it always to do with Jack?" he joked, gaining another little laugh from her.

"I miss him," she stated after a moment of quiet between them.

"Yeah. Me too. Lots of people I miss." He sniffed slightly, forcing away the morose that was about to take hold. "Still… moving on. With you." He kissed her temple, showing in the action that he was happy that he had her in his life.

She hummed, a slight smile on her lips to show that, in spite of how she felt about making Jack Harkness immortal, she would always cherish the memories of him while enjoying being with her Doctor.

The two remained outside, allowing the night to pass before it became clear that they needed to get inside or they would catch a chill. After sharing a cup of hot cocoa, the two retired for the night.


	17. Chapter 15

_My writing has gone out of control, it seems, and I am forced to break this story up into three books. This one is now called "The Twin Lights of Home: The Dawn" and runs about 21 chapters. The next one will be called "The Twin Lights of Home: The Storm"._

_As a reminder, reviews are always appreciated. I really do like to know what my readers think and reviews are a great way of letting me know that you're still reading._

**Chapter 15**

_February 25, 2015_

The Doctor had grown accustomed to working for Torchwood over the last several months, though that wasn't to say that he was enjoying it. His current project was to identify artifacts and adapt them, if possible, to terrestrial use. At first, there was a certain challenge to his work but, while he understood the assignment's merit, over time he'd felt it was a waste of his talents. He knew he was a lot smarter than his colleagues. So did his boss Paul Karré, which was why he had a supervisory position after four months. But even that wasn't satisfying to him, especially when he knew he could actually head the department itself. To be relegated to simplistic tasks (at least they were simple in his opinion; his colleagues would have disagreed) was almost demeaning and was extremely frustrating. The only plus side that he could see in it was that he occasionally was able to work with Aderyn, who had been given a position in Genetic Research. Alex and Aderyn had become close friends since they met and they learned much about each other, such as she preferred to be called either a Protector of the Great Forest of Rain or an Avian. He thoroughly enjoyed working with her as well, each of them gaining professional admiration for the other. He knew she was currently looking into the make-up of a certain alien bacteria, which he would have found fascinating. He wanted to transfer to Genetic Research himself but couldn't until he'd been in R&D for six months.

He had just identified a medical device designed to take deep tissue samples without the need to cut into the skin – though it did leave a hole similar to one left by a hypodermic needle – and was working on repairing it when Rose hurried up to him, a smile on her face.

"So, what's the plan for tonight?" she questioned.

"Tonight?" he asked, confusion plain on his face while his attention remained on the medical device.

Rose's face dropped. "You forgot, didn't you."

"Forgot?" He looked on her and, seeing that his response was not the correct one, quickly glanced at the wall calendar. "But I thought you didn't like Valentine's Day."

She sighed in exasperation. "Not Valentine's Day. That was over a week ago. You forgot."

"No," he protested. "No, I didn't forget. It's… it's… a Vitex function?"

She crossed her arms. "I can understand you forgetting Mum's on the 1st but a boyfriend is supposed to know his girlfriend's birthday."

"It's your birthday? Really?" He grinned broadly at her. "Happy Birthday!"

She couldn't help herself; she found a smile growing on her lips as her arms unfolded. "Thanks but you're missing the point. I shouldn't have to remind you."

"Probably true," he admitted, putting the medical device on his desk. "However, since a good percentage of human males have trouble remembering dates of any kind other than holidays and their own birthday, I suppose that I am perfectly normal in my lack of remembering that today is your birthday."

She giggled gently at his words. "Well, then, it's a good thing that I assumed that you wouldn't remember and made plans for tonight."

"You have? That's good. So, what are the plans?"

"You'll have to come home on time to find out," she teased, leaning over his desk. She gave him a quick peck on his lips. "Don't be late."

"I won't," he assured. "Promise." He smiled gently in return to her grin and then watched as she left the room. The moment Rose was out of his sight, his smile dropped and was replaced by a look of trepidation. He hadn't meant to forget about Rose's birthday. He'd actually made plans in his head to do something special for the occasion but he never seemed to get around to actually doing them. He was glad she wasn't making a big deal that he had forgotten. They seemed to be arguing a lot lately, at least once a week it seemed, and usually over the silliest smallest things. Fortunately, they usually made up with dinner, a movie, and possibly a bit of making out.

He knew part of the problem between them was the constant sexual tension to which he refused to submit. It couldn't be easy for Rose, whose own sexuality wasn't as restricted by biology as his. It certainly wasn't easy for him. After all, he had to cope with having a Time Lord reproductive system coupled with human hormones. Frustrating was too mild a word for the situation. Despite Rose's suggestion months before, they never did see whether fellatio would be a viable alternative.

He shook his head, forcing himself to refocus on the matter at hand and not on his raging hormones. He couldn't give Rose _nothing_ for her birthday. The only way he could save the plans he'd wanted to do in the first place was to improvise a reasonable yet slightly complicated scenario. The problem was that he had no idea where to start. A moment later, a flash of inspiration came to him. Who was the one person outside the family – he really didn't want to get slapped by Jackie for being an inconsiderate prick again – who knew Rose well enough to give him advice? Jake Simmonds.

Since Jake helped the Doctor to defeat the Cybermen so many years ago, the two had become friends but the half-Gallifreyan knew that Jake and Rose had a very close bond together. Jake had been Rose's first partner when she had joined Torchwood and Rose considered him to be her best friend. Well, second best friend since he knew that, as her boyfriend, he was her first best friend. Not to mention Jake had a remarkable ability to pick the perfect gift in the perfect setting every time. Just ask his boyfriend of six years. If anyone could help him figure out what to do for Rose's birthday, Jake could.

Alex stilled his mind for a moment to judge the time. It was still early enough in the day that he could get a lot accomplished, especially if he took the rest of the day off after lunch. He'd get permission from Paul to leave early and then find Jake and get his advice.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The moment Rose was out of Alex's sight, she deflated almost physically. She had really hoped that the Doctor hadn't forgotten her birthday. She'd had a rough day as it was coping with an alien incursion in Northern Ireland and had really been looking forward to a nice evening with the man she loved. As it was, when she found that he hadn't any plans at all for the evening, she invented a story that she had known he didn't have plans and had made plans herself. She supposed it was just the fact that she wanted to be cheered up and a birthday celebration was a great way to accomplish that. Now, thanks to her lie to him, she needed to think of something to do that evening and fast.

She suddenly remembered an event a couple of years back. Jake's boyfriend Mark had found out that his mother had remarried and was bringing her new husband into town that evening. There had been very little time to plan anything at all in the way of celebration but Jake had pulled it off with flying colors. If there was anyone she knew who would be able to help her make last minute plan and who wasn't going to slap the Doctor for his forgetfulness – she certainly couldn't bring her mum in on this, even though Jackie Tyler was great at making last minute plans – it was Jake Simmonds.

Determination came over her features as marched through the corridors in search of the field agent. She found him in the locker room, cleaning his equipment in preparation for the next excursion.

"Jake, I need your help," she said without preamble.

The Northerner stopped his cleaning of his right boot and gave her a smile. "Where to this time?" he questioned, thinking that she was giving him another assignment. "Happy Birthday, by the way. The big 29."

"That's sort of the problem."

"Let me guess. You aged four years overnight, making you physically as old as the calendar says you are." He knew that, thanks to the time differential between this universe and the one Rose came from, she was actually four years younger.

She grinned at his words. "I wish it were that easy. Actually, everyone remembered that today's my birthday except Alex."

"Ah. Ouch," the Northerner commented.

"Yeah. I'd already arranged to have the evening alone with him, thinking that he had something planned. But since he didn't, I sort of told him that I did even though I don't." Seeing his eyebrows raise, she hurriedly explained, "I panicked. This is my first birthday with him since we've been together again and I really want it to be special, especially since we haven't really seen a lot of each other lately, what with us both working odd shifts. The only time we seem to see each other is at lunch or just before we go to bed and sometimes not even that. And I have no idea what I'm going to do tonight. I was thinking of maybe making reservations at a restaurant…"

"I wouldn't do that if you are serious about wanting it to be special," he contradicted her. "Nothing more awkward than trying to be intimate in front of a few dozen strangers."

Rose bit her thumb. "I suppose."

"You want a special night with the Doctor? Make him dinner. A nice candle-lit dinner is always perfect for an intimate evening."

She shook her head. "Alex is the master chef in the house, not me. If there's anything that our little competition last year showed it's that, when it comes to cooking, I'm the equivalent of a short order cook compared to him being the next Gordon Ramses."

"Your cooking isn't that bad," Jake contradicted. "You make great lasagna."

"Which takes more time than I have after work. Come to think of it, most of the dishes that I know take a lot of time. Plus we don't really have anything to work with at home right now that would make a decent meal. I'll have to get off work early and go to buy groceries."

"I'll give you my recipe for Chicken Alfredo. It's very easy to make, doesn't take a lot of time and, if I do say so myself, is sexy as hell."

"Chicken Alfredo is sexy?" she questioned with a wry smile.

"Extremely. Especially when you have it with a sexy Caesar salad and a sexy white zinfandel and eat it by the light of sexy candles."

Rose laughed heartily at his description. "You've talked me into it. Can you write it down for me and drop it off at my office? I'm probably going to leave around two o'clock, if I can make a decent enough dent in the massive pile of paperwork on my desk."

"You've got it, love," he agreed.

She hugged him tightly in appreciation. "Thanks, Jake. You're the best." Without waiting for his response, she exited the room and headed for her office, determined to finish her work in record time.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

It was easy for the Doctor to convince Paul to allow him to leave work at the time he normally went to lunch. Paul knew that Alex would remain longer another day to ensure that any work that he failed to finish would be done in a timely manner. With the necessary permission obtained, the half-Gallifreyan went in search of Jake. He found the Northerner in the employee cafeteria, sitting down to enjoy a cheeseburger.

"Jake, I need your help," he stated without preamble, sitting across from him.

The blond-haired man glanced up at him, a slightly knowing expression on his face. "Forgot Rose's birthday?" he questioned.

"Is it really that obvious?"

"Rose told me," Jake admitted, speaking around a mouthful of burger. He briefly thought about whether he should tell Alex about her coming to him to ask for advice and decided that it wasn't worth being on Rose's bad side. "I understand she has a nice evening planned for the two of you."

"So she told me. And that's the problem. This is her first birthday with us together in years. And I did make plans. I really did. I was going to take her to Brighton. I just… forgot to arrange it. And now that she's made plans because she knew I'd forget, I look like a complete arse. And I really don't know what to do to rectify the situation. I could make dinner reservation." He grimaced slightly, continuing his train of thought before Jake to put in a word. "But she's probably already done that. Well, I suppose I could find out where she made reservations and cancel them. But then she'd be upset with me for changing her plans without her say so…"

Jake quickly interrupted before Alex could inadvertently ruin all of Rose's plans. "Then don't make dinner reservations. You want to do something special for her? Think dessert."

"Take her to a dessert bar after dinner?" the Doctor asked with a hint of confusion.

"Dessert bars are passé," the field agent corrected. "You can't be intimate in a dessert bar. All those people around…"

"Rose and I are waiting until we're both ready before we get into intimacy."

Jake rolled his eyes. "Dessert bars just aren't romantic, got it? Even if you aren't planning on going horizontal tonight. Try bringing a box of chocolates – the real kind, not faux chocolate. Maybe some whipped cream to go with them. Or make dessert at home. Something sexy."

Alex raised an eyebrow. "Sexy dessert?"

"Get a box of truffles or chocolate covered strawberries. Or make a soufflé or…"

"Fondue," the hybrid stated abruptly, his eyes bright with realization. "I can make fondue. That's easy enough. I can even have the chocolate melting while we're at dinner. I'll go to the grocer's and pick up the ingredients. Then I'll go back to the condo and prep the fruit and bread before she gets home. But then I'll be home before she is and she might see me prepping the fondue and that would spoil the surprise."

"Did you buy her a present?"

"A present? Umm… no. She has everything she could want and what she doesn't have she just buys for herself. Well, except at Christmas. Then she actually gives me ideas for presents."

"After you prep the food, go out and buy her a rose. It'll make her feel like your doting on her and it's inexpensive."

"A rose for Rose," Alex commented, a broad grin on his face. "Maybe a white one. She mentioned white roses once as part of our story about our first date. I suppose they're her favorite. I never asked her."

"They're her favorite," Jake confirmed. "You give her a white rose and make fondue for dessert and she'll never forget tonight."

"Thanks, Jake," the hybrid told him emphatically as he stood from the table, determined now to do exactly as the Northerner suggested. "I owe you one." Without waiting for any kind of response, he hurried out of the cafeteria to enact the plan.

"You'd think neither of them ever had dates before," Jake murmured to himself as he returned to eating his lunch. Before he could even take another bite of his now room temperature burger, a fellow field agent sat across from him, a perturbed expression on her face.

"Jake, I need your help."

The blond-haired man sighed, giving up any chance of finishing his meal. It was definitely going to be a long day.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Everything seemed to be going according to plan for both Alex and Rose. Alex left Torchwood Tower a little after one o'clock and made record time in getting all the necessary items he needed to make fondue, including a fondue pot he remembered Rose didn't have. Up at the condo, he made quick work of prepping the fruit and bread he'd bought before hiding it in the back of the refrigerator with the hope that Rose wouldn't see them. After washing the fondue pot by hand, he hid it, along with the chocolate, amongst the plethora of pots and pans. He knew Rose would notice the new cooking utensil; she hardly knew that she had anything except the skillet. Once that was done, he quickly left the condo again to go procure the white rose to finish his plans for the evening.

He'd only exited the building's garage and was less than a block away when Rose arrived in her SUV. Jake had delivered his recipe for Chicken Alfredo right after his lunch break, relieving much of her anxiety for the evening. However, despite her best efforts, she wasn't able to leave work until just after three o'clock. She'd hurried to the grocer's to pick up the ingredients for the dish and was able to get to the condo close to 4:30. She thought that Alex would be getting off in half an hour and would be arriving in about an hour. That would give her plenty of time to set up the mood while starting dinner.

Remembering that Jackie had given her a set of silver candlesticks with white tapered candles – a Christmas present from two years before – Rose went into her room in search of the gift. It took ten minutes to find them but once she had them she strategically placed them on the table, putting cloth napkins under them to protect the table's glass surface. She then set the table for two. With the mood set, she could focus her energies completely on making dinner.

She cut the chicken into bite-sized pieces and placed them in a skillet to cook while she worked on the Caesar salad. Once the chicken and salad were ready, she started on the Alfredo sauce, following the recipe that Jake had given her. She was glad that it was exactly as quick and easy to make as Jake had told her.

She was just adding the finishing touches to the meal when she heard the front door open. She quickly made sure that the main course wouldn't burn if she left it unattended for a few minutes before going to the living room where she saw Alex waiting, his hands behind his back.

"Hi," she greeted with a smile.

"Hi," he returned the smile. "Happy birthday." Bringing his hands around, he revealed the single white rose he'd purchased.

Rose's eyes brightened at the sight of the gift. "It's beautiful."

"Not as beautiful as you." He sniffed the air with appreciation. "Something smells good."

"I made dinner. Chicken Alfredo with Caesar salad and white wine."

"I hope they aren't all in the same pot." Hearing her laugh at his admittedly bad pun, he grinned more broadly, following her back to the kitchen. "You'd better get that flower into a vase. It looks like the perfect place for it is the middle of the dining table." Without waiting to see what her response would be, he pulled out the fondue pot from its hiding place and plugged it in to heat it.

Rose watched him with curiosity, distracted from her search for a bud vase. "When did we get a fondue pot?" Not getting a response from him, she noted his pulling out various containers from the refrigerator. She gazed at him with surprise as he broke apart several pieces of milk chocolate, dropping them into the fondue pot to melt. "You sneak! You planned this all along," she commented, clearly pleased with the deception.

"Well… you know…" he replied, not meeting her eyes.

Rose wasn't sure if he was hiding something from her or was just far to engrossed in his actions to look at her. What she did know was that she felt incredibly intrusive on what was probably his plans to make a surprise dinner for her.

"I'm sorry," she told him, a sheepish expression on her face.

"What?" he questioned, his attention completely on her due to her apology.

"I have a confession to make." She hesitated, clearly uncomfortable with what she was going to say. "I lied when I said I'd made plans for tonight."

"But you're making dinner."

"Jake's idea. I told him about lying to you and he came up with dinner at home. It's even his recipe. I hope you're not angry with me."

Alex's face softened, seeing how upset she was with herself. "I'm not angry with you. I have my own confession to make. I did forget your birthday. I had been planning to take you to Brighton but time sort of got away from me – which is saying something considering my impeccable sense of time. Jake suggested dessert and a white rose. However, the type of dessert was my idea. I think fondue is very sexy, don't you?"

She giggled at his words. "Along with sexy Chicken Alfredo and sexy Caesar salad with sexy white wine."

"Oh, yeah. We definitely both talked to Jake. Sneaky bastard kept us both out of the loop of what the other was doing. Hell, he practically planned the whole thing, didn't he."

"I'm not objecting."

"Me neither." Reaching up, he brushed a strand of hair from her face. "So, how about we just forget that we had to get Jake's help for this and just enjoy the evening together?"

"Sounds good to me," Rose agreed. She gave him a quick peck on the lips and continued her search for a bud vase while Alex finished setting up dessert.

Once in a vase, the white rose was place in between the candlesticks, another napkin underneath it to protect the table. Dinner was soon served followed by the fondue dessert Alex had so carefully prepared. Once they had finished their meals, they found themselves cuddling on the couch, just as they had many times before.

Rose snuggled against her Doctor as she started to drift to sleep. She didn't get any presents other than a white rose and chocolate fondue but in her opinion she got the best birthday gift of all: a quiet evening with the man she loved and the reaffirmation that he loved her in return.


	18. Chapter 16

_I had a review from a reader who pointed out a small error in a previous chapter - I accidentally wrote the name William instead of Alex. This is because originally I was going to name 10.5 William (sort of after Wilfred Mott). I'd also had the scenes in the story in a different order. I changed my mind about the 10.5's name when I found out what the name Alexander means. Alex so much fits the Doctor better than William. :) At the same time, I had rearranged the scenes so that the story read better. I have now corrected the name error in the previous chapter. Oh, and I will have the meaning of Alex's name... in the next book._

**Chapter 16**

_Late April 2015_

"What's wrong?" Alex questioned. He was working on yet another identification of artifacts project but his interest instantly waned when he saw the concerned look on Rose's face as she came to his desk.

"We need to go to the Genetic Research lab," she stated. "Something bad is going to happen."

Knowing that Rose likely had a premonition, he stood up, his own anxiety starting to show. Since that day when she had told him all about her having prophetic dreams, which he had determined was due to her being touched by the time vortex so many years before, he had taught her how to discern between random images that come from normal REM sleep and images that came from her still present, if weak, connection with the time vortex, which they gave the nickname "Bad Wolf" due to how she had used the connection before. The premonitions she had were never cut and dry. More like images and instinct. Still, he'd come to trust that, if Rose said something was going to happen, it very likely was.

"What did you see?" he asked, abandoning his work and guiding her towards the lift. The Genetics Research lab was on the fourth floor of the Torchwood Building.

"Smoke, something silver and blue…" she told him, her voice uncertain. "Someone was in pain. There was so much noise. Everyone was running around… I've already warned Dad but without knowing exactly what's going to happen it's practically impossible to take preemptive measures." She sighed as they got into the lift. "I hope that I'm overreacting and this is just another case of reading too much into my visions."

"When did you have this vision?"

"Just a few minutes ago." Seeing the surprise on his face, she nodded her own agreement to the sentiment. "Surprised me too. I've never had these happen while I was awake. That's what's got me worried. If I'm having them while I'm awake…" She let the implications behind her statement hang, unsure what the significance really was, only that it frightened her greatly.

The moment the lift doors opened, her supposition was affirmed as the sound of alarms assaulted them. A frantic but firm voice warned over the PA system, "Containment breach in Lab 2B! Containment team to the scene! Non-essential personnel evacuate immediately! Repeat…"

"That's Aderyn's lab!" Alex exclaimed, ignoring the warnings and racing towards the lab. Technically, the Avian didn't have a private lab, only being a junior scientist in the division, but it was where she did her work when it was available to her.

Rose quickly ran after him, catching up to him as he was trying to get passed the blockade the containment team had put in place.

"You don't understand!" he exclaimed with passion to the two human males, dressed in hazmat suits, who refused his entrance. "Aderyn's in there. She's in pain. I can feel her. Let me in. I'm a doctor. I can help her!"

Seeing that the Doctor wasn't getting far in his insistences, Rose stepped in front of him, addressing the containment personnel. "What's your name?"

"Steve," one of the men, who appeared to be the one in charge of the blockade, responded.

"You know who I am, Steve?"

"Yes, ma'am." He apparently was surprised by her presence there in what, to him, was a matter for the containment team.

Seeing that she got the men's attention, she continued bluntly. "The scientist in the lab is an extraterrestrial and, as such, her well-being falls under my jurisdiction. Any activities in this area go through me from here on out. Now, is there any immediate danger of contamination in this area?" Noting his hesitation, she pressed on. "I'll take that as a 'no'. In which case, Dr. Smith and I are going in. You want to stop us, call the Director." With that, she pushed through the two men who, stunned by her forthright authority, allowed the two of them to pass.

They hurried down the hallway stopping just in front of the door to the lab where the main containment team were prepping to go through the door.

"Give me an update," Rose ordered, not knowing who was in charge in the area but aware that she had enough clout to get an immediate response. She had to raise her voice to be heard over both the alarm and the high-pitched but muffled squawks that were coming from the other side of the door.

"Ms. Tyler," a human female responded to the demand, hurrying over to Rose.

"Dr. Parsons, what's going on?" Rose asked of the woman. Edna Parsons was the head of the Genetic Research division of Torchwood.

"We're pretty sure that the general area of the lab is safe as the containment breach happened in the clean room inside. We're about to go in to…" Edna stopped speaking when she saw Alex rush into the lab without appropriate protective gear. "Stop!" she demanded, not getting a response. "Bloody hell!" Without thought of her own safety, she quickly followed, Rose right behind her.

Both women halted the moment they entered, staring at Alex who had gone over to the glass window which gave a clear view of the clean room. His hand was pressed on the glass as tears rolled down his cheeks, his whole body tense with anxiety. On the other side of the glass, thin smoke filled the room. Aderyn was barely visible, mostly thanks to her bright silvery blue feathers. She was pressed against the window, her clawed hands scraping against the window with the instinctual need to escape. The squalling she had been doing in her agony had softened as her strength began to drop rapidly. From the way she struggled, it was also plain that she had lost her sight somehow.

The Doctor turned his head towards the door to the clean room; Rose could easily read his intention.

"Seal the clean room!" she ordered Edna, running to block Alex's path as he started towards the door.

"Get out of the way! She's dying and she can't find the way out. I've got to save her!" Alex protested angrily as Rose held him back long enough for Dr. Parsons to follow her order.

"You _can't_ save her!" she countered over a loud buzzing alarm chiming three times follow by a loud thumping sound, indicating that the clean room was sealed off.

Alex pushed Rose aside. Running to the door, he pounded on it urgently with the need to get in to save his friend. "Open the door!" he demanded, ignoring Edna who left the room to give the team the all clear for the immediate area.

"No!" Rose responded with equal vehemence. "The clean room is contaminated. Procedure says we seal it off until…"

"To hell with procedure! We have to get her out of there!"

"I'm not going to risk the lives of every person in this building, possibly this whole city! Besides, if you go in there, you'll die too."

"You don't know that! I'm half Time Lord. I have…"

"Yes, I know all about your superior physiology," she told him, a hint of condescension in her tone. "But just because you're half alien doesn't mean you can survive what is killing Aderyn. She's an Avian; she's even more alien than you!"

"It won't kill me."

"Yes, it will!" she shouted with such finality that it silenced the room. The alarms in the building had been quieted, leaving only the sound of Aderyn's weakly clawing at the window. "Don't ask me how I know. I just do."

The Doctor stared at her, shock plain on his features. Rose thought that perhaps she had stunned him with the knowledge that he had nearly killed himself but that thought was soon dispersed with his next words. "You bitch… you want her dead."

"What?"

"I knew you tended to get jealous easily but this… this is _barbaric_!"

Rose's jaw tightened with fury. "I've had it with this attitude of yours. I don't care if you are a little off in the head. This time you've gone too far. Accusing me of murder?" She gave him a brutal glare. "Aderyn's my friend. It's killing me that I had to seal her in there!"

"No. It's killing her," he contradicted without pity.

She shot daggers at him with her eyes before delivering a jaw-wrenching slap. "Sod off, you bastard."

"With pleasure," he told her, his tone showing his anger. Going back to the window, he got on his knees so that he was at the same level as the dying creature on the other side of the glass. Pressing his hand to it again, he murmured, "Aderyn, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Forgive me." He received a couple of weak chirps before the bird-woman slumped to the floor. He slowly stood up, his body shaking with grief. He looked with rage on Rose for a moment before marching towards the exit, violently hitting some glass beakers to the floor as he did so, causing them to shatter.

Rose closed her eyes, forcing herself to calm down before feeling at least a dozen eyes on her. She looked on the containment team and scientists that stood in the room and realized they had all witnessed the confrontation she and Alex had. Turning to the window, she noted Aderyn's still form, knowing that the female was dead. She quickly blinked, trying to hold back her tears and failing miserably. Wiping them away forcibly, she sniffed with determination. "One of our own is dead. I want to know how and why," she stated firmly. Looking on the team surrounding her, she saw none of them had moved an inch. "Shift!" she ordered.

Seeing that they quickly moved to obey, she walked out of the room, anger and sorrow enveloping her like a rough-hewn sack cloth.

OOOOOOOOOOOOO

The moment the alarm has sounded, Pete jumped to his feet. While Rose had warned him that something bad was going to happen in the Genetic Research lab, both of them agreed that the only thing they could do was wait, since they didn't know in which lab or when it, whatever it was, was going to happen. Now that the alarm was blaring and the verbal warnings were being given, he didn't hesitate to act.

The staff at Torchwood knew their jobs well. He knew that the alarm wouldn't cause them to panic but to prepare to evacuate the building, if necessary. He was confident that the containment team was already at the scene, working to resolve the situation as quickly and safely as possible.

First making sure that the usual emergency procedures were being implemented in case of evacuation, he went to the lift to go down to the Genetic Research lab in order to see for himself what was going on there. He encountered an ill-tempered Alex when he stepped off, barely getting out of his way as the latter got into the lift and pressed his destination. Despite his concerned questions, he got no answers from the half-Gallifreyan, leaving the Director a little befuddled. He'd never seen Alex angry to the point of silence and it was completely disconcerting.

Shaking away his immediate concern for the man, though it remained at the back of his mind, he marched down the hall and then turned the corner to hear the murmur of a dozen people talking at the same time, the sound coming from Lab 2B. Outside the lab, Rose was leaning against a wall, the expression on her face reflecting a crushed soul.

"Rose, what happened?" he asked gently.

Apparently, the question overwhelmed the woman's emotional state as, a second later, she plunged into his arms and sobbed heavily. "Dad… Aderyn's dead. And it's my fault."

Pete held her tightly as she cried, kissing the top of her head. "Sweetheart, tell me what happened," he instructed, not denying her guilt until he knew the facts. He didn't think she was actually at fault but he wasn't going to give her platitudes. He understood Rose enough to know that would only upset her further.

She obeyed, relaying the events that occurred in the lab: how she was forced to seal the clean room, thus insuring the death of her friend, and how the brutal argument between her and Alex broke out. Pete strengthened his hold on her, hoping that it somehow eased the pain in her heart but knowing that it wouldn't. She'd had to deal with Torchwood deaths before but it had never been someone she was especially close to. Neither had she ever had to be the one to decide on possibly saving the lives of millions at the definite expense of a friend's life.

"You did what you had to do," he murmured to her. "And I don't think Aderyn would have wanted you to risk everyone's lives just to save hers. Alex will realize this once he calms down. You know how he can be when he's upset." Since the Doctor had insistent on being called by his adopted name, only the Tylers called him 'Doctor' and then only when they really wanted to get his attention or when he did anything especially "Doctor-ish."

She sighed as she pulled away from him, frustration plain in the action. "I'm tired of it, Dad. I'm tired of his changing moods. We argue more than we agree lately. But this… this was the straw. He accused me of murdering Aderyn. How can I… just forgive that?"

"Because he's Alex. And you know he didn't really mean it."

She didn't answer immediately. "I think he did," she stated bluntly. Without waiting for a response, she went back into the lab to help resolve the mystery of what really happened.

Pete stood still for a moment, thinking about what Rose said and realizing that it was pain that was ruling her words, not rationality. It would take time for her to heal from the events of the day. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his mobile and attempted to call Alex but he obviously refused to answer. Deciding that the man needed to have his own time alone, he then called Jackie to update her on the situation, telling her that he probably wouldn't be home until late and would she please check on Alex in a couple of hours to make sure that he was okay.

Gaining assurances that she would do so and her sympathies for the loss of Aderyn, whom she had never met but had heard a great deal about, Pete agreed to pass on her love to Rose and, after returning the sentiment, ended the call. He then walked into the lab, determined to help however he could.

OOOOOOOOOOO

When the Doctor left the lab, he wasn't in the mood to speak to anyone, much less the father of the woman who killed his friend. He completely ignored the human male, getting into the lift and going down to the ground level. Going to the men's locker rooms, he quickly changed into his motorcycle gear – ignoring the ringing of his phone as he did so – before going down to the parking garage and driving off, nursing his anger towards Rose the entire time. He desperately wished that he still had the TARDIS so that he could just disappear; that way not only would he never see Rose again – and with how he was feeling at the moment, he fully intended to follow through with that thought, regardless of his lack of temporal vehicle – he also wouldn't have to deal with what was already running through his mind, namely what he was going to do next.

He got back to the condominium in record time, remarkably safe in spite of his aggressive driving. The moment he arrived, he pulled out a covered side car from his storage unit and attached it to the bike before boxing everything else in the unit, most of which was his make-shift pharmaceutical lab and the supply of antipsychotics he'd made. Once he had packed everything small enough to be moved into the side car – he had to leave all of the furniture and some of his equipment behind - he went up to the condo itself and, taking the only bag he owned, packed only those precious few things he had purchased with his own money, which equaled to leaving everything behind save a shirt and some underwear, a few small knick-knacks, and a pocket watch. Again, he had to leave the larger items, like the art he'd put on the walls. A stop to his attached bath allowed him to pick up all of his sundries, including his prescription. Going into the main area, he collected a couple of DVDs he had purchased and everything that Pete had given him to create the life he now had. One more stop allowed him to collect the fondue pot he'd purchased. He put his keys to the condo and the storage room on the breakfast bar before leaving, making sure that the door would lock automatically when he closed it.

Going back down to the parking garage, he squeezed his last bag into the side car, making sure that nothing would fall out on the road. Getting on the motorcycle, he secured his helmet on his head, his gloves on his hands, and left the building, driving as far from it as he could without leaving the city of London. Locating an inexpensive hotel in a good area - he knew that his resources were now limited to the money he had earned while working at Torchwood – he checked in, taking all of his possessions with him into his room. The moment the door was closed, he stripped off his motorcycle gear and plopped on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

He couldn't believe that, after six months, his relationship with the woman he loved had come to such an abrupt and horrible end. Now that he gave himself time to really think about what had happened, emotions other than anger and hatred swamped him. For the first time in his short half-human life, he felt truly and completely alone. The feeling overwhelmed him, bringing tears and sobs as he curled into himself and let his emotions flow. He was asleep when the phone rang again as Jackie tried to check up on him as Pete requested.

He opened his eyes hours later to see cream-colored walls and burgundy drapes, reminding him that not only was he not in his own bedroom but also that he had effectively obeyed Rose's demand that he "sod off". It was dark outside, he noticed, telling him that he'd been asleep for several hours. Standing up, he ran a hand through his hair and, after reaffirming his whereabouts, went to the bathroom to wash up.

Returning to the main room, he looked for and found his mobile phone, more out of curiosity that any pressing need to make a call. It wasn't the phone he had come to this universe with. He had wanted to use that phone, which had belonged originally to Martha Jones, but found that it was incompatible with this universe's electrical power. Rather than spend hundreds of pounds finding a way to power the phone up, Rose bought him a new one, though he paid for the service. It was the only thing that Rose had bought for him that he had brought with him when leaving the condominium.

He checked the phone's alerts. Several missed calls, all from Rose, Jackie and Pete. He knew they were probably worried sick about him after he abruptly up and left the lab but he didn't care. The loss of his friend still hurt and probably would for days to come. He couldn't help but remember how his own empathic nature allowed him to feel Aderyn's pain. It didn't help in the least that Aderyn was also an empath, more so than him in fact, and had inadvertently thrust her own fears of death upon him. Pairing that with his bipolar disorder, his emotions had been severely compromised.

What really angered him was the argument he and Rose had. He couldn't recall them ever speaking to each other with such overwhelming anger, though he should have seen it coming with how intense their arguments had been getting. Their relationship certainly wasn't helped by them working in such close proximity. In fact, he thought it was probably hurting it. They really didn't have anything to talk about other than Torchwood, which meant that there wasn't much of a distraction from work when they got home. Their conversations focused around aliens almost constantly, whether it was something Alex identified or Rose negotiated. Added to that, Alex still didn't like his job, even though he did identify some interesting items. Fixing broken alien devices was fine as a hobby but doing it for a living was becoming monotonous, especially since there was little social interaction while you were focused on making a Pliniar medical device work.

Looking at the phone once more, he came to a decision. He speed-dialed Rose's mobile and waited for her to answer, which didn't take long.

"Doctor, where are you?" came the immediate reply.

"A hotel room on the other side of the city," he told her.

"Come home," she pleaded gently. "I'm sorry. But I had to do it." Her voice quivered with emotion, showing that she was feeling some guilt and sorrow for her previous actions.

Hearing her affirmation of her actions – like hell she had to do it! – he growled out an infuriated, "No."

"Why not?" There was a long pause. "We'll make up, just like we always do. Dinner… a movie… cuddling…"

"Is that all you can think about? Aderyn's dead, thanks to you, and you want to make out?"

"I just want you home so I can explain…"

"I've had enough explanations from you," he interrupted bluntly. "I'm not returning to the condo. Neither am I going to work for Torchwood anymore. It's not just what happened this morning. It's been coming for some time now. I find myself… stagnated… unfulfilled. I feel like you're forcing me into a mold that I know I don't fit into. I don't really know who I am other than what you want to paint me as. It's time that I finished painting the picture that is me rather than letting others do it for me and I need to be fully independent to do that. I'm going to send in my resignation letter tomorrow."

"What? But… where will you live? How will you earn money? You can't just… leave."

"I'm over a thousand years old. I'm quite capable of taking care of myself, thank you very much. I'll find a job. I'll rent an apartment. And I'll make it quite well on my own without you. I didn't call to have you try to talk me out of it. I called to tell you it's over between us, Rose. And I never want to see you again," he told her vehemently.

"You don't mean that," she choked out, clearly crying.

"Like hell I don't. You murdered Aderyn and I will never forgive you for that. Goodbye, Rose Tyler." Without waiting for a response, he shut off his mobile, tossing it into his bag, assured with himself that he'd made the right decision.


	19. Chapter 17

_Yes, I know I haven't posted a chapter in over a month but life got in the way. I've had weddings, our local Renaissance Festival (I go every year that I can - so much fun!) and my mother's 80th birthday party happening on top of full time work during the busiest time of the year for my workplace. Alex and Rose just weren't at the top of my "to do" list. To compensate for the delay, I'm giving you two chapters! Yep! Two! That means that, after these two, there are only three chapters left in this book. __On the plus side, I am already working on the next book. __Just keep in mind, however, that this may mean another month of waiting for future chapters as I am a busy person in real life._**  
><strong>

**Chapter 17**

_Early May 2015_

The investigation into the cause of Aderyn's death was extensive. Since the Avian was one of her employees, Edna Parsons headed the investigation. Aderyn had been quite open to allowing Torchwood to study her biology as long as it had been done with respect. Thus no autopsy other than to determine her cause of death was performed. A week after the alien's death, Rose walked into Edna's office at her request.

"So, what happened? How did she die?" Rose questioned. The memory of that day still haunted her and she was anxious to find some sense in it all, though she doubted that anything they discovered would really help in coping with the loss.

"Poisoned by the gas that was in the lab," Edna informed her. "Aderyn was apparently doing some unauthorized research. We don't exactly know what it is she was working with or why, only that whatever it was created the gas that killed her. From her autopsy, we discovered that it caused her internal organs to shut down, resulting in blindness, severe pain, and finally heart failure. We were able to get a sample of the smoke before it dissipated. We haven't been able to identify the exact properties of it but, whatever that smoke was, it's harmless to humans and becomes inert quickly. We think the answer to our questions are probably in the notebooks she kept but we are having a great deal of trouble translating it. She didn't record anything verbally for us to filter through translation software. The only thing we did get was the recording of her last few minutes."

"Play it for me," Rose instructed.

The scientist obliged, bringing the recording up on her computer. The translation printed below as the video played.

"_Great Goddess of the Forest! What have I done? I can't let it out."_ Rose and Edna watched the recording as the bird-woman moved quickly around the lab, which was rapidly filling with a gray smoke, apparently trying to stop the chemical reaction she had started. Seeing that she was unable to halt the spread of the smoke, the Avian squawked, desperation tingeing her voice. _"I need to get out of here! I need to get out of here! Oh, Great Goddess of the Forest, I'm going to die!"_ As her panic increased, she clawed at the large window for a couple of minutes, pleading for someone to help her. _"I can't see! Let me out! Let me out! It hurts! I don't want to die!"_

Five minutes into the video, when her strength seemed to have left her completely, the sound of three buzzing chimes sounded in the room followed by the muted sounds of shouting.

"That's me… sealing her in and Alex and me fighting," Rose whispered, refusing to let her emotions get the best of her. There was a long pause before a familiar but muffled voice came through on the audio. "And that's Alex saying goodbye to her," she added somberly.

"_Righteous Defender… don't blame Wolf Flower. My fault." _Aderyn gave one last chirp, which the software translated as "Forgive me." It was her last words as the video showed her slipping to the floor at last, clearly dead.

Rose closed her eyes tightly to regain control over her collapsing emotions. The video brought back the horror and sadness of the day, not in the least diminished by the need to read the translation rather than hear it.

Parsons took a slow breath, her own memories making her tone somber. "If we're going to figure out exactly what happened to Aderyn, we need to translate her notebooks. Dr. Kingston is working on it but, with the resources that we have currently, that's going to take months, possibly even a couple of years. We could use Dr. Smith's help on this. Maybe he can figure out Aderyn's written language since he can speak it."

It was common knowledge among the Torchwood staff that Alex had written their translation software and could speak to Aderyn in her own language. While Hanna Kingston was the best alien linguist they had on regular staff, her knowledge of alien languages was dwarfed by the Doctor's. He had taken what she had been working on for years and accomplished it in a matter of a few months when he developed the verbal translation software. They were still years away from being able to translate the written word however. As such, Rose couldn't help but agree with Edna that they needed Alex. She just hoped that the hybrid had overcome his hatred for Rose just as she had forgiven him for breaking up with her, even though she hadn't told him. "I'll talk to him. I'm sure he'll agree if it means figuring out why Aderyn's gone."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The day after the fight he'd had with Rose, Alex woke to the realization that he had several problems to contend with. The first problem – and really the crux of all of his problems – was money. Earth was a difficult planet to live on without monetary income, regardless of which universe you were in. The only money he had was the earnings he had made while working at Torchwood. While the pay hadn't been insignificant, it wasn't enough, he knew, to continue to live in a hotel room for very long. He needed to find lodgings that were far less a pull on his wallet. As such, when he went down to the hotel's restaurant for breakfast the following day, he procured a newspaper and, bringing it up to his room, poured through it for cheap housing. He found an inexpensive studio apartment nearby and, after making quick arrangements with the landlord of the property, was able to move into the apartment by the fourth day of his self-imposed exile from the Tyler clan. It wasn't much to speak of but how easily Alex was able to get it was enough of an ego boost to convince him that finding a job would be just as effortless.

The second thing that was a problem was his limited supply of antipsychotic. He needed to make more soon to maintain his dosage level which meant that he required some place to turn into a lab. He also required supplies. The necessary chemicals he used to make the drug were expensive. However after paying the rent, buying the limited furnishings he needed, and ensuring he ate regularly, he just didn't have the funds to rent a storage space like he did when living with Rose nor could he buy the supplies he needed to make more antipsychotic, not without a steady income. Out of sheer necessity, he was going to have to limit his drug intake.

The first day he went with a lower dosage, which had been six days into his exile, had been hard. It also had been a wake up call. The severe cravings he had for the drug forced him to acknowledge that he was an addict and that he needed to wean himself from his addiction as quickly as possible. As such, he deliberately took whatever remaining drug he had and put them in specific daily doses so that he would have to think about how much he was taking rather than continue to take however much of the powder made him feel more in control. By doing so, he was able to stretch what normally would be only two weeks worth of antipsychotics into nearly a month's worth. It was yet another reminder of how he'd allowed himself to fall into the dangerous habit.

Finding a job he felt would fit not only his personality but also would challenge his abilities was a lot more difficult than he anticipated. He thought that the three doctorates he officially had would be enough to procure the employment he needed. He'd tried all the high profile positions he knew he qualified for but potential employer rejected him because he refused to list his employment at Torchwood or any references; he didn't want help from anyone with the last name of Tyler and the reference that Pete had gotten for him from Heywood Roland became worthless when the technological tycoon was murdered by his son two months before, causing a great scandal. Of course, he thought part of the problem was likely his reactions to being denied employment. His reduction of the amount of antipsychotic he was taking made him more than a little sensitive to rejection.

As if things couldn't get worse for him, the paparazzi had caught onto his and Rose's separation and were making speculations as to why the "perfect couple" were no longer seeing each other. The first accusations made were that Alex beat Rose, which was retracted almost immediately only to be replaced with other outrageous theories. All were eventually retracted, thanks to either Rose's or Pete's intervention, except the last theory: that Dr. Alex Smith was just plain an arrogant, pompous prick who broke Rose Tyler's heart. Given that neither Rose nor Pete forced a retraction, the hybrid was starting to think that the mass media press was probably right.

Two weeks into his separation from Rose, Alex was getting more than a little desperate in his efforts to find a job. He really wanted to find one on his own but he knew that his chances were growing slim and his finances were dwindling quickly. There was a couple of openings at the University of London but, given his lack of ability to get a job worth his skills, he figured that he'd have a better chance of trying to get a position at the local chippy. Swallowing his pride, he applied for the positions and listed both Pete and Rose as references. He also listed his employment at Torchwood, figuring that a lack of employment history also wasn't helping in his getting a job.

Once he returned to his studio apartment, however, he berated himself for his actions. "Stupid, stupid, stupid! She'll never give me a reference. Why should she? We didn't part under the best of terms. Of course the whole thing was my fault. I was an arrogant prick. She was just following procedures after all. But then again, Aderyn did die and she wouldn't have if I'd been able to get her out of there. But then Rose was insistent that I would've died if I'd gone in there. Maybe she was having one of her premonitions," he ranted as he paced. Stopping at a wall, he banged his head against it lightly a couple of times before letting his forehead rest against it. "Damn it, I need her. I don't want to but I do." Deep inside, he knew he was talking about more than her ability to get him a job.

As if in answer to his statement, his mobile rang. Seeing who was calling on the caller ID, he was hesitant to answer but decided that if Rose was calling him, she had to have a good reason. Did the University already start checking his references? If so, was Rose about to tell him off for listing her? Taking a deep breath, he prepared himself for rejection.

"Hello, Rose," he answered. He hated the way his voice sounded as if he were desperate.

"Hi, Alex. I've got a job for you," she told him after a moment.

His eyes widened at her words. He couldn't have been accepted by the University that quickly, could he? "What job?"

"Translation."

He deflated physically, slumping into the worn couch he'd bought. He didn't want to work for Torchwood again. "You have translation software," he reminded. "I wrote it."

"That's verbal. This is written."

"Where did you find this written alien language?"

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "It's Aderyn's notebooks."

The hybrid was instantly silenced by Rose's words. A thousand thoughts ran through his mind, the foremost being a deep sense of loss followed by wariness concerning Torchwood's intentions.

When she didn't gain a response from the hybrid, Rose pressed gently, "You there?"

"Yeah, I'm here," he finally answered, taking a deep breath. "Why do you want to know what Aderyn's notebooks say? She's gone. Can't we just… let her rest?"

It didn't take a stretch for Rose to realize what was bothering him. "Alex, it isn't her diary. It's her lab notebooks. Dr. Parsons investigated her death and the only thing she found, even after all this time, was that whatever she was working on killed her. Some experiment she was doing went wrong and flooded her lab with some kind of gas that was toxic to her but was harmless to humans. It dissipated too quickly for us to get enough information about its composition, even after an autopsy. The only way we'll really know what happened now is if we translate her lab notebooks. Hanna's been trying to do it but without your help, it could take months, maybe years. You know we can't give her a decent memorial until we know what exactly happened."

"I know," he replied. "If you needed to examine her body again, interring her remains would cause a serious problem." Torchwood regulations required that her ashes be sealed in a container and placed in the vault with other Torchwood agents who didn't have relatives or who were extraterrestrial. It made the Doctor think what would possibly happen to his remains when he eventually died. He didn't think that he wanted his tomb to be hidden away from public sight because he wasn't completely human. He understood the reasons for the policy and that it was more to protect the remains of the dead from abuse by outsiders than from protecting the public; it was just disconcerting that it was necessary.

"So… will you come in to translate them?" Rose pressed gently. "Please."

"I won't work for Torchwood, Rose," he countered, his pride once again getting in the way of reason.

"When you left, I convinced Dad to keep you on our payroll as a consultant. You can choose to accept any assignments we offer you and in return we'll give you full compensation for each instance where you act as a consultant. And if you sign a contract, you'll also get a retainer's fee. That's a heck of a lot better than spending every day staring at alien artifacts. Besides… I understand you're having trouble finding a job."

He groaned mentally. Of course, Torchwood would be keeping an eye on him. He was half-alien after all and, after the way he left, he didn't blame them for being a little anxious about his activities. And, he had to admit that he did need a job, even if it were a temporary one. "I'll come in tomorrow morning," he finally agreed.

"Thank you," Rose replied gently. "See you tomorrow, then." She took a breath then, having nothing else to say, gently hung up.

OOOOOOOOOOOO

The Doctor didn't expect returning to Torchwood to be an easy thing but it was turning out to be more difficult than he had imagined. Just walking through the front doors and then accessing the higher levels with his Torchwood clearance ID brought memories of sharing lunches with his colleagues - most of the time Rose, Hanna, or Aderyn – and the work that he'd performed for Research and Development. While he missed the camaraderie with his friends, he didn't miss the tediousness of the work. Nor did he miss the looks he was getting now from those who didn't trust him because he was a) an alien – or rather half-alien – and b) Rose Tyler's again/off again boyfriend. Too many in the organization had xenophobic feelings concerning aliens despite him and Aderyn having been on the staff. Others believed that Rose got as high up because of her relationship with Director Tyler and felt that Alex received the same sort of benefit when he came on due to his relationship with Rose.

Ignoring the various looks sent his way, whether it was disdain for him in general or surprise in his being there after the heated manner in which he'd left, Alex made his way to Rose's office. He knocked briefly to inform her of his presence before entering without invitation. "Reporting for duty," he announced as he closed the door behind him, looking on Rose's face for the first time since their argument. The moment he did, the circumstances that had caused their falling out came back to him in a rush, forcing him to look away from her to clear his mind. The last thing he wanted was to get into yet another argument with the woman. He couldn't help but notice that Rose too felt a little uncomfortable to be in his presence.

Rose gazed on Alex for a long moment, her own emotions clear on her face. She had wanted to see him for so long and yet she couldn't seem to get any words out of her mouth now that they were face-to-face. She took a deep breath, determined to regain control of herself, before reaching into her desk to retrieve a couple of keys. Standing, she walked around the desk so that she and Alex were near each other. "Hanna's at the Guesthouse right now but she'll be here in an hour so you two can go over Aderyn's notebooks together." The Guesthouse was the nickname Torchwood had for the building that housed Xenobiology, the same building Aderyn had called home when not on duty.

"I work alone," Alex contradicted.

"Alex…" Rose started, surprise clear on her face.

"I work alone," he repeated adamantly. "Private room, no disruptions. I don't want to be paired up with anyone, certainly not someone who will question every translation I make. And as much as I like Hanna, we both know that her interest in the subject will cause her to do exactly that, making it more difficult for me to translate the notebooks expediently. Neither am I going to be interrupted by constant questions from the staff concerning what I am doing here, especially not with all the emotions people are directing towards me. It's extremely uncomfortable and it would be far easier for me to concentrate without such distractions. I'm here to find out what happened to Aderyn. That's it."

Rose had briefly forgotten that Alex was an empath as well as a telepath. Hearing his concerns on the matter, she could easily understand his uneasiness. She knew she wouldn't be able to concentrate on an assignment if everyone was constantly interrupting her, whether they realized it or not. It certainly would be annoying. "Okay," she finally relented. "Richardson retired last week so there's an empty office right across from mine. Hanna has been working in there for the last week on translating the notebook so anything you need should be there: papers, pens, pencils, computer... There's even a chalkboard if you want to use it. The office is yours for as long as you need it. I'll call Hanna and let her know that you're going to work on the translation on your own." She offered him the keys in her hand. "Here's the keys to the door and to the desk inside. The notebooks are in the desk."

"I'll get to work on this right away, then," he replied, accepting the keys. He started towards the door, knowing exactly which office Rose had given him to do the job.

"Alex," she called out, halting him. "Lunch?" The single word held so much hope.

There was hesitation on his face before he shook his head. He wasn't yet ready to be around Rose for longer than a few minutes and that only professionally. Without saying a word, he left the room and walked into Richardson's old office, closing the door behind him.

Sitting at the desk, he immediately started to go through the drawers to see what was available. As Rose had indicated, Aderyn's lab notebooks were locked in the desk. There were also plenty of pens and pencils as well as all-purpose printer paper, which he immediately pulled out and put on the far right corner of the desk. He decided to work with pencils in case he needed to make any corrections. Once he'd organized his workspace, he pulled out his glasses and perched them on his nose. He then took an empty sheet of paper from his pile, opened the first notebook, and started working, deciding to completely ignore any work that Hanna had done on the job. The translation was likely incorrect anyway, given Hanna's lack of experience with the Avian language.

Each few pages seemed to follow the same kind of pattern. Aderyn had been studying the properties of various plants and bacteria, trying to grow them and alter them to bring about a certain result. She didn't mention in the notebook exactly what she was looking for but wrote the results of each test she performed. Each experiment involved live human DNA samples and each resulted in deadly cell damage, which was a negative result. Where she got the samples, she didn't indicate. At least Alex gained the satisfaction of knowing that, whatever she had been working on, she wanted to make sure that human lives were not in danger. From what she had logged in her notebook, she had been working on her experiments practically since the day she agreed to work for Torchwood, though she had done them on her off-time.

The further into the translation he went, the more confused he was as to what she had been looking for with her experiments, especially when he finally ran across a positive result with her experiments, namely a reaction that didn't damage human DNA. Her experiments had continued with the same bacteria as before but it seemed as if she were trying to find a different result because her results indicated a positive interaction with human DNA but a negative result in whatever it was she was looking for. After a couple of weeks of conducting tests, she eventually dropped the bacteria and moved onto another one, basically starting over with finding a positive reaction with human DNA.

Deciding that he needed to take a break from his work, Alex leaned back, removing his glasses and rubbing his eyes. He stretched out his mind to find that he'd been working on the translation all through Rose's proposed lunch date. Seven hours had passed and he'd only gotten through two of the notebooks. He still had no idea what Aderyn had been doing in her lab the day she died. The only thing that he thought she could have possibly been doing was trying to find some cure to a disease but that theory didn't quite fit with her notes.

Now that he'd taken a break, he realized just how tired he was. He hadn't yet had anything to eat that day and he could feel the effect it was having not only on his energy level but also on his concentration. It wasn't much of a leap of logic to recognize that the rest of the translation would have to be completed later. He gave a yawn as he tucked his glasses into his jacket. Gathering the papers that had the translations he had completed, he carefully placed them on top of Aderyn's notebooks and then put the whole pile into the desk. He locked the drawer with the key provided.

Assured that everything was secure, he stood from the desk and left the office, walking across the hall and entering Rose's office without knocking. She raised her head in surprise at the interruption but didn't comment as he took a seat across from her.

"The translation's going slower than I anticipated," he admitted. "I'm going to need at least a couple more days. Possibly even a week."

"Okay. I'll make the appropriate approvals for your consultation," Rose commented, refusing to look at him. "Same time tomorrow then?"

He nodded in agreement. "I'll be here. Here are the keys," he told her, handing the objects in question to her.

"See you in the morning then," she replied, tucking the key into her own desk.

He took a deep breath, his discomfort around her growing, though he knew now he wasn't as angry with her as he thought he would be. "Yeah. Good night."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Alex had worked on the translation of the notebooks for four days and was almost done when he finally understood what all of Aderyn's experimentation had been for. He sat still at his temporary desk, not wanting to move due to the shock the realization had brought upon him.

"Oh, Aderyn. What have you done?" he whispered, plainly heart-broken. "Why? Why would you…" Feeling a tear slide down his cheek, he found the energy to move, wiping the tear away before slowly standing up. He gathered all his papers as well as Aderyn's notebooks and exited the room. Going across the hall, he knocked on Rose's door and waited for her permission to enter.

Seeing Alex coming in, the blond woman smiled, glad to see him. It was close to noon and she was thinking seriously about getting something to eat. She assumed that he had finally accepted her invitation for him to join her; she had invited him every day since he started the consultation. That supposition, however, was dashed the moment she saw the expression on his face.

"What is it?" she questioned with growing trepidation.

"I know what Aderyn was doing in her lab when she died." He placed all his papers and the notebooks on her desk.

Rose felt her stomach tighten at the tone of his voice. "What was she doing?"

Alex looked into her eyes. Anger, disappointment, betrayal, and sorry were all there, coming out through his gaze. "She was making a biological weapon against the species that enslaved her people. I don't know where she got a sample of their DNA but she did. She was also intent on making sure that no other species were affected by the deadly gas, especially Humans. She was advancing her experiments to make sure that the weapon didn't hurt other species when the accident happened." He looked up towards the ceiling, not wanting to cry again. "She accidentally killed herself with her own weapon."

Rose covered her mouth, feeling her own tears building. Standing, she moved around her desk and wrapped her arms around the Doctor, who put his own arms around her. The two stood in silence for several minutes, taking comfort in each other's presence.

"Oh, Rose, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have blamed you. You were right to seal the containment room. You saved millions of lives including me. Being only half-human… if I'd gone in there… I might have… What are you going to do?" he finally asked. He maintained his hold on Rose, knowing that neither of them were ready to be separated just yet.

"Are you sure about what she was trying to do?"

"Later in her notes, she mentions 'the Empire' several times. And she often talked about the Powerful Ones or the Empire of Great Power to me, how they'd taken everything from her. But I didn't realize just how angry she was. I didn't think she'd ever go to these lengths. To even think of genocide…"

"You thought the same way about the Daleks," she commented without spite.

"I never went out of my way to exact revenge on them. I took advantage of opportunities that came my way. What I did was wrong. But this… this is monstrous. How could she? How…" He sniffed, failing to hold back his tears once again. "I thought I knew her, Rose."

"Me too," came the whispered, sympathetic agreement. She paused for a long moment, allowing herself to cry with him before pulling away and wiping the tears off her cheeks. "Is there any indication of who these people are? If she was so frightened of them as to resort to genocide, they have to be dangerous."

The half-Gallifreyan nodded. "I agree. She may have hidden her activities and intent well but I can't believe that she was an evil person. Just extremely misguided. Whoever this species is, we have to be ready for them. She said they hate the Earth and its inhabitants but they know we don't have the technology to be a threat to them."

"They don't know about Torchwood then," she concluded.

"Or they don't think that Torchwood is much of a threat."

"Could it be the Daleks?"

"If it is, they're not like the ones in the other universe. The Daleks there didn't imprison people for long. Used them and got rid of them when they didn't need them anymore. From what Aderyn said, these Powerful Ones keep other species as domestic slaves, sometimes treating them like pets. That just doesn't fit the Daleks as we know them. Plus, Aderyn indicated that the Powerful Ones are humanoid, which explains why she was so concerned about her weapon not affecting Humans." He seemed to ponder his words for a moment. "They could be the Kaleds. Remember I said Davros was a Kaled? He manipulated the Kaled genome, engineered everything humanoid out of it and thus created the Daleks. After they were created, they simply wiped the entire Kaled species from existence with the exception of Davros. The Kaleds were a war-like species in the other universe, very similar to the Nazis. If the Kaleds never became the Daleks in this universe, then it is possible that they could have built an empire."

"Well, if it is the Kaleds, they're pretty scary without becoming the Daleks," Rose told him. "I've been doing research into this empire that Aderyn had been talking about. Have been for a while. I thought that, if she were frightened of them, we needed to get as much information on them as we could. I found something to corroborate her story when I went through old records from before the Great Britain took over Torchwood. About fifty years ago, Torchwood encountered a couple of refugees who wanted asylum."

"And you never told me this?"

"I only discovered it a couple of weeks ago just after Aderyn died. Plus I had other assignments to take care of. The thing is the refugees said that their planets had been wiped out by a powerful enemy that they just called 'the Empire', as if everyone knew what that was. The people who questioned them didn't believe them. Torchwood thought they were scouts for a future invasion and they killed them. We have to assume that this empire they talked about is the same empire that had Aderyn so frightened as to break the principles she believed in."

"We've got another problem. One refugee from this empire coming to Earth isn't much to worry about. But now we have three: Aderyn and those two. How many more refugees escaping this empire are there? You said yourself that you're always getting aliens from other worlds wanting asylum. Maybe most of them haven't been as honest as Aderyn and the other two in their reasons why they want asylum, especially if they're afraid they may run into a spy for the Empire. Think about it. People who fled Nazi Germany were always looking over their shoulders, afraid of running into a Nazi spy who would send them back into Germany as prisoners of the Third Reich. This doesn't sound all that different."

"You think Earth's become a popular planet to escape the Empire?"

"Certainly would explain why the Powerful Ones, whoever they are, hate the Earth and Humans in general. Right now, we aren't advanced enough to be a threat to them. If we keep taking in refugees from their empire, however, they just might change their minds. We need to be more careful. The last thing we need is someone on Earth hunting down the people who have been running from the Empire." He huffed at his own words. "We need to find out who these people are and soon. For one, calling them the Empire and the Powerful Ones makes us sound as if we're in a bad sci fi movie. If the danger weren't real, it would be almost laughable."

"I'll keep digging into Torchwood's records," Rose promised. "We'll find out who they are. There's got to be a transcript of that interrogation or something." Even as she spoke, the phone on her desk rang, pulling her attention away from Alex. Lifting the received, she responded, "Rose Tyler." She listened for a few seconds. "All right, I'll send him down." Hanging up, she returned her attention to the hybrid. "That was Harry. He wants you to go to medical for a scan."

"I had a scan when I went in for my semi-annual check-up," he countered with a frown.

"All I know is he wants you down there," she replied with a shrug.

For a fleeting moment, the hybrid was afraid that Harry had discovered his taking more antipsychotics than prescribed. He was extremely tempted not to go but realized almost immediately that would appear suspicious. "So, I'm done here?" he questioned, wanting to delay his going to the medical ward without seeming too anxious.

"With the assignment, yeah," she confirmed. "I know it wasn't easy." Her expression showed how hard the realization of Aderyn's actions was on her. "I'll make sure that payroll deposits your fee into your bank account."

"Thanks. I better get down to Harry, then." He started for the door but hesitated at the door. Turning around, he looked into the blond woman's eyes. "Rose?" Seeing her look on him with questioning, he swallowed before admitting, "I love you." It was the first time the thought even went through his mind since the argument that broke them apart.

Rose's face brightened noticeably at his words. "I love you too."

The both waved their goodbyes as the half-Time Lord exited the room and headed for the elevator, both lighter in heart for their words.


	20. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Alex was surprised to see both Harry Sullivan and Laurel Gentillini as he entered the examination room as ordered. "Umm… I'm here," he stated, looking on them with trepidation. "What's going on? Something about my semi-annual physical?"

"It revealed something quite unexpected," Harry told him. "We want to scan you just to verify the results we got."

"What results? Good unexpected or bad unexpected?"

Harry gestured towards the platform in front of the Velinian medical scanner. "Please."

Gazing at the physician with wariness, he started to take off his jacket but was stopped by Laurel. "That won't be necessary," she told him.

Raising an eyebrow, he brought the jacket back onto his shoulders before carefully stepping up and leaning against the platform as he had done several times in the past.

Harry operated the scanner, causing a green beam of light to move from the top of the Doctor's head down to his shoulders and back up again. When the scan was complete, he studied the results. A gentle smile graced his lips as he did so. "Well, this confirms it."

"Confirms what?" Alex questioned, growing frustrated by the lack of answers to his questions. "I get a knot in the pit of my stomach when my friends start acting very cryptic around me. So I would greatly appreciate it if either of you would tell me what the hell is going on."

"Come take a look," Harry invited, indicating the data screen in front of him.

The Doctor hesitated before obeying the request, studying the scan that had just been done. "It's clean," he stated, sounding slightly disinterested. A moment later, the reality of his words came back to him. "Wait a minute. It's clean!" He pulled out his glasses and slipped them on, leaning forward to get a better look at the scan results. "It's normal. Well, as normal as you can get with a Time Lord/Human biological metacrisis. There's absolutely no sign of a mental disorder anywhere. All my chemical levels are normal." He straightened and turned to Harry and then to Laurel. "Are you sure you used that thing correctly?" In answer to his query, Harry tapped a few icons on the screen, bringing up the scan they had done during his semi-annual exam. "They're the same," he exclaimed. "Equipment error?"

"No. We already ruled out that possibility as well as every other one that could dismiss these results."

"You mean I don't have bipolar disorder? But… how?"

"We believe that the antipsychotic you've been taking stimulated your body's own healing abilities," Laurel told him. "Basically, while you were taking the medicine, you were teaching your body what your normal brain chemistry should be, forcing it to complete your growth."

"You're saying my bipolar disorder was stunting my growth and I suddenly had a growth spurt?" Alex questioned with a hint of a grin.

"More like you've had a transition biologically, much like a teenager taking that last step into adulthood," his physician commented.

"Given this new development and that you are currently taking a minimum dosage, I'm taking you off medication," Laurel stated. "I still want to see you on a regular basis for a while which means I expect to see you next week. In addition, we both want to do another scan in a couple of months just to make sure that there are no signs of a relapse. However if we're right, you will never have to worry about bipolar disorder for the rest of your life."

"I'm cured. Just like that," the Doctor stated, some doubt in his features.

"If you were completely human, I'd say it was impossible," Harry replied. "Bipolar disorder can only be managed in humans, not eradicated."

"And we don't know for certain that your current mental health is permanent," Gentillini added. "Right now, it's more of a guessing game based on solid facts, thus the reason for the regular appointments with me and the future scan. If we're wrong, we'll need to put you back on medication but I'm thinking that a prescription for lithium as needed would probably be the strongest that you'll be taking."

Alex nodded exaggeratingly, as if trying to convince himself of the truth of their findings. "Good. Good. Okay. I'll… I'll stop taking the medicine today then. That's what you want me to do, yes?"

"Yes," she confirmed. "But if you feel overly anxious or depressed, call me."

"Okay," he agreed before giving a sniff.

Harry frowned slightly at the Doctor's reaction. "You don't seem pleased by our news."

"I _am_ pleased," the Doctor contradicted. "Very pleased. Ecstatic in fact." He paused thoughtfully. "I think I'm in a bit of shock. I mean I never expected… this. It's probably the best news I've ever heard. Thank you." He grabbed each of their hands in turn, shaking them before exiting the room with a broad grin on his features. The revelation that he was free of bipolar disorder meant so much more to Alex than either Harry or Laurel knew. Their not seeing any chemical imbalance in his brain meant that not only was their supposition correct about his being cured but also he didn't need as much of the drug as he had before and thus his weaning himself from it was working.

Gallifreyan biology was different in many ways to Human biology, one of them being how the body absorbs chemicals. When certain antipsychotics are taken by Gallifreyans, they are immediately converted into an addictive compound similar to the original. Any amount of the drug not properly converted into the more addictive version – a version that didn't show up on the Velinian scanner – would be expelled from the body through the _tra'eher_. This access amount could easily be seen under testing as a kind of backwash. Alex, when he had started to take the drug, had hoped that his biology was more Human than Time Lord when it came to chemical absorption, that the drug wouldn't be converted into an addictive substance. Unfortunately, he had been wrong. As it was, if his biology hadn't converted all of the drug and the scans showed the backwash in his system, Harry and Laurel would know that he had been taking antipsychotics without a prescription and that would lead to all sorts of trouble the hybrid didn't want to address. The half-Gallifreyan needed to make sure that they never saw any unusual readings in their scans. That meant he would have to work even harder to be rid of the addiction before his next scan in two months time; the less drugs absorbed by his system, the more backwash would be noticeable on the scans until he wasn't taking the drug at all. It was a challenge he knew he could face now that he didn't need the drug for medicinal purposes.

Without even thinking about where he was going, he found himself walking into Rose's office unannounced.

Rose, surprised by Alex's revisit, returned the grin on his face. "What is it?"

"I'm cured!"

She blinked at his words, still smiling despite her bewilderment. "Sorry?"

"I'm cured," he repeated emphatically. "The bipolar disorder. It's gone. Caput. Vanished."

"But that's impossible. Isn't it?"

"Apparently not with biological metacrises."

"But… how?"

Alex slumped into the chair across from her, almost lying in it. The grin hadn't once left his features. "Remember when I stabilized and we found out that I was bipolar? Apparently, the medication Laurel put me on adjusted my brain to the levels they should have been in the first place. My self-healing abilities kicked in after a while, making the necessary repairs to my brain. Basically, my body needed to be taught what was normal and, once it understood how I should be, it went right to work in repairing the damage."

"And when did this all happen?"

"Well, my physical was three weeks ago and that showed the same as this last scan they just did."

"So, before Aderyn died," she noted, sadness filling her eyes.

"Yeah," he responded with a nod. A moment later, the implication struck him like a boulder. "Oh. Oh, Rose. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He seemed to physically deflate.

"It's not your fault."

"But it _is_ my fault," he contradicted. "I mean, it's one thing to have an emotional outburst due to a mental disorder. But to have one because you're being a complete prick? No wonder you didn't have that particular story withdrawn from the tabloids."

"It's okay. I probably would have reacted the exact same way if our positions had been reversed," she stated gently as she walked around her desk to stand in front of him. "Besides, I've already forgiven you, yeah?"

"Still applies even if we now know for certain that I can be a downright ass sometimes?" he asked, reaching up to take her hands gently.

"Still applies," she agreed with a slight laugh.

"Thank you." He kissed the back of her right hand, appreciation in his eyes for her forgiveness. "Now, I really should go get something to eat and then go home."

"Can I join you for dinner?" she suggested. "We can celebrate you being cured."

He looked at her blankly for a long moment. He was starting to feel a little anxious – a sure sign that he needed a dose of antipsychotic – but he couldn't reject her request, not when things were starting towards a proper reconciliation between them. "Yeah. Sure. I suppose."

"You don't seem very happy with the idea." There was disappointment in her voice.

"No," he protested. "It's okay. I just… might not be the best company. Give me a few minutes. I need to take care of something." He stood abruptly and started for the door.

She frowned, concerned with his general demeanor. "Is everything okay?" she asked carefully.

"Yeah, yeah, it's fine," he told her, rubbing where his nose met his eye socket. "I just need to use the men's room."

The look on Rose's features indicated that she didn't entirely believe him. "Okay. How about we meet downstairs then?"

He nodded quickly to her proposal. "Sure." Turning, he exited the office quickly.

He was glad to see that the men's room was vacant, giving him as much privacy as possible to do what he needed. He didn't know why he felt such overwhelming anxiety being around Rose, an anxiety he knew had nothing to do with his addiction. He supposed he was afraid that they would get into another argument, which is what seemed to be the result of them being together for any length of time. The way he saw it, the current situation was a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" scenario. They might get into an argument while at dinner yet, if he didn't go, they might argue about why he didn't want to go. He figured the best solution to avoid an argument was to say as little as possible, thus preventing himself from saying anything to which Rose might take offense.

He went to the sink and pulled out a vial from his inside pocket in the hopes that the antipsychotic he kept on him would help him with his anxiety. Remembering that he needed to take it easy on the drug or his addiction would be found out quickly, he pulled stopper off and tapped a small amount of white powder into his free hand. Making sure that he still had enough to take just before bedtime, he popped it in his mouth. Putting the vial down, he then ran the water, using the same hand he'd put the powder in to gather several gulps of water. Satisfied, he collected his vial, put the stopper back on, and tucked it back in his pocket. Then straightening his appearance, he left the toilet and headed for his rendezvous with Rose.

They took separate vehicles to go to the restaurant Rose suggested, an understandable act considering they were both going to their respective homes directly afterwards. Rose arrived at the restaurant first and procured a table, certain that the Doctor would be showing up a few minutes after her. When he didn't arrive after ten minutes, she decided that he likely got stuck in traffic so she ordered herself a beer. Twenty minutes after that, she started to worry. Pulling out her phone, she called his mobile but found it going to voicemail. Nearly an hour after arriving at the restaurant, she was on the verge of panicking when he strolled through the door.

"Where the hell have you been?" she hissed under her breath.

Alex looked at her with surprise, unzipping his leather jacket as he sat down. "There was an accident. I stopped to help until the police and ambulance came."

"You could've called. You didn't even answer your phone."

He glared at her. "It's kind of hard to answer a phone when you've got your hands busy trying to keep a teenager boy from bleeding to death before paramedics arrive."

"Is he okay? What happened?" she questioned, instantly concerned by his words.

Alex took a breath, clearly hesitant to speak. "He was behind a truck hauling rebar and the truck stopped suddenly. A rebar broke loose when he rear-ended the truck. It went through the windshield and into his left shoulder. Missed his heart, thank goodness. He should be okay after surgery but he's going to have a long recovery ahead of him."

"I'm glad he'll recover."

There was a moment of silence between them, interrupted by the waiter coming to see if they were ready to order. Alex immediately ordered an iced tea and made his meal selection after a quick look at the menu. Rose in turn made her own order and the waiter left with the assurance that he would bring Alex's tea.

Rose waited until the waiter had brought Alex his drink before trying to start another conversation, this time less hostile. "So, still looking for a job?"

"Yeah," he agreed with a nod.

"Find any openings?"

"A couple at the University of London."

"What are they for?"

"Physics teacher and History teacher."

"Which one would you prefer?"

"Either."

"You think that teaching History would be challenging enough for you?"

"Should be. New universe, new history. And I like to teach."

"That's good." Rose sighed at the blunted conversation, wondering why the Doctor was suddenly being less than his talkative self, especially since he had no trouble communicating in her office or telling her about the accident. They were silent once again as they waited for their meals to be served. A few minutes later, the waiter brought their dishes and, after insuring they didn't need further service at that moment, left to tend to other customers. She tried one more time to engage him as they ate. "So, I hear you found a flat."

"Yes."

"Nice place?"

"It's suitable."

"Apartment?"

"Studio."

"Big?"

"Not really."

"Anything special?"

"It's across the street from the park."

Another awkward couple of minutes passed.

"Close to the University?" she queried.

"Yes."

"Walking distance?"

"Couple of blocks if you walk through the park."

Rose finally couldn't take the situation anymore. Putting her fork down forcibly, she glared at Alex. "What the hell is the matter with you?" she demanded vehemently.

His eyes widened with surprise for the second time that evening. "What did I do this time?"

"That's just it! You aren't doing anything! All of a sudden, you aren't talking to me. It's like I'm talking to an automated phone system. Any second now, I'm expecting you to tell me to hold on the line while you connect me to a customer service representative."

"What did you expect? I warned you that I might not be the best company," he countered. "And that car accident certainly didn't help my mood."

"Yeah, but I didn't expect to be having dinner with an Auton."

"You think I'm made out of plastic?"

"Well, you certainly are acting like it."

The Doctor sighed in frustration, putting his own fork down. He pulled the napkin from his lap and put it beside his plate. "This was a mistake. All you want to do is fight. I'm tired of fighting with you, Rose."

"I don't want to fight with you either. I just want us to talk… like we used to before…"

"Before Bad Wolf Bay?" he questioned. "I'm not _him_, Rose. I thought we agreed to let me be me."

"I was referring to before Aderyn died. I mean when we weren't arguing. And I _am_ letting you be you but you aren't _acting_ like you. I don't know who you are right now, but you're not Alex Smith. Alex Smith talked to me."

"I _am_ Alex Smith," he countered strongly. "Just because I'm trying to avoid an argument by keeping my mouth shut for a change doesn't change who I am."

Rose blinked at his words, understanding starting to form in her mind. "Is that why you haven't been talking to me? Because you didn't want to get into an argument?"

He didn't reply for a long moment. "Yeah."

A sad laugh seeped out of her as tears formed in her eyes. "And here I go and start one."

Alex reached forward to take her hand. "Oh, Rose, don't cry. I feel your emotions just swarming out of you and… it hurts when you're sad."

"The Doctor said that we'd become the people we need for each other and I just don't see that happening, not with our fighting and…"

"Hold on. I don't remember my brother ever saying that," he interrupted. He pulled his hand away. "You saw him again, didn't you?" Seeing her look at him as if she'd been caught, he pressed. "When?"

"When you were in the hospital," Rose confirmed. "Right after you… tried to kill yourself. He said he could still feel you and even hear some of your thoughts because the gaps in the universe hadn't completely closed yet and… he was worried. About us." She got a haunted expression on her face. "About me accepting you. He said the reason he put us together was because we need each other, that we'd make each other better. But I don't see that happening. Do you?"

"Actually, yes. I do," Alex countered. "I'm better because of you. Maybe not completely the man I want to be but I'm getting there. That's why I moved out, isn't it?"

"I thought it was because of what happened with Aderyn," she replied, her voice quiet.

He sighed, ashamed of his actions on that night. "Part of it was, yes. But it mostly was so that I could find out who I am so that I can be the person I want to be for you. And I'm trying. I really am."

She sighed, her face clearly showing self-rebuke. "I guess I'm just being impatient when it comes to… us. I want us to work so much that it hurts. And I have to admit that I'm better because of you. You did help me figure out how to interpret my dreams. And whenever I'm with you, I couldn't be happier… except when we argue."

"Me too." He took a deep breath. "I think we need to make a pact."

"And that is?"

"To never ever _ever_ get into an argument again."

She laughed slightly. "As wonderful as that idea is, I don't think it's very feasible. We're only human and half-human. We're bound to get into an argument again, especially considering our history."

"Then we avoid it at all costs," he amended. "Because I don't ever want to get into an argument with you again."

"Agreed there," she concurred vehemently. "Just as long as you stop going silent on me. I mean, first it's because you were having…"

"… an emotional biologically-driven hormonal reaction?"

She couldn't help but chuckle at his words. "That's definitely one way of putting it."

"And then I go silent because I don't want to get into an argument. Maybe we should agree that, if I go quiet for some reason, you should ask – gently – what the matter is rather than overreact. I am a quiet person when it comes to dealing with some situations, especially when they're personal. So, please, be patient with me. And I shall do the same with you. Isn't patience part of being a couple?"

"I suppose it is" she agreed. She gave him an apologetic smile. "I'll try to do better. For you."

He returned the smile lovingly. "Thank you."

The two were again silent, this time comfortably as they ate. Dessert was declined when the waiter offered before leaving their checks on their table.

"Can I ask a favor of you?" Alex put it, gazing at his check.

"You can ask me anything."

He scratched his brow, clearly uneasy with what he was going to say. "I… um… I can't seem to find a job."

She gave him a sad smile. "I know. You don't have to worry about that."

"I don't?"

"The Dean of the University of London called me to check your references. I gave you a glowing one. I think Dad did too."

"You did?" he questioned with surprise.

"Of course, we did. Why wouldn't we?"

"But you just asked if I was still looking. Why would you ask if you knew I was looking?"

"I was starting a conversation. I was going to tell you about the reference but I couldn't get your interest so I changed subjects. I think you're going to be hired at the University next week. The only question I have is why we never got any calls before."

He avoided her eyes, obviously embarrassed. "I didn't list you as a reference until I applied at the University. I let my pride get in the way. I've been a right bastard for the last three weeks and you've been so forgiving. I just… I don't know how to repay you."

"You can do it by saying what you said earlier today," she told him.

"What was that?"

"That you love me."

"I do love you."

She gave him a smile. "Then how about you move back in? From the tone of your voice earlier, your flat can't be the best place in the world and your room is still available. Haven't touched a thing."

Alex grinned at her words. "As tempting as that is… no."

"Why not?"

He took a breath, his expression pensive. "For one, I have a three month lease on the flat so I need to stay there until the lease is up. For two… I do love you, Rose. And I want to do this right this time around. I still need a job and I haven't yet figured out who I am. Once I'm sure about that, I would love to move back in with you. Just not yet. Can you understand that?"

Though her eyes were sad, they were also understanding. "Yeah. Yeah, I can. As long as you agree to see me on a regular basis," she added with a teasing grin.

"Proper dating?" he responded, returning the smile. "Sure I'll give it a go." That gained a little laugh from her.

After making sure that their checks were paid, the two left the restaurant together. After giving each other a hug and a gentle kiss, they parted ways, both sure that they had a chance of a future together.


	21. Chapter 19

_All my loyal readers, thanks for sticking along with me despite the massive delays in posting chapters. There are a ton of reasons for the delays. It's high season at work and I've been very busy with that along with home life, leaving me little time to write. There are only three chapters left in this story but I am working on the next story of the saga. Unfortunately, because life is getting in the way and the story isn't cooperating with me (I've found that I have to rewrite a couple of chapters as things are happening too unrealistically quickly in it). I don't want to post the last three chapters and then leave all of you hanging for months until there is a sequel. I've already done that with another story (Dreams and Nightmares ended with the intent of a sequel but I've been having a hard time working on that. I'm having more fun and better luck writing this one). So, I've decided that I will post the next three chapters but not quickly. Hopefully, I will have a good four chapters of the next story in the saga ready for posting within the next two months (I'm being very cautious about my time table on this). Keep in mind though that life is hectic for me and please be patient._**  
><strong>

_As always, I love reviews! They keep my spirit up.**  
><strong>_

**Chapter 19**

_Late July 2015_

The Doctor was almost free of his addiction. He could feel it with every second that passed when he didn't even think of taking a dose of antipsychotic. After two months of struggling, he'd reduced his intake of the drug to truly recreational levels. In fact, the only time he used the drug was when he felt the need for some mild stress relief, much like a full-blooded human would use alcohol after a long hard day at work. As a result, when he went in for the prescheduled scan that Harry and Laurel wanted, the two doctors could find absolutely no sign of any defects and officially declared him bipolar-free and having a completely clean bill of mental health.

Even better, in his opinion, his relationship with Rose had grown stronger now that he wasn't a regular user. In fact, he frequently stayed overnight at the condo. He still hadn't moved back in with her – he didn't want to do that until he was completely free of the drug – but she was remarkably understanding with the decision in spite of not completely knowing the reasons. His three month lease on the studio apartment had ended but he renewed it on a month to month basis rather than going for another three month lease; he was certain that he would be returning to the condo within the next two months.

Thanks to Pete's and Rose's recommendations, Alex was hired as a History teacher at the University of London. He found his job to be instantly challenging. It wasn't that he hadn't become completely well-versed in this universe's history. It was the simple fact that half of his students barely paid attention in class while the other half were deeply engrossed in the lessons. Apparently, the motivations of why people did things that affected the course of the world just weren't in everyone's interest, while Alex found it all fascinating. It only made him more determined to engage his students. As such he made things far more personal for them, requiring them to get interviews for their papers. He also started to dress for the subject whenever he could. Before the end of his first month there, he'd already become renown for being the most eccentric and most liked professor on campus while also being acknowledged as being the toughest. He may dress in a toga and speak in fluent Latin when teaching the fall of the Roman Empire and he may be friendly, sometimes to a fault, but all his students knew that didn't mean his classes were easy. In addition, a couple of students discovered that it was impossible to cheat in his class; he always seemed to know. Alex never bothered to tell them that it was because he could feel their unease when they were trying to be deceptive.

Today he was teaching the Roaring Twenties of the United States and, as such, decided to dress in his black pinstriped suit and a fedora. The impression he gave with his attire was that of a Chicago mobster of that era. Not that he objected too much to the look. He had to admit he looked smashing in a fedora.

As he walked through the main building towards his classroom, he could feel a quiver of strong anxiety running through him, feelings that were not his own. It was definitely stronger than the usual discomfort he felt from students nervous about making it to class on time or whether or not they would get a good grade on the homework assignments. Someone who had just passed him was angry, dangerously so. Looking around, he tried to locate the person but was unable to find him – he was sure that the person was male – in the melee. The feelings he'd caught from him were so strong that Alex knew in his gut that something bad was going to happen. Unfortunately, without knowing who it was he felt those emotions from, he had no idea how he would be able to prevent it or even that he should.

Shaking off the feelings, he refocused on the day ahead. "Okay, class," he called out as he walked into his classroom, putting his briefcase on his desk. "Who did their homework and read chapter fifteen in your textbook?"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

It was nearly noon and Rose's mind was elsewhere. She normally paid close attention during departmental meetings. After all, important information necessary for Torchwood's smooth running was relayed during these meetings, information that could make a difference in how agents reacted during alien encounters. But she hadn't been getting much sleep lately, tormented by nightmares she couldn't really remember. She'd also been hearing a particularly frightening sound over and again, that of gunshots and terrified screaming. She'd asked several times before when she'd heard the sound if anyone else had heard it only to get confused stares in return. The only people who didn't seem to think that Rose was completely losing her mind were her Dad, her Mum, and the Doctor. And Tony, but then he was only four years and four months old. Even Rose was starting to doubt her own sanity the more she heard the sounds.

She decided that, after the meeting, she'd go see Dr. Sullivan and see if he had anything to help quiet the sounds. At the very least, she needed something to help her sleep. She couldn't keep avoiding it for fear of waking up frightened and confused.

"Rose, what's the news concerning the negotiations with the Argelians for those minerals?" Pete's voice broke her peace, drawing her into the meeting.

"Sorry?" she questioned. Seeing him raise his eyebrows, she realized what he was asking of her. "Oh. The negotiations are going well. We should have a resolution before the end of the week."

He looked at her for a moment before nodding slightly. "Good. Any other items anyone wants to bring up?" Not getting a response, he ended the meeting, reminding everyone to keep him apprised of any new changes.

As the meeting room emptied out slowly, Pete went up to Rose. "Stay a while," he told her quietly, though he couldn't avoid his words being overheard by at least one of the exiting department heads. Once they were alone, he sat beside her at the conference table. "You weren't at the meeting." Seeing her frown, he gave her a fatherly smile. "You know what I mean. Hearing those sounds again?"

She nodded slowly, her head dropping to look to the floor. "Yeah. They're coming more often now. I'm going to see Harry about them. Maybe he can give me something to help quiet them so I can get some sleep at night."

"Have you figured out what they mean?"

"You think they mean something?"

"Don't you? This gift you have… Bad Wolf? It's shown itself in all sorts of ways in the past."

"I wouldn't call dreams and waking visions 'all sorts of ways'," she murmured.

"Still what you keep hearing is pretty specific. Unless it's changed," Pete wondered aloud, knowing that Rose would correct him if he was off-track.

"No, it's still the same. Gunshots and screaming. The only thing that's changed is me. I'm getting more and more anxious, like I'm heading somewhere and I don't know where exactly I'm going but I know that I won't like it when I get there. Like the sounds are just the beginning. Does that make sense?" Seeing that her father was trying to find a response to her words, she shook her head. "If this is some sort of premonition, it's telling me something horrible is going to happen and there's nothing I can do to stop it because I have no idea what exactly is going to happen or even where."

Pete placed his hand on her shoulder and gave her a light squeeze. "I'm sure that, whatever and whenever it is, you'll be up for it."

"I hope so, Dad," she murmured back. Standing up, she gave him a none-too-reassuring smile. "I'll be okay. Gonna go see Harry like I said."

"Okay," he responded, though he couldn't keep his concern from his voice.

Rose left the conference room and headed towards the lift, intent on going to the infirmary. As she walked, her mobile rang, the ringtone telling her that it was Alex on the other end. "Hey," she greeted as she answered the call.

"Hey," he returned, his tone cheerful. "I was wondering if you were available for lunch. We could meet around one o'clock maybe?"

She glanced at her watch as she approached the lift. "Sure. Gives me time to see Harry."

"Still not getting any sleep because of those sounds, huh."

"They're louder today. I could barely concentrate on the department meeting."

Alex gave a sympathetic groan. "Well, hopefully Harry can help you out there. Shall we meet in the park? There's a Thai restaurant nearby that just opened. I want to see what it's like."

"Sounds good." Even as she spoke, screams and gunshots could be heard echoing into Alex's phone. "Were those gunshots?" she questioned frantically, ignoring the lift as it opened.

Alex's response was firm but quiet. "Get the authorities here. Now," he ordered. "We have an armed gunman. Damn it! I saw this coming! Why didn't I do something?"

"What do you mean you saw it coming?" Rose demanded, hurrying back the way she came.

"Someone passed me earlier today. I could feel he was very very angry and I got this feeling that he was going to do something bad. I should have stopped him but I couldn't figure out who it was. I should have looked for him."

"It's not your fault. You couldn't have known he'd do this," she told him bluntly as she burst into Pete's office without knocking. She quickly put her phone on speaker so that her father could hear the other side of the conversation. "You're on speaker. Dad's here. Where are you now? Can you tell how many shooters there are?"

"Shooters?" Pete questioned with concern. He picked up his phone and dialed the London Metropolitan Police while the Doctor responded.

"I'm in the Student Hall. I'm pretty sure there's only one shooter," he said over screams of fear. "I can't see him but, from what I'm hearing, he's coming closer." His voice dropped to almost a whisper. "I see him now. He's about average height, brown hair… I'd guess early to mid…"

A shot, screaming, and a shouting voice Rose couldn't understand interrupted his words, silencing him. "Alex?" Not getting an immediate response, her voice raised with panic. "_Doctor_?"

A couple of seconds passed before he answered her plea in a forcefully calm voice. "I have to go now. I love you." A moment later, the line was dead.

"Oh, my god. Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod!" Rose repeated, her body quaking. Desperation grew in her eyes as she stared at her mobile, listening to the dial tone that replaced her beloved's voice.

Pete, torn between going to his daughter to comfort and reassure her or to stay on the phone waiting for police assistance, decided that getting Alex immediate help was far more important. The moment he reached the appropriate officer, he quickly relayed what little information he had. Once he was sure that police were on their way to the scene, he hung up and dialed another number. "Williams, gather a team and go to the Student Hall at the University of London. There's a hostage situation there. Yes, I know that's normally strictly police business but Alex Smith is there. Yes, our Alex Smith. Coordinate with DCI Helms when you get there. Take Simmonds with you."

His instructions given, he finally went over to Rose. Pulling her into his arms, he rubbed her back. "I'm sure he'll be fine," he told her, trying to keep his own concern out of his voice. While the Doctor was probably exactly where he needed to be at a time like this, he also could be completely unpredictable. And while Pete knew in his heart that the hybrid would do everything he could to ensure that everyone inside would get out alive, he tended not to consider his own life and might do something rash which would cause his own death. That was something Pete knew would shatter his daughter's heart and he didn't want her to even think of the possibility.

His hopes for that were dashed the minute Rose pushed him away roughly. "How can you say that? You know Alex. He always walks headlong into trouble! He never thinks about his own safety! And he just can't do that anymore! He can't! He can't regenerate anymore, not now that he's part human. He'll get himself killed!"

"Rose, stop it!" Pete ordered, grabbing her shoulders. "Right now, I need you to have a clear head and so does he. I know you're worried about him but so am I. The situation is bad enough as it is without us going into a panic."

"You're right. I'm sorry." Once he released her shoulders, she tucked her phone into her pocket and wiped her face with her hands, forcing her breathing to slow down. "What are we going to do?"

Understanding that her emotional state prevented her from overhearing his phone conversations, he explained, "Metro has agreed to coordinate the situation with Torchwood. I'm sending a team down there and assigning Jake to it. He's our best marksman if we have to take this guy down."

"Right," she agreed, starting for the door, determination on her face.

"Rose, you're not on the team. I've put Williams in charge."

She stopped, turning around as her determination changed into surprise. "What?!"

"Right now, in your current mental state, you're a liability. It's a conflict of interest that may cause the situation to escalate and I can't ignore that. You're forbidden from going anywhere near the university until this is resolved."

"You can't do that," she protested. "Alex is in there. I have to help him."

"It's because Alex is there that you're prohibited," he countered. "I want him safe too but taking this guy down is our number one priority. And we can't afford to allow our emotions to dictate our actions."

"You're sending Jake and he's our best friend."

"Emotional objectivity. Jake has proven time and again that he can look at situations far more objectively than you when people he cares about are involved."

"You're saying I can't be objective?"

"Not when it comes to Alex, you can't. And don't tell me that I'm being unfair. If it were Mark in there, I certainly wouldn't let Jake on the team, no matter how objective he can be, and you know it," he emphasized, referring to Jake's domestic partner. He exhaled with frustrated concern. "Rose, please, stay out of this. Your mother and Alex would never forgive me if anything happened to you. And I would never forgive myself."

Rose crossed her arms, clearly upset by Pete's decision. "You can't stop me from going."

"That may be so but you're still not on the team." He sighed, conceding strictly because he knew her sheer stubbornness wouldn't keep her away. "Okay. If you want to be there, fine. But if you interfere in any way, Williams has full authority to restrain you by any means necessary. Do you understand?" Seeing the hesitation in her eyes, he pressed, "Unless you want to be restricted here. I can put a guard on you if necessary."

She exhaled with reluctant agreement to his conditions, knowing that it was better than being stuck in Torchwood Tower, completely helpless. "I won't interfere. I'll just be there to advise and support. I promise."

"Good. You do that. Bring Alex home."

She nodded her understanding and hurried out the room while Pete once again contacted Williams with further instructions.

OOOOOOOOOOOOO

The bullet had embedded itself just left of the Doctor's shoulder into the wall behind him, silencing him in mid-sentence.

"Put down the phone, Dr. Smith! Now!" the shooter demanded over screams of terror. He was an average looking young man, between the ages of twenty and twenty-five. His hands shook as he held the semi-automatic handgun, telling Alex just how much of an itchy trigger finger he had.

"I have to go now. I love you," the Doctor told Rose as calmly as he could before he ended the call.

"Put it on the floor and kick it away from you!"

He obeyed slowly, making sure that his hands could easily be seen. When the mobile was far enough away from him to satisfy the assailant, he took a breath, deciding that someone had to get control of the situation. "I know that you're in charge here. And I know you know the police are coming. When they arrive, it will be up to you how all this turns out. My suggestion – and it's just a suggestion – my suggestion is that you surrender."

"You called the police?!"

"No. No," Alex replied quickly, seeing the man growing more agitated. "I was making a lunch date with my girlfriend. But she heard those shots you fired. She heard the screaming. She has connections and I have no doubt that she is using those connections right now to bring a whole lot of trouble down on you, namely the police and Torchwood. Now this can go very smoothly or very poorly. Which would you rather it be?"

The young man seemed confused for a moment before renewed determination came to his eyes. He aimed his gun more firmly at the Doctor. "Shut up! Get over here and sit down! Now!"

Alex carefully made his way to the gunman and sat down where indicated. Given how antsy the shooter was, the hybrid decided that keeping silent was the best course of action for the time being. Taking off his fedora so that it didn't interfere with his observations, he looked around the hall to assess the situation more closely, searching for a way to get everyone one out alive. Fortunately, being the summer semester and a Friday, the Student Hall wasn't nearly as full as it had been when he first toured the campus, around the same time of day, after being hired. The hall currently had about twenty people in it, all of them either sitting or laying on the floor. He couldn't tell if any of the ones lying down had been shot or injured but he knew the whole room was tense with fear of the man with the gun. They had every right to be afraid of him, Alex concluded when he noted that there were at least three more bullet clips in the man's pockets. The shooter had come prepared for the long haul.

Turning his attention back to his fellow captives, Alex identified as many people as he could. He saw a fellow teacher lying on the floor. Again, from where he was seated, he couldn't tell if he had been killed or was injured. A couple of his own students were in the room, one of them a particularly bright young woman named Shelley Bancroft. She was excelling in his History class and, if her choice of classes was any indication, would probably graduate summa cum laude. He certainly always looked forward to reading and grading her papers. She always had a unique insight into what important figures from the past had thought and why they did what they did.

The sound of sirens grew louder, telling all that the police were arriving on the scene. The Doctor looked on the assailant, trying to figure out who he was and why he was doing this rash deed. He guessed that, based on the man's age, he was a student but he never recalled seeing him before. The man obviously knew who he was; he addressed Alex by name. But then a lot of people knew his face thanks to the tabloids. He needed more information and he wasn't going to be able to get it keeping silent. Neither was he willing to get himself shot by speaking out of turn.

Raising his hand, he waited until the man saw him.

"What's with the raised hand?" the shooter demanded.

"You didn't want me to speak before so I figured I should ask for permission. May I ask one question?"

The man gazed at him, his expression indicating annoyance, anxiety, and surprise. "All right."

Alex lowered his hand with the permission given. "Why?" Seeing the confusion look on the assailant's face, he clarified, "Why are you doing this? Why did you shoot people? Why are you holding us hostage? What is it that you want?"

"That's five questions."

"Your expression indicated that you wanted clarification on the first one."

The man glared at him. "None of your business."

"Actually, given that you're holding all of us hostage, it _is_ our business. I think we deserve to know why our lives are at your mercy. So, what is it that you want?" He paused, watching the man carefully. "The police are going to find a way to negotiate with you, to find out what it is that you want. I can help."

"Can you?" the shooter demanded sarcastically. "Can you bring her back from the dead? My fiancée died because people like you convinced her that she could make a difference in the world and she went on that university sanctioned mission and now she's dead because of it! So, can you bring her back? Can you?!"

The Doctor remembered the mission the man was referring to. Three weeks before, a group of students had gone with their Archeology professor with the intention of exploring some newly uncovered ruins in Turkey and to assist in the recovery there after the country was hit by a massive earthquake. Their plane had crashed on approach into Istanbul. There were no survivors. The crash was still being investigated but there was already talk that it was a terrorist attack. The hybrid gazed on the man, saddened by the revelation of his heart. "No. No, I can't. I'm sorry."

"Then shut the hell up."

Alex obeyed, once again deciding that he needed to spend his time observing the assailant in order to try to determine his intent.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

It had taken the police ten minutes to get to the university and to cordon off the area. Ten minutes after that, Torchwood arrived and Williams took control of the situation, working with the most senior officer, DCI Helms, on the scene to determine exactly what the situation was inside the Student Hall while coordinating an evacuation of the rest of the campus. Jake Simmonds immediately went to coordinate a joint group of Torchwood and police officers, positioning themselves in key positions in case they needed to infiltrate the building.

Together, Torchwood and Metro accessed CCTV inside the building and found images of the assailant shooting students. From the footage, it was clear that there were at least ten people dead. On the plus side, the video helped them to identify the assailant. His name was Kyle Martin and he was a student at the university, working on his Bachelor's in Business Management. However, despite repeated attempts to talk to the assailant, it appeared that Kyle wasn't interested in negotiations. It was only after Kyle's brother Adam showed at the scene that they found out Kyle's fiancée Tamara Parrish had been killed in the tragic plane crash in Turkey. Adam informed them that Kyle had been in a deep depression since the crash and had talked about getting back at the university for letting Tamara and her friends go on the trip. Of course, Adam hadn't thought that Kyle would actually go through with his talk, especially since he seemed to be coping with the accident only a few days before.

Rose found herself sitting at the far end of the command center, drinking coffee and generally wishing that she could help in some way. She was starting to think maybe her father was right in wanting her to stay at Torchwood Tower. At least there she could attempt to distract herself. The only thing she could do was listen in on the discussions between Helms and Williams. And from the way that Williams continued to make sure that she was within eyesight, it was clear that Pete had given him instructions to keep her safe.

"He's not going to let those people in there go," DCI Helms said as he and Williams reviewed their options. "He as good as said so when we tried to negotiate with him and he refused."

"Well, he's got to want something other than revenge or he would've done something by now," he replied, pushing down the growing fear in his gut that this situation would end badly with even more people dead.

"Some people just want to be noticed, want to feel as if they have some kind of control over the uncontrollable," came the DCI's counterargument. "He lost his fiancée so he wants the rest of the world to feel his pain."

Rose gained a look of realization as they spoke and abruptly interrupted. "No, that's not it. He wants to be released from his own pain. He's had his revenge and now he's waiting for us to do what we have to do to stop him. And if we don't act soon, he'll start shooting again just to force us."

"So, he's suicidal," Helms agreed reluctantly. "Damn. Looks like the only way we're going to end this is if we do it his way and send in our men." He lifted his radio and gave the order to move in with instructions to avoid killing Martin unless it was absolutely necessary. "If this gets as ugly as we think it will, I hope your man is as good a shot as you say he is," he told Williams.

"He is," he responded, his tone somber with the awareness that there would be more bloodshed in only a few minutes time. He glanced at Rose and noted how her hands tightened slightly around the cup she was holding. There was no doubt that she knew things were going to get bad quickly.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

At the same time as Torchwood and the police were realizing Kyle Martin's purpose in holding the hostages in the Student Hall, Alex was coming to the same conclusion. He'd listened to Kyle's rejections towards negotiations, learning the man's name in the process. However, the more the man refused to talk, the tighter Alex's stomach got. It was the only thing that made sense with the evidence. Apparently, in Kyle's view, living another day without her just wasn't an option. But then why not just commit suicide at home? Why drag innocent people into it? Again, the reason was clear when he thought about it. He blamed the school for his fiancée's death so he was making the school pay first.

Alex again looked around the room. He noted that a student had covered the prone teacher's head, telling him that his colleague had died. One female student continually burst into tears, causing her friend to shush her into silence regularly. People coughed nervously as they awaited their fate. A small group of five students decided that nothing was going to happen so they might as well play a card game until they could get on with their day. And Shelley Bancroft did her best to support the people around her while keeping a wary eye on Martin. The hybrid gave her a gentle smile of approval when he was sure that she could see him but Martin could not.

After yet another attempt by the police to contact Martin, Alex knew he needed to do something to end the situation as peacefully as possible. The police would only try negotiations so many times before they started to send in men with guns. And when that happened, there was going to be more people dead.

"You know, I think the police would be more willing to listen to you if you let people go," he told Martin. Not getting a response, he pressed gently, "Kyle, I don't think she would want you to do this." A moment later, the gun was pressed into his forehead, causing students to scream in fear. The card game was instantly forgotten.

Alex swallowed tightly, fear of his own death flying through his mind as he forced himself to be calm. "You want to kill me, Kyle? Okay, fine. Just let the rest go. You obviously see me as representing the school and you hate the school for what happened to your fiancée. If killing me will stop this, then do it. Just let the others go." He looked up into the man's eyes, praying that he would finally see sense and stop the madness in order to avoid taking another life.

The look in Martin's eyes, however, showed serious intent. He looked away from Alex for a moment before returning the intense glare. "You represent the university well, Dr. Smith. All that talk meaning nothing. So, no, I don't want to kill you. I want you to feel the pain I've been living with for the last three weeks." Without further word, he turned the gun onto the students and started firing.

"No!" Alex screamed, scrambling frantically to get to his feet and stop the bloodshed. Before he could get near him, he saw the back of Martin's head explode with blood just before the shooter collapsed to the floor, dead. Trying desperately to get air into his lungs – why wasn't his respiratory bypass system working? – he choked back sobs as he looked around.

Martin had succeeded in killing three people before being killed himself with a single bullet to his head.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The mixed team of SWAT officers and Torchwood agents entered the building quietly as the command center sent one more request for negotiation into the building, gaining nothing but an emphatic negative from Kyle Martin. Receiving permission to proceed from command, the team quickly positioned themselves to enter the Student Hall from various locations, thus maximizing their chances of taking down their objective before more lives could be lost.

However, when Jake saw Martin force his gun into Alex's forehead, he knew things were about to get very ugly. Martin had obviously been waiting for the police to storm the building so that he could finish what he started. Without waiting for yet another okay to move in, he ordered the team into the building, quickly picking a spot on the second floor walkway to make his shot. When shooter saw the team enter, he said something to Alex and then proceeded to shoot students. Jake had no choice but to shoot Martin dead, his precision marksmanship finishing the job quickly. On a personal level, Jake was glad that Martin hadn't shot Alex the minute the team entered.

"Suspect down," he informed the command center on his radio. "We're assessing the condition of the hostages. At least three were shot when we moved in. Let Agent Tyler know Dr. Smith is safe." Making his way down with the rest of his team, he joined the ones that had entered on ground level to check the frightened people there. He immediately went to Alex, who was standing over the body of a young woman.

The older man shook from pent up emotion, as he gazed on the woman. "Shelley was twenty years old," he said quietly as Jake put a hand on his shoulder. "She was so brave. Didn't once scream. Swallowed the fear she was feeling to help others cope. She was brilliant too. She had… a unique view of the world. And I killed her." His voice tightened as he finished.

"You didn't kill her, Alex," Jake told him softly. "That bastard did."

"I talked too much. Kept trying to get him to open up, to negotiate through me. All I did was make him want to hurt me and he could see how much I cared about these people, especially for Shelley. If I'd just kept my mouth shut, she'd still be alive."

Seeing that he wasn't going to convince the hybrid otherwise and knowing that he had other people to attend to, Jake squeezed his shoulder, showing his support in the action. Then, leaving Alex to his mourning, he went to ensure the calm and organized evacuation of the building.

It was fifteen minutes before Alex found himself sitting in a folding chair, a cup of tea growing cold in his hands as a police officer questioned him at length but with great patience on what had happened in the building. He could see through the entrance to the tent where he was sitting that Rose was just outside, waiting impatiently for permission to come in to see him. Once the officer had gotten as much information from the hybrid as he could and had moved onto the next survivor, and once the nurse there had cleared Alex of any medical problems, Rose was finally allowed in.

"Hey," she said quietly, sitting near him. He hummed an acknowledgement of her greeting. "Jake found your mobile," she told him, offering the piece of technology to him. Silently, he accepted it and slipped it into his jacket pocket. The tension in his body worried her, though she wasn't surprised by it. She knew he'd been through an ordeal that she doubted she would completely understand. Nevertheless, it hurt to see him so withdrawn. "You okay?" she questioned, immediately wishing she hadn't asked because the answer was obvious.

"Oh, I'm peachy," he responded sarcastically. "I only spent the last three hours being held captive by a man determined to get himself killed and to take several people with him in the process." Saying his thoughts aloud acted like a sledgehammer to the wall he'd been building around his psyche. He wrapped an arm around his torso and hid his head with his other arm, taking in a shaky breath. "Oh, gawd. I… I…" He sniffed as tears welled up.

Rose, knowing the Doctor so well, reached over and gently took his hand from his head. "It's not your fault," she told him gently. Seeing him begin to negate her statement, she reaffirmed, "It's not. He still would have killed people. And maybe a lot more people would have died if you hadn't been there to keep him calm."

"I didn't keep him calm. I aggravated him," he countered in a shaky voice.

"That's not what the others say and I believe them. You saved lives back there."

It was clear in his eyes, however, that he didn't believe her. Pulling his hand from hers, he ran it through his hair and then down his face. He took several more shaky breaths before finally looking in her eyes. "I want to go home."

"Mine or yours?"

"Mine. I don't… I can't be around people for a while," he admitted.

She looked on him with growing concern before telling him that she would check if it was okay for him to leave. Gaining authorization for his departure from Williams, she escorted him to her SUV and drove him home.

"The Grand Dean says that he's going to close the campus next week in memory of the lives lost," she informed him on the way to the studio apartment. She glanced at him to confirm that he was listening to her. "He's also providing counselors in case anyone feels like they need to talk. I think maybe you should consider talking to Laurel." Although it was clear he had heard her, he didn't respond. She let the matter drop until they arrived at his home.

Making sure that he got up to the apartment safely, she hesitated as she started back towards the SUV. "You sure you don't want company?"

"I'm sure," he replied, his voice quiet and forlorn.

"Okay. Well, you give me a call. Let me know you're okay."

"I will."

"Love you."

He muttered a return of the affectionate statement before closing the door, effectively ending the conversation.

Rose stood just outside his door, torn between insisting on being with him and letting him handle his feelings on his own. Glancing at her watch, she noted that it was nearly dinner time. She decided that she would wait a few hours and then call. Once she was assured that he was safe, physically if not mentally, then she would be able to at least try to get some sleep. Reluctantly, she returned to her SUV and returned to her own home, glad that she lived close by.

At first, Alex merely sat on his couch, staring at nothing in particular. His mind was racing as it replayed the events of that afternoon over and again. He didn't understand why he'd survived and those three students hadn't. He was the one that wouldn't be quiet, who kept trying to get Kyle Martin to negotiate. Even after Martin had told him that he wanted Alex to suffer, it didn't make sense to the hybrid. Eventually, the memories became too much and Alex crawled into a corner and wept, wishing that he could somehow change what had happened. The knowledge that he couldn't only made the feelings of guilt grow, crowding his mind.

He tried to distract himself by ordering a pizza, knowing that he hadn't eaten since breakfast and hoping that the ordinary act would help him cope with his feelings. The only result of his endeavors was a cold untouched pizza sitting on the kitchen counter since the hybrid couldn't find the appetite to take even one slice. Finally, he decided that he needed more than a distraction; he needed relief.

Going into the kitchen, he located and pulled down the jar of antipsychotic powder that he kept in the back on a top shelf. Since reducing his intake to recreational levels, he preferred to take the drug a teaspoon at a time in a cup of hot tea no more than once a week. Now, he dished out three teaspoons and dissolved it in a tall glass of tap water. He nearly gagged drinking the concoction but nonetheless finished it, making sure that there was no residue left at the bottom of the glass. Then, ignoring that he left the drug out on the kitchen counter, he made his way to his bed and, kicking off his trainers, slumped down on it. Briefly, he realized that he was still dressed in his black pinstriped suit and that his fedora was likely still in the Student Hall. "Damn. I liked that fedora," he muttered to himself as he started to feel the effects of the drug.

He'd never take such a large dose without building up to it over several months so he was surprised with the result. He felt as if he were floating and the entire universe was whipping around him, exhilarating him. He could easily see how attractive the sensation was to those Time Lords who decided to use the drug. "Yes," he sighed with approval. "Oh, yes." He smiled, closing his eyes so that he could better experience the high he was obviously on. He was so enraptured by the sensations that he didn't hear the sound of his mobile ringing.


	22. Chapter 20

_Hello, again! I know you're excited that I posted another chapter. And I know it's been forever so thank you so much for sticking around for me. I am working on finishing this book and getting the next book ready to start posting but life is still getting in the way of literary ambitions. I hope to have the next chapter posted before Halloween._

_Bit of a warning for this chapter. There is foul language in it. _

**Chapter 20**

When Alex didn't answer his phone, Rose forced away the urge to hurry over to his place to check on him. He had stated quite clearly that he didn't want company – twice in fact – and, although she wanted to be there for him, she knew that she had to respect his wishes on the matter. Besides, as Jackie had pointed out when Rose called her to voice her concerns, he likely was asleep when she called which would explain why he didn't answer. If she had gone over and disturbed him from his rest, the half-Gallifreyan would probably be upset with her, thinking that she thought he couldn't take care of himself.

So Rose let the matter go. She spent the night staring at the television, watching the news coverage of the University of London Massacre. Now that the tragedy occurred, the disturbing sounds she'd been hearing were gone, verifying that they had been a premonition of the incident. It wasn't much of a comfort to her however. Kyle Martin had killed sixteen people, including himself, and had wounded seven. The news went into detail about his motives and seemed intent on focusing on the fact that Alex was one of the hostages simply because he was Rose Tyler's boyfriend. She hoped he hadn't turned on the television. She knew the last thing he would want was to be in the spotlight again just because of his relationship with her.

She hardly slept that night, worry about Alex keeping her from doing so. When morning came, she forced herself not to immediately call him, trying to give him the privacy he wanted. To keep herself occupied, she went into work despite it being a Saturday and with the knowledge that she would get a lot of attention for being there. Surprisingly, most of her colleagues respected that she didn't want to talk about what happened the day before. She supposed that, in a way, they were coping with what happened as well. After all, Alex was a friend to many at Torchwood, even though he no longer wished to work there.

By four o'clock in the afternoon, Rose had done everything she could possibly do and could find no excuse to remain at work. When Pete insisted that she come to the mansion for dinner, she was tempted to reject the offer but realized that his request was more like an order. It was only when she actually got through the front door and was hugged by Jackie that she realized just how much she needed to be with her family. She was still worried about Alex but dinner with Pete, Jackie and Tony reminded her that she wasn't alone in her worrying.

After dinner, however, her anxiety concerning Alex hit a peak. Rose finally decided that she couldn't hold back anymore. She needed to know that the man was all right one way or the other and, surprising to her, her mum and dad concurred. Pulling out her phone, she dialed his mobile and waited for him to pick up.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Alex woke late the next morning, feeling invigorated. It was as if he had a massive amount of energy stored in his body and needed to let it out or it would come out on its own with dire consequences. Any feelings of depression he had the previous day seemed to vanish as he jumped up off the bed and quickly took off his worn suit. Popping into the shower, he found himself whistling as he rushed through the activity and then scrubbed himself dry. He laughed at his own reflection, noting how his hair stuck up in all directions like porcupine quills, before slicking a large amount of gel on it to force it down. Then, after getting dressed quickly, he realized that he was famished, understandable since he hadn't eaten in the last thirty hours.

Going to the kitchen, he noted the box of untouched pizza still on the counter and grimaced. Deciding that it was probably not a good idea for him to eat something that had been sitting out for several hours, he tossed the whole thing before rummaging through his cabinets and refrigerator for something to make. As a result, because cooking was one of his great joys, he spent three hours making his late lunch, which was a fine cut of steak perfectly seasoned and cooked, a side of fresh asparagus with a delicate cream sauce, and a dessert of hot lava chocolate cake.

After he finished eating the meal, he found himself needing yet another activity. Once he'd put his dishes into the sink to clean them, he turned his attention to his stereo system which he suddenly found inadequate in sound quality. He was in the middle of taking the piece of technology apart using his sonic screwdriver when his mobile rang.

Pressing the talk button, he tucked the phone between his ear and shoulder so that he could continue to fiddle with the stereo as he spoke. "Hello, Rose!" he greeted.

"Hi," Rose responded, surprised by the happiness in her boyfriend's voice. "I was just calling to see how you were doing."

"I'm fine. How are you?"

"I'm fine," she told him, becoming a little concerned by his tone. Surely he couldn't have recovered from the tragedy so quickly. "Still a little shook up by what happened yesterday. Tried to keep myself distracted by going into work. Didn't really help but at least it was something to do. Mum and Dad insisted that I come to the mansion for dinner. I have to admit, being around family helps."

"Well, your parents are good people. Glad they're there for you."

"What about you, though? I mean, how are you coping, really?"

Alex put down the wire he was sonicking and took his phone in hand, his attention completely on the conversation at that moment. "Rose, I'm fine. Honest. I just need some time alone. The only reason I even answered the phone was because you were calling and I did promise to assure you that I'm okay. So, I'm assuring you. I'm okay. Okay?"

"I don't know," she replied, a knot growing in her stomach that something was wrong. "You just… well, you sound different."

"Well, having a near death experience can do that to you." He could feel himself growing more agitated the long he spoke with Rose. "I just really want to be alone for a few days."

"A few… days?" she asked incredulously.

"When I'm ready to talk, I'll let you know."

Rose tucked her head, trying to understand the situation from his point of view. "Okay. But I'll check on you in a couple of days, see how you are doing."

"Fine. Now, go have a good time with your family. Good night." He shut off the phone without waiting for her response and tossed it on the couch. Before he had answered the call, his day had been like one big ice cream sundae: sweet, tasty and probably the best thing he could have asked for after the miserable day he'd had yesterday. He'd wanted to hear Rose's voice, hoping that it would be the whipped cream on his sundae. It turned out, however, the call was more like someone dumped sour pickle juice on his ice cream. His good mood had vanished quickly.

Trying to regain the mood, he turned back to the stereo to find what had been fun before was now frustrating. Standing, he kicked the disassembled mass of plastic and wires before slumping into the couch. It was only after staring at the failed sonic project for over half an hour that he realized that the talk with Rose wasn't entirely to blame for his bad mood. The high he'd been on since the night before was going away, a sure sign that he was starting to go into withdrawal. The shaking of his hands was the proof that he needed. And withdrawal meant that he'd be depressed once again and forced to relive the shooting at the university.

"I can't deal with this," he stated, despite there was no one to listen to him. "I can't." Rubbing his face with his hands, he stood up and went into the kitchen. Again mixing a large quantity of antipsychotic with water, he swallowed the liquid remedy to his ills, knowing that it would soon take root in his mind.

Going to his bed, he laid down just as he had the previous night and waiting for the medicine to kick in. When it did, he sighed with contentment. He knew that feeling the need to take the drug again in less than twenty-four hours meant that he'd allowed himself to fall into full blown relapse. He also knew that, at that moment, he didn't care.

The next couple of days were pretty much repetitious. Alex managed to readjust the times he needed a boost of antipsychotic so that it was one large dose in the morning and one in the early evening. He got up every morning, ate too much, fiddle with things that didn't need to be fiddled with, and generally tried to find distraction in his solitude. By the third day, however, he was finding the walls of his apartment to be too confining, especially since he was starting to run out of things he could make for breakfast, lunch, tea, dinner, second tea, and midnight snack. He needed to get out and either go buy more groceries or find sustenance outside the apartment.

As it was, he chose the latter and, leaving the apartment for the first time since the tragedy, he set out to find something to eat. Once he was out, however, he changed his mind about his goal and decided to explore London's nightlife. He found a dance club in the middle of downtown which he thought would look interesting to investigate. The moment he entered, the thumping of the bass filled his ears, bringing a smile to his face. He seemed to have some memories of being in dance clubs but, given that he couldn't recall the details, he assumed they were memories he inherited from Donna.

Going up to the bar, he ordered a beer; he'd found that he was rather fond of the drink a few centuries before when he had visited October Fest 2246 in New Germany. Once he had his desired alcoholic beverage, he found a table off the dance floor where he could people watch, commenting to himself about how different things were in the club in comparison to some of the cultures he'd seen on other worlds.

The night was passing to his liking when a feminine voice interrupted his observations. "What's a cute bloke like you not doing on the floor? First time here?"

Alex turned to the woman who had sat at his table, giving her a smile. "Actually – well, technically really – this is the first time I've ever been in a dance club."

"Seriously? You've never been in a dance club? Not one?"

"Nope!" he answered, emphasizing the "p". "Well, I frequented them in a previous life, sort of. When I was a female red-head."

"You believe in reincarnation?"

"Sort of," he replied, mentally deciding that regeneration and biological meta-crises were a bit like reincarnation.

"Me too!" the woman exclaimed. "You know, I was Egyptian royalty in a previous life."

"Really?"

"Yeah, wizard, huh?"

He smiled at her choice of words, appreciating her enthusiasm. "Very wizard."

"Hey, you wanna dance?"

He shrugged. "Why not?" Taking the woman's hand, whose name he never did learn, he allowed her to escort him to the dance floor.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Rose hadn't heard from Alex in over a week. He didn't show up for the memorial service for the victims of the University of London Massacre, which surprised the students and staff present. When the school reopened a week later, he didn't come into any of his classes, forcing the Dean of the School of Arts to hire a temp. On top of everything, the last time he answered his phone, it was to bluntly tell Rose to "fuck off", words she had never heard from his lips before. Although his words infuriated her, sending her into an angry rage in her mum's kitchen, Jackie convinced her that Alex's attitude change had to be both an expression of grief and self-loathing, an unconscious cry for help. The matriarch encouraged Rose to go find out in person what was going on with him, especially since he'd been so good to Rose for the last couple of months.

Deciding that the best way to handle the situation was to impose herself on his world – and figuring that his pantry was probably starting to go empty – Rose went to the grocer's to collect those items she needed to make a meal. Standing in the check-out, she noticed one of the weekly rags and nearly dropped the eggs that were in her hand. On the cover was Alex, two voluptuous and barely-clad women on his arms, smiling as he walked out of what was clearly a strip club. The headline screamed, "Alex Smith cheats on Rose Tyler! Vitex heiress heartbroken once again. Will this be the end?"

"Oh, my gawd!" Rose stated, clearly stunned. She grabbed one of the papers and put it on her bill, gaining a sympathetic look from the cashier which she ignored. Then hurrying to the car, she practically threw her purchases and herself in before racing to Alex's apartment. Taking just the paper, she marched to his door and pounded on it, demanding his immediate attention. It took a full two minutes before the door finally swung open, revealing a bedraggled half-Gallifreyan.

"Shit! I thought you were the landlord," Alex grumbled, turning and headed towards the kitchen. "I think the rent's late."

Rose followed, frustrated about the time it took to get the Doctor's attention and angry that he shrugged off her presence so easily when they hadn't seen each other for so long. It didn't help in the least that he once again used a word she had never thought he would ever use. To add to the dilemma, there was an odd odor in the apartment, as if he had been performing chemistry experiments without the benefit of a lab. Something was definitely wrong and she wasn't going to leave until she got to the bottom of it. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" she demanded.

"Making something to eat. I'm starving," he told her bluntly as he opened the refrigerator and pulled out a box of leftover Chinese food, which he promptly tossed into the microwave.

"I'm talking about this!" she told him, lifting the paper so that it was easily seen by him.

He blinked at the cover for a moment. "I don't remember doing that. Looks like I had fun though," he finished with a grin.

Slamming the paper on the kitchen counter, she marched up to him and slapped him hard. "Bastard. I've been trying to get hold of you all week and the one time that I actually succeed, you tell me to 'fuck off'! I expect that kind of language from me or Jake but not from you! And then, while making me think that you're recovering from what happened at the University, you go to a strip club! Worse, you let yourself be noticed by the paparazzi! You break my heart and you damage not only your reputation but that of me, Dad, Mum, all of Vitex and Torchwood. The Doctor I know would never have done that! It's like you've completely lost your mind. What the hell has happened to you?"

As she spoke, his face grew more somber and his jaw tightened in fury. He turned from her, trying to hide the emotions that were welling up inside him. He wasn't angry with her for her rant. After all, the evidence that said he'd lost all control of himself was in newspaper ink and lying on his kitchen counter. The rage he was feeling was strictly aimed at himself. How could he possibly have thought that he could continue down the path he'd be on? The answer was shockingly obvious to him. He hadn't been thinking at all; he'd been acting on sheer desperation, wanting to escape from reality. However, escape was just an illusion and reality was standing in his kitchen with him, demanding an explanation.

The microwave beeped, telling both the Doctor and Rose that the Chinese food had been reheated and was ready for eating. Neither moved to answer its call.

"Go away, Rose," Alex finally said, self-loathing now clear on his features. "You don't deserve me. I've never been the man you want and I never will be. I've always been and always will be a rubbish Human and a messed up Time Lord and you ought to have better. My brother was wrong in leaving me here with you. He should've kicked me out of the TARDIS and let me burn on the Crucible with Davros."

Rose's heart dropped at his words. She had expected him to react with equally heated anger, not with blatant self-loathing. She didn't know exactly why he suddenly was talking about himself as if he were an abomination, especially after all these months of seeming to have come to terms with who he was. Her first thought was that, despite the assurances from both Dr. Gentillini and Dr. Sullivan of his being cured, he had relapsed into bipolar disorder, possibly from the trauma of what he'd endured during the University of London Massacre. While she couldn't completely discount the idea – it certainly would explain his actions for the last week – she didn't think that was the root of the problem, though she didn't know why she held that belief. She noticed the way his hands had started to shake as he spoke. Once again, while the symptom could have been a result of intense emotions, her gut was telling her that it was due to something else.

Swallowing down her anger towards him, she decided it was time to find out, once and for all, what was the matter with Alex Smith that needed to be fixed. "You're not rubbish," she contradicted him, knowing from the past that doing so would get him to start expounding on why she was wrong.

"Yes, I am. Look at me!" he shouted back, turning to face her. "I can't do anything right! Tell me one thing – just one thing! – that I've done right."

She straightened, glad that her goading paid off. "I don't think just one thing will cover it. Doctor, you're amazing… even if you can be a prick." Seeing him cringe at her words, she pressed on, "You're great with Tony…"

"He's a child and I act like a child. Of course, we get along."

"You wrote Torchwood's verbal translation software…"

"…which made it possible for Aderyn to become a member of Torchwood and create a deadly biological weapon with which she accidentally killed herself."

"That wasn't your fault. Your software has vastly improved our relations with extraterrestrial species. And the work you did in Research and Development helped us identify hundreds of alien artifacts which would have been dangerous if not identified properly."

"They would have been identified properly eventually. You don't have idiots in Torchwood," he argued, leaning against the refrigerator.

"Okay. If you're going to knock everything good you did for Torchwood, which is a hell of a lot even if you didn't get to go into the field like you wanted, what about the University?" The Doctor groaned but Rose ignored it. "I've talked to the Grand Dean and some of the students…"

"When did you do that?" he questioned with a frown.

"After the massacre while I was waiting to see you. They told me you're one of the most popular professors on campus and one of the best."

"Right," he grunted in disagreement. "I teach my classes as if it were an afternoon circus, walking around in fancy dress and acting like I actually know what I'm talking about. There are a ton of professors there who actually earned their degrees and are a hell of a lot better at their job than I am."

"And then there's the massacre itself. If you hadn't been there to keep Martin calm, a lot more people would have been killed."

"It didn't keep him calm. I agitated him," Alex contradicted with clenched teeth, the reminder of the tragedy bringing back the hatred he felt for himself.

"You kept him thinking rather than acting," Rose emphasized. "I've seen the CCTV footage from the Student Hall. I know exactly what you did. The whole world knows how you saved lives by keeping a cool head. If it had been someone else in that room, Kyle Martin might have killed everyone in the building and instead of sixteen dead we would have had thirty."

There was a long silence in the room as Alex bit his lip, tears forming in his eyes. "I could have saved them. I failed." He sniffed loudly, shaking his head. "I can't do this. I can't." Marching around Rose, he hurried to the bathroom. Rose followed quickly, determined to help but finding herself blocked out by a closed and locked door.

There was a snap, a rip and other sounds that Rose couldn't identify, prompting her to call out. "Doctor?"

"Don't call me that! I'm nothing like my brother! Nothing!" The crash of breaking glass filtered through the door.

Remembering the last time Alex had such a massive emotional outburst in a locked bathroom, Rose immediately went into action. Glancing at the door handle, she identified it as being a push-lock. She rushed to Alex's bedroom and located one of his lapel pins he liked to wear. Returning to the bathroom door, she unlatched the pin and pushed the sharp end into the hole on the door handle, thus unlocking it. She hurriedly opened the door to see Alex sitting on the closed toilet, shaking with obvious shame. A string of blue elastic was wrapped tightly just above his elbow. Rose also noticed the small cluster of pinpoints below his joint, indicating where needles had been inserted. The final piece of evidence was a shattered syringe on the bathroom floor.

"Oh, my gawd!" she breathed. She covered her mouth, unable to find words suitable for the scene before her. She had known that something was terribly wrong but she wouldn't have, in her wildest dreams, imagined it to be drug use.

"I'm sorry, Rose. I'm so sorry," he murmured, turning his head away so that he wouldn't have to see the expression on her face. "I thought I could control it. And I was for a while. But then Kyle Martin happened and… and… I couldn't handle it. I went too far and now… I can't go back."

Lowering her hand finally, she licked her lips to moisten them, forcing down her emotions. "What are you taking? When did this start?"

"October of last year," he admitted. "It was pills then but I eventually turned to a dissolvable powder. Injections only started in the last week because the dosage became too slow-acting for me." He dropped his head. "I'm up to four injections every day."

"October of last year? But… that's just after Bad Wolf Bay." Seeing him nod his confirmation, her mind raced to understand what had happened then that she had missed. "You spent time in the hospital recovering from TARDIS withdrawal when we found out that you were bipolar and Laurel prescribed that antipsychotic to you. But you're not bipolar anymore and antipsychotics are non-addictive so I don't see…"

"They're addictive to Time Lords," he interrupted, correcting her thought process. "I never told Harry or Laurel."

"Why not?" she exclaimed, stunned by the revelation.

"I was desperate," he growled as he removed the blue elastic from his arm. "The silence and the noise were driving me mad. You saw what it did to me, causing my emotions to run everywhere, making me hyperactive one minute and suicidal in the next. I was scared and desperate and would've taken anything to stop the insanity. I consoled myself with the knowledge that I'm half-Human. Told myself that I wouldn't become addicted because of that side of my biology. I was wrong. If anything, it made it worse."

"So does that mean you're still bipolar after all but now have this addiction on top of it, hiding the bipolar disorder from Laurel's scans?"

"No, I'm not bipolar anymore. Laurel and Harry were correct in their interpretation of their data concerning that. What they didn't know was that the excess drug that would have been used to treat bipolar disorder was being converted into the addictive substance that's the bane of my life now. They never saw it on their scans. The problem is that the more I take it, the more I need it. I took some pretty drastic steps to get the drug too. I tried to wean myself from it when they discovered I was cured from bipolar disorder. It was working too. I was getting better. I stopped being such an ass towards you."

"Yes, you did," she agreed.

Alex nodded, thankful that she understood what he was telling her. He could see that she was still emotionally hurt by his actions but was willing to listen. "I was almost completely free of the addiction when… the massacre happened. I couldn't handle it. So I buried myself by getting as high as I possibly could. The addiction took over my life. I don't remember doing what you saw in the tabloid. I really don't. I remember you calling me but I don't remember what I said to you. It's like I'm Jekyll and Hyde and I don't remember what Hyde does."

"How high are your doses?"

"About the equivalent of four pills. I'm not sure of the exact measurement."

"So you're taking about sixteen pills every day?" she asked incredulously. "It's a miracle you're not dead!"

"I know," he whispered. He crossed his arms, withdrawing physically. "I'm sorry I'm not the man you want. I tried to make you proud of me, to act in a way that would make my brother proud and I failed. I'll help you find a way back to him."

For the second time that evening, Rose's heart dropped. She knew Alex had always had some self-hatred, feeling that he would never be equal to his full Time Lord counterpart. There had always been an odd glaze in his eyes every time someone called him Doctor, though he answered to it just as well as his chosen name. She had always thought it was a kind of mild and meaningless jealousy. It was obvious now that, in spite of the various times that she told him how much she loved him, the half-Gallifreyan never truly believed she loved him more than she did the Time Lord. She had a feeling that this was her one chance to finally prove him wrong.

Kneeling in front of him, she took his hands, forcing him to release his tight hold on himself. Gently, she kissed his palms before looking into his eyes. "Dr. Alexander Wilfred Smith, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, not the Time Lord who calls himself the Doctor."

He stared at her for a long moment as if she had lost her mind. "I just confessed to being a hopeless addict who lied about his addiction for almost a year and you still profess to want me? I'm not _him_, Rose. I will _never_ be anything like him."

"That's where you're wrong. You're more like him than you can imagine. But if I truly wanted the Time Lord, I would've been looking for a way to go back to him this whole time. But I haven't been. I've been with you. You're precisely what he said you'd be: the best of both worlds, the man I need you to be. At least, you will be."

"And what sort of man is that?"

"The man who will love me for who I am and whom I can love in return – truly love, not be amorously infatuated with. Yes, you are a bullheaded, self-deprecating man with an addictive personality. And sometimes you can be a bastard. But you are also open-hearted to the point of self-sacrifice. You're extraordinarily brave, smart, funny… and, to top it all, an absolutely fantastic cook. And I love you. Not the Doctor. You. Otherwise, I wouldn't now be kneeling on a bathroom floor, professing so."

Tears trickled down Alex's face as he listened to her assertion. "I… I guess I just…" He swallowed tightly. "I don't deserve you."

"You're right. You don't. But, you have me and vice versa."

Rose's firm and blatantly honest words struck a chord in Alex's mind, emphasized by his feeling the drug coursing through his blood. He couldn't help but look back on the last nine months and remember all those times their relationship should have fallen apart but didn't, thanks to Rose's passionate determination, caring, and amazing capacity for forgiveness. He couldn't understand why she hadn't left him long ago. The last time anyone had ever shown such complete devotion to him, it had been from his Gallifreyan parents. But even with that, he'd returned the affections and devotion. Rose was giving every effort to support him, care for him, and love him, expecting nothing in return but his love while he had rarely done the same for her. She alone was making their relationship work now and that just wasn't fair.

There was only one way he could remedy the situation. He needed to beg Rose for forgiveness, drive away his demons and rebuild his life from scratch. He needed to dedicate his life to her, to live for her and only her. He needed to make her the center of his universe. Then maybe… just maybe… he could finally be worthy of her.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice shaking violently from pent up emotions that, a second later, could no longer be held back. Slipping down to the floor, he wrapped his arms around her tightly, sobbing into her shoulder. "I'm s…sorry. I'm a h…horrible person. I d…don't want to h…hurt you. I n…never wanted to h…hurt you. I love you s…so much but I've been s…so h…horrible to you. I w…want to be good to you. I do! Please… f…forgive me." His sobs became too much for words to form as he clung tighter to Rose.

The woman that held his heart shushed him gently, brushing his hair as if comforting a small child. As his sobs lightened, he finally pulled away, not protesting as she wiped the last of his tears from his cheeks.

"I forgive you," she told him gently.

The sincerity of her absolution brought tears to his eyes once more despite the sense of well being the drug was pushing into his mind. He rubbed his hands down the length of his face as if trying to remove the effects of the antipsychotic with the action. "Oh, Rose. I want…" He tucked his head, gathering his thoughts as best as he could with his increasingly befuddled mind. Raising his eyes to hers, he took a shaky breath. "I want to stop trying to be someone I'm not. I want to stop hiding from… everything. I want to live for you and you alone. I want to deserve you."

Her response was quiet but firm, just as her profession of love had been. "Are you going to let me help you overcome this problem and finally bring out the real Alex Smith, the man I love?"

Overwhelmed by Rose's passionate determination and caring, Alex could only give a nod of consent.

"Good," she told him, standing up while still holding his hands. "Now, I'm going to go out to the car and bring in the groceries I left there. You clean up the mess you made in here and meet me in the living area. We have a few things to discuss if you're going to be free of this." Finally releasing his hands, she left him to attend to the task she'd given him.

She was glad to find that the eggs she had bought had survived the extended amount of time in her car. However, seeing the disaster Alex's refrigerator had become over the last couple of weeks, she became determined that his apartment should be clean from head to toe before either of them went to bed. She made a quick meal of baked Chicken Alfredo and vegetables, a variation of Jake's recipe and something that would cook on its own while she cleaned the kitchen. When she had finished that task, she went to check on Alex and found that he seemed to have gotten the cleaning bug in his system as well. Actually, it appeared to be more like he'd become obsessed with cleaning as he was still on his hands and knees, scrubbing at one spot over and over again.

Squatting down beside him, she touched his shoulder. "Alex, what are you doing?"

"Everything's clean except this one spot," he murmured, his eyes still red from his crying but now filled with almost manic determination. "I can't get it." He growled at the small stain that was between the base of the shower tub and the flooring. "Why won't you come out?" he demanded of the stain.

Realizing that his actions were a direct result of him being high on the antipsychotic he'd taken earlier, Rose gently took the scrub brush from his hand. "It's clean, Alex. You did a great job."

"But it isn't clean!" he insisted. He pointed to the small spot, which was no more than the size of the tip of a pencil. "Can't you see it?"

"I see it just fine but scrubbing it into oblivion is going to hurt you before it actually disappears. It's sanitized and that's what matters." Putting the brush into the bucket of water Alex had nearby, she urged him successfully to stand. "Let it go. It's time for dinner."

The half-Gallifreyan obeyed reluctantly, his eyes focused on the spot even as they left the bathroom.

Dinner was another challenge for Rose as she kept Alex from playing with his food, rearranging his utensils, and getting up from the table to get a cloth to clean specks off of his water glass, all the while talking at what seemed to be a hundred words per minute about everything under the sun he could think off. After dinner was done, they washed the dishes together, with Rose again taking control of the situation to ensure Alex remained relatively calm considering his hyper state of being. As they were doing the dishes, Rose couldn't help but notice Alex's concentrating on making sure every little inch of the dishes was spotless, even going so far as to go over old burn stains with a copper pad repeatedly. She pulled him away from that work, once again assuring him that the pan was as clean as it was going to be. When he protested, she pointed out that if he continued to scrub at the pan he would damage it.

Pulling him into the living room, she sat him on the couch. "Okay, first thing's first. If you're really serious about going clean, we need to establish some guidelines."

"I'm hungry," he interrupted, clearly not having heard her. "Aren't you hungry?"

"We just ate," she pointed out.

"Yeah, but we didn't have dessert. I want ice cream. Don't you? Let's go get some ice cream." He immediately stood up and started for the door. "Have you seen my keys?"

She sighed at his actions. "Alex, we need to talk."

"Fine. We can talk while we go get ice cream."

"No. Now," she ordered.

"You don't want ice cream? I could bake a cake," he suggested, pointing towards the kitchen.

"Doctor, sit down. Now." Her tone indicated that she wasn't going to accept no for an answer.

He glowered at her. "You don't have to yell." Nevertheless, he obeyed. The moment he was seated, he started tapping his foot, clearly hyperactive and wanting to use the adrenaline he was feeling.

"Are you really serious about going clean?" she asked, seeing that Alex was going to remain even though he wanted to do otherwise.

"Yes. Absolutely. Now, can we go get ice cream?"

She sighed at his words. "Alex, I know you're really feeling the effects of the drug right now but I need you to pay attention. Do you honestly want to go clean? Don't just say yes because that's what I want to hear. I want you to be honest with me."

"Yes!" he exclaimed emphatically. "Yes, I want to be free of this. I don't want to hurt you anymore. I don't want to hurt myself anymore. I want us to have a proper relationship. I want... I want to go for a run. Running is good, yeah?"

"Focus, Alex," she reminded.

"Focus," he repeated, nodding quickly. "Right. Focus." He scratched at the back of his head, taking care of the itch that was bothering him before looking into her eyes. "I'm listening."

"Good. Because we need to establish some guidelines while we take care of this problem."

"Guidelines are good. Guidelines are very good. What are the guidelines?"

Rose couldn't help but smile at his words and behavior so reminiscent of his Time Lord brother. "One, I'm in charge. You do what I say when I say it."

"Well, within reason I hope," he corrected rapidly. "I mean, I wouldn't expect you to tell me to jump off a cliff or anything like that. And I don't expect you to treat me like a child. Because I'm not a child, Rose. And I won't be ordered around." Seeing the frown on her features, he amended, "But when it comes to overcoming this addiction… absolutely. You're the boss. I will do absolutely everything you tell me as long as it is related to this."

"Good," she told him. "Because, the second guideline is you're moving back into the condo with me. I need to keep an eye on you at all times and I can't do that if I have to move between here, the condo, and Torchwood. At the condo, I can keep an eye on you and work from home."

He nodded with agreement, though there was sadness in his eyes. "I suppose I should resign my position at the University tomorrow."

"Why?" she questioned with a frown.

"How else can you keep an eye on me if I have a job I have to go to? Overcoming this problem I have will take a while. If I'm going to let you help me, my focus has to be completely on getting myself free of this addiction. Besides… I think I'm on the verge of losing my position anyway due to lack of attendance without explanation. The Grand Dean reopened the University a few days ago and, with my not going into work and my obviously public ill-behavior, I don't think that I would be welcomed back with open arms, no matter how good a teacher I may be."

"I could talk to the Grand Dean, explain things to him. Maybe you can take an extended leave. You don't have to abandon your career over this."

He looked somberly into her eyes. "The reason I left you was to explore who I am. Teaching was lovely; it really was. Maybe I'll go back to it at a different school. Or I might return to Torchwood, if Pete will have me. But this time, I want to make my decision based on who I am without the yoke of drug addiction. It's better if I'm fully in charge of my faculties, which is something that, honestly, has never happened in this new life of mine. I've been an addict for most of it, trying to make myself at least feel like I did when I was fully Time Lord. But that's impossible. I will never be fully Time Lord again and nothing will substitute it. Right now, the only thing I want is to feel in control for once in my life. Truly and properly in control. Maybe then I'll finally know who I am."

She gave him an approving smile. "I'm glad to hear it. Which brings me to rule number two. It's great that you're finally being honest about this to me and especially to yourself. But, you're going to have to be honest with everyone. That means with Mum, Dad, Harry, Laurel, Jake… They all need to know about your problem so that they can help you overcome it."

"Everyone?" he questioned, clearly incredulous. He fidgeted in place, uncomfortable with Rose's words. He scratched again at the itch – why wouldn't it go away? – before shaking his head. "I… I… I can't!"

"Alex, if you can't be honest about this, then I'm going out that door and I'm not coming back."

Her firm statement struck him hard, causing him to stare at her as tears started to form in his eyes. "You'd leave me?"

"If you can't be honest with everyone you know about this, you can't be truly honest with yourself. And if you're not honest with yourself, you'll never be completely free of this. And I won't put up with it. So, yes. I'd leave you."

He blinked ferociously to keep the tears from escaping before rubbing his eyes and nodding once again. "Okay. If that's what it takes to keep you, I'll do it. It'll be humiliating to say the least, but I'll do it. Besides, it's a support structure, right? Having a support structure is supposed to help. I mean, it wouldn't be fair to you to have to deal with this all of the time. You'd need help, yes? So, I really have to obey them as well as you on this."

"I'm glad you agree," Rose told him, touching his arm to help him cope with the sudden change in his life. "We're going to start on this tonight."

"Tonight? What could we possibly do tonight? I'm already high, Rose. I can feel the drug moving through my blood and I am concentrating very hard to keep myself from running off to do whatever strikes my fancy. I keep thinking that television needs a color adjustment and the stereo system… well, it's behind the couch and I still have to fix that after taking it apart a couple of weeks ago. And I still want ice cream… or cake… or a soufflé… or truffles! Truffles sound good. Do you want truffles? There's this great shop down the street that sells real chocolate truffles. Of course you have to sign that bloody waver but… Real chocolate truffles, Rose!"

"Alex, stop it," she ordered, taking his shoulders firmly. "Focus on me."

"Okay," he agreed hastily. "Focusing on you. Deep breath in. Exhale. Better."

She rubbed his shoulders gently before releasing him. "Now, I want you to repeat the guidelines I just gave you." Seeing him frown in confusion, she continued, "The rules about freeing you from your addiction. What are they?"

He concentrated for a long moment. "Move back in the condo. Be honest with everyone I know. Obey my support structure, especially you." He inhaled through his nose, allowing the action to calm his mind a little. "I still need activity, Rose. I mean, right now. My mind is racing and I feel like if I don't do something… anything at all… I'll explode."

"Then I'll give you something to do."

"You will?"

"You and I are going over your apartment, every inch of it, and we're going to collect everything drug related you have in here. That way you can't sneak any doses."

"Good idea," he agreed.

"And then tomorrow, I'll help you with terminating the lease here and moving back to the condo. You'll write your letter of resignation to the University and, after that's all done, we'll go to Torchwood and consult with Harry and Laurel on how to accomplish our goal without causing you harm." Seeing the uncomfortable expression on his face, she pressed gently, "Remember the rules."

"Total honesty with everyone," he paraphrased the instruction. "No matter how emotionally discomforting." He met her eyes. "I promise I will do whatever it takes to help you help me be a better man."

"You already are a better man just for making that promise. Just don't break it."


	23. Chapter 21

_A/N: Hello again! I bet you're excited to see this! I know I haven't been very good at updating but I'm trying my best. Someone did note, as you have seen in my writing, that I tend to put "oh my gawd" instead of "oh my god" in my writing. This is primarily a personal preference. You may see in other stories (and possibly in this story in the future) that I will use the other spelling when appropriate (when it is an actual prayer or referring to a god, not just an exclamation)._

_On that note, here is the next chapter! (Finally!)_

**Chapter 21**

The evening didn't go well for Alex and Rose. Although they did collect every scrap of drug related paraphernalia in the Doctor's apartment, he had fought with her the entire way, not wanting to be parted with the safety he felt with the drug. It took several reminders from Rose that he promised to go clean and another threat that she would leave him – she had actually gone out the door and to her car, Alex hurrying to catch up to her and begging her not to leave – before he finally cooperated with the search. By the time they were done, it was clear that Alex was coming down from his high as his hands started to shake and his attitude became more intolerable. A hard slap across his face brought forth another plea that Rose not leave him and that she help him to be better.

To Rose, Alex's excessive stubbornness only emphasized just how far down he'd fallen into his addiction. She knew that he had a long way to go to be free of the drug's influence but she was also still unsure about his determination to get free, especially with how he continually glanced at the mounting stack with hungry eyes. Having dealt with addicts before, she knew that they would go to any length to get their fix, even lie, plead, and say they're willing to go clean. She also knew the Doctor very well. If he were truly serious about going clean, he would risk his own health to do it. She couldn't allow him to cause harm to himself in his efforts to go clean and she knew that he would need to have a fix tonight before they went to see Laurel and Harry. The question now was how much of a fix did he really need and whether or not he would follow through on his assertion that he wanted to be free. She decided that she needed to test his resolve.

Once they had collected everything drug related and put them by the door, Rose pulled Alex to the couch once again, making him sit. Going back to the collection, she retrieved one syringe, a bottle of the drug, an elastic tie, and a bandage.

"I know your probably not feeling the best right now…" she started.

He gave her a glare. "Ya think?" He cringed the moment the words came out of his mouth. "Sorry. I'm sorry," he murmured. "I'm just… I really want a fix right now."

"Then have one." She offered him the supplies she'd pulled. "Make up your dose. I want to see how much you normally take."

He stared at her in utter disbelief. "I thought you were going to help me get off that stuff."

"I am. But as we discussed earlier, it's going to take time and you obviously need a fix. You need to take a dose before the withdrawal symptoms become dangerous."

The Doctor cringed slightly even as he gazed on the bottle with undeniable desire. "I do want it," he whispered. A moment later, he quickly turned his face away. "Please… don't tempt me. I have to break free of this, no matter what the consequences are and I don't need the temptation right now."

Mentally, Rose smiled at the determination he professed but nonetheless remained serious on the matter. "I don't think it's a good idea for you to go completely cold turkey. Do you? Can your body handle going completely off the drug without being gradually weaned?"

The hybrid wrapped his arms around himself, scratching slowly at his shoulder. "No. Going cold is a very bad idea. It could kill me," he admitted.

"That's what I thought. So the question really is, how much do you need to hold off the withdrawal symptoms?"

"A full dose," came the immediate response.

Rose raised her eyebrows, knowing that his reply came far too quickly to be honest. "The equivalent of four pills?" she questioned, disbelief obvious in her voice.

"Yes," he replied softly. Noting the authoritative stance Rose immediately took, he sighed. "No," he corrected reluctantly. "I could probably do with a little less."

"Then give yourself less than normal, just enough to stop the symptoms for the time being." Seeing the hesitation in his eyes, she knew that he was torn between temptation to take the whole amount regardless of her instructions and resolution to go completely without the drug.

"All right," he finally relented, though the warring with himself was still apparent in his eyes. Receiving the requested items, he carefully measured out the amount of the drug he needed. Seeing Rose watching him closely, he resisted the urge to make the dose larger than he absolutely needed, being sure to tell her exactly how much he was taking in comparison to his usual dose. Then, with the skill of a registered nurse, he tied the piece of blue elastic just above his elbow, cutting off blood flow to his arm. He pushed the needle into his arm and injected himself with antipsychotic. Removing the needle, he handed it over to Rose and covered the still beading entry point with his hand, refusing the bandage she offered. "It'll stop bleeding in a minute. Just need to rinse off the dried blood after a bit."

She regarded him for a long moment, clearly concerned for his well-being and a little wary of how the drug would affect his personality. "Will you be able to sleep with this in your system? You were pretty hyper earlier."

"I typically take a sleeping pill before I go to bed if I can't sleep. It helps calm the symptoms of hyperactivity."

She frowned. "Wait… a large dose of antipsychotic and a sleeping pill? Isn't that a bit dangerous?"

He gave a sickly laugh at her observation. "As if taking sixteen times the recommended dosage of an anti-psychotic isn't dangerous on its own. But it's better than not sleeping at all. Besides…" He tucked his head down, clearly ashamed of what he was about to admit. "A sleeping pill also makes the dreams more vivid, like… like an hallucination caused by LSD. It'll keep me calm through the night." Seeing the stunned expression on her face, he tried to reassure her. "I don't take a sleeping pill every night, though. I've only taken maybe four since…" He hesitated, an sad expression on his features. "… since the… since the University," he hurriedly finished, clearly still uncomfortable with talking about the massacre.

She shook her head at his explanation. "No way you are taking a sleeping pill tonight," she stated firmly.

"Rose…" he protested. "I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight if I don't."

"No, Doctor. No sleeping pill. It's bad enough that you have this addiction. But now you tell me sleeping pills not only calm you but enhance the experience? No way am I letting you near them. I'd rather we both stayed up all night than to cause you any more harm than you've already caused to yourself."

Seeing that she wasn't going to budge on the matter, he gave a resigned nod. "In that case, I hope you have something to keep me occupied because it's going to be a long night."

The two were awake most of the night, just as Alex had predicted. It was around four o'clock in the earlier morning when Alex was finally calm enough to lay down on his bed and close his eyes to catch a little sleep. Rose had stayed up with him until she was certain he wasn't going to wake up anytime soon and then settled into a chair by his bed, determined to wake at a moment's notice. It wasn't the first time she'd had to be alert to her surroundings while catching a few winks. In many ways, the night with Alex was like a stakeout and she'd done her fair share of those as a Torchwood agent.

The two of them woke shortly after eight o'clock and, after showering and dressing, had a breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast. Since he showed signs of withdrawal, Rose allowed him another injection of antipsychotic, insisting that he reduce the dosage even further than he had the previous injection. Then, getting on Alex's computer, Rose typed up Alex's resignation letter to the University of London as well as his request to immediately terminate his lease on the apartment. After that was done, she called a moving company to have all of his belongings collected and moved to her condominium. While they waited for the movers, they packed up what little he had in boxes that Alex had kept from his moving into the residence. She then called Jake, who was pleased to hear that Alex was returning to the condo, and asked that he wait for the movers and make sure that nothing was damaged in the move.

Having ensured that Alex's property would be delivered to the condo in a timely manner, the Doctor and Rose collected his drug paraphernalia and packed it into the back of Rose's SUV. After turning in the apartment's keys, the now signed contract cancellation letter, and a check to cover the fees incurred from the cancellation, they went to Torchwood Tower and up to Laurel's office, asking to see both her and Harry as soon as possible. Assured by the secretary that the doctors would be informed, they sat in the waiting room, Alex fidgeting nervously as yet another round of withdrawal symptoms made themselves known. Despite the desperation that was starting to color his eyes, he remained silent, Rose's firm hand assuring him that she was there and that she would remain with him as long as he fought for release from the drug's influence on him.

Harry and Laurel entered the waiting room together, clearly having been in consultation when Rose had requested their presence.

"Alex, you look like shit," Harry commented with a frown, regarding his friend with concern.

"Thanks," he murmured back, clenching his hands together to force them to stop shaking violently.

"We need to talk," Rose told the doctors. Her tone indicated just how important the issue was.

"Come on in," Laurel invited, leading the way into her office. The four took seats around a coffee table, a position Alex and Laurel were familiar with even though it had been months since they'd acted as patient and doctor respectively. "What's on your minds?" she questioned as they settled.

Rose turned to the Doctor, who looked distinctively uncomfortable. "Go on. Tell them." Seeing the pleading look he gave her, she returned with an authoritative frown. "Remember what you promised."

Nodding briefly at her words, he took a deep breath before meeting Harry's and Laurel's eyes with his own. "Remember when you prescribed that antipsychotic to me when I was bipolar and you asked me if there were any side effects on Time Lord biology that you should be aware of? Well, I lied. There is a side effect, one hell of one. I didn't tell you because I was desperate and I convinced myself that my human half would counteract my Time Lord half when metabolizing the drug."

"And what is this side effect?" Laurel asked, concern clear on her features.

"Addiction. Antipsychotics are addictive to Time Lords. I'm sorry. Truly I am. But I didn't even realize that I'm addicted until… until Aderyn died and Rose and I broke up. When I quit Torchwood, I found I had to keep a budget." He gave a sad laugh. "Having a budget made my addiction very clear to me."

"You didn't have enough of an income to support your habit," Harry concluded.

Alex nodded slowly. "But I think it really started when I began taking more than you prescribed."

"When did you start abusing the substance?" Laurel questioned.

"About a week after you prescribed them. Even then, it was only one additional pill every couple of days to keep the feeling of being out of control at bay. But by the end of the first month, I was taking two pills every day. When I realized that I was running out of pills too quickly, I thought that I could take care of it myself but since I didn't have a license to prescribe medications…" He sighed, clearly ashamed of himself. "I'm sorry, Laurel. I stole one of your prescription pads. I forged prescriptions in your name. And when I ran out of prescriptions I decided that it would be less conspicuous if I were to make the drug myself." He turned to Rose, sadness in his eyes. "That's what the lab in the basement was for. I'm sorry."

"I suspected so when I saw all the lab equipment in your apartment yesterday," Rose admitted.

"But we would have seen indications of addictive behavior in the scans we performed on you," Harry countered, clearly surprised by Alex's admissions.

"No, you wouldn't have. Time Lords absorb chemicals differently than humans and I was careful in hiding my activities… for the most part. It came out in the way I behaved like a right bastard, though. The addiction and my own bloody stubbornness were the root causes of me and Rose breaking up after Aderyn died. On my own, without the financial means of maintaining my habit as it was, I finally realized that I'm an addict. When I was running out of pills too quickly, I tried to wean myself from the drug. And I almost succeeded. I was almost free. And then… I failed." He quickly wrapped his arms around his torso, sniffing as his emotions started to overwhelm him. "Oh, gawd… all those people…"

Laurel, Harry and Rose all exchanged glances, silently confirming with each other their suspicions on his reaction.

"The London University Massacre," Laurel stated gently, hoping for a confirmation.

"They died because of me," he murmured, wiping away a tear. "I should've found him and stopped him before… I knew he was going to do something! I felt someone's anger. I should have found him and stopped him. Why didn't I find him and stop him?"

Rose gently moved to pull him into a hug. "We talked about this before. It's not your fault. You couldn't have known who he was and what he was planning."

"But I _felt_ it from him. I should have stopped him," he contradicted her.

She shook her head. "What you should've done was seen Laurel afterwards like I suggested. If you had, would you have turned to self-medication?" Seeing his expression turn ponderous, she pressed gently, "Would you have?"

"No, I don't think so. Maybe." He shook his head. "I don't know."

"It's good that at least you recognize that you need my help," Laurel told him, looking on him with sympathy.

He raised his eyes to meet hers and noticed the expression there. "Don't look at me like that. Don't. I don't deserve pity. I threw away everything good I ever had that day." Grimacing, he wrapped his arms around his stomach and whimpered.

"He's having withdrawal symptoms," Rose explained, rubbing his back. "He has them every four hours or so and he hasn't had a hit since lunch. I didn't think it was a good idea to force him to go clean immediately, not with how high his doses are, though I have been getting him to take less than normal."

"How high are they?" Harry asked with growing concern.

"He told me that he's up to the equivalent of four pills four times a day and that the drug is more refined than the prescribed version. We have all of his drug supplies in the boot of my SUV. Figured you might need them."

"Sixteen pills a day?"

"The equivalent, yes. I could hardly believe it myself when he told me."

The medical practitioner sighed, shaking his head before turning to Laurel. Seeing from the expression in her eyes that she was on the same mental page as he, he returned his attention to the Doctor. "Alex, do you honestly want to be free of this addiction?"

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't," he responded, his tone clearly showing growing agitation with the situation.

"With how severe this appears to be, we're going to have to admit you into the medical ward. We need to run tests to see what we are dealing with in order to better help you towards your goal."

"Admit me? Tests?" Alex questioned, slight confusion on his face. Looking towards Rose in the hope of some reassurance, he noticed only determination and caring. Instantly, he understood why she had insisted on moving him out of the apartment so quickly. "You knew. You knew they would have me admitted into the medical ward for this."

"When you told me how much you were taking, I knew I couldn't help you on my own. I knew you needed proper medical help," she admitted. "I suspected that they would have you admitted but I didn't know for sure. I didn't lie to you, Doctor. The guidelines are still in place. When you are ready to be released, I want you back at home with me." She gently brushed his cheek with her palm. "I love you and I will do whatever I can to help you, including cornering you into allowing yourself to be admitted into medical care. I know you don't like it but you need this. I won't leave you, Alex. Not as long as you honestly work towards being the man I know you want to be."

He considered all that had been said, acknowledging the need for what they wanted of him. "I won't make it easy for any of you," he admitted. "When I'm high, it's like I'm totally a different person and I don't remember my actions afterwards. Very Jekyll and Hyde. And I know that withdrawals will make me just as bad. But I do want to be free of this so don't give up on me. Don't any of you give up on me no matter how stubborn I am and no matter how much I fight."

"I can guarantee you that isn't going to happen," Laurel assured. "We are going to tackle not only your addiction but also the post-traumatic stress from the massacre." Seeing the trepidation in his eyes, she assured him, "I will help you see that what happened that day really isn't your fault."

"But it is," he disagreed.

"That, Alex, is a discussion for another day. For now, let's get you settled and we'll plan a regimen for you."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The first couple of days were fairly easy on Alex. Harry and Laurel decided that, in order to completely understand the situation with him, they needed to see how he behaved under near normal circumstances. They allowed him access to the drug he had made and kept him under close observation in a secure room while they analyzed the drug to find out its properties. The room he had been given during his stay in the medical ward was more like a hotel room than a hospital room, though the half-Gallifreyan was continually reminded that he was never truly alone in the accommodations thanks to the security cameras and two-way mirrors. His rational mind understood the necessity for the precautions, that they were to insure his safety, but it didn't stop him from feeling a bit violated.

During those first two days, through careful testing and observation, Harry and Laurel discovered that the drug was just as the Doctor had told Rose: a stronger, more addictive version of the prescription Laurel had given him. Once they understood his habits and what he was taking, they laid out a regimen to wean him from his addiction once and for all. Alex's own homemade drugs were properly destroyed, forcing the half-Gallifreyan to take the less addictive version. Whereas the Doctor had taken his doses based on how much he felt he needed and in a haphazard manner, Laurel gave him a new prescription with specific instructions on its use. She immediately dropped his intake to 3 pills four times a day, a nurse insuring that he received only what was prescribed.

Alex seemed to take the change of medication well. He spent most of the next three days either reading or meditating. While he had a couple of times been short with the staff who came to check on him and ensure he was well fed, he always apologized immediately afterwards. He also behaved well for his appointments with Laurel and Harry for counseling and testing respectively. It appeared that the side effects to the treatment would be far less volatile than the Doctor had warned.

On the sixth day after Alex was admitted, Harry and Laurel came to his room, clearly pleased.

"You're doing extraordinarily well, Alex," Laurel complimented. "I'm glad you're taking the regimen so seriously."

"Thanks," he murmured, his eyes focused on his fingernails as he scratched at his cuticles.

"In fact, having seen your last test results, Harry and I agree that your dosage should be lowered. Starting tonight, I'm reducing your dosage to two pills four times a day."

Her words were sufficient for him to switch his focus to her. "Two pills? But that's taking away four pills a day. That's a whole regular dose. I thought you were going to do this gradually."

"We are, Doctor. At this point in your treatment, you don't need more than two pills a dose."

"Like hell I don't!" he stated with increased anger.

Harry raised his hand to try to sooth the agitated half-alien. "Please, Alex, hear us out."

"No! You have no idea what this is like, what it's like to go through withdrawals! It hurts, damn it! And I won't endure any more of this than I absolutely have to."

"We are only acting out of your best interests," Laurel emphasized.

"How in the Eternals' Realm would you know what's best for me? You know nothing about my biology that I didn't show you! I'm the expert with my own health and I refuse to accept a drop in dosage until I say so!"

She gave him an authoritative glare. "I'm your psychiatrist and you've put yourself in my care. You will do what you are told to do."

"How dare you talk to me like that!" he countered furiously. "Compared to me, you stupid apes are nothing! And I am certainly not going to allow you to keep me locked up against my will while you continue to rattle a painted gourd over me! I'd get better medical attention from an Aboriginal shaman!"

There was a moment of stunned silence. "We'll talk about this after you've calmed down a little," Laurel stated, clearly angered by Alex's obvious insult to their medical expertise. She and Harry then started towards the door.

"I'm not done with you, human!" Alex growled, marching up to her and grabbing her arm tightly, thus halting her.

Harry immediately reacted to the blatant assault, yanking Alex's hand away from Laurel's arm and pushing him away. "Get your hands off of her!"

"Don't tell me what to do, Harry! You always were an imbecile and you always will be so I don't have to listen to a damned thing you say!" He reached for the psychiatrist once again, determined to force her to listen to his tirade.

Harry once again grabbed the Doctor's arm, pulling him back before he could touch Laurel. In retaliation, the half-Gallifreyan attempted to punch the physician who, being a veteran of the Royal Air Force and a long-time Torchwood employee, reacted quickly by snatching Alex's wrist. In one quick move, he wrapped the enraged patient's arm behind his back and forced him against the nearest wall.

"Get help," Harry ordered Laurel as he used every ounce of his strength to keep Alex in place in spite of his intense struggling. "He's stronger than he looks and I'm not as young as I used to be."

Without even waiting for reassurance, the psychiatrist hurried out.

"Let go of me!" Alex demanded as he thrashed about. He reached over his shoulder with his free hand, trying to get some leverage. It was a mistake, he quickly discovered, as Harry took the opportunity to grasp his elbow, further immobilizing him. "You fucking son of a bitch, let me go!"

"Not… going to happen," Harry grunted back. His hold on Alex was slipping – the half-alien was a _lot_ stronger than he looked – and he wasn't sure how long he'd be able to keep it up. He soon found out that it wasn't long enough. Just as the door to the room opened once again, Alex broke free of the elder man's grip and pushed him violently away, causing Harry to stumble and fall, cracking his head against an end table.

Laurel, who had just returned with three strong men and a strait jacket, gasped in shock as she saw Harry fall. A second later, the men were tackling Alex to the floor, fighting to keep him still while they forced the strait jacket on him.

"You can't do this to me! Get off of me!" the hybrid demanded, not stopping for a second as he wrestled his attackers. He fought as they wrapped his arms around himself and buckled them into place, making him effectively helpless against them. He continued to scream protests as they pushed and pulled him out of the room.

Laurel hurried over to Harry, who was gently pressing his hand to the back of his skull. "Are you okay?" she questioned with concern.

"I think so," he murmured.

"Let's have that look at, just in case," she insisted, helping him to his feet and guiding him from the room.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Rose wanted to visit with Alex before she left for home. It was one of her habits while the hybrid was being treated for his addiction. Visiting him showed her not only his progress towards freedom but also, she hoped, gave him a morale boost – a pep talk to assure him that he would get better with every day. As usual when she went for a visit, she first went to find Harry or Laurel to get permission, which so far had not been rejected. Therefore, she was stunned when she found the couple in an examination room with Harry being treated by one of the other Torchwood physicians.

"What happened?" she questioned with concern.

"Alex did," Harry told her, wincing as the gash on the back of his head was cleaned with an antiseptic.

"What?!"

"He didn't react well to being told that we're going to reduce his intake by four pills a day," Laurel clarified. "Besmirched the human species in general and us specifically by comparing us to voodoo shamans. When we decided to leave to give him time to cool down, he attacked us."

"He became so violent that we were forced to restrain him," Harry continued the narration. "I had him against the wall, keeping him still until Laurel got help but I couldn't hold him for long. He pushed me off of him and, in the process, caused me to hit my head on the end table. Got a nasty bump for it too."

"More like a gouge," the doctor tending him stated. "You're lucky you don't have a concussion or need stitches."

"Tell that to my pounding headache," the elder physician grumbled in response. "Fortunately for all of us, some interns were able to get him into a jacket and into a cell but he put up one hell of a fight."

"He's in a padded cell?" Rose questioned, still trying to understand how any of this could have happened.

"I dislike the need to confine him in such a manner but we didn't have a choice," Laurel stated gently. "If you had been there, you'd understand. He was clearly out of control and a danger not only to us but also to himself."

"But he was fine this morning," came the vehement protest even as one of the interns entered the room. Rose couldn't help but notice he had an odd circular shaped wound on his cheek.

"Dr. Smith is secured," the man informed them, his focus on Laurel.

"Good," she responded quietly, her tone indicating just how upset she was with the necessity.

Rose could no longer hold back her curiosity concerning the obviously fresh wound. "What happened to you?"

The intern looked decidedly embarrassed. "He… bit me."

"He bit you?" she asked, stunned.

"Yes, ma'am."

"The Doctor… bit you."

"Yes, ma'am. I never saw a person lose it like that. Kept ranting on about his superiority and how stupid humans were. He even screamed in some gobble-dee-gook alien language. And after we closed the door, he started to throw himself against it. He's probably still doing it with how much of a raving lunatic he was."

"Don't call him that! The Doctor isn't insane," she countered angrily. She turned to Harry and Laurel. "You can't keep him in there! So he overreacted. Alex does that. But he'd never actually hurt anyone. There has to be a rational explanation for his actions."

Harry raised his hand. "You forgot about me, old thing. And believe me when I tell you he wasn't acting in any way rationally."

"That doesn't mean you had to lock him up! You could have just sedated him."

"With his half-alien biology, sedating him is a tricky process and, with how he reacted, it just wouldn't have been possible to sedate him safely without restraining him," he countered. "Remember the last time we sedated him? He was asleep for twenty-eight hours."

"Sedating him in his current condition, with him detoxing from antipsychotics, the drug interactions could be extremely serious," Laurel agreed.

"Besides," Harry added, "Alex himself warned us against sedating him as it could stop his heart. Until we know for certain what kind of sedative we can use without harming him and then what amount of sedative won't impede on his progress, we just can't risk it."

"But you have to let him go. He isn't dangerous. He isn't!" A moment later, a flash of inspiration came to her eyes and she turned to Laurel. "If I can prove he isn't dangerous to himself or others, will you let him out?"

"I'll consider it… if I am certain about his mental health," the psychiatrist conceded.

"Well, then, grab your keys. You're going to need them," Rose stated firmly as she exited the room, plainly certain that the older woman would follow her.


	24. Chapter 22

_A/N: Wow! Another chapter done! My postings are going to slow again, unfortunately, as I have gotten busy with real life once again. But don't fret. I am determined to finish this book before New Year's._

_Okay, it's going to be a bit confusing in this chapter. I hope I did a good job in making everything clear. There are three distinct voices going on in this upcoming conversation. I'm going to separate them by making one regular (no italics), one italicized, and one bold. Please remember that it is all being spoken aloud and out of one body. You'll see what I mean. If you have difficulty reading it, please let me know and I will rearrange the conversation._

**Chapter 22**

The Doctor's face blanched and his tirade of abusive language halted as he saw where the three interns were escorting him: straight into a padded cell. "No! No, don't! Please!" The medical staff ignored his pleas, opening the door and dragging him into the cell before closing the door as they left him alone. "No!" he screamed once again, ramming himself bodily into the closed door in a vain attempt to break it down. "Let me out!"

His attempts to get through the door via physical force failed miserably and only resulted in a sore arm, even though the door was just as padded as the rest of the cell. Yet in spite of this failure, he continued to slam into the door, ignoring the voice coming over the speakers that begged him to stop. Finally, nearly ten minutes after he'd been put in the room, he stopped, leaning against the far wall for support. Exhausted from his actions, he slid to the floor and remained motionless, panting from exertion.

"_Well, isn't this just wizard,"_ he grumbled, a glare on his face. _"Leave it to you to get us locked up in a padded cell." _

A second later, his entire expression changed, reflecting intense intelligence. **"Don't blame him. It's not his fault you've got a stubborn streak a mile wide." **

The glare returned, albeit with a hint of hurt feelings. _"If that isn't the pot calling the kettle black, I don't know what is. So, how are we going to get out of this?"_ His voice sounded as if he were trying to imitate Donna Noble.

The intelligent visage returned and his tone changed to his own voice, only more authoritative.** "Well, you did put us in a bit of a bind. I don't think Laurel and Harry are going to be quite as accommodating as before."**

"_Alex was barely holding on as it was and they wanted to take his meds down further. I had to do something!"_

"**You could have handled it better."**

"_Oh, really? And how would you have handled it, alien boy?"_

"**I wouldn't have lost my temper and insulted them, that's for certain."**

"_Like you never lost your temper or got upset. What about the first time we were in Harry's examination room, the way you reacted to that scanner?"_

"**If you'd been under one of those scanners before, I seriously doubt you wouldn't have reacted the same way. Besides, my little outbursts are far outweighed by your big ones."**

"_When have I ever had a big outburst? I've never had a big outburst!"_

"**Oh, please, Donna. You're practically the outburst queen in this body. Like when Aderyn died, you insulted Rose, blamed her for Aderyn's death, and broke Alex and her apart. If I hadn't taken over when Rose asked us to do that translation, they never would have been reunited."**

"_How many times do I have to apologize for that? You'd think I didn't want them together."_

"Stop it!" The tone of his voice had changed once again, this time taking on qualities that seemed a mixture of the other two. "Just stop it! You've been bickering with each other since the moment I was born."

"_You weren't born. You were grown."_

"**Well, technically Alex is right. Biological metacrisis is a viable form of reproduction. So, if you really think about it, that means Alex is our son."**

"_I know that. Why do you think I didn't want Laurel to reduce his meds? You think I like him being in pain? He's as much me as he is you, you know."_

"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!" Alex screamed aloud. He closed his eyes tightly, trying desperately to force the two extra voices in his mind to obey him. "I can't take it anymore! Hearing both of you in my head… remembering your memories… being unable to distinguish which memories belonged to whom… having both of your personalities… Why can't you two just shut up and leave me alone? Go away, damn it! Let me be!"

"**We can't leave. We're part of you, part of your psyche. We couldn't leave any more than you can suddenly and voluntarily stop your heart."**

"_But we don't want to hurt you either. We only want what is best for you but sometimes we just can't agree on what that is."_

"Most of the time, you mean," Alex countered. "You want to help me? Let me be with my own memories and thoughts for a change! Your constant bickering is what made me bipolar in the first place! I tried shutting you up by taking more antipsychotics than I should but that didn't work! It only lasts for so long and the only thing it really did was make me an addict! Even when I tried to wean myself the first time, although you had quieted, you were still there. And when the massacre happened, you two were so loud that I went back on the drug stronger than before and now it's so much a part of me it hurts! You just won't go away and I just can't take it anymore! How do I make you shut up?!" A second later, his eyes suddenly widened with realization.

Silence descended on the cell for a moment, broken by the Doctor. **"He finally got it. Took him almost an entire year but he finally got it. Haven't you?**"

Alex nodded. "You can't shut up because you're a part of me and I haven't _made_ you shut up."

"**Taking an antipsychotic was never the solution to the conflict in your brain. Most of the time, when you take the drug, you're silencing your own voice and letting us take over. Much like covering your head with a pillow when the noise becomes too much."**

"So you're saying that I can silence you both if I want to?"

"_The antipsychotic only works for a short time," _Donna stated._ "If you want to be in control all the time… if you don't want us to take over… you need to find a more permanent solution."_

The hybrid frowned. "But… if I silence you completely, I won't be able to gain information or insight from you. I don't want that. I don't want to lose you both completely. As the Doctor said, you're my parents. Okay, so I have a hard time thinking of you two in that manner sometimes because having you two as my parents is more than a little weird but… you both have memories and insights that I want to keep. I just don't want all of it pressing for my attention all the time."

"_Then don't silence us forever. Use us to help you be yourself."_

"But how do I do that?"

"**You've done it before as a Time Lord. How did you cope with the memories of all those incarnations?"**

Alex considered those words, knowing they were from his own subconscious and manifested as the voices of the Time Lord Doctor and Donna Noble in his mind, verbalized through his own lips. "I pushed them back, hid them behind mental doors until I needed them. But the anti-psychotic affects my ability to think, to use my mind to its full potential. I should never have started taking it in the first place. I should have let my brain heal itself from the bipolar disorder on its own. It didn't need to be taught what was normal for me. It just needed more time than I was willing to give it."

"_You can't blame yourself for that. You were frightened. With three distinct personalities, TARDIS withdrawal, and physically adapting to a whole different environment, who wouldn't be frightened?"_

"**You did what you had to do to cope with it at the time. But we all know it just isn't working. The antipsychotic has confused the adaptation process in your brain, allowing us to become more vocal. If you want to be your own person, you need to finish the adaptation process properly."**

"But how do I do that?"

"**It would help if we had a telepathic healer. But since we don't, you're just going to have to heal yourself. You need to take that last step and let your brain finish what it started almost a year ago. Unless you do that, we will always be fighting for supremacy. Unfortunately, your brain is starting to think that your current mental state is how you should normally be, just as it was taught how to heal the bipolar disorder when you started taking the antipsychotic."**

"_And you can't heal yourself if you are addicted to the antipsychotic. But does he really have to do it so quickly? It hurts him so terribly."_

"**He doesn't have time to do this gradually, like Laurel and Harry would prefer. This level of addiction is already altering his brain chemistry, which is why we've become more vocal. He's put this off for far too long and, if he doesn't fix this problem immediately, his current mental state will become permanent. "**

"You're saying I have to go cold turkey or be insane for the rest of my life?" Alex questioned.

"**You could do this gradually but, by the time you've weaned off of the drug, your brain will have finished adapting to the way you are right now. The only way you can silence us and gain yourself is if your brain receives a shock."**

"_I think he's had enough of a shock as it is!" _Donna protested. _"Remember how much that first reduction hurt? What will happen if he goes cold turkey?"_

"**The quicker he is free from this addiction, the sooner he can not only repair the damage he has done to himself but also compartmentalize all of these conflicting memories and allow his true personality to develop."**

There was a pause._ "I hate it when you're right. Are you sure that there isn't another way?"_

"**Not if he is to be his own person once and for all."**

Alex raised his knees closer to his chest and wishing he could wrap his arms around them. "But… what you are telling me to do… it could kill me."

"**Would you rather be insane for the rest of your life? Because that's what will happen and you will never become the man Rose needs you to be."**

Alex closed his eyes. "I don't want to be insane." The sound of the door being unlocked shifted his focus to the world outside his own mind.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Rose and Laurel walked at a brisk pace into the corridor that held the padded cells. Normally, a psychiatric patient would never be placed in a cell as Laurel preferred medication to calm violent patients. But, given that not all species handled human medicines, Torchwood continued to keep the cells available and updated. They were especially useful with the more violent aliens who needed to be detained, regardless of mental state. Each cell had an audio/visual system (AVS) that allowed anyone on the outside to observe the detainee or patient and to communicate with them without danger.

As they came closer to the Doctor's cell, they could easily hear the sound of pounding which indicated that the intern was correct. Alex was still ramming himself bodily against the door, screaming obscenities and demanding release. The sound of his voice pierced through the solid door without the aide of the AVS.

"I can calm him," Rose stated confidently. While it was tempting to go directly to the door and open it, prudence and training forced her to go to the AVS panel beside the door and activate the system. "Alex, it's Rose. Listen. You have to calm down." Not getting any results from her words, she reiterated them. "Alex, calm down." Again, no results. "Doctor, you're hurting yourself! Calm down!" She bit her lip, her worry manifesting itself in her facial expression. "Stop. Please." She repeated her plea several times before, as if in response to her words, the pounding suddenly stopped.

"Well, isn't this just wizard," Alex finally broke the silence, his voice coming through the speakers. "Leave it to you to get us locked up in a padded cell." He paused and, in a different tone, continued, "Don't blame him. It's not his fault you've got a stubborn streak a mile wide." Again, another pause. "If that isn't the pot calling the kettle black, I don't know what is. So, how are we going to get out of this?"

Rose covered her mouth, her eyes filled with fright and worry. "He's holding a conversation with himself." She turned to Laurel to see a reflection of her own expression. "He's talking in two different voices. What's going on with him?"

The psychiatrist shook her head. "I don't know," she admitted. Hearing Alex's self-conversing still coming through the speakers, she quickly turned the volume down, not wanting to hear the evidence of her friend's madness. "It's clear that his mental state is far worse than we originally thought."

"But how?" Rose demanded, raising her voice as her emotions started to take over her rational. "He was fine this morning! He was fine! How do you explain him going from being a little edgy due to substance withdrawal to… this?!" she gestured towards the door helplessly.

"I don't know," Laurel repeated quietly.

"I'm losing him, aren't I?" Rose could no longer hold back the tears that had been threatening to escape. "I'm losing him…"

The older woman took her shoulders gently. "I'm not giving up on him just yet. There has to be a reason for this dramatic change and I will do everything in my power to help him." Seeing that Rose was having trouble coping with the situation, she guided her away from the cell door. "Go tell Harry what's going on. I'm going to stay and watch after Alex."

"But he needs me," Rose protested.

"The best thing you can do for him is to let me take care of him," Laurel told her gently. "I'll keep you updated. I promise."

Reluctantly, Rose walked away from the scene, glancing towards the closed cell as she went.

Once Rose was out of sight, Laurel returned to the AVS and raised the volume, listening in on Alex's conversation.

"…it, that means Alex is our son. I know that. Why do you think I didn't want Laurel to reduce his meds? You think I like him being in pain? He's as much me as he is you, you know. SHUT UP! JUST SHUT THE HELL UP! I can't take it anymore! Hearing both of you in my head… remembering your memories… being unable to distinguish which memories belonged to whom… having both of your personalities… Why can't you two just shut up and leave me alone? Go away, damn it! Let me be!"

It became instantly clear to Laurel that her patient was suffering from a form of Displaced Personality Disorder with three distinct personalities. What amazed her was that he seemed to understand his mental state far more than anyone with DPD ever could, even to the point of figuring out the reasons for his now-cured bipolar disorder, his current mental state, and his addiction. He seemed to believe that his brain hadn't finished adapting as they had previously thought. He also came up with a treatment that he believed would cure him, a treatment that sounded completely insane and extremely dangerous.

Deciding to confront his self-diagnosis, Laurel turned off the AVS before insert her passkey into the card reader there. Typing in the necessary pass code, she then opened the door and stepped in, ensuring that the passkey was safely secured on her person.

"Hello, Alex," she greeted gently while still staying on guard. He did, after all, react violently the last time they had spoken.

"Laurel," he returned the greeting. "Just the person I needed to see. Sorry about what happened earlier. I honestly didn't mean to attack you. Everything just sort of happened at the same time and the screaming in my head overwhelmed me and…" His eyes widened with realization. "Harry! I didn't hurt him, did I? Please tell me he's okay."

"He's okay," she assured. "Nothing a bit of cleaning and some rest won't cure. Same with the intern you bit."

He sighed in self-deprecation. "Yeah, that was Donna. She… she didn't like him. Tell him sorry from me."

"So, Donna bit the intern?"

Alex paused at her question, an uncomfortable expression on his features. "That sounds a bit crazy, doesn't it?"

"A little. I heard your conversation. I'm assuming Donna's one of the people you were talking to?"

"Her and the Doctor." Noting the clinical observation she was making of him, he grimaced slightly. "I know what that sounds like but I'm not talking to imaginary people, even if they are in my head. I was having a conversation with the mental manifestations of the memories and personalities I inherited from my Time Lord father and Human mother. Yes, they are still there but they've decided to be verbally silent as to not confuse you, though Donna is nudging me to get on with telling you want I need to. And, yes, I'm well-aware that having two other personalities in my head telling me what to do makes me technically insane. But they're a part of me and they can't just go away any more than I can stop my heart from beating."

"So I heard. I also heard that you want to silence them and you three have come up with a frighteningly dangerous solution."

"It's the only way," he told her emphatically. He winced strongly as he moved his knees closer to his chest, an indication that he was enduring some withdrawal symptoms. "I'm running out of time. With the reduction of the antipsychotic, my brain's starting to finish adapting and, right now, it's deciding that me being insane is normal."

"You seem very coherent for being an insane person," she pointed out.

"Yeah. Well… that's what you get with a biological metacrisis who never really finished cooking because he was too busy fighting against multiple personalities and three different sets of memories. I should never have let you talk me into taking medication for bipolar disorder. Should have stuck with meditations only no matter how long it took."

Laurel wasn't ready to accept his explanations easily. "All the tests that we've run on you indicated that your brain had finished developing."

"Oh, Laurel, don't be so dense! You heard most of my conversation and you know what the antipsychotic is doing to my neural pathways! It's messing me up completely and, if I don't get off the substance as quickly as possible, I'm going to remain insane!"

"I'm not sure that you are insane, Alex," she countered.

"Oh, sure! It's perfectly sane to have a three-way conversation with yourself and be completely aware that you are having the conversation while also knowing that you will likely continue having such conversations and be completely unable to prevent them from happening unless you do something that could possibly kill you and will definitely cause severe harm! Do you honestly think that I'm faking this just so I can put myself through hell for my own entertainment?!"

She considered his words for a moment. "Going cold turkey wouldn't be an instant fix," she warned gently. "There would still be a chance that you'd relapse into dependence as you'd still have cravings for several months."

He shook his head. "You're thinking Human biology only. I have a mostly Time Lord brain and therefore my addiction stems from my Time Lord half. Yes, it will be rough going for a while but I should be completely free of cravings after a month or so." Seeing that she was still hesitant to relent on his plan, he bit his lip and closed his eyes tightly, blatantly upset with the situation. "Please, Laurel. You have to help me. I can't… I can't do this alone. I'm not strong enough. I know it goes against every instinct you have on the matter but I can't be me until my body finishes what I should have let it do almost a year ago. Please!"

She looked on Alex with uncertainty. He certainly seemed to know what he was talking about yet she couldn't get the sounds of him arguing in three different tones from her mind. How did she know for sure that he really understood what he was asking of her? How could she allow such a drastic regimen without some kind of proof that it was needed other than Alex's word?

On the other hand, what he was saying made odd sense. If his brain hadn't finished adapting to being half-Human and in a universe ruled by a different set of physics laws, it certainly would explain his fluctuating behavior over the last year. There were many times when she had thought that perhaps his bipolar disorder had reasserted itself. Yet, when she and Harry had reviewed his semi-annual physical exam, there had been no sign of the disease.

"Shit," she murmured, rubbing her hand across her forehead. Looking on Alex's desperate features, she sighed in frustration. "I can't risk your life on something that might be all in your head."

"It's not." He frowned. "Well, technically it is but that doesn't mean that I'm just imagining it. It's real, Laurel. And I don't want to be insane for the rest of my life. Please," he finished, his fear clear in his voice.

She was silent as she once again weighed all that had been said between them and what she heard over the AVS. "I need to consult Harry on this. When we have made a decision, we'll let you know. In the meantime, we'll continue with your treatment as we have been. Given your reaction this afternoon, I think that we'll continue with three pills every dose for the time being."

He straightened noticeably, giving her a glare. "I won't take them. If I have to do this on my own, I will."

"You said you couldn't do it on your own."

"I can try," he asserted.

She gave him a small overly patient smile. "Of course." With that, she exited the cell, ensuring the door was locked, before heading back towards the examination room.


	25. Chapter 23

_You know what? I like reviews. Reviews are good. They encourage me to write more. So, if you want to read more, tell me how I'm doing. And thanks to those readers who are giving me reviews. I'm so glad you are enjoying my story. I love sharing my favorite hobby with you!_

_Another chapter closer to the end of this book. And then I can start posting the next book, a sequel! WOOHOO!_

**Chapter 23**

"Where's Rose?" Laurel asked as she entered the examination room. Harry was standing at the controls of the Velinian medical scanner, accessing its database.

"I sent her to the cafeteria and then called Mr. Simmonds to distract her for a while," the physician explained. "I thought it would be best if she stayed out of the loop until we figure out exactly what is going on with Alex." He raised his eyes to hers. "How is he?"

She shook her head. "From what I just saw, he's developed a kind of Displaced Personality Disorder only he's fully cognizant of his condition, more so than any case I've ever heard of. He actually had a verbal conversation with what he claimed are the mental manifestations of his alien father and human mother and that his brain hasn't yet fully adapted to this universe and his body. He also said that the only way that he can finish the adaptation is if he completely cuts off the supply of antipsychotics."

"Go cold turkey? I'm not comfortable with that idea."

"Neither am I but… he seemed so absolutely certain. He even begged for us to let him do this. And he indicated that he was going to do it with or without our consent."

Harry returned his focus to the console. "It seems to me that he really isn't sure what he wants, given how he protested the reduction before deciding to go to this drastic extreme."

"Which is why I told him that I would consult with you. I think we should go through his scans, see if we can find evidence to support or contradict his assertions."

"I guess you and I are on the same wavelength as I'm looking at his scans now. But I don't see anything to explain what happened today. It's like he suddenly and inexplicably lost his mind. There is absolutely no evidence of mental instability in the scans."

"I'm tending towards believing him," the psychiatrist stated. "While he hadn't been completely in his right mind when he reacted so negatively to our announcement that we were going to reduce his meds, he did make a good point. The only things we know about his biology we learned from him teaching us and from the scans we made. Even with the advances technology Torchwood has, we still know so very little about the human mind, much less the mind of a half-human, half-alien hybrid."

Harry sighed, crossing his arms. "True, but I would still feel more comfortable if we had evidence one way or the other."

"Then let's see if we can find it. If not, we'll talk to Rose and Alex. In the long run, it's not our decision but theirs."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Several hours later, the two asked Rose into Laurel's office so that they could discuss the situation.

"We've come across a problem," Harry started once they were all seated. "Laurel and I have gone over every scan we've done on Alex but we are at a loss."

"You mean you don't know what's wrong with him?" she questioned with concern, her eyes shifting from Harry to Laurel.

"Not exactly," the psychiatrist corrected. "We know exactly what's wrong with him. We are at a loss as how to handle the situation. Alex is exhibiting signs of Displace Personality Disorder. We know that he's the product of a genetic fusion of both Donna Noble's and the Doctor's DNA and that, as a result, he inherited their memories. He apparently has also inherited their personalities and those personalities are via for control of his body."

"So… you're saying he's crazy?" Rose asked, clearly stunned.

"He has a mental disorder," Laurel clarified. "One we have different views on how to deal with. Alex – or rather the Doctor – claims that his addiction to antipsychotics is affecting his ability to finish his brain's adaptation to this universe and to his hybrid body."

"But I thought he was done adapting."

"When we had first examined the scans, we didn't see anything amiss," Harry put in. "Upon closer examination, we're seeing some discrepancies we didn't notice the first time around. Areas in his temporal lobe have shown varying activities that match with his general mood at the time he was being given the scans. We believe that these variations are indicative of one of his three personalities taking hold."

"So… what does that mean? He never finished adapting to his new body and new environment and, as a result, he developed DPD?"

"Actually, I think he was born with DPD," Laurel stated gently, "a mild form which has since grown substantially. His brain tried its best to cope with the disorder by making Alex bipolar which in turn, because he took an antipsychotic to deal with the bipolar disorder, led to his addiction. His addiction in turn allowed his other personalities to grow stronger and to take over more often. I think that's what happened when Harry and I told him that we were going to reduce his intake by four pills a day. One of his other personalities took over and, like you said, overreacted. Unfortunately, those actions forced us to put him in a cell for his own protection.

"I listened into his conversation after I sent you away," she continued uninterrupted. "Not only does he believe that his antipsychotic is actually preventing him from finishing adapting to his body and this universe, he also believes that if he isn't freed of the drug quickly he will have his current mental state permanently. He came up with a solution to this problem which, I have to admit, scares me. He proposes that we completely cut off all antipsychotics from him, forcing the drug out of his system as quickly as possible so that he can then focus on healing his mind."

"Will it? Will suddenly cutting him off help him to heal himself?" Rose queried.

"We don't know. The mind is a complex thing. Alex being the only Time Lord I've ever encountered – and him being only half Time Lord – I honestly can't tell you what kind of an effect it will have on his mind. But, given that he is also half Human, I have to assume that he will suffer from severe withdrawal symptoms. I confronted him on the matter but he's insistent on going cold turkey. He even stated that, no matter what we decide concerning his well-being, he fully intends to go through with it."

"And he seems quite serious about it," Harry added. "We sent a nurse in to remove the straight jacket and to give him his medicine a couple of hours after he and Laurel talked. Alex fought against her the moment she insisted that he take the medicine. The nurse was forced to give it to him in injection form and with two interns holding him still."

"Then what do we do?" the blonde questioned.

"We don't believe that his being cut off abruptly would be best for him," Laurel stated. "Even after going over all previous scans, there isn't any proof to his assertions. On the other hand, he is the absolute expert in his own biology. We want him to continue on the regimen he's on now; he wants to accelerate it by going cold turkey. However, with his current mental state, I don't believe he has the ability to make any kind of rational decision on the matter. Neither Harry nor I have the authority to impose our wishes upon him. That leaves the matter up to you. You hold Alex's medical power of attorney. So… do we continue with the regimen as we have lain out or do we allow Alex to go off the drug completely?"

Rose ran everything through her mind carefully before taking a slow breath. "I want to see the video recording of his conversation."

"It's disturbing to see him in the state he's in," Harry warned. "Are you sure?"

"I'd rather see him in person but Alex is empathic and mildly telepathic. While I don't think that he would deliberately try to influence my decision by forcing his views and emotions into my mind, I don't want to take the risk. I can't make a decision that will affect Alex on this level without understanding his reasoning and hearing it in his own words. Seeing the video is the best option under the circumstances. Once I've seen it and have really thought about the issue, then I'll give you my decision."

Appreciating her own rationale on the matter, they walked with her to the confinement ward and to the AVS just outside of Alex's cell. Accessing the video records, Rose located and viewed the conversation Alex had first with himself and then with Laurel, paying close attention not only to his words but also his behavior. Then, after several seconds of thoughtful silence, she asked to be let into the cell.

"I thought you didn't want to see him in person, that you didn't want to risk his influencing your decision," Laurel pointed out.

"I changed my mind," she retorted firmly. "Let me in."

Plainly hesitant, she unlocked the door and allowed Rose access. Both she and Harry followed her in, maintaining enough distance to allow Alex and Rose privacy while being available to act.

No longer restrained and now curled into a corner of the padded room, Alex seemed far more subdued than Rose ever recalled seeing him. He gave the impression of a small frightened child in need of comfort.

Lowering herself so that she was on her knees, she reached out and touched his shoulder, gaining his attention. The sheer desperation in his eyes as he looked at her broke her heart but Rose nonetheless remained steady.

"Hey," she greeted gently.

"Hey," he responded, sounding as small as he looked.

"What's happening?"

"I'm regenerating."

She raised her eyebrows at his words, clearly surprised. While she knew that the hybrid was incapable of proper Time Lord regeneration by his own admission, she supposed what he was going through was a kind of like regenerating, with the metacrisis changing from the Time Lord into Alexander Smith. "Well, that's not a bad thing, is it?"

"I don't know yet. It really depends on what you decide to do, doesn't it?"

"What makes you think that?"

He lowered his eyelids, giving her a disparaging look. "Rose, I may be insane but I'm not stupid. Harry and Laurel believe – and rightly so, actually – that I'm no longer technically cognizant enough to make my own decisions concerning my health which in turn means that it's up to you. You've naturally seen the video of my discussions and you're here to see my condition for yourself before making your decision."

Rose couldn't help but give a small laugh. "Laurel was right. You don't sound insane."

"But I am. I've been insane my entire life. From the moment that I was born, I've had three separate voices in my head. The Doctor's voice, Donna's voice, and my voice which, if you really think about it is a mixture of both the Doctor's and Donna's voice while still being uniquely mine. Multiple Personality Disorder in the proper sense of the term. Not Displace Personality Disorder, as Laurel has diagnosed me. DPD indicates one personality overriding another which isn't the case with me. My mental illness is more like all three of my personalities talking at the same time and me trying my best to figure out whose voice should come out the strongest under each circumstance, sometimes deciding not to get involved at all and burying myself to avoid the conflict. None of which is easy, considering that both the Doctor and Donna have very strong personalities and our disagreements with each other have at times caused me to behave improperly, especially when one personality slips out of the fog I've put in my brain thanks to the antipsychotic I'm addicted to." He wiped away a couple of tears that escaped during his explanation, plainly upset by his current mental state. "Blimey, I'm one messed up person, aren't I."

"Yeah, I'd say so," she replied quietly, her worry for him showing in her eyes.

"So… what are you going to do?"

"I don't know yet. I want to talk to the Doctor first."

He hesitated, not wanting to give up the control he currently had over his body. "Okay," he finally relented. He suddenly had a distant look on his features which was quickly replaced with one of confidence and intelligence. He smiled gently at her. "Rose Tyler," he stated, affection in his words.

She returned the smile, struck by how his tone brought back memories of traveling in the TARDIS with the Time Lord. It wasn't the first time Alex had said her name in such a manner but, for some reason, it seemed far more "Doctor-ish" than it had before, as if the Time Lord had come back for one more visit.

"Doctor, I need to ask you a question."

"All right."

She looked deep into those brown eyes she so loved and saw the Gallifreyan time traveler there. "Are you sure?"

He didn't need clarification on her question. "Yes."

"Even though it could kill you?"

"I wouldn't have even suggested such a drastic regimen if I wasn't sure. Alex needs this or you will lose him forever."

She gave him a small smile. "Good enough for me," she replied softly. Standing up again, she turned to Harry and Laurel. "We go with his wishes."

"Rose…" Laurel started to protest.

"You said it was my decision."

"And you said you didn't want to make that decision biased by his feelings on the matter."

"I'm not. I'm basing it on what I've heard from all parties. You say he has DPD. Alex says it's Multiple Personality Disorder. Either way, how do you treat a patient with a personality disorder? With antipsychotics and psychiatric therapy, yeah? But antipsychotics are addictive to Alex. So what then? Is psychiatric therapy really going to be enough? What if you're wrong and the Doctor's right? Can you really risk his sanity just to make withdrawal easier on him? Because that's what this really comes down to. Does it really matter in the long run how he's freed from his addiction as long as his mind is healed? Yes, it's dangerous. We all know that. But I've known the Doctor since I was nineteen years old and I believe in him. Besides… like he just said to me… he may be insane but he's not stupid. We should at least acknowledge that, even in his state, he knows far more about his condition than any of us ever will. And I've made my decision. We do as he tells us."

"Very well," the psychiatrist stated, though it was obvious that neither she nor Harry were comfortable with the decision. "Since we're doing this, we're going to do it as safely as possible."

"I agree," the Doctor put in, standing. "You'll have to sedate me and keep me monitored at all times. I may become very vocal even sedated but as long as my vitals are within certain parameters it'll be fine. I'll show you everything you need to keep an eye on." He pointed to Harry. "And I'll tell you exactly how much sedative you can give me and how often without negatively affecting my health. Agreed?" Not seeing any immediate protests, he started for the door. "Let's get to it then. The sooner we take care of this the better."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Tony had been pleading repeatedly to see the Doctor and, unaware of the events that had happened that day, Jackie agreed that it might be good for the half-Gallifreyan's morale. Gaining a promise from the boy that he would be on his best behavior, she walked into the medical ward carrying her toddler son who, in turn, was carrying a blue teddy bear.

"Doctor!" the boy cried out the moment he saw Alex, who was walking towards a standard room with Rose, Harry, and Laurel. Tony wiggled out of his mother's hold, ignoring her admonitions and Rose's gentle warnings to leave the Doctor alone. Hurrying up to the hybrid, he gave his legs a tight hug.

The Doctor grinned broadly at the boy's actions. "Master Tony Tyler! Good to see you." Bending down, he loosened the boy's hold in order to crouch down and give him a hug.

"He's been begging to see you all week," Jackie told him as she came closer. "Dr. Sullivan said you were doing well today when I called earlier so…"

"Actually, Mum…" Rose started.

"I think it's brilliant!" the Doctor interrupted. He ignored Rose's look of slight concern, choosing to focus on the boy. "So, what have you been up to? I see you've got a new bear." He nodded to the stuffed animal. "And he's blue. Love blue. Great color. My favorite, in fact."

"Me too," Tony replied emphatically. "His name's TARDIS."

While the Doctor still missed the time ship, the pain of losing her had faded into fond memories. "It's a great name for a bear."

"Uh-huh," the boy agreed. "Mummy says you're sick but that it isn't come cage us."

"Contagious," Rose corrected gently. "It means that what he has won't make you sick."

"You don't look sick," the four year old insisted.

"Well, my sickness is different than a cold," Alex told him.

"Mummy said it's like an upset tummy."

"Upset tummy?"

The blonde woman shrugged. "It was the best explanation I could come up with. That you took something bad for you and made yourself sick."

"Well, that's definitely true."

"When I have an upset tummy, Mummy just gives me some medicine and sends me to bed. I don't have to go to a hospital," Tony said, clearly not quite understanding the situation.

"You've got a point there," the Doctor conceded. He glanced at Jackie, who just shrugged again. She'd obviously tried her best to explain things to Tony but failed to find the right words. The half-Time Lord thought for a moment before deciding on a comparison the boy might understand. "But there's more to it that just an upset stomach. It's like… and I'm just using candy here as an example… when you eat too much candy and it upsets your stomach and you don't want to eat anymore but you can't stop eating it because it tastes so good. Only in my case, it isn't candy that's making me sick; it's an antipsychotic."

"What's that?"

"It's a medicine and some people don't react well to medicine. In my case, antipsychotics make me feel too good. So good, in fact, that I can't help taking more even though I know it isn't good for me."

"But medicine's good for you."

"True, but only if you don't take too much. I've been taking too much medicine and it's made me sick. I'm in the hospital so that Dr. Sullivan and Dr. Gentillini can help me stop taking the medicine especially since I don't need it anymore."

"Why can't you just stop taking it?"

"It's not quite that simple." Seeing the frown on the boy's face, he sighed in slight frustration as he realized Tony wouldn't understand the situation and that he couldn't explain it without frightening the boy. "I'm just too sick to go home for a while," he finished.

Tony thought about Alex's words for a moment before holding out the blue stuffed animal. "You can keep TARDIS with you if you want. Hugging him makes me feel better."

Alex smiled gently at the boy's offer, his eyes moistening with affection. "That's very sweet of you, Tony. But I can't take TARDIS from you."

"Why not? It's okay. I don't mind."

"I know you don't and that's very generous of you. But TARDIS belongs with you." Seeing the disappointment on the boy's face, he struggled to find something to say that would cheer him up. "TARDIS would miss you too much because…" His eyes brightened slightly with revelation. "…because you're linked symbiotically. All Time Lords are linked symbiotically to their TARDISes."

At hearing the Doctor's explanation, Tony smiled and turned to his sister. "TARDIS and me are leaked simple biology!"

Alex smirked at the boy's words, clearly trying not to burst out in laughter while Rose once again corrected her little brother. "It's 'TARDIS and I are linked symbio…'" She stopped as she realized what she was saying and that Tony wouldn't understand the correction. "Never mind," she sighed.

"Now you've done it," Jackie commented with a slight maternal glare. "It's going to take a national disaster to separate him from that toy. Probably will insist on bringing it to dinner." Glancing at each person in the small crowd, her face dropped as she realized she and Tony had walked into a serious situation. "What's wrong?"

"At his insistence and with Rose's permission, we're changing Alex's treatment," Harry explained. "It only came up this afternoon."

Jackie again looked at the expressions on their faces. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going cold turkey," Alex told her bluntly.

Tony frowned in confusion at the startled reaction on his mum's face. "I like cold turkey," he stated, wondering why everyone was so worried about chilled poultry.

"Not this kind of cold turkey you wouldn't, sweetheart," the hybrid answered the boy. If the child had been as observant as his older sister, he would have noticed that the Doctor's tone sounded a little feminine. "It means I'm going to get even more sick before I get better and it isn't fun."

"He's only been at it for six days," Jackie protested. "Cold turkey's a bit extreme, don't you think?"

"Well, that's what I said but the Doctor was insistent," Alex replied, his tone still feminine. Seeing that his words only frightened Tony and made Jackie all that more concerned, he sighed. "Sorry," he murmured as he stood.

"Mum, why don't you take Tony down to the cafeteria and wait there for me," Rose quickly suggested, not wanting Jackie to start asking questions concerning Alex's seemingly bizarre statement. "I promise I'll explain everything when I get there." She turned to Alex and took his hand. "Let's go."

The matriarch was about to protest when she decided it would be better if she didn't. Instead, she watched with concern as the four other adults walked into the standard hospital room, leaving her and Tony alone in the hallway. "Come on, Tony," she finally instructed, taking her son's hand. "Let's go get some frozen yogurt."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The Doctor very carefully ensured that all the instrumentation that they needed to monitor his condition was in place and properly functioning, though his own ability to function was diminished thanks to the onset of withdrawal symptoms. He also made sure, as he had promised, that Harry knew exactly how much sedative to give him and how frequently, assuring them that being unconscious throughout the ordeal would calm the more intense withdrawal symptoms and thus help him focus on his mind.

Once he was certain that everything was in place, he turned to Rose and pulled her into a tight hug and then kissed her. "Just in case," he whispered. "I… I may not make it through this."

"You will," she replied confidently. "I love you."

"And I love you." Giving her one more kiss, he pulled away and then positioned himself on the bed. "Do whatever you have to do to keep me safe," he instructed as Harry prepared to sedate him. "Just remember one rule: do not, under any circumstances, give me any antipsychotics. Or aspirin," he added jokingly, knowing that both doctors were fully aware to his deadly allergy to that particular painkiller.

"You're in good hands, Alex," Harry assured him, administering the sedative.

It didn't take long for the hybrid to start feeling the effects of the drug. He quickly found his eyelids to be too heavy, obliging him to close them. He could feel Laurel and Harry putting the necessary accessories on him, attaching him to the machinery that would check his vitals. He then felt Rose taking his hand and kissing it.

"I'll be here when you wake up," she whispered in his ear. They were the last things he heard and felt before slipping into unconsciousness.


	26. Chapter 24

_I know I haven't updated in so long and I do apologize. I've been very busy at work and around the house. Just didn't seem to find the time to write. However, here is the next chapter. I'm still working on Chapter 25. Hopefully, I will have that one ready far sooner than I had this one._

_As always, please review. Reviews reassure me that people are reading my stories and encourage me to continue._

**Chapter 24**

The first day of Alex's new regimen was fairly quiet. After assuring that he was peacefully asleep, Rose kept her promise to Jackie and met her and Tony in the cafeteria, asking Pete to join them so that she didn't have to repeat her story a second time. Her little brother had fallen asleep on one of the couches there, allowing them to talk without upsetting the boy. Naturally, they were worried when they hear the news about Alex's mental condition and the reason for his going cold turkey but nonetheless knew there was little they could do to help other than to give Rose all the support she needed. Rose had spent the night sitting by Alex's bed, hoping that her presence would give him comfort even in his unconscious state.

The first sign of him enduring intense withdrawals happened the next night. He whimpered on and off, making Rose all that more determined to be there for him. By the third night, he'd started to murmur. By day four, he was having all out arguments with himself, his voice taking on at least six different intonations. Rose supposed that each one was a reflection of previous incarnations. It made odd sense that he would develop more personalities before being able to heal himself. After all, the Doctor, shortly after he'd regenerated from big ears and leather, had told her he was on his tenth incarnation. If you counted those incarnations as well, it was entirely possible for Alex to have twelve different personalities in his mind. Was it any wonder, then, that he'd been going insane?

Those first four days, Rose barely left his side the entire time, only doing so to get an occasional bite to eat or to wash and change clothes. She'd slept in the chair beside his bed, waking every time he'd made any kind of sound, especially since most of the time he sounded distressed. The most frightening symptoms though were the physical ones, including high temperature, sweating, shallow respiration, and tremors. Still, Harry and Laurel assured her that such symptoms were fairly common for someone going into withdrawal and that they would keep a close eye on him.

Laurel walked into the room, watching Rose for a long moment with growing concern, before going up to her and touching her shoulder. "Rose, go home. You've hardly slept since this whole ordeal started."

"I'm fine," the blond woman protested. "Besides, Alex needs me."

"No, you're going home," the psychiatrist insisted. "Orders from the Director." Hearing Rose groan in protest, she pressed on. "You're lucky that your dad let you stay near Alex all this time. We're worried about you, Rose. You need rest. Mr. Tyler told me that if you didn't go home and get some sleep, he would have Jake Simmonds drag you home and tie you to your bed. From what I know of Mr. Simmonds, he would do it too. You're free to visit during proper visiting hours but no more sleeping in that chair."

Rose sighed in frustration. Leave it to Pete Tyler to make her leaving Alex's side an order. "Okay, I'm going. But you call me the minute anything happens, yeah? I don't care what time it is."

"He'll be fine, Rose," Laurel assured. "The tests we've been doing show that there's some definite progress with his mental condition. I know the symptoms aren't pretty but there's little we can do about those. I promise that we'll call if anything comes up. Now, go home. It would be embarrassing if you were fired by your own father for insubordination."

She finally relented and left the room, going to the lift to the parking garage, and driving her SUV back to her condominium. Opening the door, she looked around her living room filled with Alex's belongings. When they'd first admitted him into the medical ward ten days ago, she'd decided that she'd let Alex put all his possessions away when he returned to the condo. The only thing that she had done was to make sure that all the boxes they had packed were present and that Alex's beloved motorcycle was in the parking garage. It wasn't that Rose didn't trust Jake to ensure that nothing had been left behind; she'd just wanted to verify.

Now, as she looked at his belongings, she worried that they would never be unpacked. The boxes weren't in the way enough to affect her being able to use her home but their presence was a reminder that Alex was still in the hospital and, by his own admission, might not come out. The thought put a lump in her throat she was sure was the size of a cricket ball. She couldn't bear it if she'd lost the Doctor – her Doctor – before she could get to know this incarnation of him properly, now that he was so close to finally finishing his year long journey. The boxes themselves were like a knife to her, his life hidden away inside cardboard and plastic. Having everything Alex owned stacked in neat piles seemed so wrong to her at that moment, as if the boxes were just waiting to be hauled away to donation centers.

Going to the collection, she pulled down the nearest box, put it on her dining room table, opened it, and found neatly folded clothes. Determination came over her features as she again picked up the box, this time carrying it into Alex's bedroom – still decorated in rich reds, oranges, and browns. She then proceeded to carefully empty the box and put all the clothes in the wardrobe before going back to the living room to collect another box. The more boxes she emptied, the more she felt as if she were telling off the universe, warning it that it couldn't take Alex from her. Not now. Not ever.

With every box she emptied, she made sure that Alex's possessions were placed exactly the way he would have wanted them in his room. She had seen his organization before and was determined everything would be perfect, right down to the fact that he kept his books separated first by genre or subject and then alphabetically by author or series. She made sure that the little silver beading he liked to use as a wall border was meticulously in place and his favorite artwork was back on the walls. Those items that she felt were irreparable, like his stereo system and television which he'd taken apart, she put to the side in the living room so that he could decide their fates. By the time she had completed her task, it was past midnight.

Looking at her handiwork, she couldn't help but smile. It was perfect. The room practically screamed of Alex's unique personality, as if any minute he would be walking through the door and ranting non-stop about what his day had been like before realizing he was being rude for not asking how her day went. Her smile faded as she remembered that Alex was still unconscious in the medical ward and would likely remain so for a few more days.

It was right at that inopportune time that Rose's stomach reminded her that she hadn't even stopped to eat dinner. Glancing at her watch, she groaned. There was no way she'd be able to get delivery at this hour, even if she had connections. Going to the kitchen, she perused her dining options and settled for a microwaveable dinner. Not the best thing in the world but it would do. Following the instructions on the package, she waited for the meal to heat up while making herself a cup of chamomile tea.

Dinner was eaten in front of the television which played some old movie Rose wasn't even really paying attention to. Once she's satisfied her stomach enough to stop the growling, she cleaned up the kitchen before heading to her bedroom. She hadn't realized just how exhausted she was from lack of sleep until she saw her bed, which only emphasized her tiredness. Stripping off her clothes, she slipped into a pair of pajamas and crawled into the bed before dozing into a fitful sleep.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Alex's withdrawal symptoms reduced over the next few days until, by day eight, there was little indication of any physical effects. Just as the half-Gallifreyan had previously instructed, the staff discontinued sedating him the moment the symptoms reduced, though he remained unconscious for the next couple of days.

Eleven days after deciding to go cold turkey – Gallifreyan style - Alex finally opened his eyes, clearly exhausted. He grimaced slightly, feeling the feeding tube that had been threaded into his nose and down his esophagus. While he understood the necessity of the device – after all, he was unable to eat for himself while unconscious – it was still disconcerting having a machine gently inserting nutrition into his body. While he could feel a hint of moisture in his mouth, it wasn't enough to stave off the overwhelming thirst he suddenly had. Licking his lip in an attempt to moisten them, he slowly looked around and noticed Rose sleeping in the chair. His heart ached at the sight of her, especially the dark circles under her eyes that indicated lack of sleep.

"Rose," he murmured. Realizing his voice was too quiet to stir her, he repeated her name, speaking more loudly, an act which hurt with his mouth so dry. Nevertheless, he found the slight irritation to his vocal chords to be worth it as the woman woke, blinking away sleep.

As she had done every time she'd awakened in the Doctor's hospital room, Rose readjusted her visual perspective as well as her physical position in the chair. Looking towards the bed, she smiled widely at seeing that Alex was finally awake. She quickly reached over and pressed the call button before moving closer to the bed. Taking his hand, she held it gently.

"Hey," she finally greeted, her tired eyes showing genuine relief.

"Hey," he repeated, returning her smile as best as he could. "Got any water nearby?"

"Got ice chips." Not waiting for a response, she picked up a cup from the overbed table. Pulling out a few small chip, she put them into his mouth. She watched as he moved the small pieces of frozen water around his mouth while they melted. "How are you feeling?" she asked the moment he seemed able to talk again.

"Tired. You wouldn't think I would be considering that I've been unconscious for…" He frowned as he focused on his time sense. "… eleven days, six hours and thirteen minutes? Blimey."

Her smile widened slightly for a moment at his disconcertion. "So… did it work?"

He considered her words for a moment, looking internally. "Yeah, it worked. They're quiet. Still there, but quiet. Behind closed doors. No more Doctor or Donna interfering with my life unless I want them to. Not that they aren't still a part of my personality. They just won't overwhelm me anymore."

"And the addiction?" she asked gently.

"Handled," he assured. "I'll have some urges every once in a while but nothing that I can't suppress easily enough. Just like an alcoholic, I'll always be susceptible. The key is not wanting the drug most of the time and, those times that I do, being strong enough to say no. Eventually I won't even want a fix." He gave her a gentle smile. "And I couldn't have done it without you, my love. You're my savior."

Rose blushed slightly at his words, prepared to verbally downplay them. She was prevented from doing so when Harry and Laurel walked into the room, both clearly pleased to see Alex awake.

"How're you feeling?" Laurel questioned as Harry took Alex's vitals, ensuring that the hybrid was in good physical health.

"Tired, but that's to be expected. But the most important thing is that my mind is the clearest that it's ever been. It really does feel like I've just come out of regeneration sickness, only without the confusion as to what kind of person I am. I know exactly who I am, which is really a first in this life. I'm a bit stiff in the joints, though I can tell that someone's been making sure that my muscles haven't atrophied, for which I'm most grateful." He grimaced. "This means that I'll have to go through physical therapy, though, doesn't it. Isn't that wizard."

"You're doing quite well," Harry assured, having finished his examinations. "Physical therapy should be at the minimum. A few days to make sure that you can stand and walk on your own. You may need to use a cane for a few days and you'll definitely have to do quite a bit of walking. You'll probably tire easily for a while. But overall, your muscles appear to be in excellent condition. Better than the average human under similar circumstances, that's for certain. I've already set up an exercise program for you which we'll start today and we'll get you started on solid food. I can't imagine that feeding tube is in anyway comfortable."

"No, it isn't," Alex agreed readily. "Bloody thing hurts, to be honest."

"You'll probably have some nasal bleeding when we take it out but it shouldn't be too much."

"So, when can he come home?" Rose asked, anxious to see her beloved out of the medical ward.

"Depends on how well he recovers," the physician replied. "A week at the very least."

"Even more brilliant," the hybrid grumbled. "I suppose it could be worse. I was originally expecting to be in the hospital a total of three or four months." He looked at Laurel, his eyes showing determination. "Sometime in the next week, while I'm still here, I'd like to see you. I'm ready to talk about what happened at the University."

"I'll set up the appointments," she responded, a caring smile on her lips.

Seemingly out of nowhere, Alex gave a loud yawn, indicating just how tired he was.

Rose gently brushed his hair away from his eyes. "You need to rest. You've been through a lot."

"Yeah," he murmured. "I'm ready to go home, though. I'm tired of being in a hospital that doesn't have a little shop."

"I'll see if I can convince Dad to get one in," she replied with equal playfulness. "It won't be long until your home. Just another week." Seeing his eyes drifting closed, she gently kissed him. "Get some rest," she reiterated.

"Yes, ma'am," he mumbled, allowing himself to slip into unconsciousness.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

When Rose returned to Torchwood Tower the next morning, she was pleasantly surprised to see Alex wide awake and eating breakfast in bed.

"Rose!" he exclaimed, the moment he saw her in the doorway. "Come here." Gesturing her over to him, he presented her with a forkful of his meal. "Taste that." She frowned slightly at the thought of eating hospital food. Seeing her expression, he pressed gently. "No, really. Try it. It's brilliant!"

"What is it?" she questioned with a hint of uncertainty.

"It's an omelet," he answered, clearly confused by her reluctance.

"Omelets typically are yellow, not brown."

He rolled his eyes. "Would you just try it? Please? It's not poisonous."

Hesitantly, she accepted the bite and chewed on it for a moment, her eyes widening with delight. "Oh, my god."

He grinned broadly at her reaction. "See? Told you. You're going to listen to me the next time, aren't you."

"That's amazing!" she exclaimed, mentally agreeing with his words. "What is that?"

He took a bite of the omelet, talking around it as he ate. "While I've been beddie-bye, Torchwood made a trade deal with the Argelians and, among other things, they gave us a gross of Tangalonian eggs. Did I ever tell you about Tangalonia? Wonderful planet. Bit noisy, though. They talk a lot, even with food in their mouths."

"So you decided to emulate them? Being noisy and talking with your mouth full?" she teased as she grabbed a sliver of egg with her fingers and popped it in her mouth.

"Oi, I'm not noisy!" he protested half-heartedly. He pointedly decided to ignore the jab about his lack of table manners. After all, he wasn't sitting at a table so why should he pay any heed to table manners? "I tried to convince the chef to make proper Tangalonian omelets but Harry doesn't think I should be eating spicy food on an almost empty stomach. And since it isn't a proper Tangalonian omelet, I can't eat it properly unless I pick at it the way you are."

"So Tangalonians talk with their mouths full and eat with their hands," Rose surmised by his rant.

"Yup. Friendly people. But you definitely have to bring your earplugs if you want to sleep there. Everything they do in their lives surrounds sound, even when they're asleep. I'm telling you, with how noisy it is there, the chances of a good night sleep are nil."

She giggled gently at his words. It was so wonderful having him back with her. After all he'd gone through with bipolar disorder, addiction, the massacre, and his recovery, she relished that he was finally stable mentally and would soon be physically as well. Slipping onto the bed with him, she urged him to budge over before continuing to pick at his omelet.

"It's good to see you eating solid food," she commented. "Feeling better today?"

"Actually, I'm a bit sore. Did physical therapy last night and my muscles are still protesting. Can't wait to get out of here, though. I'm going a bit nutters."

"It's been less than twenty-four hours. Naturally, you won't be instantly up and about without problems. Give it time. It's been almost a month already. I'm sure a few more days will only help."

"Has it really been almost a month? What day is it?" he questioned with a frown.

"Asks the man with senses that can measure the passage of time," she teased gently. "It's the 28th of August. If you're good to Harry and his staff, you might just get out of here in time for Dad's birthday party."

"Pete's birthday is coming up?"

"September 15th. He's rather pleased with himself that he's so healthy at 61 years old. We didn't really get a chance to properly celebrate his 60th, with the stars going out and trying to save the universes and all, so we're making a big deal out of it this year. Or at least Mum is."

"In other words, it's going to be extravagant like Jackie's birthday party was."

"Well, Mum does love a good party," Rose pointed out with a grin.

"Who doesn't?" Alex conceded. "So what's on your agenda today?"

"Dad won't let me stay with you past visiting hours while you're here and won't let me back to work so basically going to spend most of the day in the condo. You?"

"Physical therapy. Lots of physical therapy. And tests. Harry and Laurel want to make sure that my brain really is finally stable. Can't really blame them with all the false positives they've had."

"Well, then, I'll let you finish your breakfast and get going," she announced, standing up. She gave him a gentle kiss. "Lunch?"

"Sounds wonderful. See you then." He smiled gently, waving goodbye as she left the room. Once she was gone, he returned to eating his scrambled eggs, pondering what he would do to occupy his time before his first doctor's visit.


	27. Chapter 25

_Just a reminder: this story is getting so long that I've decided to divide it into multiple books. So, this is the end of Book One, which I've subtitled "The Dawn". Book Two will be "The Twin Light of Home: The Storm". There will likely also be a third book, which I haven't found a subtitle for as yet. So keep your eye out for them if you want to know what happens next. I plan to start posting "The Storm" on July 1__st__._

_However, I haven't been getting any reviews! This makes me very sad. So here is my challenge to you. If I get a review from every single one of my readers, I will post the prologue to "The Storm" in mid-June or sooner. Hope I get plenty of responses as I like giving gifts. _

**Chapter 25**

_September 15, 2015_

Alex's therapy sessions went very well, though he wished it had taken far less time than the seven days it had for him to leave the hospital. When he was finally released, he immediately returned to living in Rose's condominium, just as they had planned. He was grateful that Rose had put away all of his belongings. He decided that, as a hobby, he would repair the stereo and television and possibly even upgrade them. After all, if he could increase its reception, they might be able to pick up stations from the other side of the planet without having to pay for satellite.

He renewed his relationship with Torchwood, deciding to accept Pete's offer to work full-time for the organization. However, since he had found remaining in Research and Development to be tedious, Alex was given a unique position as a kind of jack-of-all-trades. If he was needed somewhere he was sent there, whether it was to help identify an artifact, work with Xenobiology in uncovering what could be the latest medical find, or going on missions with Rose's team. He even got a job as a substitute teacher for the local primary school, though he hadn't yet had the chance to teach as the school year was just starting. The arrangement with Torchwood and the addition chance to instruct young children turned out to be exactly what the Doctor had ordered. For the first time since arriving on "Pete's World", he felt truly happy with his jobs.

His relationships had grown as well. While he hadn't spent much time with the people he considered his closest friends before, now he relished the chance to go out for a pint or an occasional game of whatever sport they wanted to play: darts, football, rugby, or (his personal favorite) cricket. Only the week before a large group of them had gone ten-pin bowling where Alex showed just how skilled he was at the sport. It helped that he still had the Time Lord's amazingly accurate hand-eye coordination.

As for his relationship with Rose, the last two weeks revealed to be the best time they had ever had with each other. There had only been one argument – it had been more like a disagreement than an argument – which had been resolved logically rather than emotionally, a first in their new life together. In many ways, their relationship was just like they had when they were traveling in the TARDIS, minus the time traveling and alien worlds of course. They'd gone on two missions together, both of which were fairly simple and one of which required Alex's innate ability to speak every language in the universe. They were growing closer to each other than they had ever been before, which told Alex that they were ready for the next phase in their relationship. But for that, he needed an expert.

Dressed casually in a light blue short-sleeved dress shirt and black trousers (no tie), and his white trainers, he smiled as Rose emerged from her bedroom, wearing an elegantly simple pink sun dress and strappy sandals which spoke of summer comfort without being too relaxed. "You look beautiful," he complimented, noting how her dangle earrings and thin-chained pendant necklace accented just the right areas.

"You're not so bad yourself," she complimented back with one of her now-famous teasing grins that he so loved. "I'm glad Dad convinced Mum to make this party more casual. I'm not sure I could handle dressing up all posh with how warm it is out." The weatherman had predicted a high temperature of 24 Celsius. "Not sure how she feels about him insisting on having a barbecue, especially since he wants to do all the cooking."

"I thought that rule number one concerning birthdays was that the one for whom the party is being held has the right to do whatever he wants within the limits of the law?"

"It's his party and he can cook if he wants to?" Rose paraphrased with a grin.

"Well, better than crying," he replied, understanding the cultural reference. Gaining a slight chuckle from her, he extended his hand for her to take. "Allons-y, Rose Tyler."

"Allons-y, Alex Smith," she replied, allowing him to escort her out of the condo.

By the time they got to the Tyler estate, most of the invitees had already arrived and Pete was just starting to put some burgers on the grill. Introductions were made to those people the Doctor didn't know, which him having been to several Tyler parties meant only three people and they were new hires to Torchwood. The two did the obligatory socialization, picking up a couple of drinks and hor d'oeurves as they did so.

Seeing Jake arrive at the party, Alex gave Rose a kiss on the cheek, gaining a smile from her, before excusing himself. Going to him, he extended his hand. "Jake, good to see you! How was Brighton?" The Torchwood field agent had been on assignment for the last week.

"Not bad. Could have done without the rain. How are you doing, Doctor?"

"Oh, brilliantly! Couldn't be better. Actually, it could be better but I plan on solving that but I need some advice on how."

"What's the matter?" Jake questioned. He'd grown accustomed to being Rose and the Doctor's source of advise over the last year.

Alex took a deep breath and lowered his voice to assure privacy in their conversation. "Rose and I have been doing very well. Marvelously, in fact. And I think that it's time to move our relationship to the next phase. I'm going to propose marriage."

Jake's face beamed happiness at Alex's pronouncement. "That's fantastic, Doctor! But… what's the problem?"

"How do I do that?"

The Northerner blinked at him, surprised by the question. "You don't know how to propose marriage?"

"Well, it entirely depends on the culture, doesn't it? And I have conflicting memories on what is proper for Earth culture, what with me having Donna's memories as well as my own. The last time I proposed marriage was on Gallifrey and that was a long and a bit complicated process. I had to go to the parents to inform them of my intention to propose after which they put me through a sort of vetting process to see whether I was actually worthy, in their opinion, for the honor. Then after they approved, I had to go to a member of the High Council and get her approval before I could go and actually propose. Marriage on Gallifrey had everything to do with politics and social connections. If you happened to actually be in love, that was even better. As for here on Earth… well, my memories are conflicted between what entertainment says is done and what Donna experienced. Of course, what actually happened contradicts what she told me happened. She said that he begged her to marry him when in fact she was the one who did the begging. Then again, he only married her to keep an eye on her so that he give her to the Racnoss Queen."

"Racnoss…" Jake started only to be interrupted as Alex continued without stopping.

"Certainly not a relationship to emulate. And I seriously doubt that Rose will beg me to marry her. Do I do the begging? Begging sounds so… humiliating, though. However, there doesn't seem to be any sort of method for proposing on Earth, from what I've seen. I should get a ring though. Engagement rings are very human. Then maybe I can convince her to go to the continent with me. We keep talking about how we miss exploring the universe; we should explore this planet. It's not like the Earth in the other universe and we'd hardly visited Earth at all there. We could go to Barcelona, the city! Not the planet. Which means there wouldn't be dogs with no noses. That's disappointing."

"Dogs with no…"

"Maybe visit Moscow? The Great Wall of China? We could make a whole year or two of it, just exploring the world. Vienna! I could propose in Vienna! I could show her where I met Leonardo DaVinci. That would be brilliant, wouldn't it? On the pier with a clear sky so we can see all the stars." He turned to the younger man. "Thanks, Jake. I knew I could rely on you to help me out."

Jake blinked in bemusement, having just listened to Alex going from total confusion on what to do to utter determination, all the while not giving him a chance to speak. "My pleasure."

"Would you help me to pick out a ring? I want to make sure it's perfect. Right now, I'm thinking a plain band engraved with something that reflects our relationship. Maybe an intertwining of our names, alternating between each letter. Let's see… R…A…O…L…S…E…E…X?"

"No! You don't want that," the Northerner stated emphatically.

"Why not?"

"Remove one of those E's and you've got a porno website."

Alex grimaced. "Yeah… I see what you mean. Definitely wouldn't work. What about the other way? A…R…L…O…E…S…X…E?"

Jake shook his head. "Not as horrible but still not a good idea. Move the S to the end and you've got "Arlo Exes" which is the name of the newest Arlo Gunthrie album. Mark's been asking for it for his birthday."

"No, that doesn't work either," the half-Gallifreyan agreed. "But I don't want just any engagement ring. I want it to be special."

"What did you give your late wife?"

"A medallion which had a specialized symbol that represented the joining of our two Houses in marriage. I gave it to her a month after she accepted the proposal, though. I don't think that would go well with human engagement customs."

"How about you engrave that instead of that convolution you were thinking of before?"

"Because neither I nor the Tylers have Houses or symbols to represent them. I'm not part of any Time Lord house anymore because Gallifrey is gone, my brother and I are the last of our kind, and I'm not even fully Time Lord."

"So, make one up."

Alex rolled his eyes. "You don't make up a House's symbol. It's inherited. And the integration of the symbols are made by genealogists who have studied their art for centuries. That's why it took a month for me to even give my late wife the symbol of our future union." He paused, suddenly thoughtful. "On the other hand… maybe I _can_ make it up. It would be a first, for certain, starting a new House. I mean, why not? It's not like the High Council will object. I'd probably have to engrave it myself. Not sure that it would fit on a ring, though. This requires some serious thought."

"You do that. Think on it. When you're ready, if you still want my help, I'll be glad to give it. Right now, though, I'm smelling those burgers and they smell delicious." He patted Alex's shoulder and started towards the grill where Rose had just succeeded in convincing Pete to stop grilling and start enjoying his birthday party.

Giving a small smile at the sight, Alex headed for Rose, intent on pushing the matter of how to propose to her to the side for the time being, deciding that could wait until after the party.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

_November 16, 2015_

It had taken over a month but, with clever manipulation of his time, the Doctor was able to find not only the right ring but also to design and engrave the perfect etchings to symbolize his relationship with Rose, a way of creating a new House using the traditions he had grown up with on Gallifrey. The engraving featured two roses on either side of a Gallifreyan symbol, their blooms facing the symbol. The symbol itself was a weaving of their names in the language of the Time Lords, which the Doctor made sure couldn't be misread as anything other than their names.

During this time, he was also able to persuade Rose that they should start travelling to other locales, though it didn't take much to convince her. Getting Pete to cooperate with the idea was even easier than he'd thought. Ever since his birthday party, Pete had been talking about retiring from Torchwood, saying that running two operations at his age was starting to affect his health. When Alex went to him to arrange time off for both him and Rose, Pete told him that he hoped to get Rose out of Torchwood as well, though he wasn't going to force her to leave. While he appreciated Torchwood for all that they had done for him and his family, he didn't want the organization to become their legacy. Instead, he wanted Rose to eventually take over Vitex and run it with Tony when he came to age.

Jackie, of course, was thrilled that the Doctor and Rose were finally going to spend some quality time together. She insisted, however, that they wait until after Alex's birthday – his first as a metacrisis – so that they could have a large party for him. The Doctor contradicted her wishes, though, adamant that the party be limited only to those people he actually knew instead of the crème de la crème of London society.

The day after the party, the two packed two large suitcases and, borrowing Pete's dirigible, set off for Europe, stopping in the city of Barcelona first. From there, they moved through Europe at a leisurely pace, visiting each major city and exploring the sights.

The trip, Alex decided, was the best idea he'd had in a long time. He couldn't help but beam with joy at seeing Rose's delight as they went from one attraction to another, him explaining the historical significance of each place. In many ways, it was as if they were still traveling in the TARDIS only this time the chameleon circuit got stuck as a zeppelin.

When they arrived in Vienna, a city renown for its love of music, the Doctor arranged for tickets to the latest concert. The next day was spent visiting the city's grand museums, ending with a stroll along the pier as they drank cocoa. They'd just finished their treats when they decided to walk to the edge of the pier so that they could stare out into the gently rolling river as the sun disappeared beyond the horizon.

"Today was wonderful," Rose told him after a long moment of genial silence. "The sky's so clear you can actually see the stars even with all these lights on."

"It is beautiful," he agreed. Glancing at her content expression, he knew the moment he had been waiting for had finally arrived. "Rose, there's something I need to say." Seeing her features become concerned, he quickly assured her, "Nothing's wrong. Honest. I just wanted to tell you just how much I care about you. When we came to this universe, I really didn't know who I was. And my brother was right in his assessment of me; I was dangerous and I needed you to help me. I know that I've made some pretty serious mistakes in the last year but, each time, you were there to pull me back. You've never abandoned me even when I abandoned you. I don't deserve you."

"Doctor…" she started.

"Please, let me finish. It's because of you that I finally know who I am. I'm Alexander Wilfred Smith but I'm also the Doctor. I can be both Alex Smith and the Doctor, have both the Doctor's and Donna's memories, and not have a massive internal conflict about it. I finally know that I'm my own man and I'm worthy of both of my names. And I know that my feelings for you aren't the Time Lord's. They're mine. Yes, the Doctor loves you. But, being a Time Lord, he can't possible love you as much as I do. You're the reason I live. You're the reason I die. You're the reason I give when I break down and… Hold on… That's Aerosmith." Hearing her giggle at his words, he grinned broadly at her, taking her right hand in his left. "The point is… when I look into your eyes – those brilliant twin lights – I know that I'm finally home and that I will never run away from home again. I've been running my whole life and you, Rose Tyler, have given me a reason to finally stop." He reached into his pocket, searching for the jewelry box there while Rose watched with a sense of anticipation.

Even as he started to pull the box out of his pocket, an odd sensation of foreboding entered his mind, causing him to raise his eyes and look over Rose's head. He ignored the expression on her face, his attention now on the bright light coming down from the sky and heading in their direction. "What's that?"

Frowning, she turned to see what he was gazing on. "Meteorite?" she questioned, concern taking over.

He shook his head. "No. Something else." As the bright object came closer, it started to take on a diamond-like shape, about eight feet in height. "Can't be," he whispered, his expression changing from curiosity to trepidation. A moment later, it was clear that he was afraid. "It is! Run!" he ordered, grabbing her hand and pulling her with him as he bolted in the opposite direction of the incoming threat.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Rose demanded as she ran with him. She glanced briefly behind her and noticed that whatever was now chasing them was going to catch up. "What is that thing?"

"I think it's a time scoop," he told her emphatically.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that, unless we get away from it, we're going to go very very far away." He too glanced back to see where it was – less than ten yards away – and knew that they weren't going to be able to outrun it. It was nearly on top of them when Alex stopped abruptly, pulling Rose into a tight hug. He needed to make sure that they weren't separated from each other by whatever eddies might be creating the time scoop. "No matter what happens, remember I love you," he told her emphatically, just in case his attempt to keep them together failed. A second later, the diamond-like shape enveloped them and then vanished, taking Alex and Rose with it.

Neither noticed that, in their haste to escape the oncoming threat, Alex had dropped the engagement ring he'd been going to present. The box rolled across the walkway and nestled itself under a bench so that, unless someone was actually looking, it couldn't be seen.


	28. One final note

Hello, my fellow Doctor Who fans!

I wanted to give you a correction on my author's notes at the beginning of my last chapter to "The Twin Lights of Home: The Dawn". In my notes, I stated that the next book would be called "The Storm". Actually, the title will be "The Twin Lights of Home: The Tempest". I know that doesn't seem to be much of a change, as the words are similar in meaning. However, "tempest" better describes the plot of the book.

I also wanted to give you an explanation for my choice of story title. The title was actually given to me by my dear friend asearcher. In each book, "The Twin Lights of Home" has a different meaning. As you just read, in "The Dawn", it is a reflection of Alex's view of Rose, that her eyes are his "twin lights" which led him to a new home. There will be another "twin lights" in "The Tempest".

As for "The Dawn", the first book is really the dawn of a lot of things: the dawn of Alex as a person, the dawn of his relationship with Rose, the dawn of the adventure the Doctor and Rose will face in the next book. I thought the title was very apt.

I really want to thank all of you for reading. I love it that you are enjoying the story so much and are excited for the next book.

I especially want to thank asearcher. As I just stated, she gave me the title of my epic. But she did more than that. She was my sounding board throughout the writing process. She listened to my ideas, gave me ideas to use free of charge, and helped me to make the story a concise and well-written piece of fiction. Thank you, my dearest friend!

I will start posting "The Tempest" soon.

"Julianna Calavicci" (not my real name)


End file.
